The Relatives Breakfast 2013, Anne Austin Sydnor, Brianna Brantley

Good morning, everyone. I'm very excited to be here today to speak with you all. My name is Ann Austin Sidner. I'm a donor, a volunteer, and a mentor at the Relatives. I first connected with the Relatives through a board member, Ellen Holland, and at the beginning I did some very minimal volunteering, bringing food and such to the Relatives. But several life-changing events altered for me what would bring me here today to speak to you alongside with my friend, Brianna Brantley. In the course of 2 and a half years, 3 events took place in my life that altered my life probably forever. I was diagnosed with and survived breast cancer. As I was finishing up my last round of chemotherapy, My mother was diagnosed with cancer, and it ultimately took her life. And 14 months later, I lost my father. Certainly the darkest period of my life. Were it not for my family and my friends, my foundation, I truly don't know how I would have gotten through it. And I like to say that my foundation is made up of boulders. I'd certainly lost 2 huge boulders with my parents passing. And while my foundation was truly shaken, I was fortunate to have some other boulders that shifted into place to make sure that my foundation stayed solid. And I'd like to acknowledge 3 huge boulders here today. My sister, Margaret Sidner Jenkins, her sister-in-law and my friend Ellen Jenkins Holland, and my friend Lisa Tenaik. And without their love and support, surely my story could have played out differently. I tell you this not to elicit sympathy or to feel sorry for me, but to try to paint a picture. Because you see, everyone in life needs a strong foundation made up of their own boulders in order to be successful and to face life's challenges. And the majority of the young women and men in Charlotte who seek the services of the relatives have little or no foundation. No constant or trustworthy boulders upon whom they can rely. So let me tell you how I came to connect with the relatives in the OnRamp program. I really needed to get out and connect with the community, and the idea of volunteering for an organization that helps youth and young adults was perfect timing. And I was really looking forward to working with young people and being a support for someone else for a change. So Rachel Leach, who you saw in the video, contacted me and asked me, to give a speech and prepare some remarks to young kids looking to find jobs. So I helped them with some interviewing tips and putting their resume together. I was horrified and amazed to see how many of these young folks are living out there in unsafe homes or on the streets. And the more entrenched I became at the relatives and the more I learned about the struggles of these young people and the struggles they were facing in my own backyard, the more I wanted to help. Rachel then called me and asked me if I would be interested in being a mentor for the OnRamp program, and I thought about it and I signed up. And that's how I met Brianna. So let me tell you a little bit about what I know about Bri. Her home life was very precarious. She lived with a single mom and 2 sisters. Brianna's father was not in her life. Her mother was disabled and on disability, and she had a drug problem. And Brianna often found herself being the caretaker of her 2 sisters. She admitted that sometimes she had to steal items like underwear and toothpaste to give her sisters because of her situation at home. And a lot of times she was fend— she was forced to fend for herself with little guidance, little support, and very little encouragement. At the age of 18, her mother kicked her out of the house. She was an adult. It was time to make it on her own. But the problem was she's still in high school. Brianna was scared and clueless about what to do next, and she started sleeping on the couches of friends. But eventually she exhausted all of those resources and she started to research area shelters. And that's how she heard about the relatives. The relatives and OnRamp became Bree's Foundation, an organization with folks committed to her well-being, committed to her success, and who weren't asking for anything in return. After 11 months of stability and support from the relatives, they recognized that Brianna could benefit from the support of an adult in her life to help be a constant and to help her sort of talk through life's lessons and struggles. And that's when they called me. But Bree actually called me before I called her. That's how excited she was about the potential of having an adult support in her life that she might be able to rely on. Bree and I start to meet weekly, and I love food, so we would always meet up on a Sunday and we'd grab lunch and we'd talk about successes and challenges for the week. And what I first noticed about Brianna besides her fabulous hair, I would talk about how I had a daily bad hair day and I would just, we would, Love Brianna's fabulous hair. But besides that, I noticed that she was so resilient. She had so much drive to succeed. She was determined to do better. When I first met her, she said she had 2 goals: to graduate high school and not to get pregnant.

Wow.

It was so hard for me to comprehend at that time, but looking back, what 2 critical goals for a young woman. Given her situation. Breanna was learning some basic things on her own with the help of OnRamp and with me. But to her credit, when she didn't know something, she went online and she figured it out. I was so empowered by someone that wanted to help themselves. Even though our life stories are very different, surely during my darkest moments, In my darkest days, I always knew I had people I could rely on, my family and my friends that were my support, that were my foundation. I suspect that Brianna felt that nearly every day for her was a dark day, that that's just how life is, that people come and go in your life, that most people have their own agendas and they can't be counted on in the long term, that that's just How life is. That is until the relatives. I can't imagine where Brianna might be today if it weren't for the relatives, and I shudder to even think about it. I have such fear and compassion for the countless others that are out there in Charlotte without support, who are struggling because they don't know about OnRamp. What will happen to them? Yes, I helped Brianna, but I'd also like to say that she helped me. And we helped each other. How she helped me, I'll never fully be able to explain, but she showed me her drive and her desire to do better. She's just one person in one town that's trying to break the cycle from what she knows and what she had growing up, and she's a real inspiration to us all, and I'm very proud of her. And now I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Brianna Brantley. Hi, I'm Brianna Brantley.

That's my mom. I call her mom because she's the closest thing I have to a mother. Hi, Kim. Hello, my name is Brianna Bratley and I'm 20 years old. I was born and raised in Charlotte, North Carolina. I want to start my story off by telling you my story and how the relatives changed my life for the better. I'm the oldest out of 3 children. I have 2 younger sisters, Zaniyah and Ajaya. These 2 are my inspirations. It's not all about me anymore. I have 2 younger sisters looking up to me in every move that I make. I don't have much family. My mother was born and raised in and out of different foster homes throughout her whole entire life. So bringing children in the world, me and my sisters never knew of cousins, aunties, any other family except my dad's. And none of our family— none of our dads were in our family. I can remember having many arguments with my mother about me wanting to have a normal family. We never went out. My mom didn't have a car. My mom never even had a job since I can remember. Back in 1998, my mother got stabbed over 42 times in her apartment by a man she knew. I was in the house, just in another room hiding where my mom told me to hide in and never move. Being in and out of hospital is something my mother suffers with to this day. Throughout this time, my mother built up so much anger towards the world. I can see why she used to say her life was ruined. My mother got stab wound cuts from her face down to her legs. She's not able to work. She took care of us on a disability check. My mother takes more meds than I can count on my hands. She got addicted to— she got addicted to any drug that would give her a buzz. My mother is a strong Black woman. Even though we don't really see eye to eye, I respect her and I never judged her. But she hated me. She hated me. She called me names. She'd tell me I was never going to be nothing. I used to often feel like a punching bag. I was just something she could release her pain on. I did many things growing up that my mother didn't approve of, but who doesn't? And I've learned many lessons due to my wrongdoings. All the problems I caused my mother, I see now, and I regret things that I've done. But I feel like if I didn't experience everything that I went through, I wouldn't be the person that I am today. Don't get me wrong, I'm no angel. Growing up, I wanted to do— I wanted to do what I wanted to do. I wanted to party, hang with friends, anything to be away from my mother. Only if I knew the things I know now. Yet I had to learn the hard way. I used to think my mother was trying to control my every move. I used to say, you just mad 'cause you didn't want me to go anywhere. You just mad 'cause you don't have anybody. No, she was protecting me from this crazy world that we live in today. It took me now to realize that. Throughout my education, discipline is something my mother enforced daily. I would always get good grades. I never brung an F in my mother's house, but I did bring a D in once, and that was a whooping I never will forget. My mother always told me once I turned 18, she would no longer be— she would no longer have control over me. I took that as a joke. The morning of my 18th birthday, getting dressed for school, I didn't get a happy birthday, Brianna, or you're legal now. Only thing I received was garbage bags, and she said, I no longer have control of you anymore. I need you to get your things and get out.

Wow.

I can't really say I didn't have that expecting to come, but I didn't think she was serious either. I was still in the 12th grade, only taking 2 classes to graduate, English and Spanish, leaving at 11 o'clock every day. I wish I kind of would have started looking for a job when she enforced it. When I didn't make it to school that morning, I stayed there packing all my things. I stayed with friends, neighbors, ex-boyfriends, really anybody that would let me stay. Everything took a change in my life. I eventually started doing hair to make a little cash. So that I can get to school every day and take care of little needs that I needed to be done. All I can remember, it was 2 months before my graduation date. Everything hit me so hard. My friend that I was staying with, we were planning on graduating together, but then she moved back to Sumter, South Carolina. Sometime— so time was ticking. Then I began to start researching group homes and foster homes and shelters that would take in teens. That's where I heard about the Relatives. I was too old for the crisis center that provided the teens where we would be referred— oh, I'm sorry. That's where I heard about the Relatives. I was too old for the crisis centers that provided beds for teens. That's when they referred me to the OnRamp program. And that's when things started to change for the better. If I hadn't gone to the Relatives, I wouldn't be where I am today. I didn't have no foundation. And for me to meet completely strangers that took me in, didn't care what I looked like, where I came from, anything that I went through, they accepted me. Foremost, they accepted me for who I am. They didn't judge me. They listened to me, and they understood my story. I finally had a family I always wanted. Well, that's how they treated me. I finally had people that believed in me and that were— that went out their way to help me accomplish and succeed in goals that I set for myself. Guess what? I graduated with no children. I even reached out to my mother by giving her an invitation. She never came. I was hurt. My own mother wouldn't come to my— my own mother wouldn't come support my biggest accomplishment. But guess who did? Ashley from On Rap. After I graduated, still no stable place to stay, OnRap helped me sign up for Job Corps. That's where I received my CNA certification and CPR certification. Soon after I completed Job Corps, I went back— I was back on my own, certified, with money to do what I needed to do. The relatives introduced me to Ms. Ann. She is now my mother, but to me, she's my mom. I can always talk to her about anything, even if it's just to call her to get on her nerves. She answers. She's the kind of person I can call and say, Ma, I want a car. I'm tired of riding the bus. Miss Ann would say, That's great, Bri, but let me just tell you what happens when you buy a car. That's when I found out about insurance, interest, and tires. Tires are expensive. The Relatives is the best thing that ever happened to me. I'm very proud of myself. I have came a long way from 3 years ago. I've learned a lot of life lessons. I'm currently working at Nota Barking Board, and my second job, I'm a CNA taking care of an elderly woman on weekends. I have my own apartment, no children, but I do have a puppy. I can't wait until my sisters get the age where they can join this program. They need their relatives just like I needed you. Fortunately, I had the relatives to help me through my dark times. In my dark times, within my dark past, they truly opened the door for me, and I am ready to walk through it. Thank you.

Thank you.