Episode 284: Don’t Let Messed up People Mess up Your Life with Co-Host Jon Lavin

Welcome to this episode of the Million Dollar Mastermind. I'm Larry Weddell. And before we get started, if you want to know exactly how to win again and again, go to Wydell on winning.com webinar now to watch something I've put together for you. Now let's get going into this episode of Million Dollar Mastermind.

I'm here with John Lavin. Million dollar earner, offices in 30 states, assets under management of 500 million, 2,300 agents, running a rapidly expanding organization as well. And as a result, he's razor sharp on how to get things done in business and your personal life. And another way of saying that, how to set yourself up for success. So thanks for spending some time, John.

Great to be here, Larry. Thank you for having me.

I want to get your opinion on this. I heard Joel Osteen say this. This is sermon number 7 24. For people that want to go listen to Joel, I think you should give credit to. But he said, don't let messed up people mess up your life. And this is another way, another extension, John, of what we were talking about last time, which was the purpose of organization is freedom. And you get yourself organized and then all of a sudden, if you're not aware of it, messed up people can come along and pretty soon they make you look like the crazy one. You know, that's the thing Mark of a narcissist is you get around a narcissist and they make you look crazy because they get you doing all kinds of crazy things trying to make sense of the craziness they're doing, you know. And the thing he said which is great, he said they can't help it and they're going to bring to you what's inside them. And what's inside them is a mess.

It's toxic, a mess. They're right about it. Like they are convinced and you can't convince them, nor will they listen to anything you have to say about them, which makes it more of a mess.

Yeah, and it may, you know, maybe it's their fault, maybe it's not their fault, but the point is it doesn't matter. And so you, you got to get to the point where you don't let other people's opinion establish your worth, good or bad. And people have problems of their own and they can't be trusted. In fact, he used this example as a preacher would. He said, Jesus was praised on Sunday, we rose into Jerusalem, you know, Hosanna's. And then they crucified him on Friday the same group of people, the same hosanna people. And so you can't get over, you know, overwhelmed, whether it's good or bad, by other people saying, you got to chart your own course because.

They got.

Their own problems, they got their own agendas. And so you got to reach the point where you stop trying to prove yourself to other people so you can be happy. You got to disconnect yourself from that. And because sometimes the people closest to you can't see that you have a particular kind of greatness inside you that you're kind of following. And they're interfering with that. They don't really think they are, but they are. And your job is to stay on track and let the obvious stuff come out over time. And so what. What kind of have you. You had to deal with that in your life?

Oh, I mean, I think everyone who's successful, you know, they meet the. The critics. You know, they have. They have every unsuccessful person. I'm just talking about financially, you. You have an idea or a concept or you want to work on something, and everybody's got their opinions. And I think at some point you've got to realize, okay, you know, there was a statement I heard, don't take advice from people more messed up than you. And so you really have to look at the person, what have they accomplished? What have they done? What is their expertise? And allow the opinions of an expert help you or maybe affect you. But the rest, you kind of have to make up your. You have to make up your decision about what you want. You have to find the way you're going to do it. Then you got to put yourself to the test to become a master where you have enough faith and trust in your decisions that you've got, you know, that you move forward with massive energy and that you and people that are going to be naysayers or people that are going to be negative or people that are going to be problems, you really have to eliminate the time you're ever around them. You've got to eliminate those people from influencing your actions on a daily basis. It's just not healthy. You're not going to get done what you want to get done if you hang around those, those, those. Those negative scenarios. So I think we all have to come to the point, you know, who are we taking our advice from? And have they been there before? You know, are we taking advice from someone who's already done it? And, and really be careful, because a lot of these people really do care about us. They love us, they want the best for us, but they don't know how to advise us based on our. Our. Our vision and our mission and our journey. So, yeah, I'd agree with you completely on that.

I think, John, it's everybody who continues to rise up and accomplish more and be successful reaches somewhere along the way. One of the big breakthroughs is you realize you got to assert yourself about who you let in your. Your life and who you let talk to you. And, you know, a lot of us haven't thought about. You know, just because there's negative stuff on television or in the movies or in the media doesn't mean you have to let yourself be exposed to that. I mean, there's certain things. There's certain people whose opinion I know are going to be toxic for me, and I either avoid them entirely or. Or we have an understanding. We don't talk about that subject.

Okay, isn't that, I don't know, successful people that don't operate that way, and most unsuccessful people, they're wasting massive amounts of time catering to these people that want, you know, some have some other agenda for our lives. And it's really. It's sad to see people who could be really successful who just get caught up in the minutiae of crap and negativity and they get stuck. They kind of just wallow in it, and it's hard to get them unstuck. And they get. They're right back into it again, you know?

Yeah. And they think they're good people. Majoring on the miners, you know. I remember sitting in my office. I used to have a office out where I could see everybody in the parking lot. People walk in and they would be out there. And one guy came in the office. Hadn't seen him in a while, but he was. He was a guy who'd come in, the kind of guy always had unlimited number of questions, never worked, never made a contribution. But he. Every time he'd show up, it was just question this, question that, why, that's why this, and monopolize your time. Wasn't a bad guy, but he was a disruptor. And so he came in and the office. I was ready for him. I ran out of my office, got. I intercepted him two steps inside the front door in front of the receptionist. And I said, hey, how you doing, Bob? What you got there? Because he had a. I knew what he had. He said, well, I just was thinking of some things. I wanted to run some questions by you. I said, oh, really? I said, let me see. So I looked at it real Quick. I took the paper, I looked at it real quick, I wadded it up and put in my secretary's trash can. I said, now get out of here. I said, we have. I said, I've already answered 100 of your questions. You still have never gone out there and done any prospecting or made any effort towards building a career, making a sale or anything? Why should I? I said, you're over quota on questions. And then another guy, we had a negative guy who was a manager, you know, the guy who shows up late, leaves early during the meeting, you know, he's got a sour look on his face. Well, we had one of those kind of guys. Eventually faded off. And so about three months later he showed. We're starting a full timer meeting Monday morning and he comes waltzing into the room and I was just picking up steam, you know, kicking off here, recognizing some people, announcements. And I said, and everybody's watching. It's about 50 people in the room. I said, what? What? I said, what are you doing? You know, just before he could sit down, I said, what are you doing.

Here for the full timers meeting?

And he said, oh, I just came back in, you know, I was going to join it. I said, no, no, you're not. I said, when you were in here before, I said I hadn't word from you in 90 days. When you were in here before, you were negative, you never added anything. You were a drag for everybody else. So no, you know, you're not allowed. Get out. You know, sometimes you just have to. Because I knew if I'd let him come into the room, it would have put a damper on my presentation to these other 50 managers who are getting ready to kick off their week and they need to see me at my best. Yeah, I couldn't be at my best looking at his stupid face out there. Get out.

Yeah, and it's so hard to do that most people don't have the guts to do it because they're worried about what everybody thinks, especially that guy. You weren't worried about what that guy thought you had. Your decision is I didn't want his sour looking face mug in my audience zapping the energy from me and the rest of our people.

We were having rocket ship growth, John, as you know, and our time was valuable and the guys who wouldn't make a contribution, you know, we used, you know, when you look back on it now, you feel like, you know, I had to be a monster.

But Larry, let me ask you a question regarding that. How important is it to know what level someone wants to be coached at? You know, how important is it to have a relationship with your employee or with your associate or, you know, a teammate or a vice president? On what. What level they want to be coached at? Like, based on what they want to accomplish. Will they allow you to coach them? Is that something that, I mean, I think that's a really important piece of the puzzle that, you know, there's like, on a scale of 1 to 10, one, you know, kind of leave me alone. I want to do this like a hobby. 10. I have goals and dreams I have to accomplish, and I need. I need to be coached at a level. 10 like a professional athlete would expect to be coached. And where do you want to be coached? You know, how do you want to be coached? And then that gives you a lot of room to be straight with people if you get the go ahead to coach them at a high level. Have you experienced that at all?

Hey, listen, there's a lot of information online, but there aren't a lot of people who have actually done something. In my case, I've actually built a successful business, has accrued over $5 billion in assets under management, and has done well even during trying times. Now, if you want to know exactly how I've done this, go to whiteellawinning.com I've compressed a decade of learning into five short weeks. Just for those of you who want to give yourself an incredible advantage and are tired of waiting and watching others.

Move up, if they're working with me, I've got to go ahead because they can get their ass out of my office and go find somebody who will patty cake around with them, you know, but the deal is, if you come into me, I don't know of an easy way to win, John. It's not easy for me to win. It's not. It takes a lot. You know, it's not that I'm a hard worker. I'm just incompetent most of the time. And then every now and then, I work like a dog and I figure out something, how to. How to get it done. And then all of a sudden, I'm smart. But I was really stupid before I got smart, you know what I'm saying?

And somebody comes, glad to hear that, Larry. I feel better about myself because that's me.

They come in and they, you know, scale of 1 to 10, get your butt out of here. You know, I'm a 4 and I'm a. I'm a. I'm a H10 in the quadrant of ambitious Leader this, I'm not that smart. Well, you know, this guy over here is an intuitive.

Those are your full time managers. I'm talking about newbie that walks in.

The newbie needs to be dealt with by somebody else, you know, you know what I'm saying? I cannot, I'm not the guy to change the diapers and have him pooping on me. And you know, you know why, John? I'm like fighting a war. I'm like, you know, like if Schwarzkopf fighting the war in the, out of the bunker and the war in Iran, he got 500,000 troops and he got planes and he's got scouts and he got technology and he got this, that the other, and the bombs are flying and then all of a sudden he's got a great grandson, he's not going to be changing the diapers. You know what I'm saying? It's just like, how important is your time? How many people do you have counting on you to deliver and to be focusing on the main things? And the main thing for a leader is to get results. And so if they're going to come in to me, I'm going to work with them and show them how to get results. And of course, on an individual basis, you work it out, you get a relationship with them, if you're friends with them, you instinctively know, you know, when, you know, when they're like, come on, you know, who you kidding? You know, you're not, you're not yelling at them all the time, but when you're talking to a group of 40, you got to take a, you know, you know, a strong stance. But when you get individually, you know, you got to cut them some slack. And you do this and the other because people do not grow in a straight line manner. And you know what? I didn't, you know, I went through all of those stages myself. So the deal is when you put yourself through it, John, and you go through all those things where times you were just, you know, you couldn't get yourself to work or you couldn't get yourself to do this, and then you finally forced yourself to it and then you move to another one. You know, when you've been through all of these things and then you had a slump or whatever, you know, been through embarrassing times, it gives you a feel for people. But you can't get the feel out of a stupid book and you can't get the feel from going to some kind of Harvard University and a professor get up at 10 points of this and the quadrants of Ambitious personality, leadership or nurturing. I don't understand this stuff.

You get it with just pure guts, hard work, guts. A decision. Day and night, night and day. You never stop, you never let up. You're relentless. And then what happens? You end up attracting some other people that want. That want to be around somebody who's relentless.

You know, and the first thing I would say, John, is you get people you like and who like you. You know, you've got to have. I can't work with anybody I don't like, and I can't work with anybody who doesn't like me. Because now we have a friendship. We can kid each other, we can joke around and. But we could be, you know, you know, if I need to say something, you know, I can say it. But. But, you know, with a friend, I'm going to cut them slack most of the time. And this, that, and the other, you know, the group we get together, we'll have accountability and all. But I'm going to understand if something goes wrong, because I'm going to know them. I'm going to know a lot about their personal life and this, that, the other, that, you know, the dog died or something.

That's the biggest. I think you just hit on the biggest single key to leadership is that you've got relationships with your people, right? And you like them, and they like you, and you trust and they trust you, and it allows. It allows for you to be straight with people. And they get it. You know, they know your heart is for that, their success. They know that you're in it for them because that's the relationship that you don't have to tell them. It's the relationship that's been established and the care that's been shown.

And the people that are going to be successful, they just kind of instinctively understand how life goes. You know, you got to be responsible and you, you know, when things go bad, you got to suck it up. You know, you might whine for a while, but then you got to get over it and get back to work. And this, that, the other. And I wish you were here. You know, you were with me earlier. There's a guy out in California I just did a podcast with. Never. Didn't know anything about him, never knew his name until we started talking. We're like brothers. Like from this, from the second, from the second minute, we're like brothers. And because. And you'll find that with the right people, when you're around the right people.

Yeah, it's like instant.

It's like you know, it's like square pegs and round holes. You're never gonna get the wrong people. You're never gonna find the right way to treat the wrong person, you know, or somebody the right way to treat a person who's got a wrong attitude, you know, or maybe they're the right person. It's just the wrong time of their life. You know what I'm saying? There's no right way. So if it's a fight to make it work, it's like, hey, maybe now is not time, or maybe you need to work with somebody else or maybe you need to try something else because, you know, this is not working for either one of us. And neither one of us are so desperate that we have to make this work. So go place someplace where you can be happy. Yeah, I want people to want to be happy. And if they listen to me, I can show them how to have success. And you know what? To make them happy success. Because they prove to themselves they can do it just like you did. You know what I'm saying? It's like you always had a multimillion dollar business inside of you. You didn't quite see it. You always. It was like with you, it was like, well, yeah, I do, theoretically, but I need to get a couple more of these and a couple more guys had to get a little bit more. And it was like, you know, it's like I told you Trump that day, Johnny, Johnny, Johnny, you got it. You're more talented than most, than almost all the rest of us, John. You don't need anything, really. You know, and you're.

That mattered to me. And that was the relationship and friendship we had. And then you could tell me that in that way.

Yeah, right, right. Because we knew each other and. But see, I also knew that, you know, you were the greatest trainer. You are one of the greatest trainers and educators and salespeople and wordsmiths of our generation. You know, it's a privilege to know you, John, and it's always great to see, you know, you express your opinion on things and how your mind will make sense out of things. And so, you know, that's why when I saw you that point, it was.

Like, john, get with the program. You're way better than you know you are.

You're so much better than you do. And guess what turned out there. You, you know, look at you today.

You know, it's going. It's. It's going great. And our people are succeeding. You know, there's. Our guys are making over a million bucks A month. Now that's the cash flow to the agency.

Isn't that something? To have a business where the payroll is over a million dollars a month.

Yeah. And that's going to their families and their communities. I mean, it's amazing to see the lives that have changed from the people that are willing to do the work.

And a business that you and Patty started from nothing, didn't know anything, were scared and all of the things. And now you got a business that's all wide scattered out, but payroll going in there of a million. It's just. Congratulations, John. That's just fantastic.

Well, thanks. Yeah, well, it's fun. We're on it. But you're right, we got to be careful who we hang around, that's for sure.

You've got to assert yourself. And if they're not adding to you, they're subtracting. There is no such thing as neutral. There is no such thing as neutral. It's either benefiting you or they're sucking life out of you. Because why we're all in the life situation, life gravity of grow or die. And so that's why it's got to be positive force or it's going to cause you to flatline and eventually start to unravel and then die. And so you got to have those. None of us are good enough to go all by ourselves and stay positive and be the positive influence for everybody else. We've got to have, you know, it's got to be a team thing, everybody pulling on the positivity, the working rope, the problem solving, take responsibility rope. And if we all pull on there together, we can do great things, you know.

Yeah, yeah. It's not always straight up. I think that's the main. People have to understand that regardless of what level you're at, you run into new challenges at that level. Sometimes you'll flatten out for a little while until you figure it out, dig back in, and then you go up again.

Yeah.

You may even go backwards for a little while before you go up again. But that's, you know, I don't know any other way to do it. I've never experienced straight up. It doesn't work that way for me.

Absolutely. And so the last thing you want to do is pay all that price having so many of the people paying the price around you and then have messed up people come in and mess the whole thing up. You as the leader, you as being in charge of your life. You got to assert yourself and some way find a way to remove that as an issue where they can't affect your thinking. Thanks so much, John. This has been really a lot of fun. Great insights.

Thanks, Larry.

If you enjoyed what you've heard and are dead serious about finding out for yourself exactly how this works in the real world. I've taken the most valuable business lessons I've learned over 40 years and put them into something for you to watch. Go to widelawinning. Com Webinar now in order to move up as fast as possible. I'm Larry Widell and I run the Million Dollar Mastermind. Go Go.