Finding Brave 108: How To Set Your Energy Clock To Succeed and Thrive, with Molly Fletcher

Hello, everybody. I can't wait either. Welcome to this week's Finding Brave. I'm Kathy Caprino, and we have such an incredible show for you and such an incredible guest who I'm so honored to have. And we are going to be talking about how to set your energy clock to thrive and succeed. Oh, my gosh. I think I need that. Today, Molly. And I have Molly Fletcher with me. Molly, thank you for taking the time as you're about to launch your book Baby into the world.

I can't do enough.

So excited.

Kathy, it's an honor and a pleasure. It really is. This will be fun.

This is going to be a blast. All right, everybody, I have to let you know all about Molly, and I love to tell people how I learn of my guests. Sometimes it's, you know, as synchronistic things. Sometimes it's, I've followed you and I learned about you back in 2014 and featured you in my Forbes block. Can you believe it's been five years?

That's amazing.

And we talked then about, are you intimidated to negotiate for yourself? And back then, that just went a little viral. 31,000 views. So, everybody, I want you to know about Molly. So amazing. Molly Fletcher shares the unconventional techniques she used to thrive in her former career as a top sports agent and now as a successful entrepreneur, keynote speaker, and authority hailed as the I love this female Jerry Maguire. I'd love to talk to you about that. Molly negotiated over $500 million in contracts and represented hundreds of sports biggest stars. She's the founder of Game Changer Negotiation Training, which I think every one of us needs, and the host of the Game Changers with Molly Fletcher, your podcast. She's the author of five books. I would love to know how you do that. But I bet we're going to talk about just how we get things done when we think we can't. Right? She's the author of five books, and her latest book, the Energy Clock, is available now. All right, Molly, let us dive in first. Before we do this, can I ask you this question? How did you. It's not about the Energy Clock, but maybe it is. How did you get into the business of being a sports agent? How did that happen?

Sure. Okay. Yeah, it's a great question. You know, I played tennis at Michigan State, and I loved it and grew up in East Lantern, too. Oh, cool. Good stuff, girl. It's such a great sport. So I graduated after college, and I grew up right in East Lansing and really close to my parents. And after I graduated, I said Look, I want to. I want to get to the sports marketing business, but I lived in East Lansing. I'd gone to school there, know, but I sort of started, literally with some girlfriends, looking at sort of, where in the world is the best place to dig into this? And, you know, in Atlanta, the Olympics was coming, the super bowl was coming, couple, you know, pro teams, college programs, etc. So I said to my parents, I'm gonna move down to Atlanta and find a job in sports right after college. Right after college. Right after college, exactly. And I.

Did you study marketing?

I was a communications major. I always. Yeah, I wasn't really sure what I wanted to do. And I had looked at, candidly, a lot of liberal arts schools, but I wanted to play Big Ten tennis. And so I ended up going to Michigan State. So the comm arts degree was, you know, candidly, probably the closest thing to a liberal arts degree at the time. So I saved as much money as I could and at the end of the summer, moved to Atlanta to find a job in sports. And, you know, long story short, I did go. I only had about two grand when I got to Atlanta. And I negotiated a deal to live at an apartment complex in exchange for my rent and teach tennis there.

What.

Which was great.

What a great idea.

It's a long story. I won't bore your listeners, but long story short, I lived there for free and taught every Tuesday night for nine years without paying any rent. So that gave me an opportunity to work in a business that when you start out, you don't make very much money at all. And it gave me an opportunity to take my time and find the right job and all that kind of stuff. And so a couple years after being in the land and doing lots of different things, super bowl host committee, you know, I work for high ropes, outdoor, high ropes course. I mean, I was sort of trying to, you know, navigate a network. And finally I got a job with a small agent in Atlanta who had a couple NBA coaches and a couple baseball players. And he brought me in to go get endorsement deals for the athletes and coaches that we had.

Oh, my gosh.

And after a couple months, I said, golly, you know, we need to grow our client base. I mean, how are we getting more talent? Because that's where the opportunity is, right, to negotiate your main contracts and their team or their network or their, you know, their. The team, it's, you know, the league, etc. So he said, well, what do you mean? And I said, well, can I get, you know, a little proactive and aggressive on how to, on how to do this, my business plan together. I think we could start with baseball. There's a ton of studies, baseball players in and around Atlanta at Georgia Tech and the Atlanta Braves, Minor League teams, etc. So we blast it, which was awesome. And you know, long story short, 18 years later, I recruited about 300 guys and gals. I had baseball division with a ton of big league guys, minor league guys, and built a team around it to support all the athletes and coaches that we recruited. And, you know, had a golf division, college coaches, NBA coaches.

Oh, my God. All right, two quick questions. You obviously came out of the shoot, out of college with some confidence. Do you know where that came from? Did you. Were you bred to have that?

You know, I don't. I think I'm very, very grateful for my parents. I mean, the truth is, I think my parents, you know, always taught me to go for it. And they always sort of taught me that there was more in me than maybe I even realized.

Wow.

Sorry.

No problem.

You can probably cut that out, right?

I will. I'll cut it out.

So. So my parents always believed, I mean, and they always inspired me to keep going. And I had two older brothers who probably treated me a whole lot more like a little, little brother then a little sister. And, you know, but I think I wasn't afraid of failure. I'm not really sure if it was confidence or a lack of a fear of failing. I really wasn't afraid of. No, I wasn't afraid of failure. And I think that's a really important thing in life because I think when we're pushing ourselves, we're going for things, we're gonna maybe fail and we're gonna.

Know we're gonna fail.

Right? We are. Exactly, Kathy.

That's what the whole damn thing is about. You know, how to. Wow. That hurt. Let me learn.

Wow.

And finally, one quick question and then we'll talk energy. That's obviously a male dominated field you're in. And Right. What you were in. And being a sports, a female sports agent to big celebrity male names. What's the biggest takeaway you had? Was it helpful? Was it hard? Did you have to change yourself? I'm dying to hear.

Yeah. I mean, a couple big takeaways. I mean, one is no, I was me. And I'm a big advocate of that for women. You know, be who you are and be yourself. And I think that's what actually drove, you know, my ability to connect with the athletes and my ability to sign players and continue to grow. It was. They knew I was authentic and they knew that I really cared about them, that it wasn't about anything other than helping them navigate a very unique window of time as a professional athlete or coach to do some pretty unique things. And they knew that I was authentic in that. And that was important. And I think it was also about reframing really difficult moments to being positive gifts and things that were. That often maybe would have been easy to say what a nightmare. But instead it was important to say, what a gift. And it was things like I'd be behind the dugout at a baseball game and managers would yell at my players for talking to that chick. You know, they would say, why are you talking to that chick? Before they didn't know who you were.

Or they knew you were the agent.

But they still some hottie. Well, they didn't expect some, you know, that candidly that there was a female that was standing there talking to a, you know, a big league baseball player or, you know, I'd be on the range at PGA Tour events, standing with my guys or walking practice rounds on Tuesdays with my players. I would fly in a lot and walk practice rounds and spend, you know, three to four hours with my guys. And, and, and, and that was, you.

Mean for kind of helping them keep the head in the game. You managed them. You were, you were more than an agent, weren't you then?

Well, you know, I always joke with kids when they say I want to be a sports agent. I say, well, then study psychology, because that's what it is. I mean, it's, it's about human connection and it's about anticipating their needs and it's obviously about negotiating. But, but, you know, I would say 80% of my conversations with my athletes or coaches was about their life and helping them navigate opportunities and challenges and injuries and call ups and, you know, releases and hirings and firings. And, you know, it was, you know, it was a real gift to help them through. What is it? I mean, we make in our lifetimes, you know, you and me and most of the people listening, we make, we have 30, 40 years where we make a living. I mean, these athletes and coaches can make what we make in 40 years and five years, 10 years. And, you know, handling that pressure, so much pressure.

So do you feel that being a woman was a leg up for you?

You know, I do, Kathy.

I think what you leveraged, not every woman is the same, not every man is the same, but you leveraged a connection. You leveraged how you communicate, how you see life, you leverage that.

Yeah. And I represented the whole family. I mean, most male agents are representing. If it's a male athlete, just the guy. I mean, that's what they're really worried about is the athlete themselves, which is fine. But for me, I said, gosh, you know, what if a big league baseball player gets traded? His wife is seven months pregnant. She lives in a house with two cars and kids and schools and doctors, and he gets on an airplane and leaves and goes from Detroit to San Francisco, and he's gone, and he's pitching the next day, and she's standing there going, now what do I move? So I put a team around me to really ensure that. Because we all operate better in our world when our personal lives are better. And so if I could make everything. In addition to obviously navigating their careers and negotiating and capitalizing on that window of time, if I could put a team around me to support everything else in their life, too, it probably unlocked their ability to step out on a mountain and relax and execute. Holy cow.

I love it. It's so inspiring. All right, now let's talk. You've written. This is your fifth book, I guess, huh? And it's the Energy Clock. And I cannot wait to delve into this. But tell me why you wrote this and what are the key things you are desperate for us to understand?

Yeah. Yeah. So, you know, I wrote it after years of hearing stories and talking to people and even seeing it with some of the athletes and coaches that I worked with, where people were putting time against the things that didn't really matter most to them. And, in fact, they would then not have the energy for the things that did matter most. And I thought, what if I could create a system and a process for people to ensure that they could align what mattered most to them in their lives with where they spent their energy. Because to me, that is our most precious resources, our energy. Because it doesn't just matter that we show up at meetings, right? It matters how we show up. You know, and so, you know, it bubbled up from, you know, asking a lot of people that I love and I care about in business and life, you know, who would tell me over and over, I'm exhausted. I don't love what I do. I don't even know why I do it. But they're working like maniacs, and their health is deteriorating, their relationships are deteriorating, their relationship with their kids is deteriorating. And I thought so I was sitting with a really good friend of mine once, and she was telling me all about sort of that, right? Like, her. Her relationships at home and all this stuff. And I said, you know, what are you chasing? And she looked at me and goes, what? And I said, what are you chasing? And she said, what are you talking about? What do you mean? And I said, that's what I mean. Like, why are you doing all of this? What are you chasing? Why. Why do you. Why are you. What are you doing? And she said, well, hell, I don't know. What do you mean? So I sort of did my first, and it's all through the book, an Energy Audit with Herbert. And I said, what gives you energy? What fills you up? You know? And we walked through that. And I said, what. What drains you? What just wears you out? Walk through that. I said, what are the things that don't necessarily drain you or lift you up, but you sort of have to do in life, right? What are those? So we walked through that, and I said, now, what if we could be more intentional about trying to get rid of the things that suck you dry and fill your days in your life up more with the things that. That lift you up? You know, what do you think that would look like? And she said, well, that would be incredible. And I said, well, what if we took all of that and we aligned it with your calendar and with the way that you actually show up in your life. And, you know, the things that gave you energy, we put in green on your calendar, and the things that, you know, drove you crazy and wore you out, we put in red. And, you know, the things that were neutral, we put in orange. So I tried it on a ton of friends and people that I had worked with and I'd sort of heard these stories from, and it worked. And they became more energized. They became more aligned with the things that mattered most. And that's what always breaks my heart, really, is when people go through life and they get to the end of their life and they don't really know that the way they spent their time and energy is really aligned with the people or the things that matter most. And so I hope this book will help people do that.

I got a million questions. All right. So, you know, I laugh sometimes because when I talk to my guests who, you know, are just doing incredible things, sometimes it is the simplest sounding thing, right, that your eyes pop out of your head like, I mean, we've heard it a million times, a million different ways, but I have never gone through my calendar and highlighted like that. I'm going to do it, you know, wow, awesome. But I do want to see what you think about this. I write a lot about a kind of phenomenon I learned as a therapist called. I call it perfectionistic over functioning. In therapy, we've learned when you're over functioning, you're doing more than is healthy, appropriate, and necessary. And what I'm seeing with women is you overlay perfectionism on that. So you're trying to get an A plus in all of it, even though 98% of it drains the hell out of you. So this PO, perfectionistic over functioning is every single woman I've ever met who comes for help. And coaching is one, and I am one. I'm a recovering po. And a lot of that is from kind of conditional love you got as a child or your need to, you know, excel so that you could be stand out or feel validated. It's always from fear. It's always from. So number one, that's what I'm seeing most people's energies getting because they unconsciously are trying to be a po. The other thing I see, and I'm dying to know what you think is, I would guess in your interviews with people, I think one of the biggest reasons people do this is money and the relationship they have with money and the relationship they created with money to keep up their lifestyle. While we live in Atlanta in a beautiful house and my kids go to this school, and in their mind they abs. It doesn't occur to them that they can extricate from that. I live around a lot of affluence, and a lot of people, they're a slave to it. Sure, they're a slave to it, but they haven't consciously dimensionalized that. Good God, I'm so tired of this mansion, and I'm so tired of the house in Maine. I'm tired. Right. Some of the reasons you see that we get entered, you know, drained of our energy.

Well, I do. I mean, I think, you know, and that was part of the reason I leaned into this, is that, I mean, I have seen lots of athletes and coaches with gobs of money, and they're miserable. They're miserable.

Are they miserable around the relationship, around money or their need to keep making 5 million, 10 million? Is it?

What is that? I think that they're miserable because money and things and stuff we know is not going to make us happy, that things from the outside are not going to make us happy. They maybe create some conveniences and things like that, but what we know is that happiness comes from the inside out.

But are these people that you're dealing with like the people I deal with. And I don't deal with all wealthy people, but mid to high level professional women. They know that and they can say that, but somehow they forgot, like even me, I wanted promotions in my corporate life, you know, that's what you do. Let me, I'm making 100 grand. I want to make 150 grand. I want that bonus. And all of a sudden you hit 40 and say, what?

Wait a minute, right? Because it's never enough.

Why have I done this? So we, I think we're taught to chase or we think it's the right thing. But these people that you've dealt with, they understand that money doesn't make them happy, right? But they, they somehow forgot it. They're living on a consciousness.

I think it's the delineation between achievement and fulfillment. And there's a really big difference, right? There's a really big difference between achievement and fulfillment. And this book and this concept is around fulfillment, which, which is very different, right? Because I know from my time with whether it's executives or great athletes and coaches is achieving is never really going to be enough, right? You'll want the next one and the next one, and the next one will never fill you up. Think of the success and the achievement that guys like Tiger woods have had. But yet that still wasn't enough, right? He wasn't fulfilled. That wasn't filling him up. So it's about fulfillment. It's about making sure really, at the end of the day that your ladder is leaning against the right wall of what matters most. So I think, you know, for me, it's about pulling back and saying, you know, what. What do you want people to say about you at your 90th birthday party? Oh, I always say that. Do you?

I say when you're on your deathbed, looking back and you know, Ronnie Ware, who I'm hoping to interview, did Five Regrets of the Dying. It's never about, I wish I got the promotion, I wish I made more money. It's never about that ever.

It's never about that. And so, you know, then you have to say, okay, so. And so what I attempt to do with this book is say, okay, so how can we be intentional about ensuring that we're at our 90th birthday party and what do we want to have spent our energy on? And, you know, this at some level was a byproduct of things that were gaps for me.

I was just going to go there and, you know, I want to make it personal and practical. Can you share with us where did you feel like, what the hell? What's happened here? I'm drained and I don't even know how.

Yeah, yeah. So, you know, there's been a bunch of moments like that. Right. But. And that's where I go and lean on my parents, who have been. You know, my bumper pads, they have helped me build my energy clock. And that's what I'm so grateful for. But there was a couple times. I mean, there was one time, and I tell this story in the book, but it was early in my career. You know, I had. I was probably 26, 27. You know, I was building sort of this client list and incredible athletes. And my parents flew down from Michigan to meet me in Atlanta for lunch. And I was so excited to see them. I mean, they are literally at the time and still are. I mean, I talk to them every day. We're so close. So they sit down at lunch and we're so pumped to be together. And I pick them up from the airport, we go straight to the restaurant. And, you know, the whole time, though, that we were at the lunch, all I am doing is answering my phone. My phone rings the whole time we're eating lunch. I mean, literally one call after another with one player after another. I mean, just every. And I take every single call. Every single call I take, every single one of them. I jump on call.

Because you felt you had to. Or it didn't even occur to you not to.

Or it didn't even occur to me not to. I mean, I was like, these are my. They're calling me. I mean, this is like, I gotta. I gotta take these calls.

And that makes me tear up somehow, cry. Oh, because they meant so much to you. But you didn't even. You didn't even see it.

And here's the thing. My athletes would never have fired me had I not taken that call. I had built up enough of a relationship that those calls could have gone to voicemail. It would have been okay. And that's part of the problem in our world today is we think being busy is this awesome, amazing thing. Like, we wear it like it's a badge of honor.

But there's also the another thing. Responsiveness. People like you and me.

Yeah.

Like, people say, I have never seen a person so responsive. Yeah. But if that's a problem.

Right.

Everybody who writes to me, I'm responding within, you know, half a second.

Yeah.

I need to reset my clock. Yes. We're trying to be responsive. We're trying to Be so great. That's a boundary problem, right? Would you agree?

100%. And, you know, I'll never forget. Absolutely. And I remember sitting back down at that table with my parents, who are super grounded, amazing people. And I said. My mom looked at me and just said, what do all of them want? I mean, she was sort of borderline disgusted. You know, she's like, what do they want? And I, like. It was like I turned a fire hose on her. I was like, oh, well, one of my golfers clubs didn't make it. You know, I go, one of my coaches thinks I he's getting fired. And I said, I got this baseball player that thinks he's getting called up tomorrow and wants me to come watch him pitch. And she's just looking at me like I'm crazy. And she goes, okay, well, cool. And what I realized, though, in that moment was I was missing what mattered most in that moment. I should have locked in on them, focused, given them a full. All of me connected fully. And then said, when we got back to the apartment, mom and dad, I need 30 minutes. I gotta call a couple people back before they get to the field or the course or whatever it was. And then I could have locked it on them, and I still could have served my players. But, you know, we live in this 24, 7, go, go, go world. And so I share that story just because those were the moments that my mom particularly kept me balanced. You know, she would sort of wake.

Me up, she would say something. She sounds amazing. I want to meet her. But did she say anything? Like, maybe you want to think about that? Or was it really.

Yeah, she would. Well, the way she asked me, like, what do they want? What? Said a lot to me.

Yeah. Like, how important is this, really? Molly, Right?

Yeah. She said, you know, Molly, there's a lot more going on in the world than you and your guys. Like, just so you know. You know, I mean. And meanwhile, I would argue that probably 8 out of 10 parents would think, man, is that ever cool. Right? Like, John Smoltz is calling her, Doc Rivers is calling her, Mike Fratello, Chuck Daly, like, you know, Billy Donovan, isn't that cool? And they thought, this is a train wreck if she doesn't manage this. So they were my energy clock. And, you know, but the world doesn't all have that, and that's okay. And there were other moments in my career where my mom would realign me. I called my mom, you know, after I had started. I left the sports agency business and started speaking full time. And we have a negotiation training program. And I was speaking. I mean, I speak about 60, 70 times a year. And I remember there was a week where I had like three or four keynotes in one week, which is more than I generally like to have.

And that's a lot.

And it was like Vegas to Pittsburgh to San Diego to Miami. I mean, it was insane. And I remember calling my mom, like, sort of two or three days into it, and she could tell. She goes, you're tired. And I was like, I am. And she said, well, what do you got next? And I'm telling her, and I'm telling her, and she said, you need to create a system so that you can stopgap this moving forward so you don't find yourself in a week like this again. And I said, you're right. You're right.

What a voice of reason.

Yeah. So that's, you know, that's, to me, what's important. Because I think sometimes if I didn't have that, I think I could have absolutely gotten derailed and chased the athlete, chased the money, chased all of that. And I might have not, you know, I might not have had a husband that we've been married for 20 years and three incredible children who are our reason. I'm not sure all that would be in place if she didn't wake me up and re. Lock me in periodically.

Oh, my gosh, what a story. Now, I got some questions here, you know, because after I left corporate, I became a therapist. So everything I see is a therapeutic. Is a therapeutic lens.

So you're breaking me down right now, girl.

I bet I gotta ask now. I mean, I think there for the listeners, there are really legitimate reasons why, if you have four keynotes, why you would take them. One, they don't come around your time. You're speaking at the leadership summit over here. They come when they come correct. You know the UConn. What's his name? Is it Gino? No, what's his name? Wonderful. Coach of the man.

Oh, Gino Aurama.

That's right. They have a leadership summit. Well, it comes when it comes, so you have no control. Number two, when you get these invites, it's. It's a way for you to spread your message. It's not. I can sense it's not about how much money you're making, although that's nice. It's spreading your message. If I'm going to be in front of 10,000 people who really need this message. So there are reasons why we have train wreck of a week. So you Know, it doesn't just be like, well, you know, I don't care about myself, so I'm going to exhaust myself. So I know in your book you talk about align with what matters. Can we talk for a minute about. I get exhausted because I am aligning myself with what matters. And there's a lot. There's a lot of media I'm doing. There's a lot of. If someone says, kathy, can you write something about menopausal women? And what. Of course I'm going to write that. Even though I'm already writing three things in a day and a book.

Yeah, I could be in that one, too, by the way. I think I'm hitting that window time, too.

Funny. So how do we differentiate? Okay, I cleared out the stuff that doesn't matter now. I'm left with so much stuff that does right now. What do I do that's wonderful?

Well, I think so. For example, what I would propose, for example, against using that example of this, four keynotes in a week, is the following week. I should have been intentional about saying, I'm only doing one the following week. I'm going to protect my energy. So in other words, we know that we can lean into those tough grinds at times, but what we have to do is sort of say, okay, now I'm going to the red zone, which is what we talked about in the book. So how can I ensure that I get myself back to a green as quickly as I can? Or that throughout this or throughout this week of 4? When I get to my third one, I'm going to grab a massage at the hotel that week. I'm going to get my workout in. I'm going to clear my calendar. So the only thing I have that day is that keynote so I can crush it, fill my cup up, back the next day to crush the next one. So it's being intentional about protecting our time so that we can give to what matters most inside of a week like that and then be intentional about protecting our time maybe that following week a little bit against getting ourselves the rest and the rejuvenation that we need. I think rejuvenation and rest is so, so incredibly important today. And we have to schedule it. We have to be intentional about it. And so what the energy clock helps people do is say, okay, I know here's the three or four things that are a part of my life that maybe take me to the red zone, right? Like a red eye flight, because I've got to get back because I'm trying to do the right thing and go to my daughter's play. So I'm taking a red eye back. It's going to get me to the red. But now I'm going to show up at my daughter's play, which gives me a green. Now I got to protect a little time on the back end of that play so that I can get a little rest and stay in that green and not throw another red thing on the back of the play to take me back to exhaustion again. Right?

Love it, Molly. All right, now, one more question I could keep you for. You'll have to come back soon. Now, we are somewhat focused here. We have been on if money were no object. Now let's go to the place where my listeners are going to say, I wish I could do what you're talking about, but I. And I'm not living in a mansion and making 10 million. I have to do this right now because I am the primary caregiver or, or, you know, breadwinner or. Or we need my money right now. And I'm not. I'm not unconscious. I realize I can't continue at this pace as a management consultant for KPMG or whatever that. But it's all too much for me. But I need this for a year. What do you say to people that are gonna say I want to align my life with what fills me up, but right now it's around money, and I can't? What would you say to that?

Well, I would push them a little bit on why they do need to stay in it and to get really clear on what does matter most to them and what really does. I mean, I think you want to get really clear first on what matters most because that allows you to maybe say yes and no to some things. Are there things that you could say no to now that wouldn't risk what you deem to be necessary as far as the inflows? But I think the question that I love to ask people is what's at risk to make a change? What's really at risk? So in other words, and you know this because of the work that you do, and I'm not a therapist, but that if we're staying in something, whatever that is, the grind, the chase, that it's serving us somehow. It's serving us or we wouldn't stay in it. So it's serving us because we are making more money than we ever thought we would make. We have this car, this house, whatever it is. It's serving, serving you or you wouldn't stay in It. So then I think the question would be, then, what is at risk to make a change? And, you know, I can give you a real, you know, example. I mean, when I was a sports agent, I mean, I had a team of agents. I was making a lot of money. I had, you know, 300 athletes. I mean, in a world that thinks that's the dream job. But what I found was, I am going to miss these girls, raising these girls. I'm going to miss all of it. Because I was already starting to really juggle, really juggle. I was on the phone all the time. Players would call on the holidays, weekends. I mean, it was Constant. It was 24 7. And I thought, I am going to miss this. What's at risk to make a change? And that was what I spent a lot of time getting really clear on and really aligning with my purpose. And I think that's an important thing for people to spend time on, is what is your real purpose? And then you can filter your decisions through that. What's your purpose in life? And is the work that you're doing aligning with your greater purpose or is it not? Yeah. And then how can you.

Can I give an example of that? So. So people see kind of how this practically works. Two quick things. When I was in corporate life, I was at the end of vice president, and I could see it was just two steps away from being president. But I said this. I had two little kids, and I knew it's your question when I'm 90, looking back or at my. What do I want to have done? And I can tell you this, I didn't want to blow it as a parent. Now, I'm not saying that another person who travels all the time is blowing it for me. I would come home, get up before they were up. I'd come home, and I barely could get through putting them to bed. And then I'd collapse. I wasn't living, and I was chronically ill. So I may. I finally made the decision what is more important, being the mother that I want to be in the fabric of their lives or being a president? And I chose mothering. And they're now 22 and 25. And I am there looking back, and I didn't chunk it. We're close and we have. So what it sometimes means is prioritizing what matters most. And it might mean you can't do every. Of course it means you can't be and do everything. You choose what matters most. And the other piece I wanted to share with you is when I became a therapist. While I loved the work, I was getting called. You know why I stopped was somebody called me while I put in the kids down to dinner. And she said, I'm going to kill myself now. I'm going to wrap my car around a tree. Now I'm driving. And in this split moment and you know, I'd get calls at 4 in the morning, I'd get, you know, in that split moment, I said, I don't even know how to handle this. I'm just three years out of a master's. But in my heart I knew I don't want this kind of life. Yeah, I need a more boundaried life that I don't have to answer the phone at 2 in the morning when someone's going to kill themselves. And you know why I say it is I felt guilty and bad that what kind of healer am I that I don't want it. And a spiritual person said to me, kind of like, you know, sometimes you get a horrible across the face from a friend or she was like, what? That's your ego? What makes you think you have to stay in this job, this work, that it doesn't work for you? Someone else is waiting right there to step into your work, who it is a good fit, do the work. So for me, coaching gives me the boundaries. It's more of a, you know, it's not people calling me at 2 in the morning.

Right.

So I'm validating what you're saying in that sometimes we don't even entertain the idea that this is not the lifestyle I wanted because it's thrilling in other ways. But if you're exhausted because you're getting called every minute of every day, I think it's a boundary issue and you need to look at what really matters most. Does this make sense?

It does, and I think it is. It's about seeking and getting clarity on what matters most. And women often talk to me about how do you have balance? I mean, you have three kids, you travel, and what does that look like? And to me, it's about getting really clear first on what matters most and then having the discipline to say yes and no. And that's really where the work is, is the discipline, you know, to say no in moments where you want to say yes so bad.

That's the hard thing.

And that's the hard. I mean, I'll give you an example. I was scheduled to take my daughter to a tour of, of a college yesterday, and it's really hard for us to find dates for me to do that. And I love to take her on those. And they're, you know, they're fun for thousands of reasons. And my office calls and says, hey, we have a pretty cool opportunity. Simon Sinek wants to come on my podcast, which is pretty cool, right? I mean, he is a super interesting guy, but he could do the interview dead in the middle of the college tour. And you know, there's few times that I just, and I just, I said, I can't do it then. I mean, I'm not going to cancel my daughter's, my time with her, all of that, you know, and yes, he's difficult to probably coordinate with. He's a pretty big deal, all that kind of stuff. But, you know, that was a, that was a, that was, I was clear. And then I had the hardest part is the discipline to say no. Can we please find another 30 minutes?

You know what I, what I love about this? Look, I love Simon. You know, with all due respect, he's not a brain surgeon that needs to be. You know, look, if someone says to you, I only have one 30 minutes slot for the rest of my life, the answer is no. What I mean, and I'm not saying this, but there are. That he is. But there are narcissistic people that really believe the world spins around them. I don't want them in my sphere either. And I'm certainly not saying that, Simon. But yeah, I bet you they came up with another 30 minute slot, right?

Yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah.

Will they?

And that's where I'd say, though, that for the people listening, you know, as they lean into, hopefully getting clear on what's important and then having the discipline to sort of execute against that in hopes that it helps them align their energy with their values. You know, be gentle on themselves along the way. Because I still, you know, make mistakes. We all do. And we'll say yes to things that we walk into a meeting and we're like, why am I in this meeting? Why am I on this call? So it's okay. You know, I always try to, you know, tell BE channel. BE channel. And, and there'll be days where you're aligned and there'll be days where you won't be. And the trick is to recover really fast and get back in, get in the green zone.

And I want, I want to leave everyone with this idea. You know, I want to tell you I was talking to a famous person around forgiveness, and he said to me later, you know, I really have the strong sense that it's time for you Kathy, to come forward more around your spiritual world life being. And part of that, you know, I'm a Forbes writer. In some ways they don't really align, but. And I'm not religious, I'm spiritual. But I want to say something here. In my first book, I talked about empowerment with yourself, others, the world, and your higher self. I believe we all have a higher self. And that higher self is not ego. It's not personality based. It's this higher dimension of who you really are. And you can access it when you're running around like a chicken with your head cut off. You can only access it when you're quiet. You can only access your highest self when you are with yourself and you have an intimate relationship with yourself. And sometimes this running around with like a chicken and everything falling apart and everything is because you've lost connection with who you are at the highest level. And we know who we are at our lowest level, you know, So I would say to people, if you can, and this is hard and you need to do it in the green zone, but be with yourself and listen to yourself. Because sometimes it's only the higher self that's going to say, hey, girl, your time with your daughter is more important. Mm. Sometimes we need this higher voice. Does this make sense to you?

It does. And I don't know if you've read Ryan Holiday's newest book. He's been on my show and he's awesome. But Ryan Holiday, who wrote a book recently called Stillness and I go pretty fast and hard. And so that book's good for me and probably a lot of the people you know listening because it just helps you practically do what you just said, which is to slow down because then we can listen more.

Oh, Molly, thank you for where do we learn? Where do we get the book? Where do we learn about you? Where do we take your. All your training? Where do we go? Molly, tell us.

You're so cool. So if you go to Molly Fletcher.com youm can learn about our negotiation workshops there. You know, all kind of my stuff, my world, all that kind of stuff. The podcast link is there. Game changers with Molly Fletcher is the podcast. And then the energyclock.com is where you can find the energy clock and pre order it. And we have all kinds of bonuses for teams and leaders. If you pre order the book now.

How fantastic. You're such an inspiration. You're putting so much beautiful stuff out in the world, yet you know that you're beautiful as well. And so is the life that you're creating and it's precious to you. You're treasuring that. That's really such a role model. Thank you, Molly. Thank you. Come back again.

Thank you for what you do, Kathy.

Thank you, my dear. All right, folks, if you weren't, I don't know what to say. We want to hear from you. Wherever you find this, please leave us a comment. We'll do our best to respond. How is your energy clock? Meeting resetting. Read the book, Tell us how it helps you and have an incredibly wonderful brave still week. How about that? Or day or minute. How about that? All right, everybody. See you next time. Thanks again, Molly.

Awesome. Thanks, Kathy.