Why you stay stuck in your own toxicity and how to change

Hello, everybody. How we doing? This is Kathy Caprino and I'm late as always. I guess. I guess I should just start this a little later since I'm not able to get here at noon. So thank you for being here for my Facebook live Brave Up Tuesday. And today I want to talk to you about why we stay stuck in toxicity and why we won't change. So first of all, I'm going to take a sip of water because I'm wanting you all who join me on this to really breathe when we talk about this. This is not your typical career coaching resume tips and interviewing and networking. This is going deeper. This is looking at why we struggle to build the lives that we long to, why we struggle to love ourselves, why we struggle to have the relationships and the respect and the love and the care and the kindness and compassion that we want. So we're going deep here. I'm getting a lot of little texts here. Okay, good. Love it. What I'd love you to do for anyone who's here, a few things I would love you to know. You know, I was talking to my husband about this. A lot of people say to me, wow, you work, you're self employed, you work from home. How do you stay motivated? And we really laugh because this was my morning. I knew I wanted to talk about and write about the ways we stay stuck in toxicity. But I hadn't gotten to writing a post yesterday. So I wake up this morning and decide, well, I want to write it so that you all can read it, you know, after or before or during this, this live video. So there I am up until about 10 minutes ago, writing it, publishing it on Forbes, then going to take a shower, then, you know, writing the notes for this. It's a crazy, fun life. But when you feel like you have a lot to share about something and you know, part of that is turning a lot of writers I've spoken to want to turn our mess into a message. Make sure the volume's up here, folks, even. Yeah, turn our mess into a message. And you know, that's where all of this comes from. It comes from first that I had a lot of toxicity in my life. I created a lot of toxicity and I didn't have great boundaries and I still struggle with that to protect myself against toxicity in my early life. And then I became a therapist and I was thinking about this after my layoff that as everyone knows, I felt was so terribly brutal to my self esteem, I became a therapist. And in good part that was because I wanted to understand I wanted to heal, I wanted to understand how do we, how do we develop? How do we grow? How are we formed? How are we shaped as human beings? What impacts that? Why do some people thrive and some people not? You know, I was just talking to my sister about I think a life changing book, Man's Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl, who was a Holocaust survivor. And in it he talks about a wonderful. Hi, Lynn. He talks about why did some people die and were destroyed in the concentration camps and why did some people not just live but even thrive. It's an unbelievable book, Man's Search for Meaning. It's small, but to me it was life changing. Why did I bring that up? I don't know. Maybe around turning our mess into a message. When we've lived through something and seen something with new eyes, many of us want to share that because we. I'd rather, you know, if every day I could help one person at least not feel toxic, not be toxic, not attract toxicity, then I'm having a good day. So that's what we're here talking about. So yeah, I wanted to share with you. It comes from my personal life. It comes from working with over 11,000 women in 11 years. Now it comes from therapy, training and it comes from two. Many of you know I launched a Facebook group recently, just a few months ago, thriving after narcissism. And I am learning so much from running this group. So it grows by 10 people a day. It's now something like 1100 members. And I could see it's going to be 10,000 members at some point and watching what people are going through and also hearing how other people support each other, it's been so amazingly eye opening and such a gift for me because I've had a lot of narcissism in my life and experience it. So that's where this information is coming from. So I want to talk about. This could be a 10 hour video, but I'm gonna stay true to. Oh no, my. My clock. I dropped it and it broke. I'll have to look at my watch because I don't want to keep you past 12:30. This could be a 10 hour webinar on, on the 50 Ways We Stay stuck in toxicity. But I'm going to talk about what I believe are the top five. And again, get some water, Take a deep breath, breathe through this because I'm absolutely sure you would not be here if you didn't have toxicity in your life. And it's hard. It's. It's hard and it's hard to hear what I'm going to say. So why do we stay stuck in toxicity number one? We are just not self aware. That's the biggest one. What do I mean? So toxic people. And listen, we've all been toxic and we've all been more toxic than we care to admit. So we're talking about everybody on the planet, right? But some are more toxic and more chronically toxic than others. Those of us who have a lot of toxicity in our lives don't understand what's really going on. They don't understand. First of all, you know, any of you who have any kind of spiritual inclination at all will love this. I did a last week live call with the mystic Lorna Byrne about angels. Unbelievable. You can see that on my YouTube channel, you can see that on my Facebook page. But what she said in private, we were talking about how much hate there is in the world now and it's been exacerbated, we all know that in recent years and recent months. And what she said is hate poisons usually. And we hate others and we hate in general because we don't love ourselves enough. Wow. I just kind of cried at that because I believe that's 100% true. So going back to self awareness, people who are toxic and what does that mean? It means they're, you know. And I wrote a post about the six ways we're toxic. You can find that on LinkedIn. It means we create pain, we cause pain, we're not kind, we're cruel, we're self absorbed, we hurt people and don't care that we hurt them. Toxic. It's poison. That's what it is. Toxicity is poison. So back to self awareness. If you don't understand what you're creating and what your words and your deeds are putting out in the world, you're toxic. If you continually have people saying you're hard to be with or you're so negative and we're going to talk about all of this, you are aw cool. You're perpetuating your own toxicity. So how do we get more self aware? It's a process and it's a journey and it's work. But the most toxic people I know have zero self awareness. So what's the first tip? Whatever you're creating in life, whatever relationships you have, whatever chronic negative patterns are repeated, you need to be aware of how you are participating in it, how you are co creating it, what you are doing that is shutting the door to happiness and joy. And some of it, you know, you might come from the most loving place in the world. But if your boundaries are weak, and we're going to talk about that, you let in pain and you don't know how to stand up for yourself, to shut out cruel behavior or mistreatment. So it's a total perpetual cycle. You feel hurt. How many people on this call have said, I'm so kind and I'm so gentle to other people, but I'm so sensitive, everyone else hurts me. That's a boundary problem. That's not the way you want to live, that you're giving and giving and everyone else is hurting you. It's a boundary. It's insufficient boundaries. So let me, let me go right to what I mean by that. Boundaries. I learned about this in therapy probably the most, and I've mentioned this in other videos, but I can't mention it enough. Boundaries are the invisible barrier between you and your outside systems. And these barriers regulate the flow and input of information to and from your outside system. So your outside world, your, your work, your family, your church or synagogue, all of it. So those of us who were raised in narcissistic families or emotionally manipulative families or alcoholic families, or had abuse of any kind, emotional, physical, spiritual, sexual, don't have sufficient boundaries. End of story. We didn't learn how to speak up for ourselves. We were violated and we were too young to understand how, how to protect ourselves. Your boundaries aren't sufficient. So what you're doing is letting in bad stuff. We're letting people walk all over us. And listen, I live this every minute. I'm 56 and I've been a therapist and a coach for 11 years, been a vice president. And I still struggle with saying to people what needs to be said, which is, no, I don't want to partner with you anymore, or no, that behavior is not acceptable to me or, you know, to vendors and suppliers. Hey, that project that you delivered to me didn't work and we've got to look at why. And I can't own all of that. It's a partnership. The hard stuff. The hard stuff. The hard stuff. That's a boundary thing. So, you know, if all of this, any of this resonates, my book is a great first place to start. Breakdown Breakthrough. You can find that on Amazon. It talks all about how to break the cycles of mistreatment. So check it out. It's a cheap and easy way to get going on your healing journey. But you need to build boundaries that protect your non negotiables. You know, Brene Brown talks All about vulnerability and shame and power and speaking up. And she talks about boundaries as your way of telling the world what you will or will not accept. It's incredible. I love her work, but you got to build them. And if you're the kind of person, here's the sign that your boundaries need work. If you're always talking about how people hurt you. I can't believe she said that when I was walking my dog. I can't believe he said that at the party that I went to. I can't believe they did this to me. It's your boundaries. And I promise you, once you build them, the toxicity fades. You don't allow it, and. And the universe doesn't even let it happen to you because you're done with it. Give me a thumbs up if I'm making sense. If you understand what I'm talking about, if it's resonating with you, give me a thumbs up. All right. Wounds. Why we also stay stuck in toxicity are our wounds. So the reality is, thank you for that. I don't think we can get through human life without a lot of wounds. That's what human life delivers, but we're not supposed to be crushed by them. We're not supposed to be flattened and never get up again. We're supposed to grow. We're supposed to heal. We're supposed to be resilient and courageous and get help. So in my Forbes post today, and please do read it, the five ways you're used, you're staying stuck in toxicity and you, you won't change. I give an example, and there are hundreds of examples of this in my coaching work. A woman came and when you engage with coaching with me, I ask you to fill out several documents. One is an 11 page career path assessment. But it's your life. It's a life assessment. Who you are, what you value, what you've learned, jobs you love, jobs you hated, your non negotiables, how you're brilliant, how you're special. And I also ask, was there a pivotal moment in your life that changed everything? And wow. What comes out of that is unbelievable. But a few years ago, a woman sent me her materials. And as I was reading, there was nothing in writing that was a red flag. But I had this incredible gut feeling that something terrible had happened to her way long ago. There was no sign of it in what she wrote, but I had this wave of this feeling. So when we got talking and she came for career coaching, right. Why is my career not going the way I want? Why Am I not respected? Why do I feel like I'm invisible, in hiding, and that nobody sees me and no one respects me? So it was career work. So I braved up and I said, hi, Havilah. I'm gonna get to your question soon. Thank you for that. So I said to this woman, I braved up and I said, I need to ask you a question, and I need your permission, because this is going to be a little rough. But I want to ask you. I get the feeling something really traumatic happened when you were young. Is that right? And she started to cry, and she told me that she had been raped by a group of boys in her late teens who she knew, who she knew very well. But she was. She was in an event in another part of the state at the time. And you can imagine what that means to a human being. But what was unbelievable to me was she had told no one except her one therapist. She told no one in her family. And now we're talking 30 years. No, no, 40. 40. Yeah. 35 years later. And what was abundantly clear was that trauma had colored everything in her life. It colored her personal life. It colored her work. It colored how she was so scared to literally be seen, that she was hiding, she was afraid to be herself. She was afraid to come out in the world because look what happened. So, you know, we had a hard, long talk, and because I'm trained as a therapist, I can speak on this level with people. But she said, wow, I sure didn't expect this in talking about careers. And I said, I know you didn't, but I think that when you heal this, when you get more therapy, when you tell your family now, your life will change and your career will change. And it did. She did the work. A lot of us have wounds. Maybe not as traumatic as that, but who doesn't have wounds? Who hasn't had a devastating experience that we don't recover well from? We all have wounds. The question is, are you looking at them? Are you facing them? And I promise you, anyone who's had abuse or terrible mistreatment, if you don't look at it, if you don't get in the cage with it and work with it, you will not heal beyond it. And a lot of people I know have had abuse, and they say, you know what? Don't want to talk about it, done with it. You're not done with it if you haven't healed through it. So that's wounds. We talked about boundaries. There's so much more to say about that. But I'LL leave it there. How about this one? I know people, and I have been like this in my life, but I tend to have quick access to joy. So I'm. I'm naturally inherently more positive. There are people in my life, in my coaching work, in my courses, you know, in my friend circle, well, not so much anymore, who are pervasively negative. You know who they are. They cannot see any good, they cannot see any hope, they cannot see any faith. It's just pervasively negative. First of all, that's incredibly toxic to be with. No one wants that. It's poisonous, but it's more importantly, it's poisonous to you. And I've worked with a lot of negativity and negative people. It comes from what they've been trained and what they've been given. We don't pop out of the chute being negative. Now, there has been research, very credible research, that at age 4 and 5, you can actually see in a child pessimistic and optimistic tendencies. You can see that this child has pessimistic tendencies. But things can change. We're not set in stone. We can change who we are. So if you're pervasively negative, let's take a look at what's going on politically either side. I'm seeing so much negativity on either side. Hate and negativity and no room for hope and no room for change. It's gonna go badly for you. And you know what? People don't want to hear this, but negativity is a choice. But it's usually a subconscious choice. People use their negativity to feed themselves. The sad thing is, it's poison. It's like a rat eating poison. It's gonna kill you in some way or another. It's gonna kill your spirit. It's gonna kill your body negativity, pervasive negativity is poison. So I'm asking you to look at yourself. What goes through your mind? How many thoughts do we have? Something like millions of thoughts a day. Are they all negative? Are they all downtrodden? Are they all about how bad everything is and there's no hope and we're going to hell in a hand basket? Then you have to change. You have to make a choice. Happiness is a choice, and positivity is a choice. I've written a lot about that. Shawn Achor, who I am an enormous fan of, who's a happiness and positive psychology expert, has. Has courses on happiness. You can find them all in. In my programs and my coaching. I'm sorry I'm hearing something at the door. It's a choice, but you have to consciously make it. You have to consciously commit to stop being so negative. It's really hard for everyone around you and for you to just have a stream of negativity. You gotta do something about it. The fifth one I'm gonna talk about is I feel that the vast majority of us, and I, I'm gonna include myself until I became a therapist and then I popped out of this. Live in a dream world and it's an, it's a nightmare. They don't understand that they're powerful. They don't understand that they can change. Even people in my courses, you know, they do a little bit of work, but they pop back to the negativity and they pop back to being stuck. It's a dream world we're living in and we can change the dream, but not until you understand how much more power you have to change things and not until you expect, expand your accountability to change. And if you cannot change, then that's a therapeutic and energy healing situation. You need therapeutic help. And for many people, I've talked about this a lot. No amount of coaching, no amount of training, no amount of speaking is going to heal you. It's an energetic problem. And I've had this, you know, I had three years of therapy that was great, but somehow it didn't shift certain aspects of who I was, my ability to speak up for myself and you know, my chronic tracheitis, infection of the trachea. Four years, every three months I get violently ill here. Well, what does this mean? This is your throat. This is the seat of your personal expression and your authentic being. Well, it was energy healing with my dear friend and energy healing counseling supporter, Lynn Carroll. It was energy healing that finally helped me release and get going on a new path. Sometimes it gets stuck and I want to tell you, and I'm going to start being a little woo woo here if you don't mind. I'm coming out of the closet that I have spiritual beliefs. I have energy healing abilities. When I was training with Lin doing energy healing work, Reiki, so much happened. I would see, I would put my hands on people and actually see videos of what it was like, a video in my mind of what they had gone through in life, of certain things that had, you know, destroyed their spirit or it was wild. But one time we did a whole class with people who had emotional mental illness and also physical illness. And with a few of the people, clients, I would put my hands on them. And the energy would absolutely, the healing energy would bounce right back out. It wouldn't come in. It wouldn't be soaked in. And I found out later a few of those people were really severely mentally disturbed. But one time, and I'm sharing this with you because I think it's really important to understand, I had my hands over a cancer victim. I was a new student. I didn't know what I was doing. And all of a sudden, I literally could not breathe. I was like. And I called Lynn over with my eyes and I said, I can't breathe. And she put her hand on the back of me. And in a minute, so much healing energy came. So there is so much more going on here than meets the eye. But back to sometimes we don't heal because our energy has blocks and we need gifted healers to help us release those. And I can tell you, every session I've had with Lynn, I know this sounds like an ad for Lynn, but has changed me kind of in an instant. And I even go every month to a massage therapist. And I've been to many different therapists, and this one woman, Dorothy, who, if you're interested, let me know, I'll give you her name. I feel like I'm not only getting massaged, I'm getting healed. Some people have the gift. They have an energetic gift. They have a healing set of hands. Why do I bring this up? Because if you, no matter what work you do, you feel like I can't find it. I can't find myself. I know there's something in there. I know there's love, but I can't get there. I know I have more power than I think I do, but I can't find it. You need help. And you know my favorite quote in the entire world, which I mention in almost every post? Einstein said, you can cannot solve a problem on the level of consciousness that created it. And that's why outside help is so, so, so important and so many people won't get it. You know, there are people on my Thriving After Narcissism group that won't take the free webinar. Six part free webinar. And they won't do it. That frustrates me. We've got to get help. And help is out there. Angelic help. If you want help to, to talk to your guardian angel, listen to my webinar with Lorna Byrne. Lorna is unbelievable. If you want energy healing, get it. If you want a massage that heals you, get it. If you want to stop hiding and stop hiding Your secret? The secret of being raped or the secret of being abused or the secret of being not loved or the secret of being rejected or the secret of being fired. Like me, I didn't want to tell anyone. Or the secret of almost losing my house because. Because I wasn't making enough money, and I was in denial. And when it happened, you know, part of me said, I have a feeling that someday I'm going to use this. But I knew that day was not today. I was so ashamed and so humiliated that I was a coach and I was about to lose my house. Well, I didn't lose my house. And, you know, I've revised that situation in such a deep and powerful way because I don't. I didn't hide from it. So that's it. What time is it? That was. That was interesting. Now I want to take some questions. Okay. I hope this was helpful. All right, Havala, how are you? Lynn is amazing. I wish I could spend more time with her. Thank you, Havilah. She is amazing. And she. I've sent hundreds of people to her at this point, and the vast majority say I. I've been shifted, and I don't even know how, but something's different, and I feel it. So that's amazing. So, folks, will you. Thank you. Havilah, will you please type a question here? 16 of you are live. Thank you for that. I want to answer a question. I don't want to leave here till someone posts a question. So what do you have here? What do you have for me? You got to have a question, right? This was a lot of stuff, and I went fast. Where are you feeling toxic? Where is there toxicity around you? Where is your family toxic? What have you tried that isn't working? Where are you feeling narcissistic? Tell me. Tell me. I've got. How many more minutes? Five more minutes? I won't leave till you. Till you post a question. Now's your time. I'm a coach. Let me help you. Therapist, writer. There's no question too little or too big. Too big or too small. Ask it. What do you got for me? Because let me tell you this. If you have this question, thousands of others are gonna have this question, and I am gonna post this. Oh, I wanted to tell you this. Some of these. Yay. Thank you, Mayta. Yay. Oh, questions. I want to tell you I'm posting these on my YouTube channel soon and on my website. So when you ask a question. Ooh, lots of questions. You're helping thousands of others because thousands will See this? Okay. How. How can we find the correct person to heal energetically? Well, it's a fantastic question. Like, any relationship that you have with your doctor, with your financial consultant, with your lawyer, they got to be people you like and respect. And it helps when people that you like and respect recommend them telling you, Lynn is amazing, and she works remotely. Lynn Carroll, the TherapySpace.com. go check her out. Call her up. And what I want from you is to trust yourself. Start trusting yourself. Do you get a good feeling when you speak with her? Do you feel supported? Do you feel like you're listening to my video? Right. If you didn't like what I was saying, you'd probably zip off. Okay. That's the last time I'm ever gonna watch Kathy Caprino because. But you do like it. You're asking a question. Use your intuition. Does it feel good to speak to this person? But I'd also say when you've got a recommendation, go with that. So reach out to Lynn Carroll again. I'll post her website, because someone like me has vetted them for you. There's a lot of charlatans in the healing world. Wow. I've personally met 50 of them. A lot of us have healing gifts and abilities. That's not enough to be a healing presence in the world. You have had to have done the work yourself, internally. It's not enough that your hands heal. It's not enough that you studied therapy. You have to be a healing presence in the world by having healed your wounds as well. There's a lot of wounded healers, so that's how we do it. Check out Lynn. If Lynn doesn't work for you, I can give you some other resources. Ask around. You'll be shocked when you start asking people, hey, have you ever gone to a therapist who's kind of healing, A massage therapist who's got a healing ability? You'll be amazed at the support you get. I believe it's angelic support. And you have angels in your life, physically, humanly. But we also have angelic support. So ask. But. But I would try Lynn Carroll. She's amazing. I hope that helps the correct person to heal. Yeah. The correct person is the one who understands what you've gone through has helped other people and who you resonate with in your heart and your spirit. Love it. Hi, Lynn. Lynn, Lynn, Lynn. My gosh, it's been forever. I'd love to see you in person. It's been, what, 40 years, right? So Lynn asks, are you familiar with the landmark group? What are your Thoughts. You know what's really interesting? I know of them. And over the years, a lot of people say that my work resonates or sounds like theirs. I don't know their work well enough. I have heard a lot of people say it's been life changing, but I haven't studied them. I haven't interviewed, you know, a lot of organizations. Let's say cti, that's a coaching training organization. I've interviewed the. The co founder in, in terms of Landmark. I don't have any specific information I can tell you I've heard amazing things. But if you want to reach out, Lynn, separately, let's talk about it. Let me hear privately what you're interested in doing with them and let me see If I can. 40 years. Let me see if I can help. Okay. All right. Awesome. Julia. Is that how you pronounce it? Oh, that's a beautiful spelling. My daughter's name is Julia. My parents always put me under okay. That makes me cry. There is so much bad parenting. Bad parenting comes from wounds. Bad parenting comes from. They're not understanding what it is to parent in a way that builds self esteem. You know, when I came out of my therapy training, I launched a program, Empathic how to Raise Self Reliant, Self Loving Children. And I give this workshop. And a lot of parents would resist it. You know, they didn't want to be empathic. They didn't get it. They wanted to be strict. What's the word? Autocrats. They wanted to be so strict in their discipline because they felt their kids were out of control. It was terrible parenting. So, Julia, what I'd ask you to do is if you feel that there's been any narcissism, join my Facebook group, Thriving After Narcissism. Narcissism is a special brand of putting a child under. It's got special hallmarks. And you will. If you read my posts on narcissism, you'll see your parents or not in two seconds. Narcissism does a certain thing to us. It makes us go underground. There's a book, will I Ever Be Good Enough? By Dr. Carol McBride. It's fantastic. It's a special brand of being abused and mistreated and emotionally manipulated. If it wasn't narcissism, it was something else. You still. Let me just tell you, when your relationship with your mother, if you're a daughter and your relationship with your mother is broken, you. It's primally hard. It's a primal thing. If you don't get along with your Mother and your mother doesn't support you. It's like death. I mean, I don't mean to be all doom and gloom, but we gotta heal it. So you gotta learn about boundaries. So read my book, Breakdown Breakthrough, cover to cover. There is one chapter breaking cycles of mistreatment. Start there. You have to start speaking up for children of narcissists. Sometimes you have to set boundaries and have no contact or limited contact. You have to understand what you're up against. If your parents are broken in their hearts and in their spirits, you're going to have to say no. It's hard. It's hard. It's a lifelong journey. But you do have to know what, what you're dealing with and the specific brand of how your parents put you under. And then you have to know how to deal with it. Start there. Join my narcissism group. But it starts with speaking up for yourself. But let me just tell you, with narcissists, that doesn't work. It doesn't work well to challenge them. They will fight. And some of them have murderous rage. There's a lot to say. I hope that's helpful. Anybody else got a question? Oh, I love it. I love it, I love it. Let's see. Simran. I hope I'm pronouncing your names right. Love it. Hi, Kathy. What if you. There we go. Sorry, I had to pause. So you have to know what you're dealing with. So I'm understanding here. You. Let's see it again. Dealing with a negative person who. Oh, no, this is someone else. Sorry, let me go back. If you tried to build the boundaries but still see a repetitive behavior despite feedback, what do you do as a manager? So you mean this is a person underneath you. You got to assess how damaging their behavior is and you've got to have a really hard talk with them. You're the manager. Are you prepared to actually put them on probation and say, look, this behavior can't, can't continue. And I don't know if it's only towards you or towards other people, but you would be doing the company a favor as a manager if you made it incredibly clear and set the expectations that this behavior can't, can't continue. Let's talk about what we're seeing. You know, there's a whole way to manage that. You can get 360 feedback for the individual so they feel like it's not just you attacking them. There's a whole way to deal with negative people. But you're gonna have to manage it. That's your job as a manager. Alright? If you need more help, do let me know. Havilah, how do you set boundaries without alienating? Sometimes you do alienate. I mean, there have been times that I've purged friends. You know, in my 20s, I was like, good lord, I'm in relationships that are a mess. This, this is not what I want. Well, sometimes when you say, you know what, this, this doesn't work for me. And there's a million ways you can do it. You can be very loving. But if you've co created it, you have to also own that. Let's say someone, a friend of yours, constantly breaks every, every date you make. You're supposed to have dinner, you've set aside dinner, you're supposed to go to a restaurant, she cancels, okay? You make another, you know, and she cancels and she cancels and she cancels. Okay? That doesn't work. So if you love this friend, you're going to say, you know, Sally, I got to share with you. The constant canceling hurts and it also wreaks havoc on my life. So can we talk about that? You either, you know, state your expectations and yeah, it is going to alienate them because a lot of them only survive when they are putting their finger on somebody. Some of these people that you don't want in their life, yeah, you're going to alienate. But if they love you, you know, I've had experience where I finally set some boundaries with some dear friends and they loved me enough and they were courageous enough to say, God, you're right, I am doing that and I'm sorry and I love you and I'm gonna stop. You're gonna alienate. That's how it works. But hopefully you'll also mend your bridges. How we doing? Five more minutes, Patricia. How to deal with a negative person who just focuses on you and the boss doesn't have any interest in the situation. So Patricia, there's one person who's coming at you and you can't do anything about it. Might, might be a narcissist. I don't mean to mention narcissism constantly, but there's narcissism. They say that 6% of the 6.2% of the population is a narcissist. That's number is not accurate because narcissists don't get diagnosed. So let's say it's 10%. That's a lot of people and 10% of the population who are narcissists have millions of children who are adult children of narcissists and they're troubled. So it's everywhere. So if this negative person is just after you, you might be in a narcissistic dance. They might be threatened by you. You might have spoken ill about that person and they found out and they're out to get you. So you're going to have to figure out why. What's triggered it. Why is the person after you? Is there anything you have to own that you did to alienate or piss off this person? You got to figure out what you're dealing with and why. And if your boss. So it's interesting you say the boss doesn't have any interest in changing the situation. It's you who has to change the situation. You, not your boss. And sometimes you have to heal. I've had. I've had a person come at me so hard that she kind of drum me out of the company. When I look at it, I didn't like her. I had it out for her in my heart. And when you don't like somebody, they know it and they're not going to tolerate it. So you might be involved in a dance that is perpetuating it. You have to change it. I know. I'm trying to be. I'm trying to be deep but brief. And it's hard. All right, what else? Oh, you're welcome. Everybody, let me take one more question. I can't pronounce this. Marisha, if I'm wrong, please forgive me. How do you process your anger when you have a narcissistic parent who does not acknowledge it? Okay, you go straight to my Facebook group, Thriving after narcissism and Download the free 6 part webinar series. The one I want to send you to is part five, the bigger picture. How you hook into the relationship with a narcissist and what you need to do about it. Narcissists will never acknowledge wrongdoing. Narcissists do not have empathy. Forget it. You're going to a well that is empty. And I know because I lived all this. You're wanting them to say what they did. You're wanting them to say they're sorry. Narcissists do not say sorry. They can't. They're wounded. They're wounded and they're self. You know, to say you're sorry, to acknowledge what you've done, means you're standing on a bedrock of self esteem. Narcissists are incredibly fragile, although they appear the opposite. So you're gonna have to do the changing. You're gonna have to do the letting go and part of the pain I'm gonna leave you with this is finally recognizing you're never gonna get the love that you deserved. And it's hard but the the sooner you can realize what they're capable of and not keep going to a well that that is empty, the sooner you will heal. So head to my narcissist group, listen to all six of these webinars and you will be on the path to healing. All right everybody. Wow, that was fun. And I fun. Not sure everyone feels that that was fun but for me that was fun because you showed up and you were brave and you asked your questions and I'm grateful and I'm gonna post this the whole video on this page and do check out my Forbes post why we stay toxic stuck in toxicity and why we don't change. And I hope that was helpful. Will you please leave comments on this and share with me what you learned? Share what was an eye opening things, share what you're still struggling with and let me see if I can be of more help to you and check out all my resources in that narcissist page. Let us heal our own toxicity. Let us heal it. Starting today. Let's understand how powerful and positive we can be and that we can shift this, but only when we start with ourselves. And as Lorna says, when you grow in love for yourself, the hate and the pain and the poison fades. Thanks everybody and I'll see you soon. Bye.