Matthew Hussey explains how introverts can thrive at social events by mirroring the warmth they want to receive and connecting with people early to reduce later exhaustion. He uses the peak-end rule to reframe social experiences and stresses that follow-up messages afterward sustain relationships and ease future interactions.
You know me, Steve. I love people, but I get a bit exhausted socializing. People, I think, misunderstand introvert versus extrovert. It's not that introvert means you're bad at socializing. It just means you find it draining and you have a recovery time that's different from an extrovert in that situation. Well, I was pretty drained, but here's what I've learned about doing events like this and any event for anyone who's got events coming up or. anyone who's who's going to be around people and feels kind of exhausted from that. There are a couple of key things I've learned that I go into those situations with. One of them is to have the energy going in that I want people to have with me. So if I want warmth, if I want openness, if I want people to have, if I want people to go deeper with me than the small talk, I have to bring that to the table. So I don't sit there going, God, I I wish more people would come over and introduce themselves because that would make me more comfortable. That would mean I wasn't stranded in this room on my own right now. I literally think to myself, what? I I need to be the thing that I want other people to be. So if I'm grabbing my lunch and there's four people at a table over there, I need to be the one to go over and be like, hey, guys, mind if I come sit with you?
Yeah.
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The second thing is the more work and by work, I just mean the more effort you put in to know people early in the event, the easier the end of the event is. and not just the easier, the more fun it is because you have put in the groundwork. That means later on or tomorrow, these people won't be strangers. A lot of what we want when we're especially people who are introverts, but yeah, in general, I suppose a lot of what we want is to feel like the people in the room aren't strangers. We want to feel like we're comfortable, comfortable enough to relax, comfortable enough to just be ourselves, comfortable enough to not feel like we have to entertain constantly. And the root to that is actually, is effort. The root to that is connecting with people so that you don't feel that an hour from now, so that you don't feel that tomorrow. And I always have to remind myself early on that at anything, whether it's a party, whether it's an event, the more I connect with people now.
The.
More I'm not going to have any of these feelings or I'm going to dramatically reduce these feelings a few hours from now or the next day. And every time I'm leaving something like this, you know, by day three when I left, I felt very diff, I felt, you know, comfortable. I felt like, oh, half of these, I didn't know everyone, of course, but I was like, I knew enough people to be like, oh, so and so, oh, let's stay in touch. Oh, let's do that. Whatever. You know, it's easier. And now, of course, on Instagram, I'm getting DMS from all of these people that I met that weekend who since have realized how bloody impressive I am outside of the hill. I'm getting all of these DMS from people who are connecting with me and are like, I can't wait to see you next year. I can't like, you know, it's so good to meet you till next time. I'm now in contact with those people. And the more I follow up on those relationships, the more those relationships will already be fostered for next time.
Yeah.
So it's, we have to not use our either fear of a situation and, and, and social anxiety, if you have that. or just simple introversion and feeling like, oh my God, this is exhausting. We have to not use that as an excuse to avoid the work of connecting with people because the great paradox is that connecting with people is the answer. Truly connecting with people is the answer because that then diffuses all of those feelings that A, if in the case of social anxiety make you feel like, oh my God, I'm uncomfortable, I'm scared of this situation because it becomes known to you. Or in the case of introversion, it's the thing that allows you to actually have more energy in the situation because you're not using all of your energy to entertain or to be on your guard or to, you can actually relax. One of the reasons why introverts don't mind hanging out with just one or two close friends is because they're not having to pour their energy. into the situation in the same way they can just be. Well, the more you connect early on in a social situation, the more you can spend the second half of the situation just being instead of doing. I really want you to check out this next video. I believe it's going to help you a lot. Click here. If you consider yourself to be an introvert, I'm about to give you three words that are going to change the way you think about attraction. forever. Peak end rule. The peak end rule. The psychological heuristic.
