Episode #645 - Scary Books VS Safe Books with Kary Oberbrunner, Founder and CEO of Igniting Souls

Welcome to this edition of the million Dollar Mastermind podcast. This is where we pick the brains of high achievers from all walks of life and get their hard earned real world insights on Ready? I'm your host, Larry Wydell.

I'm talking with Kerry Oberbruner. Did I pronounce that right, Kerry?

Perfect.

Okay, well, we're excited to have you and excited to get your insight about what's going on in the publishing, the book world, the, you know, the exchange of ideas, but also to find your. How you wound up in that position. So how about, how do you like to introduce yourself? How do you like to be introduced?

I'll tell you what I tell people. I'm a bald guy with a girl's name. That way, people, they don't take me too serious because, you know, I have had some success, but I've had a ton of failures. And I. I get the fact that success doesn't come easy. And you got to work hard. You got to work at it for a long time. And I'm old enough to have been in the publishing world now for 20 years. So I saw when ebooks were first a thing, and audiobooks. And I'll tell you what, Larry, I think what kind of sets our business apart is that we don't view your book as a business card. I've heard that so many times. Your book's a business card. And I say, no, it's not. Where do business cards end up? People say, the trash. And so what I did, Larry, is I actually wrote a book called your book is not a business card. Because business cards change landfills. Books change lives.

Yeah. Okay, repeat that. Repeat. I like that.

Yeah. Business cards change landfills. Books change lives.

Yeah. Fantastic.

Yeah. And so what we do is we actually turn a book into 18 streams of income, and people might say, oh, my gosh, what in the world? But I stumbled upon this. I really did. So in my. In my former life, believe it or not, I was a pastor. So here I was, right out of seminary. I was a pastor, but I felt.

Why'd you go to seminar? Why'd you go to seminary?

Yeah. Yeah. So I went to a small little place called Grace Theological Seminary in.

I know of it.

Are you serious?

I know of it.

Yes. Wow. Wow. So I did a master's there, and then I did a doctorate at Ashland Theological.

I know that, too.

Yeah. Oh, my gosh.

Okay, so this is all. Are all these brethren type backgrounds?

Yeah. Look at you. Look at you. Yeah. All right, we won't go there. But anyway, yeah, okay, okay. So, yeah, I grew up, you know, my dad was a pastor. I wanted to help people. And so basically I started in the church, but then I liked writing books. And it was a way, you know, I couldn't sing, I couldn't do a lot of things, but writing was a way that I could express my thoughts. And so in the beginning, I first wrote those books. And I'll tell you what, Larry. I wrote the safe books. You know, I wrote the books that were about a topic. And you really don't have to be open and authentic and honest in it. But what's a safe book?

What's this? Give me an example.

A safe book was one of these books here about. I started out with the Christian books. And so this book was about how to be in the world, but not.

Of the world, okay?

Super safe, super theoretical, that type of thing. But along came the scary book. And I want to tell your listeners that. What do I mean by the scary book? The scary book is where you write about real stuff and you write about edgy stuff.

You're not referring to failure, are you?

I'll tell you what, Larry. My scary book was about me struggling with depression and self injury.

Yeah.

You know, because I had. What did you do to yourself, man? I, I used to be a cutter before it was a thing.

How do you get to be a cutter? Where does that idea even come from, Carrie?

I'll tell you what. It started out at the age of 10 with biting, okay? And, and, and, and here's where it came from. It came from anger turned inward.

What were you mad about? I mean, too much control, too much discipline from the.

I'll tell you what. Restrictive imperfection. Ah, imperfection. I was, I was wired to be a kid who felt like he had to be perfect, was angry that he wasn't. Self hatred, mistakes. I don't know where it came from. You know, I've done some things.

Are you the oldest in your.

I was, I was the second oldest, but I'm, I'm totally wired to be the oldest. My, my, my, my older sister is, you know, she's been a lifetime missionary and that's cool, but I've always been the achiever. The sports, the, you know, blah, blah, blah. But Larry, nobody knew this, this was not, I was not one of those people who's like, oh, let me tell you how sad I am. Let me tell you how depressed I am. Let me show you my, my bite marks or my cut marks, man. That was a way that I actually kept A secret and shame. And what I really wanted to do was achieve, achieve, achieve and earn love and earn acceptance.

Yeah. Well, did you. You know, on that front, parents listening to this would want to know.

Yeah.

Should your. Because I'm sure this was, you know, you're with a rip. The.

Okay, I'll say anything you ask me.

Anything.

Ask me.

Yeah. I'm sure your family would have been given anything to know this and to be able to help you through that. Take the pressure off and say, relax. But what signs there had to be. There's always got to be some kind of sign.

Yeah, listen, it was.

If it could be nipped in the bud. You know what I'm saying? Like that.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm sure that. So I. You know how that. You got that book, the Five Love Languages?

Yeah.

I. My. My love language is words of affirmation.

Yeah.

So I didn't care. I was a wrestler. You know, I didn't care if somebody hit me in the face. But if you would. If you would say something. Yeah. You know, those words would. Would hurt. And so I. I started out with a joke, honestly, about being a bald guy with a girl's name. But honestly, as a kid growing up, that's, you know, kids would make fun of you. Ah, Carrie's got a girl's name, blah, blah, blah, you know, and it's not like today where.

You know, different, but Cary Grant.

I mean, there you go there.

What are we talking about?

There you go. Yeah, yeah. So I just, you know, I had a warped view of God, man. I had. I. My view of God was like, you gotta. You gotta work your way. You gotta. You gotta be perfect. It's a lot of pressure. Yeah, sure.

Yeah.

So I. I had to get to that scary book that I wrote. Yeah, you.

You wound up with a grace.

I.

But the idea that the. The definition for God, that he chooses to define himself as charisma or grace.

That is so true. You are absolutely right.

Was not. Was not that that could have been a great sermon for you to hear at that point here.

You know, I'll tell you what, man.

That is love. You know, he's.

That is true. I did not have a view of grace. And grace, of course, for your listeners, is, you know, getting something you don't deserve. And.

Right.

Man, I was wired to be, you know, the warrior mindset, the stoicism, the. Give me the deepest, darkest. I mean, that's how I was wired. And. And there's a lot of pride in that, Larry. I mean, that, you know, we. We like to think of that person as, oh, poor them. There's a lot of arrogance, like, ooh, look at who I'm better than.

Right.

You know, now, you don't walk around like that, but inside you're like, you got that badge of pride. And so what. What God had to do, honestly, was like, confront that man and crush it.

Yeah. And so it's a matter of if you have kids like it, just be aware of.

Yes.

And not over. You're scared of the parents who really don't have the spiritual side to their life or long term, and they're living through their kids.

Yes.

Now, I was a yeller as a parent when my kids were 8 years.

Old at the sports. Oh, yeah.

And I was yelling because you want them to, like, hit, you know, do this, that. The other. My oldest son, the coach said he had coached for 17 years. He said, In 17 years of coaching, I've never seen a more aggressive kid in, you know, like, he's like, yeah, I've never seen a more aggressive kid. Didn't say he was the most talented, but the most aggressive. Now, my other son, two years younger, was the absolute opposite. He was bigger, but like a baby Huey, you know, they put him on, he would block a kid, and then he would go, are you all right?

Yes.

I didn't hurt you, did I? So football was not his sport, man.

I have two kids, just like you said. I got a young daughter who I. In fact, I got a picture of her. She's holding a football. She tried out for the boys football team at a very young age. Knocked a tooth out, spit it on the ground, and kept going. So. But no. To your point, though, I tell people that the area of your deepest wound is often the area of your greatest impact.

Yeah.

You know, and so entrepreneurs who are listening to this, if you failed, if you've had a wound, if you've had pain, man, you could take that and you could leverage that. Like, it. Like, David Goggins is pretty popular, you know, these days with just his extreme ultra marathons and stuff. But he took. He took being a fat kid in his own words and lazy and all this, and he took that, and he just turned it into this monster, you know, and he's the world's toughest guy or whatever. So I think you can take pain. I've had plenty of authors. One of my authors is after the Flowers Die. It's a story of when her son was killed in a hunting accident. She could have been devastated forever, but she took that pain and now she helps other parents who've lost a child. So I do believe that you can leverage your past pain well, that you.

And you have to have unbelievable respect for people that have gone through that because they're their credentials. You can't argue.

Yes.

With their right to speak on that subject. I've always been staggered and amazed by people who can go through that. You know, they lose their sight. And I heard about somebody the other day, like disadvantage. Now I don't have to worry about that stuff now I can concentrate on this talking as a huge advantage. Now I can move forward. It's like, what are you talking about? Where did that come from?

Exactly.

It's an insight that comes from God. But yes, it's without that trying to.

Replicate that on your, your unbelievable.

You know, these people that come back from war and they've got limbs missing.

And everything, it's just unbelievable. And they stay and they stay many times grateful. Gratitude. And the rest of us, you know, who maybe spill our milk, get a flat tire. Wow, what a lesson. I'm with you.

Yeah, I, I saw this. What it was that I heard was someone who said it was going to have to be in the wheelchair the rest of their life, you know, and it was like they're, you know, something, something happened and they were going in to, you know, console the guy and he goes, what are you talking about? This, look at this wheelchair. It's the greatest wheelchair. You see how fast I can move with this thing? He said, wow. All of a sudden he turned this into incredible advantage for himself. But attitude is everything. And how, look, you know, if you, if you blow that, you're screwed, aren't you?

Yeah, well, you know, and even I know this is a, you got the business podcast here, but you look at Sarah Blakely, you know, one of the world's first self made female billionaires, right? Her struggle of not looking good before a party and then chopping off the legs of pantyhose and it becoming Spanx is an example of what we're talking about. Anything in life that is a challenge, big or small, you can leverage it and turn it into a solution.

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