Matthew Hussey argues you should date fewer people and keep early dates short. He says quick coffee meetings let you assess chemistry before investing time in someone who isn't right for you.
Here's my guess. You hate going on random dates. And why wouldn't you? You go on dates where you don't know there's any chemistry. You spend your whole evening with someone that in the first five minutes you realize you don't feel anything with, and afterwards you feel deflated and burned out and like you don't want to go on any more of them. Now I get it. I don't want to be giving up entire evenings of my time for strangers either. I'd rather be spending it with friends or family, people I already know and care about. Which is why what I'm about to tell you today is so, so important and will revolutionize your dating life. Be generous about who you meet, but be selfish about who you date. See, I think people are fussy about the wrong things. You'll get women who give a ton of their time and energy to a guy who's not even trying. And then when they're swiping on a dating app, they won't even talk to a guy because his shirt and his shorts don't match. I believe that we have to start getting less selective about who we talk to and focus on more selective about who we actually date. Because it's dating that is time consuming. It's relationships and investing emotion and energy that is time consuming. Meeting someone takes one minute. I'm starting to believe in the idea of a one minute date. What is a one minute date? It's the moment in the cafe where you ask the guy who just ordered a turmeric latte whether it actually tastes good. It's a moment in an online dating situation where you send a guy a message to have a quick conversation to see if he actually is as witty as he claims to be in his profile. In fact, I believe that we should rarely go on a date with someone we haven't first had a phone call with. If you meet a guy online or on an app, you should be getting that person on the phone before going on a date with them. I know personally, I can tell within five to 10 minutes on the phone whether I'm going to enjoy someone's company and their conversation. Why waste three hours on a date where you can spend five minutes figuring out whether you can actually connect with someone? So many people these days are going on dates to find out if there's chemistry. I'm a believer in going on a date because there's chemistry. People misunderstand me. They think that I want them to be going on dates every night of the week. I think that is the worst use of your time. I want you to be talking to different people, creating chemistry so that you can decide on the one night of the week that you do have a date to give it to someone that's actually showing promise. What I need you to do is give more energy to the quick interactions that might actually lead to something and give you choice with men and drop the six month affair with Dan, who you have a great connection with but only sees you twice a month to hook up at 11 o' clock at night. So many women are more comfortable giving up yet another evening of their lives to a guy they like but know it's not going anywhere with than dedicating three minutes of their life to a new phone call or a conversation with a guy they don't yet know. And by the way, there's a really good chance that this is going to feel uncomfortable at first. Why? Because it's so much easier to go out with the person you already know, even if they're not satisfying your needs, than to go out there, meet new people. But you don't have to spend entire evenings with strangers. All you have to do is give a few more minutes away. Make this year the year that you meet your Mr. Right quicker because you're generous with your minutes and selfish with your hours. I'll see you next week.
