The video presents a rap‑style parody that repurposes the hook “99 problems” to enumerate a wide range of teen health and safety issues. The speaker lists personal struggles—mental health challenges (depression, hearing voices, suicidal thoughts), sexual health concerns (STDs, abstinence, condom use), substance use and peer pressure (drugs, vaping, alcohol), bullying and abuse (physical, emotional, relationship violence), academic pressure and school failure, body‑image and eating issues, social‑media obsession, and encounters with law‑enforcement. Throughout the verses the narrator alternates between self‑deprecating humor and stark warnings, urging listeners to recognize these problems, seek help (e.g., “Call the Team Health Connection”), and avoid becoming a problem for others. The piece functions as an educational awareness tool for teens, using rap’s rhythmic cadence to make the health messages memorable.
Chapters
Take a walk in my shoes. I don't like the expression, 'cause if I put your sneakers on, I'mma teach you a lesson. Schizophrenic 'cause I'm hearing voices, causing depression. Am I a maniac because I have a Twitter obsession? Moms all on my back telling me to be celibate. Chicks all over my job, so how I prom is irrelevant. I don't understand, Jasmine, what do you want me to be? Last I checked, you're not a sample. Why you wanna try me? If you feeling froggy, jump. Cut your legs off and eat 'em. Stereotype I'm not about my race, so I'm running to beat 'em. Lyrics shooting like bullets, so I guess I'm a gun. My life's a TV, new episodes, 'cause I don't approve reruns. I'm glued to my head. I'm a real tech to Hollywood. Cardi's name in the book, so how was that missymbolic? You're a sucker for my lyrics, just a mystery dum-dum. I got 99 problems, better hope you ain't one. Yeah, put your hands up. I said 99 problems, better hope you ain't one. If you become a problem to me, I'll put that for you, son. I got 99 problems, better hope you ain't one. All these teens having sex doesn't mean that I'm the one that's scared of getting infected. I don't care if your kitty cat wanna kick it with me. You gotta show me them papers. On second thought, I'll be a virgin. I don't care about you haters. Scratching and itching, that's not something to flaunt. STDs are spreading, that's not a lifestyle I want. And while I'm preaching on safety, dang, you need some protection. It's hard enjoying team life with an injury in your midsection, as if it wasn't by choice. Don't need for silent oppression, don't keep it all to yourself. Call the Team Health Connection. Got a blaze in my arm, but it's not worth it to cut. It's hard controlling lava when volcanoes erupt. Hunger binging and partying, saying it's making her sick. I have to keep myself from laughing when she says it too quick. But that doesn't make it funny, so you better not laugh. It's hard to get back on the highway when you take the wrong path. Homeboy tryna make me sell drugs, that's not what I do. I'm not too fond of running from the lights that flash red and blue. If you wanna get high, that's on you and your health. I don't need a bunch of friends, I can be cool by myself. Why do you bully me as often? You have low self-esteem. Since someone shut you down, you have to crush another dream. My crush is abusive, so that helps out a ton. I got 99 problems, better hope you ain't one. I can't hear y'all! 99 problems, better hope you ain't one. If you become a problem, If you become a problem to me, I feel bad for you, son. I got 99 problems, better hope you ain't one. Put your hands up. Yeah, 99 problems, better hope you ain't one. If you become a problem to me, I feel bad for you, son. I got 99 problems, better hope you ain't one. People say that I'm fat 'cause I actually eat. Sometimes I literally get kicked, but it kicks on my feet. Life's a hard battle to win, that's why it's undefeated. My girl abuses me, but I want to hit her when she's cheating. I'm so tired of home alone that I guess I'm sleepwalking. Battling after school, but my confession has my parents talking. I'm failing my classes, now it's getting serious. Why does he beat me around? Why can't he just take my phone? My friends won't leave me alone. I know what they do is wrong. I could have saved her from the humiliation all on my own. Or if I stayed from that drink at that party that night, I could still have my best friend, but she moved on to the light. And if that isn't bad enough, how could life get any worse? All I have left is her gift, a fake Gucci purse. Thought of killing myself once 'cause I felt no one cared. Then a burglar came in and attacked me, so I kinda got scared. Just a few of my problems. Don't act like you don't have some. I got 99 problems, better hope you ain't one. I got a problem. I got 99 problems, better hope you ain't one. Hey, look, we can find you again.
