A short Finding Brave video monologue by Kathy Caprino exploring how unconscious beliefs and empathic responses can inadvertently attract and perpetuate the very problems people want to escape. Caprino uses examples (clients who feel shattered or chronically disrespected, people repeating toxic-job patterns) to argue that holding a higher vision for others and examining one’s own beliefs breaks cycles. She closes with practical suggestions (visualize a 'whiteboard' for a new job, stop enabling, seek coaching or her 16-week Career Project).
Chapters
Hello everybody, I'm Kathy Caprino and today I'm bringing to you a Finding Brave tip which I hope to do on a regular basis. And it's a short discussion or exploration about an idea or a concept or a behavior or a strategy all around how you have to find brave to create something different in the next chapter of your life. So today I want to talk about something that hits, hit me across the face like a ton of bricks thanks to a conversation I had with a great sales expert, Shawn Patrick. And I was talking to him about I'm going to be really honest and raw here. I was talking to him about the experience I have where so many women reach out to me from around the world. And I used words like they were devastated, they, they are broke, they are shattered, they are not able to persevere through a 10 session program, etc. And that's just, you know, a sliver of the people I hear from. Truthfully, I have other clients who are absolutely amazing and rocking it on every level. But what he pointed out was that language, devastated, broken down, unable to persevere and commit. What he said to me in one second blew my socks off. He pointed out that if that's really what I'm feeling about the people that are reaching out, then I'm going to treat them a certain way. And for me, really, honestly speaking, because I had trauma for many years, terrible trauma in my corporate life and I was broken down and I was like the bloodied, wounded soldier on the battlefield. When you have an empathy for something, you can sometimes make the mistake of having it on your radar too much. In other words, you're coddling the people coming to you. You're actually crippling them because you're not holding them up to their highest potential. You're looking at just the level that they are in that moment. And I saw, thanks to Sean's feedback, how when I feel that for someone, I can actually co contribute to them staying stuck. Oh, which is the worst thing in the world in my mind, that, that I've done so from that second on and literally it was yesterday, I'm changing. So it means, for instance, when my, when I run a sale and the sale ends August 1st, no, I don't let you get the sale August 5th. I don't cave, I don't bend over backwards enabling behavior that isn't strong, that isn't brave, that isn't powerful. So bringing this forward and trying to be of help to you, if you are in a service role or even in your corporate role. If you chronically feel like you are not getting paid what you deserve, that people don't respect your time, you know, here's another example of that that I'd love to give. I can't tell you how many people reach out to me, send me an email this long or a LinkedIn message this long, and say, this is my story. What's your advice? And it rankles me. It gets me angry, because that's what I do for a living. And I thought of an analogy that I'd love to explain to people. If you're walking by and you see someone who's mowing someone else's lawn and they're doing it for their living, would you ever stop that person, tap them on the shoulder and say, ah, you're doing a great job. Can you come and mow my lawn for free? Thanks. That's what it feels like when people do that. But I realize that because I'm a writer, people don't understand that I do this for a living. And I'm not going to give you free advice like that because that's how I make my living. But what's interesting is I get perturbed and really angry. Frankly, I get annoyed and disgusted and I feel disrespected. And it happens a lot to me because I have a big following on LinkedIn. But I'm sure anyone who would be counseling me would say, look at how you respond to that. Is it really something that you should get so upset about? Maybe they just need education. Maybe because you're a writer, they think that you're going to give them advice. So what I want you to do as I'm doing it, is look at the beliefs you are holding that are actually encouraging and attracting the very behavior that you never want again. So, for instance, if I want the women I work with who are reaching out to me for help, to respect me, to rise up to their higher self, to deliver on their goals in the highest way, then I've got to do that myself. I can't feel sorry for them. I can't think that they're less competent than they could be. Got to hold in my mind the highest version of them. And secondly, if you chronically feel disrespected and if someone looks at you the wrong way and you want to cry, that's not what they're doing. That's something you're holding inside. If you're chronically disrespected, if you're chronically, you feel mistreated, you have to you might be chronically mistreated, but you have to look at your part in why you choose that culture, why you choose that boss, why you choose to stay, why you choose not to go to a lawyer and fight and get a settlement for the behavior, for the mistreatment, why, what are the beliefs that are keeping you attracting the same thing over and over? And I want to tell you finally, it's one thing to know that this is happening for other people. It's quite another thing to stop and look at your own beliefs and how you are perpetuating the past. So I want to give one more example that came out of my amazing career project course yesterday, actually. So here's the deal. If you've had a job that was horrible and it was toxic, you left it or you were fired and now in order to stay afloat, you need to do a similar job, you know, in another company and it's not what you really want, but you need the money. And sometimes I say that we must do what we must do to stay afloat while always planting the seeds for our future self. Sometimes that's what's got to happen, that you take a job that isn't your passion. Let's be real, sometimes we got to put food on the table. However, if you are looking at that new job the same way you looked at the toxic, horrible one, it's not going to go well. It's not going to go well. You're going to repeat or have repeated in your life the very things you're running from. So here's what I'd love you to do in that case, visualize a whiteboard and make that whiteboard, that tabula rasa, what your new job is and draw on that whiteboard what you want it to be and look at that every day. It will not be a repeat of the past unless you make it a repeat of the past. And finally back to the chronic situations that we seem to be repeating. Look at, take this weekend and look at what beliefs deep down and keep peeling them and peeling them and peeling them could actually be creating or co creating or sustaining or perpetuating or contributing to the very thing I am fighting against in my heart. I hope that's helpful. And if you want some help on this, two ways you can get some help, reach out to me. I offer private coaching, one on one programs and also my amazing career project 16 week career transformation course which we're in a pre launch sale right now. I'll link to it below. That's where you get help. Hands on help to look at your beliefs. Look at how you're actually co creating the very thing you are running from. It's unbelievable how these chronic situations actually are perpetuated by us in unconscious ways. Not conscious ways, but unconscious ways. That's the Finding Brave tip for today. I hope it's helpful. Let me know what you think down below. And here's to you finding your bravest version of yourself in living from that every single day. Thanks and I'll see you soon.
