286: Intentionality: How it Heals and Positively Shifts Our Life Experience with Finnian Kelly

Feelings are just interpretations. Remember, they're just stories. They're not based on facts. You went because if someone said something to you and it could have been a comment. Often with money, it's a little comment. It's like, oh, that person sells themselves for their work. Or that person like entrepreneurs in my family, it was a big one, was, oh yeah, entrepreneurs are crooks.

Hello everyone, this is Kathy Caprino and welcome to my podcast, Finding Brave. I've created this show for everyone who longs to create something bold and brave in their life, to rise up, speak up and stand up for who they are and to reach their highest and biggest visions. Each week I'll be speaking with inspiring guests from all walks of business, leadership, entertainment, the creative arts and the entrepreneurial world. And they'll be sharing their intimate stories of Finding Brave and offer their best strategies for building your most rewarding, joyful and meaningful life, business and career. Hey folks, is it finally time to make a big change in your career but you just can't figure out how to do it? It's time for help and time to invest in yourself and finally understand and shift what hasn't been working for you. Join me as I coach and guide you through powerful, proven steps that will unlock your fullest and happiest potential. I've worked with thousands of professionals across six continents and the results have been transformative for them for a limited time. Also take advantage of my 10% discount for you, my amazing finding brave listeners. Save 10% off my one on one succession career and leadership breakthrough program and my most powerful YOU video training course that helps you close the seven most damaging power and confidence gaps that are in the way of your ultimate success and happiness. You can work with me in both of these programs for the comfort of your own home at your own pace. Now's the time. Don't wait. Build the career you're ready for. Check out the show notes below for details and I can't wait to support you. Hello everybody. Welcome to another episode of Finding Brave. I'm very excited about today about our beautiful guest Finney and Kelly. Thank you Finian for taking the time in the middle of your amazing book launch and everything. You've got skiing and Aspen. You're crashingly busy having just finished your audio request. Your audio book. Thank you for taking the time. I'm so so grateful and I cannot wait to learn from you.

An absolute pleasure Kathy because I feel like we are kindred spirits and have a some strong views which are similar.

I think you're so right all right people, we are talking about, well, we're talking about a lot of things, but Finnian's new book, Intentionality is, is so very powerful and you know, I've watched. I, I did a deep dive into your stuff, Vinnian and I, I found. You've got to go check it out people. I found a YouTube video where you're showing you're not the center of the attention, it's the breath work that people are doing and they're crying and they're sighing. And I was saying before we pressed record, I sometimes get a real, real feeling when I'm about to hear something that I personally need. System not nervous, but what would you say? You probably even know what it makes my system feel.

It's, it's alive, anticipatory and you know, you're, you know, you're on your path. This is going to be the next step.

That's it, that's it. So thank you again. All right people, we're talking about a lot of things, but particularly how to live with intentionality and what that really means. But let me tell you about Finian. Finian is the founder of Intentionality Inc. A sought after speaker and executive coach and leading breath work facilitator. It's so fascinating. He helps world changing leaders implement his Intentionality methodology to find new levels of fulfillment and growth in their creative endeavors, relationships and overall well being. A successful entrepreneur and a retired officer in the Australian military. I mean, I could talk to you for 100 hours. Vinian has been dubbed the business mystic because of its unique ability to awaken consciousness in business and inspires CEOs and leadership teams to have a more expansive human experience. Finnian is also a partner and CxO chief experience officer of Cascada, a revolutionary sanctuary featuring hydrothermal pools, wellness classes and a boutique and boutique hotel rooms located in Portland, Oregon. I can't wait to come. So there we go. Now my challenge is going to be doing this in 30 minutes. So you know, stop me, shut me up. But can you first tell us a bit about how you got into this work? You know, I'm a former therapist and I got to go. You know what happens, what happened that led you to this? Can we hear?

Yeah, definitely. Well, as you know, being a therapist, we, we generally are helping people on the things that we needed to help the most ourselves. So this really came about for me was a deep desire to experience life in a different way. I, I'd done the traditional path, which I felt like I was the material path, the Success path. And I achieved my vision for my life. And the illusion came crashing down. Went what? That feeling never came. It never made me feel peaceful or joyful.

Was this before the military?

This was after? No, after military was first. That was my first thing in my life. And it was. It was actually when I was about 30, after I sort of. I'd moved to Colorado, I'd retired again, and my life just sort of exploded a little bit. Not a little bit.

In a good way?

No. Well, yes, in hindsight, in a good way. At the time, it was very challenging. And I often talk about my work and I talk about this. Really. It's all about awakening, becoming more present, and it's about recoding the subconscious. And I shared that. There's really three main ways to share the subcon. Recode the subconscious, and we might get there later. But there's also a fourth that I don't openly talk about, and the fourth is trauma. It's going through such a traumatic incident that you have no choice but to wake up. However, I wouldn't recommend that as a pathway because you don't always come back from it. It can be very, very challenging and very, very confronting. So I'm very grateful that I saw it as an opportunity to transcend and learn from. And because of that, I have a great body of work that I now get to share with the world. But I don't want people to go through that experience. It's one of those ones where we don't have to have pain in order to have gain. I really don't like that saying, like, no pain, no gain. I believe you. You don't have to go through all this challenge and heartbreak and all these things in order to keep having a more expansive human experience.

I'm so stunned. You know, I know you see this. Everything I say, you're going to be like, huh? There's so much serendipity sometimes in what someone says to you. I cannot believe that you're speaking of trauma. Literally, five minutes ago, I was recording the intro to a repeat episode that I'm going to be airing. Uh, and it's about the seven, the seventh power and confidence gaps, which is about allowing the past trauma to continue to shape and define you. And what's crazy to me is, you know, my first book was Breakdown, Breakthrough. And I know that you see this. We humans are so resistant to change that it's usually a breakdown moment that gives us the breakthrough. But I say the same thing you do. Could we not. Could we not wait till the breakdown experience to have the breakthrough. Can we not force ourselves to be so reluctant to see what needs to be changed?

Right, yeah, yeah. And I have a couple of things I'd love to add on that because it's very topical for me. The one everyone goes, oh, we don't like change. The only thing that is guaranteed in life is change. It's constantly. It's in permanence. So it always makes me laugh when we go, oh, I don't like change. No, that is. That is life. That is. That is what we want, so we need to learn how to embrace it. And then the other part of this is people have a way when they're having life experiences to really think this is happening to them. They become the victim and everything's so hard, and they. And because of that, they suffer through it. And that actually creates the trauma a lot of the time, because trauma is never the event. It's the. The unexpressed feeling of the event. At that time, it was like, I didn't want to process that feeling, so then I'm going to suppress it. And then the subconscious creates a program and just keeps reliving it. Now, the other funny thing about any challenging event is, is that when you talk to people as you do, if I think there's 280 podcasts or something, if you ask them, all right, what were the most defining moments in their life, they will always talk about the hard times and the challenges. So then I go, well, if we know that it's going to be something in the future, that you look back and go, oh, this was actually the greatest growth opportunity in my life, and I would never trade it in for anything else. Then in the present moment, when we start getting that sensation of, oh, this is hard, this is happening to me, that should be almost a moment where we flip it and go, oh, wow, this is my moment. This is my growth opportunity. And it may just change your experience with it. It doesn't change the event. Like, if you have a suffering illness or someone's just died, that's not going to change, but your experience with it can change. And that's ultimately what life is. It's just a series of experiences.

I love it so much. I'm going to say something that maybe people are going to say, oh, Kathy lost it. But, you know, I've done some energy healing work on people years ago. I. I know, I know this is your world. And I sometimes have seen, like, a video running in my mind of them, and usually it's an experience that has shaped what they're coming. Now. I don't do hands on work anymore, but I just want to throw this out. Whether you all believe this or not, I don't think that's the important thing. I'm just going to say it. I have seen some of my past lives. I believe that we have many lives. Why is that important? I do believe there's a soul factor here, that we come into lives to learn and grow. But if we don't recognize that, why I'm bringing it up is back to your point. I think that people say when they're looking back on a painful but yet expansive moment, they say, I'm so blessed to have it. But to be honest, I think our human mind is very reptilian and very limited. And so if you ask them, you have a choice. In three years you're going to have a really hard time, but it is going to change everything, perhaps for the better, depending on how you approach it. Or you can coast along the way. You are. What do you think would be the percentage of people who would say bring on the hard?

Yeah, I actually think there would be a very high percentage. When you actually create a perspective of their past, if you actually help them see that this has actually been their growth opportunities. Because I do think something will take hold of them. Just like you had that experience where it wasn't your human personality which was identifying that this was going to be a great conversation. It was a soul connection.

Right.

And that's what we have to do whenever we're going through those hard times. It doesn't even have to be hard. That's the crazy thing about this. You can be through what we perceive as really hard things. But if you connect to your higher self, your spirit, and ask that for guidance, then you'll be like, oh, I can actually go through this with grace. And we see people do that because you see those people who, they just seem unfazed by events. And it's not that they're not feeling emotions, they're actually feeling them. That's what they really do.

They're not fighting and bloodying themselves against them. They're like, wow, this doesn't. This wasn't what I had in mind. Oh, okay. What am I learning here? What am I doing? Right?

Yeah, they're feeling the loss. And I definitely witnessed that with my. My partner's mother died two years ago in a tragic accident. Just fell down a set of stairs. And it was a really interesting experience for me because I just gone to a ten day Silent meditation retreat beforehand. I literally come out of the meditation retreat feeling bliss heaven. And it's all about non attachment feelings. Feeling them in the present moment, noticing that everything is impermanent, rising and passing. And then four days later our whole world just got thrown into another disarray. And I was able to do this with grace. I was able to feel it. I felt the loss. Like this was a mother who was a mother who I had always dreamt of having. And she was suddenly gone. And I felt it. But I was also able to show up for my partner and was so different. And my previous partner's father went through the same experience, fell down a set of stairs and passed away. And I wasn't able to show up in that same place because I hadn't got to that level yet. And that was actually one of the catalysts to, to sort of go down this path. So it is really amazing. It is possible. And I can tell you life is just so much more peaceful and more joyful and more loving when you can experience that because you're not caught up in your own story and your own personality and all your, all your hardships and instead you're just going, wow, yes, there's this duality. I've just lost someone I loved. But then also there's all these beautiful things happening around me right now. And that's, that's really, that key of life is that it's just all. It's both, it's both the positive and negative. And what we think is positive and what is negative is just, just our perspective.

It wasn't it Shakespeare who said nothing is but thinking makes it so. I mean, that guy was a genius.

Really was.

You're right. You know, this is horrible. I'm dealing with career issues and people are like, this is the worst thing. You know, I was literally sexually harassed. Gender bias, gender discrimination, toxic colleagues, narcissistic bosses. I would say when you've had enough of that, it is time to think about. Hang on here. Now this is not random. It can't be random because it's 80% of my experience over 20 years. So what am I doing to sustain and attract and co create? So anyway, there we go. Tell us and you can talk about your book. If I know this is the framework of, of your years of work. But what is it that we need to understand if we could walk people through some doable steps about. You call it intentionality. I'm interested in that. Can we talk about that? When I hear of that word, intentionality, what do I think, and I didn't think about this before, I think about choice, that to the extent my limited human brain can do this, I am going to try to choose consciously from my higher self. Every word out of my mouth, every reaction I have, every way that I'm showing up, I'm choosing which direction I could go. Is that. Am I right? I didn't, you know, I didn't prep you on this.

What do you think you did so beautifully? I was just reflecting on my introduction, and there was a lot of words that you used in. There were. In my introduction.

Wow. So tell us. Tell us.

I'm glad you. So what your process was there was really great. A lot of people are using the word intentionality or intentional, and it's in the zeitgeist right now. It's dropped in language all the time. But I don't think people do what you just did, where they actually reflect and go, what does that actually mean? Like, because it's just a word, and words are just me, like representations of something else. And I loved how you went a little bit deeper and you started asking questions, and the words of choice was really beautiful. So for me, I. In the simplest definition, I define intentionality as identifying the feelings you want to feel and taking incremental steps to making that a reality. So it's that combination of choice. But the key thing is you're choosing the feeling, and the feelings are more important than anything else because that's. Right now, that's all we have. We're just. We're set of feelings. And often we go, oh, yeah, I'm going to go on that career path. Or I'm going to do this workout because you hope it gives you a feeling. So we need to flip it and decide the feelings. And now feelings don't just happen by themselves like they're a byproduct. They're a byproduct of our subconscious beliefs. And we can override our subconscious beliefs with conscious intention and go, well, okay, what are the behaviors in my present moment? Because that's all we have is in the present moment, which are likely to lead me to have more of those feelings. So if I want to feel peace and love and joy when I feel that tension coming up, because I'm in a little bit of conflict and I know that pattern where I'm going to yell at someone or be unkind to my partner, I reflect and go. That doesn't generally lead to me to feeling much peace and love and joy. So instead, I may do some form of other behavior. And then through that behavior, you result in a feeling. And then after enough of those feelings, the subconscious goes, oh, they want more of these feelings. I'm going to create a program which makes that feeling. And then now your life just happens on autopilot because that's what the subconscious does. So it's this relationship between the conscious mind and the subconscious mind, and then the universal mind, which is just this one energetic source where everything comes from. And that's what really intentionality is about, is about how do we get alignment with our mind lines so we're just one and there's no conflict. Because you'll see, as you've seen with a lot of therapy, people say they want this thing in their life, and you look at them and go, I don't think you really do because your, your behaviors are completely out of align with this. And what is happening is that there is some awareness that they want something else, but they're not willing to override their programs. And that's, that's really the, that's really. The practice of intentionality is going, okay, I'm committing, I'm identifying. These programs aren't serving anymore, and I'm going to go for something different.

All right, Finian, I'm going to ask you to do something with me. I don't think I've ever done this, and it's brave of me to do it. And if you would be willing.

I'm always willing.

The reason I want to do this, I want you to coach me on something. I live and breathe this, I write about it, and I myself have an experience of a block that no matter how much I try to do what you're saying, it's not working.

Yep.

Would you be open to five minutes of coaching me on this?

I think it would be brilliant. We can introduce the leaf loops. I think it'll be very helpful for your audience.

And you know, here I am an entrepreneur and a coach, so I'm being really vulnerable here, but yeah, you are.

It's very courageous.

The, the biggest challenge I have always had. And no matter what kind of new thinking and heart centered I can't is, it's over money, the conflict of money.

And oh, it's very common.

I'm in good company. When I think about the challenge. I even said it to my son who's like a little business advisor for me. I literally feel like I used to say this in the corporate world and, and unfortunately I still say it. I may make a lot of money in a particular assignment. Or project, but I'm going to feel like a prostitute doing it. And even yesterday my son said, really, Mom? I mean, that's a harsh word. What I mean, I don't mean sexually. Yeah, I mean I'm gonna give away. I'm gonna feel so conflicted. I'm gonna give away my values. I'm going to undermine my values. I'm not going to be able to tell the truth, which is this is a messed up system organization. I don't want to support it with an executive. Coaching for that person isn't the problem. You're the problem. Are you following?

I am 100% following.

But what happens to me? So this is what I need help with. I certainly understand that this conflict is sustaining conflict no matter how much I try to breathe into it. And I, I think it's from a past life, I gotta be honest. But what would you do with someone who shares? I want to be intentional. I'm doing my best to be intentional, but I'm getting hijacked.

Yeah.

Is this helpful to go through this or is this.

You're doing it beautifully. The way you're describing is really great. So. So first I would go, thank you. And really great. Because the first step of any transformation is awareness. We have to go through an awareness step when we're not aware. It means the program's just running and we have no idea it's just happening and we don't even know. So whether we get that from other people reflecting back, that's where coaches and therapists or peer groups can be really good. Or just through your own self and curiosity where you're journaling enough and you go, huh, I keep doing this. So that's great. Then we have to actually accept it. We have to accept that. And it's quite hard sometimes because we sometimes have an identity around ourselves which is in conflict with actually how we behave. And, and, and that's the. And until we accept that that's what we are currently. Doesn't mean that you're a bad person. It's just like full acceptance. Oh, I can accept that. I'm. What are, what feelings are you having right now? If you had to describe as you sit here and you reflect in this circumstance, like when you say, I have to do that, I'm going to be a prostitute in your language. What. What do you actually feel? What comes up for you?

It's constant confusion. It's like, I understand that I can control my. Not control. Look at that. Shape what happens. Shape what comes to me.

Yeah.

So why am I continually struggling with what is coming my way? That, that gives me confusion on how to respond. In other words, I can sense when a situation is going to make me feel like I have to give up my values. Why is it that I don't have the strength to say no? I think I know the answer. Because it's typically a lot of money.

Yeah, yeah. So there's a bit of confusion.

There's confusion, there's disappointment, there's shame.

Yes.

There's humiliation.

Great. So now we're getting some strong, strong feelings. And you can feel that. I, I wonder if you just checked in with your body right now.

Heart's beating.

Yeah, heart's beating fast. Sensations. It's right there. So there's, that's a really important part. There's always a body connection with a feeling. And there's also a change in your breath. Every single time there's a change in a feeling, you'll get a change in breath and you'll get a sensation in your body. And that's a good alert to us sometimes. So now the Kathy from I know in my limited space, she's out there serving the world. She has such big respect. There's so much impact for you to be and actually be in this place right now and having those feelings, that can be very challenging because it's like, well, am I a fraud? Am I Like, who, who am I? I'm doing all this, but I'm feeling this right now.

Right.

And that's often why we push it away and we won't do it. So we just have to accept it doesn't mean we're a bad person or any of your work has lesser meaning. That's another problem where I think a lot of people out there serving think they have to be like these perfect beings. I'm like, you don't have to at all. You just have to be humble and vulnerable. Like, you are so, so accepting that which is really beautiful. Then once you've accepted, that's the moment where you can start exploring, well, how is this playing out for me? And, and, and like, how is this showing up? And something which really helps with that is something called a belief loop. So I believe everything pretty much in our life is determined by a subconscious. This is an example right now. Your conscious mind goes, I don't want to do this anymore. But the subconscious program is so much more powerful than your conscious mind. So something there is running. And that's a great example where you're like, oh, yeah, this isn't working. For me right now, I want to change. So our beliefs shape our thoughts, which shape our behaviors, which determine our feelings, which then reaffirm the belief cycle. And this is why over time our beliefs get stronger. And it's also why change gets harder over time. Because the subconscious, by its nature is an energy efficient machine. That's all it cares about. He wants to go, I want to save as much energy for pretty much the conscious mind, the brain, they're not directly related, but the brain is an energy consuming thing. So it doesn't have to think every day doing mundane tasks like brushing your teeth, tying up shoelaces, driving your car. If you have to concentrate every time you're doing that, you'd be exhausted and you couldn't actually create anything. So that's why the subconscious exists. It goes, all right, that's a program. It's going to happen. A lot of times. I'm going to make that so they never have to think about that again. The problem with it is it doesn't have the ability to juice between truth and untruth. It doesn't know that this program is going to serve you or not. It just goes, oh, this is the direction I'm getting, so I'm just going to do that for them.

And it gets that direction from beliefs.

Yeah, well, it's from, from impressions. And what it actually gets it from is the strongest feelings. This is the real paradox of this is the subconscious creates everything from the feelings. So if at some point in your life, and generally it all happens back from our childhood, you felt a particular way.

Yes.

And feelings are just interpretations, Remember, they're just stories. They're not, they're not based on facts. You went, because if someone said something to you and it could have been a comment, often with money, it's a little comments like, oh, that person, that person sells themselves for their work. Or that person, that person. Like entrepreneurs in my family, it was a big one, was, oh yeah, entrepreneurs are crooks. So, oh boy. So then you perceive this and you hear this saying, enough. And then you create a story. They're like, oh, that's, that's a bad thing. Or someone said, makes you feel I'm not worthy. So then we create a program of I'm not worthy. And it just keeps playing out over and over in our life.

To be. To support your comment, it was my beloved dad who's in heaven didn't mean. But I asked to go to France in high school, didn't have the money myself, and because I was taking French and He said to me, how dare you ask that?

Yeah.

And I was thinking to myself, what's the harm in asking all you, all you have to do. But I'll. I'll never forget that shame. How dare you ask me that? Could it be something like that?

I'm thinking, yes, you are 100. Spot on. So most people aren't. Don't have enough depth in their curiosity to explore this quick as quickly as you do. But you have a great awareness. But there's always a time, there's always something, there's a moment, and often you don't have to remember it. If I, I would. That was my next step. I was just going to drop you into a tiny little meditation and we would have gone straight there and you would have tapped into it and it would have come up and you would have been like, wow, here I am. This is what's happening now. You, as an adult, looks at that younger version of yourself and goes, dad was just being just. Just a dad, a cranky old man.

And I think he felt bad, he couldn't pay, so he shamed me for it.

That's exactly. But your younger version couldn't work that out. And now that's created a program which is just playing out over and over and over again. So there's a couple of ways we can. We can go throughout the recoding process two main ways. One is through repetition. So the subconscious creates programs through repetition. It's three impressions. People are just over and over again getting imprinted on. And then one day goes, oh, I'm going to form a belief around that so it doesn't have to waste energy. And then it creates that life. So the way to recode it as well is through repetition. So what happens now is we create a new positive belief loop to cancel out the negative belief loop. And we go, okay, what is it ultimately you'd like to feel?

That I love what I'm doing and I'm treated the way I want to be treated so I can treat others the way I want.

Yep.

And I'm respected and valued.

Yep. All right. So respected and valued. Great. The other ones were thoughts, which was really good. It was like, I'm.

Oh, you asked me what I feel, what I want to feel.

I want to feel. Yeah, yeah.

Happy, respected, valued, at peace, joyful, not afraid.

Great. And what core belief would you need to have in order for this? So what do you think the negative belief was in relation to what you've been running so far?

That it's, it's increasingly More difficult to attract joyful.

Work.

That doesn't impede on my value system.

Yeah, I think there's something around that. It's almost like we've. And this happens a lot in the service spiritual world as well. It's like, oh, it's, it's unfair to charge for your services or if you're doing good, you shouldn't charge for it. So that, that's often a lot of conflict for a lot of people and that's why they're in this place where they're wanting to do good but then they, their money story takes over and they can't have the impact that they actually want. So there's something to explore there. Yeah. So for myself I see it very differently. And this is where beliefs are very. Beliefs are just beliefs. Remember they're just stories, they're perspectives. I go, the work we do is the most meaningful. Why aren't we getting rewarded the most? Like it's. So why is it that someone who's selling something which is not contributing to society like Coca Cola or someone who is doing like oil, toxic gases or anything like this, you're allowed to make money if it's hurting people. But for someone who is literally going to increase consciousness, make people feel better, help humanity. We can't charge for it. See how that's just a.

So not right.

It's, it's a coding. It's. And it's. And it's intentional as well. It's a very intentional practice. People who are in leadership and charge around the world know how the mind works and they're profiting off this.

But isn't it also. It is what our human society has done.

Yeah.

I believe there's other, other places. I believe there's other things. We're. We're in it in a very limited. Our brains are reptilian so we can try to turn the titan. I'm not trying to resist you. I'm trying to say here's what I'm thinking. We, it's not random that we believe this.

No, it's definitely not random.

I mean because rewarded to believe that it has been.

But that's.

What do we do?

Change the script. We have to like change it. And you start seeing that you can do have both. And this is where being around other people, like I see this around in my peer group all the time. Someone does something and they look at them and they go oh wow. Like they can charge this much and they're doing really good work and their clients really appreciate it. So why Can't I? And that's how we start rising up together, making that change. So the first is like, you need to map out that new positive belief loop. And if someone has a belief that they are, if they're adding good value, they don't have to, they don't have to be in conflict with the values and they can get rewarded. Well, what thoughts would they have? The thoughts would be, well, I'm. I'm adding a lot of impact. People want to work with me. There are a lot of. There are a lot of good people out there who are doing good and also can make money. And then the behaviors are, they literally, they talk with that language, they talk positively, they look for opportunities, they. They add value. They only take on jobs that actually represent their values because if they did, if they believe that, they wouldn't take on anything else. And then through that, they would get a reaction from other people and it would start driving outcomes of feeling valued and appreciated. And every day you have to do that practice. Now, it's not going to come easy because you remember the subconscious is an automatic program which is more powerful. So you have to bring conscious awareness to it. And that's why I love to write out the belief loop. And I go, right, what are the behaviors of the person who has this belief? And every day I'm making a decision, I look through that list of behaviors and I go, even though this is going to make me feel sick right now, I'm going to say no to that opportunity because I trust that when I do this, I'm going to create a new positive belief loop. And that's the sort of, the. That's like, I like to describe as the brushing the teeth, the flossing the teeth. It's like you don't get, you don't see the benefits straight away, but if you don't do it, you know where.

It'S after, and you're going to end.

Up at the dentist and there's going to be problems. Now the second option, and sometimes we need this. Sometimes the program is so strong.

Yeah.

And it sounds like that for you, like, the program is deep. You're. You're a very conscious, very aware person, but it's still playing out. And, and what are these programs formed from? Feelings. Suppressed feelings, not wanting to feel it. And what is that? It's just energy. So sometimes we need to use energy to go in and unblock that energy, that blocked energy and release it. And that's something, what I call energy interventions. Energy interventions are exactly that. It's where we use some form of energy in a very short amount of time. And we can recode a subconscious in 10, 15 minutes. So things like breath work and very deep Breath journey, where we take you on a breath journey and we go back to that time, we stop breathing, and I go back to that time when you were a young girl and your dad said this, and we clear it and we put a different perspective, and then we start bringing in new positive energy. And you start coding your subconscious and going, I'm worthy, I'm valued, I'm appreciated. And over and over again. And in that present moment, the subconscious can change. Plant medicines, another one, sensory deprivation. Things like darkness retreats or silent meditation retreats. Other things like EMDR eft. Anything that gets you into a feeling state. That's ultimately what we're trying to do. And you can recode that. But this is the secret, though. Some people think, now I've done the energy intervention, I'm transformed. And then they just stop. If you go to the dentist and get a beautiful, deep, clean, reconstructive work and you come out, you'll have a beautiful smile. But if you don't brush and you don't floss, what happens?

Terrible bacteria decay. You got there. I am again in the dentist chair.

So you need both. You need to be doing both. And that's where intentionality is. Every single day you have to connect and go, what is it that I want to feel? And how am I going to bring those actions into reality to make it happen? Because if I don't, someone else is going to be coding my subconscious, because the subconscious is just open all the time. So that's where we take back agency of our life. And it's really the moment where you get liberation. This one moment where you suddenly. And you said it, and it was such a beautiful thing. You said I'd been sexually abused. All these different areas. Now, so easy for you to be the victim of that circumstance. You're like, how? How could I have been the contributor to that? But because you've actually brought this in, I feel safe to share. This is in that moment when you realize that you have contributed to everything that has happened in your life. That can be really confronting. Because you go, how could I? How could this happen? But if you fully just accept that, it's also the liberation moment, because it means that you can change anything you want in your life.

All right, I gotta ask you this.

You want.

Look at you go, I'm gonna pay you a thousand bucks after. Can I Ask. I have been sexually harassed, not abused. However, when you said that, I remembered when I was a 16 year old girl at a temp job at a chemical company, I was a receptionist and one of the chemists came over and just put his hand on my boob. I did nothing. I had, I put my finger on. I could do the loudspeaker and say something and he left me alone. Can you believe that? That is what comes to me. So here's my question to you for people who are listening. How did I, how did you put it? You said. You said something that made me think, not that I'm responsible. You said a word.

It's liberation.

Well, no, that I contributed to it. How did I contribute to being a 16 year old girl? And he grabs me.

Yeah.

In the breast. How did I contribute to that?

Yeah, yeah, really great.

I don't think I did.

So there's a few great things here. One, things are coming forward for you, which is, which is wonderful. You're like, oh, I'm starting to have some awareness. So you've already brought in past lives. So sometimes karma, we don't know why it's happening, but karma is just things from the past that needs to be released in the present moment that can be one. Another side is your higher self chose when it was like, all right, I'm going to come into Kathy in this life to these parents and now I'm going to go have all these circumstances because I want to know what it's like to be sexually a victim. So then I can have compassion, to have other people, or I can learn from these experiences and teach all of these people around the world so they can realize that just because an event has occurred to you doesn't mean it has to define you for the rest of your life. So this is one of the challenges we never really know, but everything is just a perspective. So why not choose the perspective that serves you? Why not serve. Choose the perspective that brings more peace and love and joy with you. Now I want to address what happened with you just then because that is sexual abuse. Like, and, and now you can have some reason and you're like, aha, okay. And your younger self didn't know what to do at that point of time and it starts creating stories like, did I attract that? Like, and this. Now you're tying into the money side. It's because you're a job prostitute was very, very strong and you are getting paid in that place. And so then you're like, well, maybe that's, maybe I have to accept that. Otherwise I'm going to lose my job and we run off a fear based program and survival and that's. I have complete compassion for younger Kathy. Like how confusing. Like how, how confronting. And there wasn't support mechanisms back there, but now suddenly something has been tied to money. Money and sexual experience.

I have never made that connection and I won. I can't thank you enough. I 100% believe what you shared. You know, I've just reread a book, Journey of Souls. It's about life between lives and why we choose lives in the bodies we choose. I, I love it. And to your point, whether we think it's fact or not, why aren't we going to choose a belief that allows us to grow? So to me, rather than I was just a poor hapless victim of abuse. Hmm. What if I signed up for this? What if I signed up for these challenges? Do I want to get to age 98 like my mother and not have worked through these, not to become more empowered and more intentional? No. So I adore it. Vinnie and I, that was so helpful. And here you gave me a therapy, coaching, energy healing session. Now I want to give back a little to you. What have we to me you've walked through the framework of your book a little bit. Would you agree?

Yeah, yeah, we definitely have. We saw it live experience and, and also at a very sensitive subject because there's certain, there's certain things that people think, oh no, I can, I can adopt this philosophy for this area of my life, but I can't do it for this area. And a lot of the time is sexual things and illnesses and injuries, they, they think that that doesn't apply. It's all the same. It's the same, same philosophy, it's the same formula. It works. Now I really want to make it clear quickly though some people might be hearing this and going, it sounds like we're excusing the behaviors of those people. We're not at all zero. We're just identifying that we have somehow contributed to this and every single person is a messenger in our life. There's a book called the Presence Process and I love his language, Michael Brown, about things happening in our lives are just messengers. And that might have been a little message that is somehow you have learned from this and you're exactly right. Yes, we can make it all about the other person. But then I'm going to go and be miserable at the end of my life and I don't know, am I.

Going to get from that it just exacerbates victimhood.

Yeah, yeah.

I think the word contribute is going to be difficult for people because that poor Kathy, 16 year old, I didn't in that moment, as that physical self, mean to contribute. Didn't contribute. I think you mean it in a bigger sense. I was there at that time potentially for a reason that my soul signed up for. Would that be a way to phrase it exactly.

And that you weren't conscious in that moment. It wasn't like when people think I contributed. It was like I consciously did that. No, you did not consciously do that. However, now, Kathy, in this current circumstance, who has just gone through an awakening, has had an awareness, any behaviors, now you are contributing to that.

That's right.

So when you put yourself in that position and you put your values in conflict for a monetary thing, you are now contributing to that program playing out. And that's the key is, is that anything that's happened in your past when you weren't conscious gets a pass. It's like, it's like it gets a leaf pass. We're never going to criticize because that's, that's where the ego loves to play out. It just loves to criticize ourselves. But right now, and that all we have is the now is go, all right, with that current awareness, are you going to continue that behavior or you're going to change? Like, I've worked a lot with men who have gone through infidelity and they, the reason they don't want to be doing that, like they really don't. They, they don't like it at all. It makes them feel horrible. But the program keeps running out, running on. And part of the reason why they can't stop is because they're in so much shame. And shame just feeds the program. So I just be this place where I just love them and respect them and I never make them feel judged or anything. And then I go, okay, I fully get that the past is done. Do you want to continue doing this or not? And, and they never do. And I go, okay, what will help you get into more integrity? And that's all we keep focusing on, is just like, what will make you feel you're getting more in integrity. And then it's never about the act. It's more about their feeling. Because that's everything is the feelings. And that's how we get people to change, is get them to connect to the feeling by telling someone, you can never do this again won't work. That's a problem with a lot of addiction programs. But if you say, do you want to keep feeling like this or would you like a different feeling? And they'll all say yes. Generally, I don't like to use absolutes, but most people will.

What a gift. I mean, you know, I've interviewed a lot of people and done a lot of work myself. I think the gift of this is you all, I hope are going to watch this. I mean, you can see the whole gamut of my emotions, my. My. My breath, my. Wow. I can't thank you enough. You came on a podcast to talk about your book, and I made you work. Work me through here. Work through my. Thank you.

To tell you truth, that's the best. I don't. The book isn't about the book. The book is just a process that people can go through and transform their lives. I want people to have a human. An expansive human experience, and it's all available to them. I've just had the ability to just look at a lot of different spiritual texts, have a lot of personal experience and working with other people, and go, oh, there's commonalities here. What's a way we could package it up that people can understand and go through their own process? And there's some fun in there as well, because you'll hear my personal stories, too.

Where do we send people to you? How do they soak up? How do they get this?

Thank you. Well, I would go to intentionality.com we. I own the word. I love it. And that will take you through in a journey.

And can they come work with you live?

Yeah, yeah. There's going to be. There's going to be some. We have some. We're doing a breath tour, which is instead of the book tour, we're doing a breath tour.

Oh, I love it.

Yeah. Happening. Like, when this will be released, it will be happening. So you can look around that for America.

You come in east.

Yeah, I'm there. So that's the best way, because that's an energy intervention. And I just tell people is like, focus now on bringing awareness of what you'd like to change and then come in with intention, and we can recode your subconscious in a very short amount of time, but with a lot of energy.

I want to say. And then I'm going to let you go. When I work with people who are really elevated like you, like my healer friend, Lynn Carroll, after you do this work, for some people, it's draining. It's exhausting to help someone, you know, try to work through crisis, trauma. But for you, I can even see it on. On zoom. It's. It's like the word I have is beatific. Beautiful, shining.

It's a beautiful word.

Isn't that beautiful? That's you. If you watch, you. You're not at all drained. You're not at all. I mean, you might go and say, wait, that was a long podcast. But I can see it in you, you know? And so that's. When you know it, it is the real deal. It's energy you can trust because. Helps you expand as you help me expand, I think.

Thank you. And that's because. I'm glad you picked up on that, because I'm. I've been there before where you drain. And it's because we've disconnected ourselves to the greatest energy source there is, which is the universe of mind, this beautiful source of energy. So I'm just here as a conduit for that. And. And when we do that, we're great. But a lot of people think that they're. And this is the difference between empathy and compassion. People think they've got to lean in and, like, be in your pain.

Right.

I'm not being in your pain at all. I'm like, I'm loving you. Like, I'm actually, like, in this moment. Moment. I'm like, yes. Like, this is excitement. It's like when someone says, I'm going through a divorce, I go, congrats. Brilliant. Like, this is. This is not a bit of hardship. And I like to. I like to bring a lot of humor to these things. And it doesn't make it any different.

But it's the level of detachment.

Yeah.

Not in a negative way, but you are not living it with me. You are an observer, and you're bringing insight and energy and love to it. Pure love.

Just loving on you. Loving on you for having that awareness to go, wow, this has been playing out. And enough humility to go, yeah, I want this to be different. Wonderful. And then if everyone just did that, my life would be a lot nicer, too, because everyone would be walking around being happier and more conscious.

I got Vinnie. I'm so blessed to have met you. Thank you for this incredible energy. Healing session, trauma healing session. People run to what Finnian has, read his watch his videos, go on the Breath tour with him. I'm so grateful for you. I am. Thank you so much for doing that with me. I'm really floored. We. In a good way, in a happy way.

Thank you for opening up your heart to me. Kathy. That was beautiful. And I'm here to help in any way I can.

Thank you. All right, people, you know what I always say. If you don't have a question about this, or if you're not moved or intrigued or puzzled or there's a word you didn't like, you know, we're not doing our our job here. We're wanting to really make a difference. So help us do that. Write your question wherever you see this. Give us a comment. I have a feeling Finian will answer. Or we'll do our best to help you on your journey. Thank you for letting me go very bare with you too. That's how much I love you all, my Finding Brave community. And Finn, come back again, will you please? It was so beautiful. All right, everyone, I hope this was inspirational for you. Have a wonderful two weeks and we will see you next time. Hi folks, Kathy here. So are you thinking about launching a new podcast or have you been at it a while and recognize it's time for more or better production help to create the best podcast you can? I totally understand. I've been podcasting for over six years and I know how challenging it can be. That's why I'm really excited to share some key information about the great production team I'm using now called We Edit Podcasts. I've been working with them for well over a year and I've been so happy with the results. They're a full service production agency and their services give me access to a wonderful team of seasoned audio engineers and editors who help create a polished professional sound, and they work hard to ensure that my particular podcasting approach and style comes through in every episode. They also help me make sure that my guests are reflected in the best possible light through the creation of terrific show notes, which is an important part of the show for me. Their process is easy and streamlined, and their responsiveness and customer service is terrific too. If you're ready for better production help, definitely Check them out and take advantage of their free trial episode, allowing you to sample their processing quality to see if it's a great fit for you. I'm confident you'll love them. Just go to the link we edit podcasts.com finding brave. That's my special link for you and book your free call today. Happy podcasting. Thanks so much for joining us today. And please don't forget to check out findingbrave.org for more programs, resources and tips. And tune in next time for your weekly dose of Finding Brave.