5 Reasons To Love Being Single (With Special Guest Lewis Howes!)

Hello everyone, this is me, Matthew Hussey and this is a guest. This is one of the very few guests we've ever had on this YouTube channel. His name is Lewis Howes. Lewis.

My man, good to see you.

Good to see you.

Thanks for having me on.

Thank you for coming. This is ladies, I know you're gonna be excited about this. Need I say more? Lewis is the author of the book, the School of Greatness, which you may also have heard in the form of his podcast Louis has a very, very famous podcast that I didn't come across Louis because he sought me out. I had someone on my team say, you have to meet this guy, Louis. He's out there doing the School of Greatness and it's amazing and he interviews all these incredible people. So that was how I found out about you. And I thought with Louis today we'd do something a bit different because we have the pleasure of you being here. And I thought, let's get this attractive man talking about ways to enjoy being single because I know that so many of you guys out there are right now trying to enjoy the process more of being single and something you talk a lot about in your book is enjoying the process of things, right?

Yes, yes, enjoying the process. Yeah, it's all about.

Exactly, and now if you're a single person you don't generally get into a relationship by being miserable being single. No, it helps if you're actually enjoying being single.

You attract people when you're living your best life. You talk about that in your show constantly. We're attracted to women who are driven, who are up to big things, who are committed to their vision, not just someone saved me, but they're up to big things.

Yeah, I always say, you can't, men want to be with women, they have to convince to have a relationship with them, not women they have to save.

Exactly, exactly.

So here's what we did. I actually called you up this morning and said, because I, Lewis wasn't aware of what we, he was gracious enough to say, I'll do a video with you. without knowing what it was gonna be about.

I'm in bad luck.

So I called him this morning just before the show and I said, right, I've got an idea. You come up with five ways to enjoy being single.

Yes.

And I'll come up with five ways to enjoy being single and let's compare notes. So we've both written them down. I don't know what you've got. You don't know what I've got. So I'll start. I'll give you my first one. Then you give me your first one. So. I put get really, really, really good at something because you won't know, you never know when you're gonna have this much time again.

I like that.

So get good at something, like I don't, it doesn't even really matter what it is. Like if you wanna get good at dancing, if you wanna get good at playing an instrument, if you wanna learn a new skill set, now is a really good time to launch yourself into it in an obsessed way.

I love that, and that's my fourth point.

Oh, is it really?

I'm gonna, I'm gonna, you killed one of your points already. So I said doing the things that you used to love doing before you got into a relationship. Because you know we get in a relationship sometimes and then we just get stuck in doing what is comfortable or what they want to do or we do nothing, we sit around and watch TV but we don't do things we used to love doing.

Yeah, well of course you get so comfortable, you sort of... I always say my fitness trainer used to say to me, like I was getting out of bed a little bit late. During the summer and I had sessions with him really early. And I said, no, no, I'm gonna get it together, I'm gonna get it together. And it was in London and it was starting like the seasons were changing and he laughed at me and he said, you, wait till it's winter and you've got a warm body in bed next to you. Oh, you won't want to get up. And you don't want to get up. So it's like there are so many things that just because we're comfortable and things are like they're warm and cozy.

You don't want to get out from.

Under the covers and do something. Exactly, yeah.

All right, do things you love.

I like that, the things you used to love. All right, second, something I call spontaneous socializing, which means there's a spontaneity I think you lose when you're in a relationship. And I'm not saying you should lose it, but I think people do. So for example, if you are at home one evening with your girlfriend or your boyfriend and a friend says, Hey, I'm out right now in this bar. Come join us.

You're not gonna go.

You're not gonna go because you feel bad.

Yes.

Because it wasn't like both of you were invited necessarily and you're not gonna say, Hey, I know we were gonna spend an evening together, but I just got invited somewhere. So you don't do that. So I think engaging more spontaneous socializing where A, you say yes more off the cuff, and B, you socialize with the types of people you wouldn't normally socialize with because this is a good time to also experiment with the types of people you like hanging out with.

I love that. That's a great point. I'm gonna go into my first point, which was more time getting to date and love yourself.

Oh, that's good.

Yeah. So, and I know you've talked about this before on some of your shows, but when I was single back in the day, I was like sad and down and out. And then I started saying, you know what? I'm gonna start loving going on a date with myself. Maybe a guy wouldn't say that, but I'm gonna enjoy loving going out to dinner by myself, to movies by myself. And I did that, and I started to really appreciate who I was, not.

For who I wasn't with. Isn't that cool? Because in the beginning when you do that, you feel a bit, you can either feel self-conscious or you can just feel like people get uncomfortable in their own space. Oh my gosh, when they have no.

One to talk to. Yeah. It's awkward.

It's a weird thing.

But I'm telling you, when you practice that, you start to see that you get more confidence, you feel like you can own a room, you don't need someone there to talk to, you can be at peace with your own side.

I think people should set themselves a mission. They should go like once every two weeks, do one date by yourself.

Yes, movie, dinner, lunch date, coffee date.

This is brilliant. Okay, I really like that. Third one, get out of your little city or wherever you are and go. I didn't want to say travel because I thought not everyone has the money to travel right now or the time with work. But that doesn't mean that you can't find a fun place to go for the weekend near where you live or even a day. Just get out of your little area and go explore places.

It's funny, a good buddy of mine who's engaged right now, he lives a few blocks away. He's like, this city is so big, but we do the same things every day. There's always new place to go hike, there's a new adventure, but we don't do it. So he's making a mission like every weekend to go explore LA somewhere new to experience that with his fiance. It's fantastic. Doing that single would be great. So number, what's this number three? Number three. Number three for me is time to focus on your health. Because again, we get comfortable, we lay around, we don't go work out as much when we're in a relationship. Sometimes, hopefully you'd have a partner that supports that. But finding time to really commit to going to classes, doing the extra workout, and making yourself feel better, that's what I'd say.

I love that. I think that's a really important one, and it's gonna make you feel sexier and more attractive anyway, and that's gonna feed back into everything else. Because this is number four, take risks to tell people that you find them attractive. I think one of the things that makes single life enjoyable is knowing you have choice. Even if you don't want to exercise that choice right now. One of the things that makes being single quite scary is when you think there's no one in the world that wants you. And we wait, I think, to see if people want us. We're like sort of always hoping when we walk out of our door someone will say, you look great today. Like you really, wow, like you look sexy. Do you want to go on a date tonight? We always hope that's gonna happen. Most of the time it doesn't and it's not because people don't find us attractive, it's because like us, people don't have the courage. They don't go out of their way to make stuff happen. Exactly. And so I said, you know what, having options makes being single more fun and the only way you're gonna have options is if you actually take risks. Yes. So take risks.

I like that one. Number four for me is getting to surround yourself with the family and friends you love. Because sometimes, like you mentioned, you're not doing the spontaneous friend thing. We stop hanging out with our friends, we stop seeing our family as much, and we're just spending that alone time with our partner.

That's so true.

So getting to reconnect with the friends, doing the spontaneous, going out and drinking at the bar or whatever.

You stole one of mine there.

Exactly.

I had the exact same thing, which was there are certain family members. I know I had this with my brothers. I got two younger brothers, I sort of came out of a relationship feeling like, wow, I really haven't given them what they deserve. And I haven't built the connection. I'm so close to my brothers, but your relationships are only as good as you invest in them. So I knew I hadn't invested enough in the last year or so, and it gave me a new impetus and time and energy to be able to give to those relationships. Okay, so...

Number five.

This is number five?

Yes.

All right.

I believe so.

I put make rejection your friend.

Because it's... Dude, I like that one.

It's good, right? So I just think we're so... There was a line in your book where you were giving us a bit of a pep talk and you said, Get over how you look.

Yeah.

And you were talking about just in general, not specifically your looks, but like, get over the way you look and don't fear embarrassment so much. And I thought about that in the context of rejection. And you know, I know there's so many times in my life where I've not done something because I was afraid of looking uncool. And I was like, what if I go and talk to her over there and she thinks I'm weird? And you just, you have to get over yourself. You have to.

I was, you know, I was terrified to talk to girls when I was in high school. And I think I might actually told you the story. And I remember giving myself a challenge going in from junior to senior year, or maybe a sophomore to junior year, but I was 16. And I said, every time I'm outside of my house and I see a pretty girl that I'm attracted to, I'm gonna go up to her and say hello. That was the initial challenge. And I remember being so terrified to start because I didn't want to get rejected. But then it became easier and easier because I just said, Hey, how's it going? My name is Louis. Great to meet you. And struck up a conversation. And it gave me so much more confidence for the rest of my life. I love that.

But that fear of getting rejected, even it happened, I was like, okay, next. Do you have a go-to these days when you go up to someone?

Is it just to say, you know, how are you? I find you attractive. You look really lovely. Is there a go-to for you? I just say, How are you? I just smile and say, how's your day? You know, I keep it really simple. I'm going to do this with men and women, you know? I'm like, how are you? How's your day? Where I'm out at lunch or dinner, whatever it may be.

And that's non-threatening.

How are you? How's your day? Smile. I love it. People love the smile.

I love it.

Okay, you're number five. This is, you know, I'm kind of putting it back into something from my book, maybe. It's reconnecting to your vision personally and professionally.

Yeah.

So sometimes we'll get lost in relationship with what we really want because we fall in love, we get comfortable, and two years goes by and we're like, what did we really want? What was our dream? What was our mission? So reconnecting to the vision for our personal lives, our relationships, our health, our career, whatever it may be, and being clear on that vision, not just being in a relationship to be in a relationship, making it clear with or without someone.

I love that. And ironically, I think people were scared by that in relationships because they think, well, if my partner has this big vision outside of me, I'm not as important. But actually, interestingly, what allows you to feel really strong in a relationship is knowing that you have sources of confidence that don't just revolve around the relationship. Then when you come back to that person, you have so much more to give. Because you're not trying to take, like, you're my source of validation, so I.

Need you to be a certain way.

Instead, you're like, oh, I feel great and let me share my happiness with you and give more to you. So I think that's great. I had, well, I had one backup one just in case you stole one of mine, which you did because you had the, you stole my get closer to family one. But I put, I put be a morning person. And the reason I put, what do.

You mean by that?

I had this experience for a while being single where I was, I thought, you know, the antidote is to go out all the time. Late. Yeah. Like, go out and, and socialize. You know, you often you associate socializing with the the late end of the day, right? Not the early side, which I think is a mistake actually, because you can meet some wonderful people at more wholesome hours of the day.

Running in the park.

Exactly, and you'll have a much more romantic story than, you know, I met dad because he was grinding up against me at 1am.

He bought me a shot.

Exactly, yeah. We were doing fireballs. No, I realized I was going out a lot, but it was leaving me feeling worse. And I know, do you remember, you and I had this conversation, I was saying like it was It was a slightly depressing time because I, you know, it was leaving me feeling just like, oh, God, people are the worst. When you go home at 2 a.m.

Or 3 a.m. you- wake up at noon.

Yeah, you see all like the people at their worst, they're drunk, they're messed up, they're doing the things they would never normally do. And I started thinking, oh, people suck.

All right, my self included.

You went to bed dreaming about that. Thinking about that and yeah, you wake up late and then you miss certain routines that are good for you. And then I realized, you know what? When I get up in the morning and I see the sun out and, you know, I train and I do other things, I start to feel like life is better. The world is a better place. And then I meet people at those other hours and in other places and you meet a better quality of person as well a lot of the time. So be a morning person, I think ironically will actually change the game.

I like that. I would love to hear what everyone else thinks. Like maybe one or two tips of.

Like, Let's do it.

Maybe they could add a comment below or something.

So what should we have them leave a comment for?

What's your-- the number one thing, maybe.

Okay, let's make it really easy. One thing that you either do right now or you know would, if you did it, make being single more enjoyable and bring a much better mindset to your life. And if you're not doing it right now, it's a great thing to write down, 'cause now you know what your mission is for this week. And I wanted to, you know, 'cause I think for a lot of my audience, this is a, You know, I've done an interview for your podcast, which you can find. Yeah, where can they find that?

SchoolofGreatness.com or just type in School of.

Greatness or Lewis Howes, Matt Hsu. Right, so you'll find my interview or Lewis interviewing me, which was so much fun. Perhaps the best interview I've ever had because it was such interesting questions. But I wanted people in my audience to have a formal introduction to you as well, because what you do is so incredible and I know you've I've written this book now, which is amazing, which is born out of the School of Greatness series. For those of you that don't know, you know, introduce us just quickly to the concept of where this book came from, because I think it's interesting. So, I started this podcast three years.

Ago because of a breakup, actually. I was trying to figure out what do I want to do with my life? What's my transition? What am I really creating? What's my vision? In School of Greatness podcast, I wanted to interview some of the world's most inspiring human beings like Matt and talk about what it means to be great and pull this information out of them as me being a mentee to mentors of the world and giving that access and information to people in consumable ways so that they can apply it to their life, whether they want to be a better mom, better in relationships, whatever it may be, build a bigger business. And the book came from all these interviews and episodes and boils down to eight key principles of how to be great. Yeah.

And I've read an enormous number of books in the self-help world, obviously, for more than a decade now, because I've been obsessed with this content since the age of 12 years old. And I wish I had brought my version of your book to show everyone. When I first arrived here today at Lewis's apartment, I said, you know, I said, if you could see my book, he only gave it to me like three days ago. Like, I got like an advanced copy. And it's a mess. Like it's just underlined and highlighted and scribbled all over. Appreciate it. But there was so much that I took away even for me to go and do in my life now. And I have to go back and now read my notes to see the things that I wanted to do. But it really already has made a big difference in my life. And I know it will in yours too. And it's literally available this week.

Right now. Right now.

So I guess we should send people to Amazon.

Let's go right to Amazon.

And the book is called School of Greatness or the School of Greatness by Lewis Howes. Go grab a copy. I don't say this just because Lewis is a dear friend of mine, but because this is something that cuts through so many of the big, what I think are the pseudo science ideas out there in self-help and so many of the things that I've come to despise. This is actually, to me, this is back to basics. It shows you how to make massive improvements on your life wherever you are right now. It doesn't matter whether you're at the top of your game or whether you're right now in a rut and you're trying to get out of it. This is something that really will make a difference and I would encourage all of you to go out and grab a copy now. So go to Amazon, School of Greatness is the title of the book and leave us a comment. By the way, if you get the book, leave us a comment under here. Let us know what you thought of it and I'm excited to see what all you guys think and let us know what you thought of the video as well. Hopefully you enjoyed it. How's on?

Yeah.

Let us know. Do you want Lewis back? It's going to be an easy one.

Let me know.

But Lewis, thank you so much.

Appreciate it.

Real pleasure having you here.

Thanks.

Man.