The Big Picture A

Hey man, what's up? Nah, nah, Dad's out. Just watching some TV right now. Looks like Oprah or something.

Hey, man, what's up?

I swear to God, our audience gets younger all the time. What are you guys doing? Soccer? Seriously? What are you guys, like 12? Heck no, man. I'm not driving down to Minhill so you guys can play Little League. That's not what your mom said last night.

Oh!

Come at me, bro. Whatever. Aight, so you're gonna be on for Modern Warfare tonight?

Nah.

Nah, that's cool. You guys, uh, you guys, uh, go relive your glory days.

Whatever, man.

I guess it's just you and me, ladies.

Mwah!

Let's see what's on the boob tube. And welcome back to America's Most Ridiculous Teenage Stereotype. The show where you decide how far is too far. Today our contestants are from Charlotte, North Carolina. Our first competitor is Katie Smith. Come on out here, Katie.

Hi, it's great to be here. Welcome.

So tell us a little bit about yourself, Katie.

Well, I'm 16 years old, all my clothes are name brands, my phone is basically an extension of my hand, and my headphones are practically my ears at all times.

That's interesting, Katie. Anything else you'd like to add?

I mean, sure! Taylor Swift is my inspiration, and Seventeen magazine is my Bible, and my natural scent is that of nail polish fumes.

Ew, that's disgusting. Interesting. I think that you're a marvelous candidate, Katie, but let's meet some of the other contestants before we go picking favorites. So come on out here, Jeremy. Welcome, Jer. Do you mind if I call you Jer? Yeah, dude, I do. Alrighty then, Jer. Bro, it's Jeremy. What makes you so stereotypically ridiculous? Well, besides the fact that I can absolutely destroy anybody in any video game ever, I currently have 4 girlfriends. And none of them know about each other. Wow, Jer, you must really be intelligent to have all that going on. Nah, bro, I'm pretty much failing all my classes because I skip every day. Now why would you do a thing like that, Jer? Because, bro, just can't tame the swag master. I like this guy. We have a question from an audience member for you, Jer. If you could have one superpower, what would it be? Uh, invisibility, so I can sneak into the cheerleaders' locker room after cheerleading practice.

Yeah.

All right, thanks, Jer. Give it up, folks, for your local tool, Jeremy Winkler. Our next contestant is Missy Taylor. Welcome, Missy.

Hi, I'm Missy.

Tell us a little bit about yourself.

Um, there isn't that much to tell. I'm pretty much average.

Average, huh? What do you do for fun, if you, uh, know what I mean?

Hang out with my friends, watch TV, read a book, I don't know.

I see, an average girl on the outside, but a party animal on the weekends, aren't you?

Not really. I mean, maybe a birthday party every now and then, but mostly I just go to the mall or the movies with my friends.

Alright, thanks, Missy, that was thrilling.

Lame.

Let's bring out our next contestant, Adam Swindler.

Welcome, Adam.

Hey, man, what's up? How are you doing, Adam? I'm so awesome right now. I'm having so much fun. We haven't even gotten to the fun part yet, Adam. Tell us a little bit about yourself. Well, uh, I'm 14. I'm so high right now. That's sure to get you points on the scoreboard then, huh? You don't even know, man.

I'm so hungry.

Well, I'll tell you what, Adam. After you tell us a little bit about yourself, you can go grab a snack backstage, okay? There's food backstage. Of course, we have refreshments, but well, it looks like Adam just couldn't wait. Now seems like the perfect time to bring out our last contestant, Sarah Claire Riddler.

Hi, I'm Sarah Claire.

Welcome. So tell us, we're dying to know what makes you you.

Well, I'm the homecoming queen. I'm secretly really smart, but I pretend to be dumb so boys will think I'm cute, and sometimes I wear. I wear so much makeup that the color of my face is a completely different color from my neck.

Ew.

My best friend and I smoke weed behind the mall, and my social status literally means like the world to me.

That's interesting, Sarah Claire. Anything else you'd like to, um, share with the crowd?

Well, I'm exactly 110 pounds, and I'm always sure to stay that way because I'm secretly bulimic. And sometimes I go to parties and I wake up in strange places And I don't remember how I got there. And I've had 2 pregnancy scares in the last year.

And how old are you again?

I'm 15.

Thanks, Sarah Claire. Let's take a look at that scoreboard. And it looks like you've taken the lead, Sarah Claire, with Katie close on your tail, followed by Adam, Jeremy, and Missy bringing up the rear. Let's bring all of our contestants back on stage, please. Before me stand 5 very stereotypical teenagers, but only one of them is the most ridiculous. The audience has voted, and Missy, Adam, can you please step forward? I'm sorry, but neither one of you are America's most ridiculous teenage stereotype. Jeremy, I'm afraid that you are also not the winner tonight.

Aw, man.

The winner of America's Most Ridiculous Teenage Stereotype is... Sarah Claire Riddler! Is there anything you'd like to say, Sarah Claire?

I'd just like to thank my abusive boyfriend for lowering my self-esteem enough to drive me to drugs and an eating disorder. And I'd like to thank my parents for being too busy to notice me all these years and My frenemies, but most of all, corporate America for giving me an image of beauty to live up to. I couldn't have done it without you.

Called it. Only 50? Someone's lying on these tests. Pregnancy is the worst STD of them all. These girls have just had the time of their lives. They feel freer, more alive, and can't wait to do it again. Unprotected sex, it's a real life changer. Side effects include syphilis, HIV, herpes, gonorrhea, pregnancy, teen motherhood, no college education, dropping out of school, HPV, a lifetime on medication, low self-esteem, weight gain with pregnancy, loss of friends, gain of colorful nicknames, and parental disappointment. They ratchet. Too much breeding and not enough reading.

Hydros, meth, heroin, oxy, ecstasy. There were so many more. It's all I can think about now. It's all I really care about. I'm an only child and I'm used to getting pretty much anything I ask for. But all of the material things my parents used to surround me with just don't matter anymore. All I need in my life are those tiny blue and white companions that have always been there for me. They're my true friends. They're my family now too. Whenever I felt lonely or insecure about myself, they were there to keep me sane. Turn on lack of consciousness, sense of security, drowsiness. I miss it. I fiend for it. This is my 3rd day in this stupid rehab place. I'm vomiting, shaking, my skin is itchy and disgusting. I'm so cold, but I'm shaking. I'm soaking wet from the sweat. This is hell. This is rock bottom. I always thought my friends would be there for me. I always had them. Now I have nothing. I have nothing. Please, I just want this to stop.

Someone needs to be introduced to some Tic Tacs.

Better than you? Did I say that? How do you expect me to respect you when you say stupid things like this? Think about what you're saying, sir. Listen to yourself. You may be a counselor, but you are completely oblivious to everything around you. Even if I attempted to fill out this stupid form, I would be forced to lie. I have been educated about the risks and causes of drug use. To receive help for my drug addiction, I admit to the following: I have received drugs illegally from a family member, friends, school peers, dealers, or self-supplied. I have been influenced to use drugs by television, music, books, family, friends, or other kinds of peer pressure. I use drugs because I think it is It's cool. Everybody else is doing it. Peer pressure. And it keeps on going. Off to the next page, full of checkboxes. Peer pressure, peer pressure, peer pressure. It's not just peer pressure that starts everything. What about you? Why can't you be the reason that I smoke? Why can't my mother be the reason? Why can't I be the reason? You think you've got this all covered? But do you seriously think that anybody would honestly admit to any of this? You want us to choose A, B, C, and D, and that's all our lives amount to? This form tells you everything you need to know about me, doesn't it? It tells you why I act the way I do, the way I feel. Now you know all my sicknesses and crap that I have to worry about every single day. Do you see my flaws now?

No.

What about what is right with me? All the love that I give, all the things that I'm good at. Do I need an excuse? Should I blame it on my friends, on, on peer pressure? Friends don't do that, and I know who my friends are. They didn't force me to smoke any more than you did. Where can I write that down? Where's the checkbox for that? Stop trying to put me in a category and place me with your knowledge of anybody else. It's not your life. If you care, why couldn't you just ask me? Maybe if you'd asked me sooner, I wouldn't be here now. You can't fix me. You can't fix me until I'm ready to admit that I have a problem. And I think I have a problem.

Yes, you do. I'm heroin, and I'm having the best time of my heroin life. Sure, using me can give you a sort of euphoria, but after a while, I could turn into more than you bargained for. Using me can lead to collapsed veins, liver diseases, and I can even kill patches on cells and vital organs. And if you even try to stop, guess what happens? Follows. Cold flashes. Goosebumps.

Dizziness.

And sometimes your body gets so dependent on me that when you try to stop, the results are fatal.

This is— Film!

And welcome back to Peril, everyone's favorite trivia trial. We've reached our final round and it's time for the video challenge. Jenny, Mike, are you ready?

Yes.

Spectacular. For the video challenge round, we'll display a video on the screen for both of you to watch. Make sure you pay close attention because the answer could lie in any aspect of the video. When the video is finished, you'll have exactly 10 seconds to write down a correct answer, and a correct answer is worth 1,000 points. Remember, kids, this game could go either way. Ready?

Ready.

Ready. Let's roll the tape.

I saw you with her. Don't even try and pretend you weren't cheating on me with her behind my back.

You were just talking. I'd never do that to you.

Don't even try and lie to me. I know what I saw, you cheating liar.

I saw you with him! Don't even try to pretend you're not cheating on me!

We were just talking! I said I would never date him! I know it!

I saw you cheating!

You liar!

So there you have it, folks. I'm of course legally obligated to state that neither actor was harmed in the production of this video.

Yeah, right.

And now for our game-winning question. Get those pads ready, kids. Which one of these scenes is an example of an abusive relationship? And time's up! Let's see those answers. So you both answered scene 2. In fact, the correct answer is both of them.

What?

Sorry, kids, but both these scenes depict a pretty unhealthy relationship, which means that you, Jenny, aren't that smart. Excuse me, sir.

You don't understand. He was my first boyfriend. I thought he loved me. I truly did. I thought when he texted me Good morning. He really wanted to know how my day was going. I thought the moments we spent alone, close together, that he was only thinking of me because I couldn't get him out of my head. So when he asked, it didn't take much for me to say yes. I'm not stupid. I believed we would be together for a long time. If I didn't truly believe that, none of I never thought this would have happened, but it did. I fell for the hype. Every gesture, every promise, and every kiss was a lie. And when he got what he wanted, it didn't take much for him to let me go and on to the next one. He told me he loved me, and I believed him.

People are such jerks.

I take a sheet instead of eating breakfast because who has the time? I take a sheet while driving!

Seriously?

I take a sheet in algebra so I can focus. I take a sheet while Skyping my boyfriend at 3 AM instead of I love it when she takes a sheet.

And now, sheets come in the flavor of Red Bull. Bull Sheets! I'm your dad's brand new Audi. He took out a second mortgage just to afford me. I'm the household's prized possession, maintained and kept spotless. So naturally, he came to me to to impress the hot girl you've been crushing on since freshman year. The only problem is, you've both had way too much to drink at Brad's party. Your judgment is hazy, your hand-eye coordination is off, and soon you'll find the car careening out of your control and swerve off the road.

Oh, shit.

The damage to me is not nearly as bad as the damage to you. Call for a sober ride home. Protect yourself from mayhem.

Like me. You want to know why I cut myself?

Yeah.

Well, that's none of your business, okay? Oh yeah, that's right, because my parents pay $120 an hour for me to sit here and talk to you. And that's all I ever do. I talk and I talk and I talk, and then you say some bogus crap like, we just have to find the source of the problem. Like, what the heck has that ever done for anyone? Do you know how annoying it is to have people tell you there's something wrong with you? People think I have problems just because I cut. You know, maybe there isn't always some underlying problem. Maybe I'm not in emotional crisis because I put a razor blade to my skin. I don't cut myself because Daddy abuses me, or my boyfriend broke up with me, or they're not serving tacos in the cafeteria. I am not freaking depressed. I'm not gonna go jump off a bridge or hang myself or something like that, OK? I do it because I like it. I do it because I like how it Do you see this? Do you see this? I like it. When I cut, it's like relieving stress. It feels good. The pain makes me forget. And you know what? You know what the funny thing is? If I didn't cut, I would be dead. Sometimes cutting is the only thing that keeps me alive. Kim Brattain.

You feel hopeless. This chip bag feels hopeless.

Every time I pull a guy, I'll rip his head off. Do you need more? It's Lake Norman Shore, people!

I think we have a complication.

I'm the sweetest hot mess you'll ever meet.

And now on Lake Norman Shore.

Don't lie to me, Donnie! I saw you! I saw you!

I'm not having this fight with you!

We were just dancing! Don't raise your voice at me! Donnie, I know what I saw.

I'm done with you.

Get away from me! He did it again. He hit you? Not really, he just, he just kind of pushed me on the couch. Cami, I told you he's no good. Really, it was all my fault. I was being stupid, but just let it go. Fine. Just let it go, okay? Fine. Mikey, you coming with us tonight, right?

Nope. Why not, bro?

I gotta exercise.

They don't call me the complication for nothing.

Oh, come on, Mikey. You spend all day working out. You're obsessed.

I like them. What?

Did you just say you like my abs?

What? No. What I meant was, uh, that I, uh, I like how I'm not the only one who realizes the importance of exercise.

I exercise! Mina, running around drunk does not count as exercise.

Face it, Mina, you're an alcoholic.

I am not!

Here we go, 1, 2, 3. Did you not see her? Grenade alert!

Hey, I thought she was hot. Of course you did, you think all club girls are hot. You used to be that way too, until you started dating Pookie. Hey man, shut up.

Hey, speaking of Pookie, did you ever tell her?

Tell her what? Nothing!

What's up with him?

Yeah, I don't know.

You know how Benny gets during this time of the month.

Forget you!

Man, forget you too, Benny. Hey, I thought you were bringing a girl home. I got you with me, don't I? Man, forget you, doggy. I told you I couldn't get away from her! Then make her! Can you stop that?

Stop what?

You're following me around being clingy, and now y'all being unreasonable!

If I'm being so unreasonable, then why are you even with me?

Maybe I shouldn't be with you!

Jerk!

Get away from me, you filthy slut!

Talk about meatball problems. That jerk gave me chlamydia. Oh my God, that jerk, he said he didn't have the guts to tell me himself. I, I hate him. It's okay, honey, all guys are jerks. I'm going to go Let's start dinner.

Benny? Yes?

Is there something you'd like to tell me?

No. Pookie?

No, Kenny, I'm going to tell him. Tell him what? Pookie, are you pregnant? Do I look pregnant?

Don't answer that. Pookie, what happened?

He happened.

What did I do?

You lied to me, son of a bitch. How could You cheated on Pookie? Um, not only that, he gave me an STD. Dude, I don't have an STD. Don't lie to me. Unless you hadn't cheated, where else could I have gotten it from? Pookie, I— Oh my gosh, you slept with my boyfriend? I didn't mean to. Pookie, just let me— Shut up! How could you? And you, why couldn't you just tell me? I'm sorry, I just— Get away from me! Pookie, calm down. No, Pammy! Especially since you can't even get your own relationship together!

Hey, that's not true! Seriously, dude, look at the bruises on her arm!

That's why you won't wear shorts to sleep, Kim. That's sick, man!

Shut up!

I need to get out of here! I'll drive!

You're drunk!

I only have like 6 beers. I'll drive. I'm not letting you guys crash or get pulled over again. Come on. Forget you guys! Forget you too!

Now that was a complication.

You guys, I'm done with Donnie. For real this time? Yep, he doesn't deserve me and I don't deserve this. He's a jerk. And I'm done with Benny. You know what this means? Time for some weed-o!

And protection.

And an STD test for me. And an AA meeting for Mina. What? I'm fine. I like love you guys, like More than pickles!

Group hug!

One day I'll be captain of the cheerleading squad.

One day I'll play the biggest stages in America.

One day I'll be President of the United States. I'll have a monument of my own. Or I could have.

Or at least I might have.

If I hadn't picked up that cigarette.

If I didn't drive drunk.

If I'd just used protection.

If I'd just told someone.

Pregnancy is responsible for 35% of all school dropouts in America.

14% of all CMS students have considered suicide more than once in their life.

Smoking is the leading cause of lung cancer in the U.S. Drunk driving kills over 13,000 people in the U.S.

and is the cause of 32% of all traffic fatalities. Good thing I'm too lazy to do any of that.

Excuse me for this, I just wanna kiss.

When you hold his hand, you're holding hands with every girl he has ever held hands with. When you hug him, you're hugging everyone he's ever hugged. And when you kiss him, you're kissing everyone he's ever kissed. When you have unprotected Would you have sex with him if you knew that you'd be doing it with everyone he's ever had sex with?

I don't know why you left. I can't blame you myself. Must be hard living with ghosts in such an empty shell. Can I hide a kiss? Stop it, Mom! That's mean! The studio needs Amanda. She's the best dancer there, and she's not fat. A couple of pounds don't make you a bad dancer. Don't you dare start thinking like that. I knew it was gonna happen sooner or later with all her fat rolling all over the place. Imagine if you got kicked off the team like Amanda.

I don't know what I would do with you.

Lord knows you have nothing else to offer. Put your things away and get ready for dinner. Mom, we did this already. Step on, Michelle. Dinner's getting cold. Get off.

Do it again.

Can we eat now? Sure, honey. Let's eat dinner. Thanks, it looks so good. 5 pounds over today, Michelle. Maybe if I took your allowance away and you stopped buying treats at school. How can I eat just half a chicken breast? Mom, I'm hungry! Then you should have waited till dinner to gorge yourself. I didn't! I was so hungry today at school, I felt like throwing up. You didn't even let me finish my cereal this morning. Somebody has to look after you, Michelle. We can't have you eating everything in the house now, can we? Besides, Somebody has to look after your figure.

I'm 14!

Yes, you're 14 and too young to know what's good for you. Now stop talking back to me and eat your dinner. My dinner? You call this a dinner? Fine, then don't eat. Clean up that mess before you lock yourself in your room. I hate you! Do I feel bad for starving her? No, you could hardly call it starving. All the other moms do it. I'm just helping her stay on track, that's all. I mean, that little girl eats so much in a day. I'm just starting to show on her, not to mention on the scale. She's gained 5 pounds in a month. I'm just trying to help her not get cut from the team. Imagine what all the other parents would think if Michelle got cut from the team like Amanda. How would I face my friends?

Shameful.

I love my mom. I mean, I think I love my mom. She's not like this all the time, you know. She's just— she does let me do some things, like pick what color to paint my room, and, you know, she's just strict on little things like what I wear or how I tie my hair up. She won't let me listen to rap or soul. She won't— Sometimes I get so hungry at school that I have to ask my friends for food. If I felt like fainting during the middle of practice, I could sneak a candy bar in the bathroom, but I'd have to make sure I get it back up before my mom comes to pick me up. It's not that hard. It comes back up so easy now. I'm just scared I might get used to it. My mom doesn't want me to give up on my dream, that's all. Well, I mean, we wouldn't be living in this apartment if they'd let her keep dancing. What's up, Oscar? You're off your game today.

Don't even talk to me about game. Just don't even say the word game around me or my dad might start up his stupid pep talk tirade again.

You didn't tell your dad about the tryouts?

He never even asked me if I made it. He just automatically assumed I got picked.

Well, you better tell him now or it'll come back and bite you in the butt.

I know, but then he'll go say something like, why didn't you? Let me talk to your coach, son. I'll get you a spot. And then worst-case scenario, I'm gonna I don't want to have to face the soccer team again.

You still mad at Jerry Trainor?

He told everyone that I was gay. Michelle, if my dad ever finds out, it's over. He's like the biggest homophobe in town.

But your mom will understand, right? I mean, she'll talk to him.

Yeah, yeah, but my mom already has my life mapped out for me. There's no room in the agenda for being gay. So just let me enjoy my peace and quiet before I die. Don't you think Oscar's been acting a little off lately?

He's 14, there's a lot on his mind. He's been hanging with Michelle more than usual.

What Oscar should really be focused on is his soccer. His team's playing the Cobras next week, and believe me, they're no joke.

It's a busy time for Michelle too, with her reevaluations in a week. She's much too young. I would never let her have a boyfriend. It's never too early for love, sweetie. I had my first boyfriend when I was 12. You know, it must be so difficult, honey. You don't even notice what goes on in your own backyard. Honestly, everyone knew about Amanda getting kicked off the team. I just didn't want to say anything. Oh, you understand. Didn't you go through the same thing when you used to be a dancer? You know, it must be so difficult, honey, with You know, not noticing what goes on in your own backyard. I'm aware of everything that goes on in my backyard, Laura. I have a pest problem at the moment. You should, with all the sugar and trash you feed your kids. Wait a minute, at least I feed my kids.

Ladies!

Laura is such a—

Honey!

Everybody knows it, and you had to invite her over here.

Look, Oscar and Amanda and Michelle are best friends. I figured it'd be nice to have a little get-together.

The nerve of that woman!

She is a guest.

She practically called Amanda fat. You heard her.

No.

Oh, I pity her daughter. I really do. Laura don't need to pretend. A blind man can see that she is starving that poor child.

Honey, please, not, not on TV.

She is starving that child and she has the audacity to criticize Oh, I raised a perfectly fine family, thank you very much. We have 2 happy, healthy kids. I support whatever my kids might want and need, and I never, I mean ever, ask of anything more of them. Maybe a few grandchildren, but that is all. Isn't that right, baby?

That's right.

We raised a perfectly fine family. We are living the American dream.

Scooby-Dooby-Doo, where are you? We got some work to do now. Scooby-Dooby-Doo, where are you? We need some help. I'm gonna pluck you now. Come on, Scooby-Doo, I see you pretending you got a silver. You're not fooling me 'cause I can see the way you shake and shiver.

You know we got a mystery to solve, so Scooby-Doo, be ready for your act.

Don't hold back. Now Scooby-Doo, if you come through, you're gonna have yourself a Scooby snack. That's a fact. Scooby Dooby Dooby, you are me. You're ready and you're willing.

We can count on you, Scooby Dooby.

I know we'll catch that villain.

Hey, Shaggy! Hey, Scooby!

Hey, me and the gang have just been wondering why is it that you guys are always so hungry?

Yeah, like, uh, what you talking about, Freddy?

Well, it always seems that you guys are running away from what you're scared of or you're eating. You guys are always in the mood for some food. Isn't that right there, Shaggy? Rats was hungry.

Yeah.

Hey, what's that little green baggie? Wait, like over there, man. You should go find the girls.

We'll stay here. Good thinking, Jackie.

I'll go get the girls.

Yeah, man!

Yeah, yeah, yeah!

Give it to me!

Like, what do you want? Just that little baggie that's in your hand.

Go with it, little baggie!

So our ghost is a drug dealer? Could I ask why? Those 2, man, they ain't paid my people, have they? Stolen is what they did. I would have gotten away with it if it wasn't for you meddling kids and your dumb dog too. Yeah, guys, messing around with drug dealers is stupid. And drugs, really? Come on, Cory! To the mystery machine, guys!

Come on, girls! Hey, hey, wait!

Gotta love the classics.

Why does everything that they whisper just sound Why does every glare that echoes off the floor seem to be bruising me inside and banging on my door? Why does every word that's meant to hurt within seem to be bleeding through my eyes and scarring on my skin? Bruises show on fabric, bruises show on skin, but bruises cannot hurt me more because I can feel within. Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words burn just as bad. When you look at me, what do you see? You must see a monster. You must see a psychotic person. Whatever you see, that's not who I really am. You laugh at me, you taunt me, you call me names, names that will haunt me for the rest of my high school life.

Why?

That's the question. Why? Is it the way I talk? The way I move? What is it? I'm tired. Tired of being the laughingstock of the class. I'm tired of saying one thing and you feel you have to say something to make me look stupid. And the funny thing is, when you're alone, you say hi to me, but when you're with your friends, you laugh at me. Well, guess what? I don't need you. What you say might affect me, but I'm not gonna let it affect my life. I mean, you're sure not gonna be in it 10 years from now, so why should I care now? Because you see, what you think is weird Somebody else in the world thinks it's cool. And what you think is ugly, somebody else in the world thinks it's the most beautiful thing. I'm not worried about your thoughts or your opinions. I'm focused on my future, my goals, and my life. But if you have time to talk about me behind my back, then at least take time out to acknowledge me face to face. So now, I'll ask you again. When you look at me, what do you see?

I see a person.

We always tend to ignore ugly things in life. We just put up the blinders and look the other way. Sometimes bullying is staring us straight in the face, but we just pass it by. I'm pretty normal, I guess. I mean, I don't bully people and I don't get bullied. I rarely see it happening at my school, but I think that's because I'm unaware I have the blinders up. There was a time a few weeks back when this big girl was behaving so rude and ignorant and mean to this other quiet, small, awkward girl. The quiet girl raised her hand in answer to a teacher's question, and the big girl made fun of how stupid her answer was and how funny her voice sounded. We all laughed, and the teacher just ignored it. You could tell the girl was upset, but we just ignored it, and the teacher did nothing. This continued to happen for a few weeks. Every time that quiet girl raised her hand to answer to a question, or pretty much anything. I soon started to think, this girl is getting bullied. She doesn't like it, and she's in a helpless situation. No one in the class is on her side. We just laugh and turn away, and the teacher doesn't do anything. We all witness bullying, but we do nothing. I mean, I didn't do anything. Does that make me wrong? My brain tells me to ignore it, but my, my gut tells me to do something. We all witness bullying, but we just pass it by. Pass it by.

Adolescence, it's a hard time for all of us, but now there's a great new compilation album with all your favorite hits. Hits such as—

There's a fire burning in my bones, tingling in my fingers, and it's lighting up my soul.

Rolling Up the Weed by a dealer. And favorites such as— That's not my baby, baby, baby. Ooh, girl, you crazy, crazy, crazy, ooh! That's Not My Baby by Justin Bieber. And of course, who could forget?

Wake up in the morning feeling like I'm pregnant. Grab my glasses, I'm out the door, I'm about to go get tested.

Tick Tock on the Biological Clock by Hot Messia. And of course, last but not least— I bet the dealers know my name by Trey Bongs, and many more such as... Knocked Up Ladies by Pregonce. Love the Way You Gave Me Herpes by FTDiana. Pocket Full of Cocaine by My Stash of Powder Pills. My Sex Is on Fire by Kings of Chlamydia. of and Don't Know It by SCDMFO, Ah, Push It Baby Remix by Salt-N-Pepa, Baby UMS by Grace, and My Life Would Suck Without You by Kelly Clarkson, and many, many more. Available now at your local Walgreens, right in between the Trojans and the Clean& Clear. So talented.

Hi, I'm Dr. Phyllis. On today's show, we'll be talking with Lydia, who says she is depressed. Yeah, I'm depressed. She's sad all the time. Things which used to bring her joy now seem pale and pointless. She claims not to have slept for days. Well, there's your problem. I get grumpy too when I need a nap. I'm an insomniac, Dr. Phyllis. I need more than just a nap. Lydia says she's also experiencing extreme fatigue and feelings of hopelessness and dread for weeks at a time. Now, Lydia, I think you just need to think happy What?

Excuse me?

You need to stop dwelling on all these sad things. You know what your real problem is, dear? You're self-centered. Everyone else feels sad too, but you, you just obsess about it, make it such a big deal that everyone has to care about you. You're not depressed, Lydia. You're just desperate for attention. Now put on your big girl britches and get over it. You're not special, Lydia. Take care of yourself. Whoa, is anyone else listening to this pile of crap? I don't think you're actually in therapy. You just be letting people into your business. Because the actual doctor would know that depression is an actual medical condition and it needs to be treated. You just can't get over it when you get off of brandy. Are you gonna tell the 14% of CMS students who have tried to commit suicide they should just get over themselves?

Lydia, I suggest that you seek legitimate medical attention.

Um, well, uh, we'll be right back after this commercial break.

Everybody knows Dr. Oz is where it's at anyways.

Hey, Mom, I'm going to my room for a little while. I'm having a bad day. Don't you want to talk to me about how your day went, honey? No, Mom. God, I'm 14 and going through a hard time with all these bodily and emotional changes that I don't understand. Until I feel more secure, I irrationally feel the need to push you out of my life. Don't think I haven't noticed the way you've been lashing out at me lately. It makes me wonder whether you're hiding something from me. Well, maybe I am hiding something. Now I'm feeling a familiar wave of rebelliousness brought on by an undeserved sense of entitlement. The big words that you frequently use invoke a sense of pride and satisfaction in a job well done raising you, but they also make me feel inferior and that I'm losing the unlimited control I had over you when you were younger. You can't control me forever! And I resent that you try! It only makes me want to behave more recklessly than if you kept me on a looser leash! The distance we have traveled from the subject I initially planned to ambush you with is making me feel more out of control and hence more angry with you. I know what you're hiding. I don't know what you're talking about! Please don't notice if I begin to behave suspiciously. Oh, save it. I found pot in your jean pockets while doing the laundry. What? I don't know what I'm more overcome with. Fear of my punishment or embarrassment that I thought that was a good hiding place. I don't know what I'm more overcome with. A melodramatic loss of my baby girl and the career I already had mapped out for her or pride that you may not be the teen loser that I was. Oh, Mom. I don't know why I felt the need to buy pot. I guess I just feel alone and perplexed in the strange new world that is puberty. I guess— I guess— I guess I just wanted to feel cool. Oh honey, you are cool. You are to me. In a few years, I may find this horrifying rather than comforting, but for the time being, much of your little girl is left for you to cuddle.

Oh, Jenna.

Mommy!

I don't know what I'm more overcome with, boredom or laziness.

September 28th. Dear diary, I've noticed that every time something good happens to me, something always bad follows right after. I mean, you'd think I'd be used to it, but sometimes I can't help but want to cry. Sometimes I hate my parents. They go about their lives acting as if there's nothing wrong, acting They treat me as if there's— as if we're some big happy loving family. They just don't get it. They don't get it. They don't get how they are the ones that make me miserable. They are the ones that make me hate life. They're one of the reasons why I'm depressed. I'm sorry I made you feel like we didn't care.

We care for you so much and we just wanted you to be happy.

I'm sorry if I ever made you feel unwanted or unloved. Dear diary, every single time something good happens to me, something bad always follows right after. Is it too much to ask for one, just for one good thing? I would think not, but I could be wrong. I wanted to say that I'll always love you.

You can always talk to me when you need to.

November 10th. Dear diary, sometimes I feel like there's no reason for me to live. I wish I could just cease to exist. I feel myself slipping. All the progress I've made is going down the drain. But who cares? It's easier this way. I'd do anything to make this pain go away. You can run from pain, but you can't hide from it. It'll always find you. Always. I'm sorry I ignored the signs.

I understand your pain.

You'll never feel alone.

I'll always be there for you.

You're not alone. December 19th. Dear diary, I feel alone, empty, lost, confused. I feel devastated, sad, angry, frustrated, tired, but most of all, I feel empty. I don't want to feel empty anymore. I want to enjoy life. I want help. I just don't want to admit it. It's okay to ask for help.

I'm sorry you felt like we hated you.

Everyone feels alone sometimes. It would have gotten better. January 2nd. Dear diary, I'm done. I'm done with life. I, I just don't know what else to do anymore. I'm tired of feeling this way. I'm tired of everyone I know hate me. I'm tired of trying over and over only to fail every Every single time. I'm tired of being tired. No one— no one will miss me when I'm gone. I'm just doing everyone a favor. So goodbye. Thanks, diary. Thanks for being the only one I could depend on. It's February 2nd. It's been a month since it happened, since she took herself away from us. There were so many things that I wanted to tell her, but I never got that chance. I wanted to tell her that I love her so much and that I'm so proud of her.

I wanted to tell her that I'd always— she'd always be Daddy's little girl and I'd always be there for her no matter what. I wanted to tell her that I was sorry. I never meant to hurt her.

So why did you do it?

Why did you choose to leave us?

Why did you use a permanent solution to a temporary problem?

Didn't you know how much we loved you?

Didn't you know how much we cared? Did you once stop to think about how we would have felt?

What we would go through once you were gone?

I wish you had failed.

I wish you had failed. Why couldn't you have failed? It's a weird feeling when you regret something that someone else did. Even weirder because you regret that they did it to themselves. She mattered to me. She mattered to a lot of people. Which is probably why we're all so confused. Confused because she never asked for help. Confused because she always seemed so happy. Confused because— because we have to refer to her in the past tense now. Whatever her reasoning, I wish I could have helped her. She never cried out. It was just another day. And when I heard, I cried and I yelled and I called her foolish and I called her selfish and I called her cruel. But in that moment, in that one moment, she wasn't any of those She was just gone, and I blamed everyone. I blamed myself. I blamed her. We may never know why she did it, but we all have our guess. She was so beautiful, they say. She didn't think so. She was She was such a good person, they say. I wish she had known it. She had such a big heart, but not big enough to keep beating when she asked it to stop. Whatever her reasoning, I wish I could have helped her. I know I could have helped her because she mattered to me. She will be missed. I wish she had known that. Look at me. I'm popular, good-looking, and I have many things to look forward to in life.

Look up.

Now back. I'm so great that I get scholarships for my research. Look around, not back this way.

Pass around. This is the amount of house money.

Cigs, weed, drinks, the best ingredients for our house party. Duff, this is my reputation we're talking about. Look around, not back. I'm still popular, and you can be just like me. You can't be me, but you can sure act like me. Look around, not bad, I guess. Too bad!

Oh, look out! Oh!

That's right, that's right.

Take a walk in my shoes. I don't like the expression because if I put your sneakers on, I'mma teach you a lesson. Schizophrenic because I'm hearing voices causing depression. Am I a maniac because I have a Twitter obsession? Moms all on my back telling me to be celibate. Ticks all over my jaw, so how I crack them's irrelevant. I don't understand, Jasmine, what do you want me to be? That's a check I'm not accepting. Why you want to try me? If you feeling froggy, jump, cut your legs off and eat them. Stereotype, I don't race, so I ain't running to beat them. Lyrics shooting like bullets, so I guess I'm a gun. My life's a TV, new episodes, 'cause I don't know where to rewind. Stuff all glued to my head, I'm a written text to Hollywood. Caught his name in the book, so how was that be symbolic? You're a sucker for my lyrics, just a mystery dum-dum. I got 99 problems, better hope you ain't one. Yeah, put your hands up, I said 99 problems, better hope you ain't one. If you become a problem to me, I feel bad for you, son. I got 99 problems, better hope you ain't one. All these things I've been saying doesn't mean that I'm doing that, scared of getting infected. I don't care if your kitty cat wanna kick it with me, you gotta show me them papers. On second thought, I'll be a virgin. I don't care about you haters scratching and itching, that's not something to flaunt. STDs are spreading, that's not a lifestyle I want. And while I'm preaching on safety, you dang near need some protection. It's hard enjoying things like when an injury in your midsection If you wanna get high, that's on you and your health. I don't need a bunch of friends, I can be cool by myself. Why do you bully me as often? You have low self-esteem. Since someone shut you down, you have to crush another dream. My crush is abusive, so that helps out a ton. I got 99 problems, better hope you ain't one. I can't hear y'all. 99 problems, better hope you ain't one. If you become a problem to me, I'll put death to you, son. I got 99 problems, better hope you ain't one. Put your hands up. Yeah, 99 problems, better hope you ain't one. If you become a problem to me, I'll be back for you, son. I got 99 problems, better hope you ain't one. People say that I'm fat 'cause I actually eat. Sometimes I literally get kicked for the kicks on my feet. I got a heart that's gonna win, that's why it's undefeated. My girl abuses me, but I want to hit her when she cheating. I'm so tired of home alone that I guess I'm sleepwalking. Bad enough in school, but my profession has my parents Just a few of my problems. Don't act like you don't have some. I got 99 problems, but I hope you ain't one. I got 99 problems, but I hope you ain't one. Yeah.

Uh, hey, what's up? Nah, still at the house. Dude, have you seen the new episode of Lake No One's Shore?

That's—

are you guys seriously still running around out there like idiots? Well, no wonder why your team is losing. It's got you on it. No, no, dude, I'm not gonna come down there. No, I'm busy. No, no, dude, like I said, No, right now, uh, looks like they're showing Oprah again. At least they're showing the audience anyways. Dude, that is just sad as crap. Like, don't they have lives or anything? But no, they're just sitting there, just, just sitting there staring into space like a little, like—

Like zombies.

God. Hey man, you still there? Yeah, sorry, I got a little, uh— So you need somebody to come save your butt, huh? Dude, that is totally what you said. Alright, fine. I'll come help you out, loser. Alright, see you later, man. Can't believe I spent my day watching other people live their lives on TV. I need one of my own. All right, Charlotte, it's time to get your move on.

Take a walk in my shoes. I don't like the expression because if I put your sneakers on, I'mma teach you a lesson. Schizophrenic because I'm hearing voices causing depression. Am I a maniac because I have a Twitter obsession? Mongo on my back telling me to be celibate. Chicks all over my job, so how I twerk is irrelevant. I don't understand judgment. What do you want me to be? That's a technicality. Why you wanna try me? If you feeling froggy, jump. Cut your legs off and eat them. Stereotype, I don't race, so I'm running to beat them. Lyrics shooting like bullets, so I guess I'm a gun. My lesson TV new episodes 'cause I don't know my re-runs. I'm glued to my head. I'm a retake to Harlem. Big Hottie's name in the book, so how was that missymbolic? You're a sucker for my lyrics, just a mystery dum-dum. I got 99 problems, better hope you ain't one. Yeah, put your hands up. I said 99 problems.