Kathy Caprino describes the pendulum effect: staying in situations that feel wrong until you snap and swing to the opposite extreme. She stayed in a mismatched corporate job until being laid off, then became a therapist. The fix is to address problems earlier, heal what's underneath, and find balance instead of throwing everything away.
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Hi, I'm Kathy Caprino. I am here today to talk about My mistake number three of my 52 mistakes, which are the biggest mistakes I feel I've made in life and work. So here we are. Mistake number three. I call this the pendulum effect. Letting the pendulum effect rule my life. So what is the pendulum effect? Here's how I see it. It, for me, the situation has been when I'm in an experience or a situation or a job or a relationship, and I know that it's wrong. I know that it's wrong, wrong, wrong. It feels wrong. I'm struggling, I'm suffocating. I have conflicts. I feel diminished. You know, when it's wrong and I'm miserable, But I resist that. I resist that I'm miserable. I say, no, let me tough it out, or, oh, it'll get better. Or, you know, no, it's just, you keep going, keep soldiering on. And what happens is I stay. I stay in this situation that's miserable. And I stay and I stay until a trigger event happens or I wake up and say, ah, I'm done with that. I call it. I have an allergic reaction to it. I have an allergic reaction to the situation, to me, to me in the situation. And I say, I can't take it one more day. And I go from this side of the pendulum swing to over here. And I say, that's it. I'm going to recreate. I'm going to recreate whatever it is, my job, my business, my relationship. Oh, I'm never going to have to feel that again. I'm over here now, but what happens is sooner or later over here, I start seeing the same struggles, the same conflicts that I had over here. They may be slightly different, slightly shifted, but they're the same at the root of it. And then if I resist again, I go back over here. So what have I learned from this? You know, let me just give you an example of how that looks in my life. My last corporate job was wrong. I knew it was wrong. I knew it was wrong about the first day I was there. I didn't fit in. I didn't like what I was doing. I didn't like who I'd become. It was just wrong. And I was miserable pretty much day one. But I didn't leave. I didn't make changes, and I didn't address what was wrong, wrong. I just stayed. And frankly, I stayed because the money was great. I had good work, life, balance. I could be near my children. So there were reasons. But whatever the reasons, I Didn't make change. And I stayed until the universe gave me a big and not so gentle boot. Out I went. I got laid off, but in a brutal way that I've talked about before. And about a week later, I said, that's it. I will never feel like that again. And I. I decided to become a therapist. I got training as a therapist and a coach, and I became a therapist. But because I hadn't addressed what was wrong here, because I hadn't taken it on and I hadn't done the inner and outer work of shifting, some of the same issues and problems appeared over here. And, you know, it wasn't a mistake at all to become a therapist and get that training. That was awesome. The mistake was that I had chucked out parts of myself over here that I loved, dimensions of myself that I wanted to reclaim, that I longed for aspects of my focus and my experience that I had suppressed and sublimated because in some way, I felt they were somewhat tainted because they were part of all this other negativity. So, you know, what have I really learned from this pendulum effect? Number one, if you're miserable and the situation is wrong, do something. Take on what's wrong. Develop the courage and the confidence to look at it, to deconstruct it, and to make changes. Don't wait until you have an allergic reaction to your situation. Number two, heal what's wrong so that it doesn't have to repeat itself. Number three, don't throw the baby out with the bath water. You know, what I realize is this kind of radical extreme switch swinging is not a happy life. It's not a joyful life. We're joyful when we're in the middle, when we're grounded, not swinging back and forth when we're integrated, when we're whole, and when we have the courage to look at what isn't working and make concrete steps to change and shift, not to run away. And when we can do that, we can integrate all the beautiful parts of ourselves that we want to have active in our lives. And it's a holistic kind of mosaic, grounded in who you really want to be. That's what I've learned. And I still struggle from the pendulum effect. But I'm noticing I'm not swinging to the extremes anymore. I'm not waiting. I'm stopping and looking and taking action. So that's it. I hope you found this help helpful. I would love to hear from you. Do you find the pendulum effect rules your life? Tell me all about it. Share. I now have a Facebook page, My 52 Mistakes. You'll see all of this material posted there. I hope you'll comment share your video posts. We would absolutely love to hear from you. If you want to reach out to me, please visit my website@eliacommunications.com or send me an email at kathyliacommunications. Thanks for being here with me and many happy breakthroughs.
