3 Confident Female Mindsets That Drive Guys Wild... (Matthew Hussey, Get The Guy)

Hey guys, it's Matthew Hussie here. I put together a video for you of Q&A material from my Get the Guy tour. As many of you know, I'm doing a tour right now across the states. We're doing 10 cities. I wanted to get you something that you could watch, whether or not you can come to the tour. I know many of you have booked tickets, but I know some of you, you haven't been able to do it this time around. I have a little Q&A session that's gonna provide you some value and some stuff that you can use, even if you're just sitting at home and you can't come and see me live. And if you haven't made that decision yet, hopefully watching this will help you make that decision as well. 'cause you're gonna see that it's dynamic and it's fun and we're giving away so much great value here. So thank you guys. This is just me trying to over deliver for you and give you something extra. And I know that if you are coming to the tour, you're not gonna regret it. It really is a special thing and I'm really excited. So thank you guys. I will see you real soon. I hope you enjoy the video. Love to hear your questions. I would love to hear what you wanna know.

Yes?

I've been dating the guy for five months. Well, I get invested again and then he disappears for a month.

Right.

So you've got a guy who's blowing hot and cold, hot and cold. He invests and then as soon as you invest back, he goes cold again. Here's my philosophy, 'cause I know so many women who, they get a guy for an hour a week or they get a guy for one night a week and then they're like, I just wanna see him more. To which my response is, if he's giving you one night a week, is he the guy you want? Is this act, you may really love him for that night, But here would be my response to the guy. You really think that I'm gonna settle for happiness one night a week? Screw you. I need it seven nights a week. I need to be happy seven days a week. You really think that I'm gonna settle for something that's good one hour a week? You must be out of your freaking mind. You're, oh, I know who you're thinking of. You're thinking of the woman there. Oh, that's okay, I'm the woman here. This is who I am. I'm sorry that you got us confused.

Yeah.

So you come across hard and unapproachable? Are you those things?

No. Not at all.

For sure? Out of interest, why does that act of femininity make you cringe? Because I look at it as I can do it myself.

Right.

So your thought was, I can do it myself. What's the problem with that? There are many things that I have to say. Well, of course I could do them myself. That goes without saying. You're a strong woman. Of course you could do it yourself. That's not the point. What type of man do you want to be with? On the scale of masculine to feminine? A masculine guy. Okay. What types of guys do you attract right now? Pussies, right? Because a masculine guy needs to feel masculine. No guy, no strong guy is going to be around a woman who never lets him take care of her. Your argument is I can do it myself. What if I said to you that that's weak? What if I said to you that having to do everything yourself is a form of weakness? Because all it is is trying to validate yourself by showing how strong you are. And a strong woman doesn't need to exert that. She doesn't need to spend that much energy showing how strong she is. In fact, A really strong woman can go one step more advanced. Because, by the way, the weakest woman, the weakest, says, I need everything done for me. I don't know how. I can't do that. Help me. A level above her is the woman that says, I can do it myself. I don't need someone for that. I can do it myself. A level above that is, I know I can do it myself. But it's a lot of fun when someone else does it. It is strong to be served. It makes me strong to be served. But it does not make me strong to hold guys at arm's length saying I don't need them. Because guess what? You do. Men need women, women need men. Life just ain't as fun without them. So once we accept that we need each other, You don't need them for your happiness. I know that. But if you really want to get the most out of life and enjoy life on a different level, then yeah, bring some of those guys into your life. Because it won't be nearly as fun without them. And they won't have nearly as much fun with you if they can't enjoy being a guy around you. Let's take another question. Yes?

Vulnerable and was hurt.

So you've been hurt in the past. You don't want to be hurt again, so anytime someone does something that could show you're about to be hurt, your alarm bell goes off and you shut down. So then when you shut down, he doesn't feel connected to you. And essentially you sever the connection, don't you? But it's safer to sever the connection in that moment than to engage in it and risk getting hurt. You have to start by deciding what type of woman you want to be in this world. Not to put too big a question on it, but what type of woman do you want to be? You're gonna find a new guy, and you're gonna completely open up, and he's gonna be someone who's sent to test your strength as a woman. And he's gonna completely annihilate your trust, he's gonna hurt you, and you're gonna be left with all this validation for what you thought you should have done, which is closed down. I should have put up a wall, I knew it. But here's your choice. Is my trust destroyed or does this just make me stronger and more determined to find the type of guy I want? Is this a moment where I'm supposed to back down and put up a wall or is this where I really show how strong I can be in a relationship? Because it's easy, by the way, to be strong in a relationship when you've never been burnt. It's easy to be confident when no one's ever torn you down. It's harder, it's more of a challenge when you've had reasons to be insecure and you're not. And people do it every day. Now, I'm here to tell you that you've been tested. There are people that have hurt you, you've gone through some difficult things, but you still have a choice as to which way you want to go. See, between two events, you have a choice to react. in whatever way you want to react? How am I going to react to this situation? That's the big question. Which path is it going to send me down? Am I going to grow or am I going to shrivel? Now you've been shrivelling a little bit, like putting up a wall, but I know that's not who you really want to be. And I know it's not the example you want to set. So it seems to me you have a relatively easy choice. Should you only be dating one person at a time? Should you only be dating one person at a time? In life you always just have to look at the practicalities of any situation rather than get emotionally invested in well, what would I like it to be like? How is it really? What's it really like? And if I'm a guy and I'm on a date with you and I think you're sleeping with a bunch of other guys, is that going to grow my attraction? Probably not. They wouldn't know that. They wouldn't know. Right, so let's get to what's practical. Right? You can absolutely date different guys and it's up to you at what level you do that. Is it just a date? Am I sleeping with them and so on? Now what I would do is start from a place of what do I expect from someone else? In other words, would I want to start dating someone who was sleeping with a bunch of other people at the same time they were dating me? I found the perfect person. Of course I was Yeah, if you've absolutely, if you found the perfect person, you would dump all the others and therein you answer your question because what you're really doing is saying, I'm exercising my options. When I find someone I like, I'm gonna start focusing on that person. Now, my options might still give me confidence because they remind me that I'm an attractive woman, but I'm not gonna exercise those options while I'm actually focusing on this person I care about. And if that falls through, okay, I have options again, but I'm not necessarily gonna... You have to make the decision. While I'm with this person and I'm investing in them, do I entertain all the other options? Now, I would say to you it's dangerous because the moment he finds out you're a few dates in and you're exercising your other options is the moment that a typical guy, not every guy, but a typical guy becomes less attracted. Because as I said, he wants to feel he's on a unique path with you, not one that includes other people at the same time. I would say enjoy your options, have your fun, and when you meet someone you like, be prepared to focus on that person. That's what I would say. You know, there's nothing wrong with you exercising your options and enjoying being single, but when you meet someone you want, I wouldn't necessarily, I wouldn't suddenly throw all those people out of your life, but I would stop the intimate part of that so that you can actually move forward with a good heart with that person. that you like. One to maybe see if there's a chance. So if I'm out with someone, we're in a group, how do I figure out if they have a partner or not? Especially if I'm hitting it off with them. Because what you don't want to end up is I've just had a three-hour exchange. That's my Friday night gone. And you have a girlfriend.

Yeah.

And many guys will enjoy the validation from that, so they'll tell you at the very last minute, Even if they have, you know, even if they're always intending to tell you, they'll tell you at the last minute 'cause they're really enjoying the exchange. Which women do too, by the way. Let's not, like, strike off guys for that.

So.

I think personally, there's nothing wrong in a conversation when you've been there a little while asking someone if they've got a girlfriend. I don't think there's anything wrong with that. It doesn't look desperate, it doesn't look needy, it just looks like you're direct. It doesn't also have to be a situation where you're saying it because you're interested. It could just be you're asking. You know, like if they're in town for a few days, you talk to them about it. Like are you going back home? Do you have a girlfriend there? Talk to them casually. And it doesn't matter, like at the end of the day, I'd rather put someone on the spot and find out than be vague about it and give them room to not say it. and then, you know, go out for coffee with them and you're like, well, do you have a girlfriend? And they go, oh, yeah. And you go, well, why are you out for coffee? And he's like, oh, I thought it was just coffee. I would rather be direct about it and ask the question, but do it with a smile on your face and just do it as part of a casual conversation.

Yeah.

Well, one was, one guy you met was a stalker, and one guy was married. Why, just forgive me, but why would that affect your confidence? Just 'cause he's a stalker, it doesn't mean he has bad taste. Listen, I would say this. You're gonna attract some of the wrong guys. If you're attractive, you're gonna attract some bad guys. You're gonna attract some of the wrong guys. There's attractive people can't filter out just the good people. You can't be attractive and only have great people be attracted to you. If you're attractive, people are attracted to you. So you're gonna get a few crazies in there. You're gonna get a few guys who are sleazebags and they're married and they're gonna do that. You're gonna get that. But why that would affect your confidence? Because you're new to it. Right, but right now you're meeting guys, big tick, well done. Guys are attracted to you, big tick, well done. Now it's just refining. Now all you're doing is sifting out the wrong guys from the right guys, but you're already steps ahead of most women out there who are doing nothing. Most women aren't doing anything. They're not doing anything, they're not your competition. Like, this is the great thing. People are like, oh, the ratio is between men and women. There are so many single women. It doesn't matter. 90% of them aren't doing shit. They're sitting at home eating ice cream. They're not doing anything. They're not your competition. It doesn't matter. If you're a proactive woman, you're already in the 10%. And if you're proactive and you know what you're doing, And you've been to an event like this and you've been through it and you're figuring it out, now you're not even in the 10%, you're in that top 1%. And those women stand out from every other woman no matter how many there are. Go out tonight and here's what you'll see. A whole lot of women and men not talking to each other. If I could only tell men, guess what guys, don't worry about the rich guy over there. Don't worry about the guy over there who looks like Brad Pitt. He ain't your competition because he's too busy sitting at the bar trying to look cool. These women over here, they want a guy to talk to them. No one's going over there. These guys that you're afraid of, that you're intimidated by, that you don't think you have as much as, they're not your competition. They're not doing shit. Go do it, and you're already way ahead of the curve. Just talking enough will eventually get you laid. And I say to you women that most women aren't doing anything, so they're not your competition. Get out there, be proactive, do this stuff, and do it with a good heart, and you're already in the top, top percentile of people who are going to get results. Thank you so much. Thank you. Are you going back home? Do you have a girlfriend there? Talk to him casually.