What Tom Said to Himself After Failing to Make a Sale After 70 Presentations with Tom Safford

Welcome to this episode of the Million Dollar Mastermind where we get real world insights on winning from people who have accomplished amazing things. I'm your host, Larry Weidell and let's get going, Tom. Let's talk about behind the scenes things that don't get covered enough but you wind up using these. You know, your father was a fountain of non stop stop positive programming and you know, he had, he just understood things in a way and he really good at verbalizing things, putting. You know, the great thing about having the nutshells or what people would even say are cliches is that they work and you remember them. I mean, you know, when you can rattle it off like that, you can remember those things. Remembering is the key to using them. So when you're in those situations that things come to you and you know how to like for you were talking about with your son, he had the big injury and you immediately knew how to go in there, not minimize the thing, not explain it away, but then say now how are we going to look at it and use it as a life lesson for him? You know, when you're one of the things off the top of your head, what are things that you say to yourself from a self coaching standpoint and you find yourself using these, These are things that have been, some of them may have been with you from the beginning. You don't even know where they all came from, but you use them again and again and again. Some of, you know, a lot of them we've already heard they've come out. But things that you kind of surprise, you kind of surprise yourself. They have so much widespread application and you use them, they become part of your marrow. You know, this is when you evolve with these things, you become a certain kind of person, but it's because of principles, concepts, sayings and you know, I've got, you know like the top 10, you know, we all have. You can't think of them all the time. We have about 10 top things or so that we go to when we're sorting through problems or situations we can't understand. What are you, what are things that you are helpful to you that are like benchmarks or gives a skeletal structure for stability and staying on track in your life.

Well, that's a, that's a, that, that's interesting. You know, my dad was great on studying proverbs which, which I used to be great at. And I've gotten a little bit away from. If we're going to have a, if we're going to have a little Bit of a, you know, come to Jesus meeting right here and understand that. But, you know, I think one of the things. One of the things that sticks with me is a saying that Tom Hopkins really taught us. I'm not judged by the number of times, the number of times that I succeed, and the number of times that I succeed is in direct proportion to the number of the times I fail and keep trying. So as part of that process, you know, that's one that I'm constantly thinking about. When we got started in our business and I was out, you know, trying to do my thing with sales to start, I talked to, you know, 70 families, and I had zero success on the first 70 families that I talked to. And so I say to myself, geez, is this really me, or am I really somewhere in the four stages of competence? You know, I understand I've passed the unconsciously incompetent state, because I already know.

That I don't know.

But as I move to the. As I move to the consciously incompetent stage, I know that there's so much more I have to do and have to get good at. So a lot of times, I kind of look at those four stages of competence. Of course, the third one being consciously competent. I'm still working on getting better, I'm still working on getting proficient, but I'm not there yet. So that number four, I can be unconsciously competent, and the words can just roll off my tongue and out of my being, because that's where my dad was great. He internalized the things he wanted to learn. You know, Larry, so many times people go to a meeting, they take notes, or they do an online. They're listening to a podcast, they take notes, and then they. Out of sight, out of mind, put those notes aside, and they never get back to studying them again. Until they said, wait a sec. One of that one GU guy, Tom Safran, said something on a podcast, and they go searching for those notes where my dad took it as saying, okay, what can I learn from what I just watched? I just spent an hour watching something. What can I learn? And then do I want to internalize it? And then if I want to internalize it, then I am going to make sure that I make that part of my being. He was fabulous at it. And one of those that then got passed on to us is when I said. When I said, we were brought up to know that we could do anything and have anything we wanted. A lot of parents just use that as kind of lip service. And we kind of looked at it because he would say to us something that, again, Andrew Carnegie had told him. He said, all riches and all material things that anyone acquires through self interest begin in the form of a clear, concise mental picture of the thing one seeks. And you say to yourself, I say to myself on a daily basis, okay, where am I headed? What do I want? What do I. Okay, we just did that. We checked that off the list, off the goal list. Okay, now what? Where are we headed? Well, we've already started working on, you know, other things in order to get there. So it's a constant understanding that we're never going to reach the level of evolution that we want to, even if we've had financial success. That doesn't mean that life is. That we've got life, you know, by the tail. We understand that there's a whole nother piece of it that we got to get pretty doggone good at and that I need to understand if I'm going to pursue my mission, I got to live my life with a sense of dignity. And I got to embrace problems as opportunities and look at things as solutions instead of problems. And all those kind of things that just became, you know, part of a principle of who I were, who I am, that I've got to cultivate my character and my spirit, and I've got to. And I got to keep adjusting the needs of not only of mine, but of my loved ones. And then one of the biggest principles, you know, came from Winston Churchill. Never, never, never, never quit. You know, we're all going to be faced something in our life where the easiest thing to do is quit. That's the easy route, is to quit. Whether it's on a marriage, whether it's on a business, whether it's on a friend. That's the easy thing to do. But in order to not do that, you've got to have that daily introspection to say, okay, how'd today go? Even if I was just out golfing, Larry, okay, what did I do right? What did I do long? How many fairways did I hit? How many greens? What could I have done better? What changes can I make? You know, a friend of mine the other day said. Said to me, you understand that golf is just. Golf is just a series of immeasurable adjustments. Well, life's the same way. A series of immeasurable adjustments. And so, you know, I think the thing that's made Leila and I and our business grow as rapidly as it has over the last 10 years, nearly doubling in the next four years will be double of what it was 10 years ago. In the next two years it'll be double of what it was 10 Years ago. You say to yourself, well, I think it's because we're not real comfortable being comfortable.

That was fantastic, Tom, that whole segment there. But you kicked it off by saying, I want to get this clear in my head. 70 presentations in a row.

70 in a row with zero success. O for 70.

Talk about making a great convention speech.

Exactly.

It wasn't great living through that. Now you are the son of the mighty Bob Safford.

And he was my trainer.

You figured it out, Larry. He must have thought, I've got the dumbest kid.

Yeah, just a classic example in our business of saying the right thing to the wrong people. I was simply in the wrong market, I was talking to the wrong people. I was an 18 year old kid telling people at my country club, because that's the only people that I knew that they were doing the wrong things with their money. So I mean like, so they're these old people, these 35 to 40 year olds. I'm 18 and I'm like, well, everything you've always been taught is wrong. Let me tell you what's right. And they're like, you know, they use some words and so good. So once I did, once I found out where I needed to be talking to the right people, then it was fine because I never was, I never worried about doing the hard work necessary to be good at my trade. I just was talking to people.

There's certain things, I mean, you just cannot succeed against all odds. I mean there's certain things you just have to put. There's, there's a certain amount of succeeding that has to do with putting yourself in a position where you can succeed. And you know, you're never going to catch a nice trout out of the mud hole in your backyard. You know what I'm saying? You have to go to where the trout live.

And you got to give them the right kind of bait that they find attractive.

Right? You got to use your, you know, your brain to set, to set your, you know, there's a lot to setting yourself up for success. But if it's any consolation, I'll remind you, because I'm sure you've already heard this before, that Ray Kroc. Ray Kroc, after He bought the McDonald's franchise from the brothers, was in Chicago going nowhere, selling none. Because he kept trying to sell it to people at his country club. And when they would buy some of them would buy a franchise, but then they're not going to do it. So they gave it to their unemployed brother in law who went in there and just kind of, kind of followed the formula. There was massive failure after. Only when he got over to mom and pop, people who had to get government loans to buy the franchise, and this was their whole dream and their whole life was tied up into it that it started to take off. And you know, even, you know, these are lessons that. There's so many lessons, Tom. We just don't know we need to know. But you wind up learning it a lot of times by just doing a complete belly flop. And it stings to go through that, but. 70 times.

70 times, yeah. And then I, you know, I took my securities test seven times. It took me two. And I don't think I'm a dumb person, but I just didn't, I didn't spend the time necessary to be proficient. And a lot of people, you know, I think they, they say to themselves, oh, I'm not successful in life. And, and it must just because I, I'm not supposed to be successful. Well, what kind of work did you put in? And looking back on, you know, the failures of my tests, it had nothing to do with the test and nothing to do with the material. There were plenty of other things that was keeping a 20 year old mind busy than studying for an NASD exam.

Yeah. Now, how did your dad deal with you and keep you on track and going during that? Kind of. Because we all are going to be dealing with people who go through those kind of things or even ourselves when we're going through something new, you know, starting something new, there's always areas that you explore that you're interested in. This may be great and you don't get off to a great start and you want to give it time to grow and all. What did your dad say to you, keep you on track through that?

Well, through the process. Through the process. It was always, it was always, don't worry about, don't worry about. This is not a failure. You are getting better. I would give him the presentation. He's like, yeah, you're giving it fine. Then it's the kind of back in the day when they had carburetors, it was a little carburetor adjustment in what I needed to do. And as soon as he saw that I was talking to the wrong people, you know, we got talking to the right people. We made a list of the people that I could talk to. And then frankly, dad made sure he put in front of me prospects. And I said, listen, instead of me being in someone, you know, in my own warm market, that's not working, because my warm market wasn't the right one for this business. I'm going to spend my time in other people's warm markets. And so I'm going to. I'm going to get where I need to be in order to make it happen, you know. You know, talking about. And that required a thought process, and that required good thinking and mental toughness. But, you know, one of the things. There's a great. Another great little book. It's called As a Man Thinketh.

Right.

As a Man Thinketh. And of course, it goes off of Proverbs 23:7. For as a man thinkest within himself, as is he. And I, you know, I'm always like, all right, how is my. How is my thinking? Well, most people, as you and I know, Larry, most people thinking is stinking thinking. They don't know how to do it. And they're not willing to get out of their comfort zone enough to change it. Because the comfort zone is where, you know, where you are right now, whether you can pay your bills, not pay your bills, whatever your standard is right now, you know, that you've been able to live and maintain in that. And it's a little difficult even to get out of that comfort zone. So. Well, what if I'm not successful at it? What if I can't? What if I can't do it? And that's where it's very helpful to have someone like, you know, Leela in my life, who's a great truth teller. We need truth tellers in our life. She's a great truth teller that says, tom, you can do it. You're as good as anybody else. And thank God I believed her, or I at least have believed her for a moment.

Yeah. And let's go. Maybe a quick comment about. You said golf and life are the same. A series of immeasurable adjustments. Exactly. What does that mean to you when you say that?

Well, I think at the root of things. Like for me, I think at the root of me, I'm a good person. But through that, I still say some stupid things. I still do some stupid things. And so just little, little things I've got to check myself. Okay, Tom, before you snap off, before you think about, you know, so it's. So it's just little things where you say that you're about to get yourself in way hotter water than you started. And so it's, you know, it's when to. When to use the ears and not necessarily your mouth. Those kind of things matter.

In control is. It matters staying in control and. And not, you know, this whole thing. Just live naturally, you know, that's an idiot.

Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Live naturally means you're going to get pissed off about some things. Yeah, but. But through that process, how are you going to convey. How are you going to convey that to others? How are you going to communicate that?

Right. You know, if you're in a boat, you actually can steer it, you know, you don't just have to.

Yeah. Float along. Exactly. Right, exactly.

So this is great, Tom. I'm going to let you go because you've. You really been generous with your time, and it's so much fun. I mean, the time has flown by and we're just going to have to do this again down the road.

I agree. I agree.

Tell me. Here's. I'm going to give you so much great advice. Do you think. Is there any last thought that you want to pass on as a final word here to wrap this thing up?

Well, I think the only final word I would give is, is a message of hope to anybody that listens. And that message of hope is regardless of what's happened in your life, regardless of where you've had to deal with issues, we all have to deal with issues. Even in my, quote unquote idyllic upbringing, I had to deal with issues. And through those issues, when you know where you're headed, you know where you're going, and you decide to be. Decide to be mentally tough enough in order to not become unfocused. Man, it's hard in today's world, with all the different things beeping and bapping at you in phones and texts and tweets and various things, it's tough to stay focused. But through that process, if you're in the right vehicle and you're willing to spend enough time that you can evolve, you are not what you become yet. And in my business, my future is in the hands of people I haven't met yet. And through that process, understanding that and then therefore working like that every day, you'll get to where you want to go. It's not a question of if, it's just a question of when. And through that, my hope is anybody that listens to this and is able to see that, my gosh, if Tom can do something and grow something, and Lord knows I can, too, fantastic.

Tom was absolutely incredible. I knew it would be, and I know what you stand for. I know your track record and congratulations on the great job you're doing with your family, your kids, your grandkids, and also in the business and your community and everything. Thanks so much for all you do. We need your example tomorrow, so thank.

You for the time. I appreciate it.

That wraps up this episode. Consider leaving a rating and review if you like what you heard. In addition, I have a free video for you and it contains my best insights from 20 years of running my own business and also coaching million dollar earners. You'll find it at whitelownwinning.com webinar thanks for listening and do it big.