Finding Brave 176: How To Discover What's Most Important To You and Say YES! To It

Hello everyone, this is Kathy Caprino and welcome to my podcast, Finding Brave. I've created this show for everyone who longs to create something bold and brave in their life. To rise up, speak up and stand up for who they are and to reach their highest and biggest visions. Each week I'll be speaking with inspiring guests from all walks of business, leadership, entertainment, the creative arts and the entrepreneurial world. And they'll be sharing their intimate stories of Finding Brave and offer their best strategies for building your most rewarding, joyful and meaningful life, business and career. I so appreciate you being here. And speaking of appreciation, I am so thrilled to share that Amazon Music is now a sponsor for Finding Brave. So if you feel as I do that music is an important, enriching part of your life and you would like unlimited access to safety. 70 million songs today. I hope you'll hop on our special link which is getamazonmusic.com finding brave and get our 30 day free trial offer. Again, unlimited access to 70 million songs. That's a whole lot of music and a lot of listening, Joy. Thank you again so much and enjoy the show. Hello everybody, Kathy Caprino here. Welcome to another episode of Finding Brave. I have to tell you, I'm a little new nervous for my guest today, Scott Shute, for a lot of reasons, but one of them is your illustrious time at LinkedIn, which is about my most famous, most favorite place in the world. I call it the Cocktail Party in the sky because that's what it is to me. It's so fun. And I was thinking about this. I have been on it in an active way since 2014 where I think I was one of the first people to publish on the platform. Publish. And it was, it was a life changing, business changing experience. So I'm such a fan and you have had such an impact at LinkedIn, so. And now in your. With your new book, I'm just so thrilled to talk to you, Scott. Thank you for taking the time.

Well, thanks so much for having me, Kathy. I really appreciate it.

My pleasure. All right, people before.

And no need to be nervous around me, man. I just a.

You're just chill kid. From Kids. We're gonna find out.

Just relax. We're all good.

Okay, Breathe. All right, people, before, before I get into Scott's bio, we are going to be talking about discovering what's most important to you and saying yes to it. And you know, when I look at the 160 odd episodes we've done, these topics, how do I figure out what I want? How do I get what I want. How do I know what's the best for my next chapter? Those are the ones that rise to the top. So I know this is going to be so, so important. All right, people, let me tell you about Scott. Scott Schutt is the head of mindfulness and compassion programs at LinkedIn. That's just incredible. And has been an active advocate for customers and employees in the technology space for over 20 years, with roles ranging from sales, customer advocacy, and customer service leadership. While serving as LinkedIn's Vice President of global customer operations. I can't even imagine. Shoot. Managed a team of over 1,000 employees before switching gears to combine his longtime passions for practical leadership practices and operations experience. Schutz mission to change work from the inside out by mainstreaming mindfulness and operationalizing compassion has lent to his leadership style and allowed him to live in the intersection of the workplace and ancient wisdom practices.

Sounds pretty good, right?

Wow. All right.

The coolest job in the world.

You have the coolest job in the world. But I have questions before. Oh, and your new book out is coming out May. I believe it's May 11th. That's right. The full body. Yes. Change your work and your world from the inside out. You are speaking my language, my friend. But before we jump into your book and how you're able to do this at an organization like LinkedIn, I've got to learn. Can you answer this for me? What do you think contributed to your amazing success at LinkedIn?

Oh, my goodness.

I know we're not prep. I didn't prep Scott for this. So what do you think? Overly humble?

No. For me, it was the culmination of my entire life experience. So I got the original job. I started at LinkedIn a little over eight years ago, and I got the job because of all the stuff that I had done before then, including some things that I had failed at. So I had led customer service organizations. There was a period in my life where I lost my job three times in four years where I was, you know, my job was eliminated, and I ended up getting jobs back at the same company. But in that moment, it felt like failure. And as part of that, I wanted to spread my wings. I wanted a little more flexibility. So on the side, I started a startup. I was trying to create a startup for coaches to help people connect to coaches, because I was getting my coaching certification. And what I found was all these amazing people were coaches, but they were terrible business people. And so I was going to connect and create this startup, the social network, to connect people who wanted goals and who were, you know, coaches and that business. I did it. I spent the majority of my life savings, our life savings on it. And it failed. It didn't. I never got it off the ground. But it was the lessons that I learned because of that failure that got me the job at LinkedIn in the first place.

They want, they enjoyed hearing they, they thought what you'd been through, what you failed at. Listen to this people. What you failed at and what you also succeeded at and what you learned through that journey would be very useful.

Totally.

And what was your first role there at LinkedIn?

I was the VP of Global Customer Operations.

That was the first role you came in on?

Yeah.

What did they, can I ask, what did they think about your failure was most useful?

So the fact that I was not a traditional support or services guy, that I was an entrepreneur and this is, you know, eight years ago, LinkedIn was 1000, maybe 1500 employees, less than a billion dollars of revenue. And get this, eight years ago it was less. You know, it's a thousand people, now it's 16,000 people and close to $10 billion in revenue. And so at that moment it was a very entrepreneurial place. It was still a very kind of startupy feel. And I had been a product guy, I had been an entrepreneur to being, you know, leading big support organizations. So they wanted somebody with those chops.

And why do you think you were so successful as a leader there?

It goes back to being me. And so, and when I say that it's, I have always loved roles that, where I could be a coach or a mentor or a teacher. I always gravitated towards learning. So even in the part I loved about being these big support organizations is every year we'd hire a whole bunch of new college grads. We'd essentially train them to be the best employees, we'd train the best ones that keep them to be managers, we train the best managers, keep them to be directors, et cetera, et cetera. So we always created these learning environments and also so it was great for the employees and we really put a premium on caring for our customers and really developing a heart sense connection for our customers. And this is who I am as a person, right? And it fit because this is LinkedIn's. You know, our, our number one value is members first. Like, we really deeply care about our members, partially because if our members don't love us, we don't have a business on top of it, right? We don't.

Well, isn't that true of every business but people don't get that it is.

And so I've been. I've been living and teaching kind of this mindfulness and compassion stuff without using those words for the entire part of my career. I just found a place that. Really. An environment where that message could sing LinkedIn.

All right, so let's. Let's dig in here. And I'm asking you another question. I know you're not. I didn't script. I wonder if you feel the same way as I do. I think when I am doing career coaching or leadership coaching, and I do not use this word, but it's. It's often a spiritual experience.

Yeah.

Not religious. No.

Yeah, yeah.

No, no. But it's tapping into who they really are in their soul.

Yes.

And also what is holding them back. Yes. And so I know. And I want to hear about this. You. You focus on strengths, and I. And I love your thought on this. I tend to. I just wrote a book, the Most Powerful Youl, about the seven most damaging power gaps that 98% of professional women. My lens is your strengths. You're probably really okay about. It's what is holding you back, keeping you less than constraining you, suppressing you. That often gets completely in the way. But that's a lot of talking. But my question to you is this. Do you feel it's kind of a spiritual endeavor, what you're doing, but you don't use that word, so.

Absolutely. So, yes, you've outed me. Look, everything I do at LinkedIn is totally secular. And we find ways to talk about these things. That is completely secular. As you were talking, it reminds me of a Rumi quote. I love Hafiz and Rumi, these ancient, you know, Persian masters. And I may not get this right, so I'll paraphrase a bit, but Rumi says your job is not to seek out love. Your job is to remove all the barriers you've placed in front of it. Right. In other words, it's already there. And so when we're having these interactions with each other, the problem. The problem. One of the problems we have today is we're focused on our differences. Right? We're focused on the noise of personality of these small differences that we have that we blow up into big differences. Now, humans generally are about 97 or 98% the same or similar as each other, but we focus on these differences. But if we really dive deep and we go beyond the mind and the personality and the daily drama, then we tap into this deeper part of ourselves. Now, you can call that whatever you want, soul, whatever your belief system is, but this deepest part of ourselves. And this is where I want to build connection with people. This is where I want to understand for my customers who they are. I want to understand for my employees and my colleagues and my friends who they are at that level and connect at that level. And that's what I'm really trying to do.

How beautiful. And you know what? You make me think I was a corporate person. Then I became a marriage and family therapist, and now this work. And in therapy, I learned about the narcissistic personality disorder. But. And so I know a lot about it. And it's everywhere, really. It's. At least 10% of the population are narcissists. And imagine how many adult children. Millions. Oh, yeah, we're raised. But why I bring it up is I think, would you agree with this? What stops us from connecting or at the soul level? But why? You know, you're saying we are much more alike than we are different. But I remember one potential narcissist said to me, when you don't agree with me, I feel like you don't love me. Interesting. So would you agree that maybe the biggest thing that holds us back from connecting at that level is fear? So the differences you and I have, maybe it's 1% of everything, but those differences make me afraid.

Yes. So I think of. I have kind of a mental model for how this works. So you've heard of the iceberg model, right? Like, we're like an iceberg, and we only show people what's on top of the water. And when we start to draw down the water line, right? So imagine we're at a party, and I tend on the introvert side. Like, you might not know, but I would tend on the introvert side. So at a party where I don't know anybody, this is like my personal hell. And so I'm like, I'm hanging out by the whatever the chips and dip, guarding the hummus and the peppers, and maybe there's another friend from the neighborhood there. And we're both guarded, right? We're just have the top of the iceberg. But as we start to share, hey, what's your name? What do you, like, start talking about baseball? Whatever our water lines draw down. And as we draw down the waterline and build connection, we start to get more comfortable with each other. Now if we start to share personal details and the other person is not welcoming of that, you might share a belief or something, and the other person doesn't disagree or they disagree, then our waterline goes back up and we just continue talking about the weather. But if we're able to draw down the waterline and share something about ourselves and the other person meets that with generosity and openness, then we want to share more. Because as humans, we're programmed to mirror vulnerability. And if you find someone that you can draw down, we desperately, desperately want to be seen and heard and acknowledged. But, yes, of course, we're afraid, because we're afraid that if we lower that water line and we share and somebody laughs at us, then we're embarrassed and the water goes right back up and then we close, back off again. But when we find somebody who we can give our whole selves to, we can. Who can really be there with and draw the entire iceberg into full view. That. That is a beautiful thing. And those are friends you hold the most dear.

Well, obviously, and I love every word of this, obviously, in your leadership, you do that for people. Is that right? I mean, is it called to lower the water so that people can bring their real selves?

That's right. And it starts with leaders. It starts with leaders sharing of themselves. Right. And it includes not just the great stuff, but the struggles, especially during this pandemic time, like, we're recording this, you know, still in quarantine time. And when we share our own challenges, that gives our employees and gives our peers license to have real conversations, to draw down the waterline, to talk about what's real. Because as we're doing that, as we talk about what's real, then we're developing these tighter connections. And when we develop tighter connections, it's psychological safety. A study a number of years ago by Google, they were looking for what are the factors that build high performance teams. This was called Project Aristotle. And they found the number one factor in developing a high performance team is not the IQ or the level of diversity or the school you went to or any of that. The number one factor is psychological safety. Right. And so this is the environment we're trying to provide at work. This ability to be ourselves and to be able to fail in front of each other, but I think even harder sometimes to win or succeed in front of each other and know that my peers have my back.

I love it. You know, I did another podcast interview on exactly that. Psychological safety and how we build it in our cultures. Let me ask you this. I'm really interested. One of the. One of the things I think organizations do wrong is that there are individuals who are not acting in the way that they can Foster psychological safety. And what the organization does wrong is. Doesn't work with them, address them, and that, if necessary, remove them.

Right, Right.

Because we can be at the top doing our best. But you had a thousand people underneath you. Your thousand people are not probably having lunch with you every day. They're not getting your wonderfulness, I'm guessing. Can you. For people. There's another thing I want to say before I ask you that what you just shared about, I think, is authenticity. I wonder if you saw this in working with coaches. Because I train coaches. You know, in a small way, what I see in the entrepreneurial world, and I see it in the lens of a new coach, people don't want to be authentic about what they're challenged with. They don't want to admit they don't have a brand, they're not making money. They're not. I feel it's a plague in the entrepreneurial world that you've got marketing gurus pretending everything, say that it looks great. Be aspirational, show the yacht in the background. Do you. So I just wanted to ask that question. Do you think, did that come up in the work you were doing that's so interesting.

Like, we sometimes talk about toxic positivity. Right. So certainly we'll divide it into a few parts. But with leaders, it's so critical to be authentic, including the parts of you that aren't great. And I think for certain, it's a challenge with coaches, with some clients, that clients don't want to admit that there's a problem, which, how do you coach somebody if they're not going to admit that there's a problem? It's hard to get there. Or entrepreneurs themselves. Now, there's. I guess there's one thing about what's the face you show your prospective clients versus the people you need help from. Right. And maybe this is an important distinction. If I'm talking with a peer coach and I'm saying, hey, let's be real, I'm struggling right now. I'm struggling to get business. Like, here's what's going on. I think that's a really healthy conversation. Maybe it's not the same one you share with your clients. In the same way, as a leader, there are some things you don't share with your big team. Right. You don't share your deepest, darkest fears that the company may fold and you don't have enough finances. You're not sure how to make payroll. Like that you need to keep to yourself. But when you talk. But you can also, in the Same even as you're feeling that you can talk about the things you're optimistic about, you can talk about your challenges at a high level, but you don't want to freak your team out either. There is a place where the transparency stops. For everybody's good.

Yeah. And I know people. Sometimes in my mind, I can hear what a listener's thinking. And a listener might say, what does he mean? Don't tell them the truth? If you can, I tell you what I think that means and then you tell me.

Sure. I didn't say don't tell them the truth. I'm just saying don't tell them everything.

Don't tell them everything. Which in some ways is, you know, are you telling the full truth and nothing but the truth? Can I say what I think here? I think that when you're a leader, you're privy to stuff that has to be worked out, has to be managed. So you might have to have a layoff. And behind the scenes you're working on it. And if you're the best leader you can, you're doing it in the best, most humane, humane way. I mean, I've been a part of layoffs where they weren't humane and maybe.

The decision's not made yet.

That's it. So, so why telling everyone you are at. You're. You're burdening them.

Yes.

With. With stuff that isn't there. They don't need to be burdened with it.

Think about it like this. Let's say you're in a marriage and you have three kids and they're 5 and 7 and 12 years old, and mom and dad are trying to figure out if they're going to stay married. Like, it's rocky. It's hard. Like, do you want to sit down with your 5 year old and go, you know, mom and I are really struggling right now and we're not sure if we're going to stay married. But if we. And you start, you know, laying out the truth like that, that is not healthy for the kids. Right. If the decision comes, then of course there's a conversation that you have. But there's some thought processes that as a leader, you need to be mature enough to know when to hold that.

Love it, Love it. So back to. And then of course, I want to dig into your four steps and your. The idea of the inner self and it's all there. But back to that question. When you were all Those years at LinkedIn and before, what do you think about when we see someone who's damaging.

The Culture, I think.

How would you handle that?

You have to have zero tolerance if you really care about your culture. You know, many companies employ the no jerk rule. Sometimes it's a more colorful word than that, right. Where no matter how high a performer a person is, if they're a jerk, like, you have to have to set the example and remove that person. And if you really care about your culture, there's no compromise on that. And of course, you give the person some room to change. But let's be honest, most leopards don't change their spots, so they have a short leash. The higher they go, the shorter the leash is because the more damage they can do.

Oh, God, I wish everybody thought like you did.

Yeah, me too.

And had the strength. Oh, I'm sure you've had what I've had, you know, really tough times. Oh, thank goodness. Now, tell us about your view of the inner self, will you?

Sure. Look. So I guess I'll talk about my worldview. I think there's this part of us which is the deepest part of us. You can call it whatever you want. Soul. Something like that. I think of it as like a pure spark of energy. And wrapping around that pure spark of energy is, you know, this human body. It's our emotions, it's our mind and all of those things. We have, let's say, a better understanding in our scientific world of how things work. But there's this deeper part of ourselves, I think, that is the real us. And when we listen to that part of ourselves, when we tap into that part of ourselves, life just goes better. Some people think of it as their gut, you know, because that's the only way we have to explain it. It's like. Well, mentally it didn't make sense, but I went with my gut, like, okay, well, what. What is that? Right? And I. For me, it's another way of expressing, oh, that's that deeper part of ourselves. That's how I think of it.

I love it. I tend to call it sometimes the higher self. Again, a spiritual idea, but we know what the lower self is when we, you know, a toad comes out of our mouth and we can't believe I just said that, or I'm so darn jealous of her or whatever. But. And too bad we don't know as much about that higher self, but we feel it when we're engaged with it. I think.

That's right. That's right.

It has a different kind of love feeling, you know, and calm and connection. Oh, I love it. Now, now, I know you teach or espouse mindfulness and compassion.

Right.

And the book about full body. Yes.

Yeah.

Can you. Can you dimensionalize for us how you can lead thousands of people by engaging or talking about mindfulness and compassion? And do you find that some people get scared when. When.

Oh, sure, yeah. Let's talk about it. Let's talk about it. I think about so two parts of my job. My day job today is, you know, head of mindfulness compassion. First is mainstreaming mindfulness. Second is operationalizing compassion. So mainstreaming mindfulness is thinking about mindfulness, like another word for awareness, you know, and one of the ways we get there is through meditation. But you can think of meditation, and some people get freaked out about that because they're. They think it's religious. You know, I'm a Christian. Like, can I meditate? I'm an atheist.

Can I.

Of course, this is for everybody. Because it's a. Think of it like a mental exercise. And a mental exercise follows the same kind of evolution, like physical exercise. So physical exercise. I was surprised to learn that this is a relatively recent phenomena. You know, our grandparents, our great grandparents, they didn't exercise. They're not jumping on a stationary bike or going for a run. Like they worked hard, but they didn't.

Exercise or they didn't exercise in a constructed way. They walked. They walked. They naturally and are naturally way ancestors didn't have to get on a bike. That was their life totally.

But in the last 50 years, now we understand how important physical exercise is and the benefits to our health. In the same way, these mental exercises are following the same path, right. Where the numbers of people who actively meditate or have tried meditations have rocketed. And even in the last five years, they've gone up in multiples. So the way I talk about it is first finding language that fits everybody, de religionizing it, right. And making it secular, making it something that we can all tap into. We talk about the science behind it, we talk about the benefits. And so just making it. And it's a steady drip of things that we offer, just making it mainstream. And people know, like I talk about, have you ever had just a really great day, you know, where no matter what happened to you, like, you were able to stand in all of your resources and deal with whatever comes? And yeah, I mean, sometimes those days are few and far between, but people have had that day. And look, have you also had the day when no matter what happened, you ended up in a crying mess in the corner with a big bowl of ice cream or whatever it was Chips. For me, it's the chips and dip. Of course, we've all had that day. And what is the difference? Well, the only difference is what's going on in our mind. It's not the stuff that's happening to us, it's how we're reacting to the stuff that's happening to us. And so we found a language where people get it right. And it's just like the gym. Not everybody goes to the gym, but everybody understands why the gym is there. And in the same way we offer these things, not everybody does it, but the people who do it, they know that it's there. And then compassion.

Yeah, let's hear this.

Because mindfulness is about development of self and that's good. But for me, the juice is in compassion. Because look, we don't live by ourselves, we don't work in isolation except for the last year. We work with other people. And so compassion is how we treat each other. And that's interesting. But for me, the most interesting is how companies can operate in a compassionate way. And this is not just some sort of feel good thing. Like I referenced the book Firms of endearment from about 10 years ago. And these guys found, these researchers found that companies that take care of all of their stakeholders, not just their shareholders. So in other words, they take care of their employees, they take care of their customers in a meaningful way and they have a good business model. These companies are 14 times, that's 1,400% more profitable than the S and P average. So in other words, this is not a feel good thing. This is how you win. This is how you build a company that lasts by thinking about the whole instead of just the me, me, me, me, me that we've gotten into.

And how does compassion, how do you dimensionalize it? How do you teach it?

Yeah, so let's, let's. How do you operationalize it?

That's it. That's the word I'm looking for.

Yeah, so as an example, our head of sales will stand in front of five or six thousand salespeople and say, look, don't sell something our customers don't need just so you can hit your quota now. Wow. Think about that, right? We're talking about long term value and he's teaching long term value. This is not how I was taught as a 25 year old salesperson. But this is thinking about the we versus the me. Or it happens in product development. So a product manager will come into our product executive team and it's kind of like Shark Tank without the Attitude, you know, they're presenting, hey, here's what my product's going to do next, right? And if the product manager, especially if they're new, is like, oh, hey, we're going to get 12% more clicks or 13% more engagement, blah, blah, blah, blah. And the first question is always, well, okay, great, well, what's the member experience? And if the answer is, well, hey, did I mention it was 12% more clicks?

You mean they didn't even look at that? They didn't.

Or it's not great. Or if it's not great, like it's, it's great, 12% more clicks, but it's a bad experience. Then the meeting kind of shuts down. The meeting is like, okay, well why don't you come back when you have a different plan? And the meeting then turns to be about our values. And our number one value is members first, which will not be violated. And so you can imagine that product manager never does that again. The first slide next time will be, here's how I'm improving the members experience.

So in a way, you're talking about empathy too. Let's have empathy for the person who's receiving everything we're sending them. Is that it?

It's close compassion. Another simple definition for compassion is empathy plus action. So I define compassion in three ways. The first is awareness of the other person. So think about that. Awareness of our customers. We really want to know what's up with our customers. Two is a mindset of wishing the best for them. Okay, that's important. That's kind of empathy. But I really want to make our customers successful. And then three is the courage to take action. And okay, here's where the rubber meets the road. Because sometimes we do what's not in our short term best interest, right? In the short term, we're doing what's right for our customers because we know that over the long term that's going to be better for everybody.

I love this. I love it. Can I tell you what comes to mind? Of course. I'm always thinking about myself here. A while ago, I met with a person who is a sales guru and says, I can triple what you're earning in my coaching practice. So I'm like, I got to hear what this has to say. So what she shared was all of it was against what I believe, which is something like, you can triple your prices. Make your course three times what it is. Do this, this and this. Yeah, you'll have to pay for leads because you'll need more qualified leads. But Blah, blah, blah. Everything sat with me wrong. And, you know, you talk about you have to trust yourself. I think for women, often, because women have a different experience in the working world than men do. We don't trust ourselves or we make ourselves wrong, but experts often want us to make ourselves wrong. But everything she said felt wrong. Because for me, it's not just the money I'm bringing in. For me, it's who do I want to serve? What can they afford? And I don't just want to serve wealthy people. And they would have to be wealthy to pay.

Does this violated your value?

It violated who I want to be doing this work. Can you talk about that?

Absolutely. This is what I mean by the full body. Yes. You had the full body. You had the full body.

Note, it sounds like retching.

So we talked about this mental model of who we are. If we're this pure spark of energy and we want to live in that zone, and when we are like that, we light up everybody else. Okay, so in you as a coach, as a person who works with coaches, when you are living and when you are doing exactly what you love to do and you feel called to do, compelling to do, and you can't do anything else because you want to do that, if you do all the stuff you love to do, you're going to light up everybody else. But if you take the contrary, if you like, if you're doing all the stuff that people told you you should, I should do this. You're doing social media. When you hate social media, you're selling ads, and you hate selling ads. That energy is going to permeate everything that you do. It's kind of like. It's kind of like. Take a simple example. You go to the grocery store and your values are to be a good person. Now, at the grocery store, you could totally steal. You could totally shoplift. If you really wanted to, you could take that bar of chocolate and put it in your purse or your pocket. No one, no one would ever know. But you get it home and you unwrap it and it's like, does that feel good? Does it feel good to eat that? Does it feel like. No, it's terrible. Like, the incongruence to your true self is so strong that it will make your physical body sick. In the same way, our jobs are like this, our lives are like this. When we live in our truth, everything.

Else lives in our truth. And it doesn't have to be the same as what other people are telling you. It should be.

Probably not. It's probably not.

Probably not. So is that what you mean by the full body yes or the full body no, where you have a reaction. Tell us more. I know I'm keeping you late.

Yeah, no problem. I feel like, you know, we know we can develop this sense of listening to our deeper selves, of what we really want, and we know when it's not quite right. And sometimes we have to make these compromises. Sometimes we don't have choice in our jobs. You know, we have to make a living. And that's true. And sometimes we don't have choice. But oftentimes, many times, maybe even most times, especially in the information age, we have choice about how we work. We have choices about how we show up, about the choices we make and what we do. And it's there that we can start to listen to that deepest, that highest part of ourselves. And when we do, when we live in this full body. Yes. Then we light ourselves up. And that light then reflects against everybody else's light and we light them up as well.

I love it. You know what I say sometimes, and I'm glad you you said this, Scott. Life is a journey. And we can't always have every moment, every job, every relationship exactly as we dream it to be. But what I do say is when you're in a job that you feel is less than what you really want, what I say is you must do what you must to stay afloat. That's emotionally, financially, but always plant the seeds for your future self. And that's to me what you are talking about in this moment. I hate this telemarketing job, but how can I infuse some piece of me in it? Yeah. Would that be the way you would operationalize that?

Yes, I would think about choice. Right. So some people, sometimes we think, I don't. I have to do this. I'm in this marketing job that I hate. Really? You don't have to. Like, it's. You're. You could walk out the door. Oh, yeah. But there's consequences. Yes, there are consequences, but you are choosing to be there.

It's a choice.

Oh, I guess it is. Well, yes. Okay. So it's a completely different mental space to be in of I have to versus I choose this. So if I need to feed my family. So I'm choosing to be at work. Okay, great. I chose to be at work. Now I've set myself free. Okay, I have to do this next call. I don't have to. It's a choice. So how can I connect with this person? In a really meaningful way, like something that's congruent to me. So you see what I'm saying? Like every moment of our lives, if we take from a perspective of choice, we put ourselves in the driver's seat, we can move from being victim to player in our own lives.

And I know people are saying, yeah, you can say that, Scott and Kathy, you can say that. But I think that if we can remove ourselves from that feeling that we are a victim, as you said, and that of the blame, that it's all outside of our control, so much more is within our control, but we have to take the reins. That's the thing.

This is the hardest part. This is the hardest part of taking responsibility for our own lives. Looking ourselves in the mirror and going, you're in charge. We are the only ones, the only ones in charge of our happiness. Happiness is an inside job.

But what I love about that is, wouldn't we rather feel that so that we can change it? Why is that a happy thought? That I'm a victim and I'm out of control, but people really resist that. But I hope you'll hear what Scott is saying. And finally, I think you have a four step process. Did you talk about that?

That's right.

Can I hear that?

Yeah.

Let me go.

The first step is to know yourself, to really deeply understand ourselves, to understand why we make decisions. And this means understanding our own internal systems, but also the external systems that guide our lives. Like, in other words, who are we trying to please? Is it our family, our church, our friends, our neighbors, and getting really clear on who we are at the core. The second part is about loving ourselves and really a deep understanding of again, who we are, but loving that person. And the third part is, this is the hard part. It's taking responsibility, it's taking action. It's realizing that I know myself deeply, I love myself deeply. I'm the only one in charge. So I'm going to take action. And then the fourth step is about compassion. It's about doing those same three steps for someone else. I'm going to know them deeply, I'm going to love them deeply. I'm going to take responsibility for them. And when I say them, I mean everybody else in the world. To realize that just like I am a pure spark of energy, it's being able to see that in every other person and realize whatever I do to them, I'm just doing to myself.

Oh, Scott, it's beautiful. Can I come and take your mindfulness program? Do you have a LinkedIn learning course we offer.

I do, I have.

Where do we go? Where do we get your book?

Okay, so the book is coming out in May. It's called the Full Body. Yes. You can find it everywhere. You can check out my website@the fullbody yes.com. if you want to get up to date on all the other offerings you can go to LinkedIn learning. I have two courses on there and I also have a course on Insight Timer where if you want a 10 day course on insight Timer and you can find me leading meditations and other things all over the place. So follow me on LinkedIn for the daily updates.

I feel like. I feel so calm. Do you people. I just feel calm and happy.

Woo hoo.

I think that I'm going to leave with this. I think what you say is extremely simple.

Yes.

But often it is not easy because. Because we're programmed in ways. You know, I always say you are what your childhood taught you to be. And a lot of us, a lot of people have wounds that. That get in the way. But I would say don't forget that this is simpler than it may seem. And I think a practice is what we're talking about.

Yeah.

Would you agree? Any last moments about that? Don't give up. Develop your practice of compassion.

Thing is one step at a time. It's not. You don't have to change the world all at once. Just take one simple tiny action. What's the smallest thing that you can commit to and do that.

I love it. Thank you so much for being here. I.

Thanks for having me.

Like that day that you said where you feel like you're in the flow. I'm in the flow. Thank you for your time everybody. I. You know, there's Scott Right on LinkedIn. I'm sure you can follow him very easily and I hope you'll. Wherever you see this, I say this every time. But if you have a question about how to operationalize all of these things as a leader, as a manager, as an individual contributor in your relationships, Scott's the person to ask. I hope you'll check out all the links and the book. Full body. Yes. And we'd love to hear from you. Thank you again, Scott. And have a wonderful Brave week everyone. We'll see you next time. Thanks so much for joining us today and please don't forget to check out findingbrave. Org for more programs, resources and tips. And tune in next time for your weekly dose of finding Brave.