How Your Skepticism Is Keeping You Stuck

Hello, everybody. I am a minute early. How about that? I am Kathy Caprino, and welcome to my Brave Up Tuesdays. I'm gonna wait a minute for some folks to flow in before I get to the heart of what I want to talk about. But how you doing? How's everything? It's incredible today here in Connecticut, sunny and warm, and I'm digging it. I'm loving it. Maybe winter's about to be over. Wouldn't that be amazing? All right. So is it noon? Yeah. I want to talk today about this, that your skepticism is keeping you stuck. So let me, let me share what, what I mean by this, because there's a lot to talk about. And I really hope and pray everybody who is skeptical about I can have a happier life. I can have a more thrilling career or livelihood. I can make the money I need to make. I can have loving relationships that nurture me. I hope everyone will join here. And I really would love you to type in your questions and, you know, if this doesn't resonate, I would love your challenges about, you know, why, you know, why it's right for me to be skeptical. I'd love that. But here's my take on this. So the very first thing I want to say is skepticism has its uses, has its benefits. We need skepticism in certain ways. We need it in science. We need it in research. We might need it in medicine. We need it in a number of fields, a lot of fields. But I'm not talking about that kind of skepticism. Talking about skepticism that you can create a happier life for yourself, a life that is going to align with who you really are deep down. That's the skepticism I'm talking about. So why did I choose that today? You know, there's a lot of topics I could talk about, you know, for hours, but here's what happened. In the past two days, three people have used the word I am skeptical when it comes to kind of reaching out to me as a coach or embarking on a coaching program or reading a post about how we can change our life and what unfolds, and two of them actually are working with me. One just reached out to share something. But when I hear the same, literally the same thing three times in a row in a short period of time, I know that it's something, something big, and it's time to address it. So what do I think skepticism really means? And I do want to say this. I have had all of these feelings and all of these thoughts. So there's no judgment here whatsoever. No judgment. And I've also seen that when I've let go of skepticism, what happens in my life. So I'm coming from a place of really knowing what you mean when you say you're skeptical, but having literally overcome it. And you know, if I look at my two different lives when I was steeped in skepticism and doubt versus now, the lives are so different you wouldn't even believe it. All right, so another thing I want to start with is this. I have found in doing this for 11 years. So you know, being trained as a therapist and working as a therapist and, and a career coach and studying energy healing, where I put my hands on people and I could literally feel energetically what was going on. And this may be a little woo woo for you, but I could actually even see things in my mind like a little video playing. And when I would talk to them later, it was usually something they had gone through in childhood. So having felt all that, I know this to be true. What we think, what we believe is what paves the way for what happens. What we think and what we believe is what we will bring to pass. I really can say that that is fact. You know, one reason is what you believe. Like I'll never get out of this job or I'll never have something better than this job. If that is what you foundationally believe. We're like heat seeking missiles. We will go after the very things that validate that belief. That's how it works. So you will perpetuate your situation in order to validate that belief. So given that what we believe is what we will bring to us, what we will create, what we will see, what we'll get in the millions of bits of data, trillions that get in every day or that we experience every day, we need a filter. And if your filter is, I can't be happy, I can't have what I want. That's what's going to get in. So let me talk about why I think skepticism keeps you stuck. So first of all, energetically, what I feel people are saying when they say I'm, I'm skeptical of this, it means a few. I've done everything I need to do and I'm still where I am, Nothing's working. So in other words, what they're energetically saying is it's the world's fault, it's not something I can do. I've done everything, I've done everything right, it's the world's fault. That's what skepticism feels like. The second thing is, you know, all this Nice stuff about having the life you want and making more money doing work you love. It's nonsense. But really, what they're saying, it's nonsense because I don't have it. They believe that if it were true, they would be easily experiencing it. So that's why they're skeptical. Skeptical. I can't say it. Skeptical. The third thing is what it means when people say I'm so skeptical is I'm different from other people. These little principles that you're talking about, they don't apply to me. I'm somehow different. Maybe I'm somehow better, maybe I'm somehow worse. But they feel like these principles of how life can unfold when you're thinking about it the right way, they just don't apply to me. And finally, what people say is, you know, I've had such rough times, rough experiences, that the future can't be different. Why would it be different? I've had 50 years of crap. So, you know, what's this one thing going to do for me? Why is it going to be different? So can you hear how when you talk about why you're skeptical, the energy, it's a wall. It's a wall that you're putting up, a wall to greater growth, greater joy, you know, greater love and connection. It's energetically a wall. And I'm talking a lot about energy. Because what your words reveal is not just the content of your thoughts. Excuse me, but it's the process of how you're living life. They reveal the energy of how you're living life. And so many people who say I'm skeptical are also beaten down, depressed. Oh, there go my glasses. Beaten down, depressed. You know, just worn out from how they're operating in the world. So I'm wondering, does it. Does that resonate with anybody? Let me know. All right, what do we do then? Okay, Kathy, I'm hearing you. I am skeptical for some of these reasons. So what do I do about it? Well, you know, certainly if you want to bring change in your life, if you want to work on a program of change, you're going to have to do a few things. Here's what I suggest. Sit down with yourself for an hour and write down, dimensionalize. What is it that you really want? Not what you think you can have, but what you truly, truly want. What would be the ideal world for you? And you know, so many people, when they do this exercise, they cut themselves off at the knees. They only start writing what they think is possible. I don't want you to do That I want you to think about what would be the ideal life for you? And, you know, I can already hear people saying, yeah, I win a million dollars and lay on the beach. You know what? That's probably not the ideal life for you. It feels like the ideal life for you because you're exhausted and drained in. The corporate job you have is crushing you and you're sick all the time. But I'm asking you to dig a little deeper than I want a million dollars and I'm sitting on the beach. What will make you feel alive after you've rested, after you've gone to Tahiti for two weeks or a month and you've rested up and you've gotten your tan and you've played in the water with the dolphins, what do you want to do in your life? Who do you want to help? Right? What difference do you want to make? How do you want to use your talents? What would that look like? That's what I want you to dimensionalize. Then I want you to think, just answer these questions. Do I deserve that? And if something comes up in your mind about, no, write it down. Do I deserve that life? Right? Do I? I'm looking at my notes here. Do I really want it? So sometimes people will say they want something, but in their heart there's a resistance. And it could be fear of success, it could be fear of failure. It could be. If they really admitted that they wanted that, lots of other things would have to change, like their relationships, like where they live, lots of things, like how they relate to their family. You know, I am running a group thriving after narcissism for adult children of narcissists. And I'm learning so much from this group. It grows by 10 people a day. It's something like 1300 people now. I'm learning so much from what they are sharing. And I do want to talk about this one thing that went on today. Someone was talking about their narcissistic ex spouse, I believe, or partner. And what the person was doing was reeling them back in with really nice words. I miss you so much. How are you? And the person said to the group, please help me not succumb to this nice stuff that reels me in. And then I get abused and emotionally manipulated. Why I'm bringing it up is it's really important to understand that even if you want to move away from something, you don't have to carry hate in your heart about it. You don't have to constantly say, they're a monster for you to separate it's really important to understand what you want and understand how they can't give it to you but still have love and compassion in your heart. But I bring it up because some people, what they really want, they can't hold it in their mind. It's too much of a duality. In other words, they really want love, support, and they have never gotten it. So they've kind of made all of these people in their life who've hurt them the monster. Well, when you do that, when you have so much hate and resentment and anger and pain in your heart, you actually can't move to the next level. You can't create the love that you want. It's just not possible yet, right? So think about, what do you really want? And is there a readiness in your soul, in your spirit, in your heart to actually have it? Or do you have to do some more work about it? Right. Also think about, do you have the courage to go and get this thing? So what comes to mind? A lot of people say you've written a book, Kathy. I want to write a book. Great. Are you writing? No, I'm not writing. How can you write a book if you don't write a word? Write a blog, write an article, write one paragraph this weekend. Do you have the courage to get it? So a lot of people who say I'm skeptical actually don't have the courage to get out of the gate. They haven't really gotten out of the gate. Okay, what else? Smart enough. A lot of people look at other people's lives and say, gosh, I wish that were my life, but I'm not smart enough, pretty enough, famous enough for, focused enough. I'm not enough. And this is another underlying thing to skepticism that, yes, she can have that. You know, she was a marketing vp, so she knows how to market, or she happens to be a writer, so she has a big platform so she can do it, but I can't do it again. What is underlying your skepticism? Do you want it? Are you courageous enough? Do you think you're good enough, smart enough, rich enough? Whatever you think. Right. What is underneath it? Peel the onion. Peel the onion. And then what I'd love you to do regarding the image that you have about the ideal life, I'd love you to change your mindset. So I'd love you never to say again, I'm skeptical. Skeptical that I can have it. I'd love you never to say that again. I'd love you to say, I'm. Instead, I'm open to a much Better life and livelihood to come my way. I'm open to the possibility. And don't fill in the end of the sentence, but I'm skeptical, but I have doubts. Don't do that, because that's the wall that you're putting up. That's the wall that you're not ready for it. Okay. I am open to the vision, to creating and achieving and experiencing the vision I have of my life. That's amazing. I'm open to it. Now I want to talk about a few other things that make us skeptical. A lot of people say, you know, I did all that work, I wrote my book, and no publishers want it, or I launched a coaching practice and nobody's coming. So here's the deal. Just because something doesn't happen in the moment that you need it or the time frame that you want it doesn't mean the world is thwarting you. You know, one thing really bugs me. I've heard people say to me and to other people, you're blocked. You know, your energy is blocked. And what they mean is, you know, maybe in that moment I'm struggling with money, or maybe in that moment my book hadn't moved forward as I hoped. That's not necessarily blocked. So I wish everybody who just throws that out, you're blocked, your energy is blocked. I wish they would not say that. It's really annoying. And in fact, they know nothing about it. What sometimes happens is the universe and you conspire not to have the thing happen that you've attached to. So let me give you an example. Here's one thing. Timing. I just went to see Lorna Byrne, who I've done a webinar with the Irish mystic and spiritual leader and best selling author of four books. Now, she sees angels literally as physically as we see other human beings. And her story, Angels in My Hair is her memoir. It's unbelievable. So I went to see her live and she even mentioned something. Now here she is surrounded by guardian angels and many different angels, and she believes every one of us has a guardian angel. And if you're interested, check that out on my YouTube channel. Messages from the angels. Our live call. But she mentioned that she wrote a book, Love from Heaven, three years ago and it. She lives in Ireland, but it came out over there. But the angel said to her, do not release this in the US Yet. So she was like, huh, all right. She didn't know why, but she did what they said and now it's just come out. Well, what do you think? We need this book. Love from heaven more than ever in the US So sometimes timing is everything. It's not just that you're being thwarted. It's that the timing isn't right for you or the world or other people. Right? The second thing is the thing that you think you want may not be the best thing for you. It absolutely may not be the best thing. You know, I read in the Artist's Way, Julia Cameron's amazing book. Check it out if you want to be an artist. You know, some guy came to her in her program and said, I just auditioned for the role of my life, and I didn't get it. And he was really hysterical about it. And she said, maybe something better is waiting for you. Just because you feel in your limited personality, ego, worldview that you think that's the best role for you, maybe two weeks from now, there's a better role for you. We don't know it all. We don't know it all. We only have. We don't have the bird's eye view. So maybe it's not the best thing. Maybe truly something is better for you. And again, if your skepticism pops up and says, no, it won't, you're shutting it down. You're slapping it down. Right? And the final thing about this is all about don't overly attach to a particular outcome. I got to have my book out, and it's got to come out in September, and it's got to look like this, and it's got to be this publisher. You are getting in the way of it. Mike Dooley came to mind. He calls it the cursed hows. You know, we're messing with how it's got to look. Forget it. Just do the thing. Do the thing. Do the thing. Do it every day. Take a courageous step every day. Don't believe that you're being thwarted by the universe. Believe that actually it's a friendly universe. Right? And another thing that about timing, sometimes you haven't learned yet what you need to learn to be the rocking success in that thing that you want. I know it. I mean, every time I spread my wings wider, I bump against something else that I'm meant to learn, whether it's how to do a TV interview better, how to do your TED Talk better, how to take an hour of content and make it five minutes, which is the biggest challenge in the world for me. There are things you're meant to learn. So sometimes we're like, why can't I, you know, just launch this business today? Why isn't it successful? Because you got to Learn some stuff. It's all good. If you see it that way. Everything that you're learning and experiencing can be for your highest good. So I'd love you to reframe this again. You're going to look at that exercise. What is the ideal life? And please peel the onion deeper than I've won a million dollars. Because most people I know aren't happy doing nothing in their life and just spending money. They want to be of use. They want. They want to be of service. Of course we want to make a lot of money doing work we love. Of course you do. Most people do. But think about what is that ideal thing where I'm going to feel alive, where I'm going to use my talents in service of other people. Okay, then think about, I am worthy of this. And if something comes up that says you're not, that's what you got to work on. That's the thing that's in the way. That's the thing that's making you skeptical. Okay, think this. I am capable of change and growth. Because I can tell you this with a hundred percent surety. It's a fact. You would already be where you want to be if you didn't have a block or a challenge or a power gap or a mindset problem, you'd be there. It would feel like it's flowing. I feel like when we are clear on what we want, when we're confident, when we're committed, when we have the connections, we need the courage to grow every day, we already feel like we're on the path. If you're not on the path, it's because maybe you haven't been changing and growing as you need to. The third thing I'd love you to think about is I'm not going to over attach to how this looks, about how it has to be. I am going to just take a step every single day towards it. And then I'm going to pivot and grow and shift based on what's coming, what I'm learning, right? And finally, my ego is not invested in this. My soul is committed to this. They're two very different things. I see so many people with wounded egos that make their egos very. What would be the word? Intractable. Their egos are so fragile, but they're fighting so hard. Let the ego go. Let it go. Let it go and let your soul take over. Let your soul move you forward and use kind of your intuition as your highest guide, not what everybody else is telling you. I can tell you this. I'M doing a lot of things differently from what all the gurus say you should do. I don't want to do what the gurus are saying because it feels wrong and I'm going to make myself right, not wrong. I hope that's helpful. I do want to tell you this, that I have a really powerful free webinar Thursday this Thursday, March 2, at 7pm Eastern. And you can find that on this page on my Elliott Communications Facebook page. You can find it kind of everywhere where I am, social media, on LinkedIn, on Twitter. It's called how to unlock your most thrilling life and livelihood. I'm talking about the eight damaging ways people let themselves down. I'm talking about the really common blocks that people have. And I'm talking about how to shift that, how to have a more thrilling experience. And I want to tell you this, I'm coming forward, I'm doing what I'm talking about here. I have been in the past five years focusing kind of exclusively on career growth. And now I'm opening it up to personal and spiritual growth because they're all a part of it. So we'll be talking about relationships and love and friendship and support. All of it well being balance, all of the personal growth stuff that goes into you being a happy, successful, rewarded human being as well as a professional doing work that you love. So join me there. It's free. You have nothing to lose. If you can't come at 7pm Eastern to don't worry, it's recorded and every registrant will get an email the next day with a link to the live video. So please come. And people, I'm going to take all the questions I can live questions. So come, come sign up again. It's called how to unlock your most thrilling life and career. Life and livelihood. That's Thursday, 7pm Eastern. I hope to see you there. Thanks everybody. Appreciate it and I'll see you soon. Bye Bye.