4 Dangerous Reasons You Fall In Love Too Fast (Matthew Hussey, Get The Guy)

I recently had a story come to me of a woman who met a guy on a cruise ship. She said they had the most incredible time, great conversation, they danced, they kissed. It was so, so special. She said after that, he barely texts me, he never calls, but occasionally he does make time for me. And that confuses her because when they are together, she has an incredible time with this man. This is a story in one form or another that I have heard from women for years. And there is something fundamentally wrong with this kind of story. It's someone who's taking a moment with someone, a moment that was special, and I'm not taking that away. We can have moments with people that are incredible, that are special, and that are wonderful for their own sake. I'm not devaluing the moments, but what people do is they take these special moments and they turn them into signs. Because I had an amazing time with someone, because we had great conversation, because I felt an incredible connection, and that moment felt so special, it must be a sign of what I'm supposed supposed to have with this person. I believe that is a complete non sequitur. Just because we've had a great time with someone, it doesn't mean they are going to be someone who invests in us, who actually moves things towards a relationship with us. What is it about us that takes a special moment with somebody and turns it into a sign of things to come? One, many of us are lonely and affection starved. So when we get someone who makes us feel like we're connected, we hang on to it for dear life. Two, we want to fall in love. That makes us a biased judge because we look for evidence of things that might show us we are falling in love and that someone is falling in love with us. And three, an intrinsic human tendency to construct a narrative, to connect the dots between events, a kind of existential band-aid to the lack of meaning in our everyday lives. we should also be aware that some people, not everybody, but some people have that narcissistic quality of wanting to create huge swells of emotion in the moment. There's a wonderful moment in the movie the Talented Mr. Ripley where Jude Law's character, a playboy, a very charismatic charming man, is being talked about by his girlfriend and the best friend he's made in recent weeks. And his new friend Matt Damon is complaining to Gwyneth Paltrow that after such a close, intense friendship, he now feels like he's left out of the group. And Gwyneth Paltrow says, the thing with Dicky, it's like the sun shines on you and it's glorious. And then he forgets you and it's very, very cold. When you have his attention, you feel like you're the only person in the world. That's why everybody loves him so much. You see, someone can be the most incredible company and we can feel the most incredible connection to them, but that doesn't mean that they aren't selfish or narcissistic or frankly just not that interested in truly investing in us. Many people are very good in the room and then as soon as you're out of sight, they have forgotten about you and they are not reaching out. There are two things I want you to take away from this moment right now. One, unrequited love isn't romantic. It's emotional masochism. Now you may be saying to me, but Matt, he does have feelings for me. I know at my core that he does. Fine, let's assume that's true. Then you need to remember the second part of this message, which is that if he's not investing, the onus is on you to walk away. I want you to make this the year where you finally learn how to value yourself and create deeper meaning in your life so that your happy so that when the right person comes along, your decisions are driven by mutual investment, not by fantasies. If this resonates with you and you want me to be your partner in helping you achieve these two things, try the retreat program. It is the best thing I have ever created for accomplishing valuing ourself, true confidence, and creating happiness and meaning in our lives. I'll leave a link here MatthewHussertRetreat.com and see you there.