5 Tips for Meeting People (From a Guy Who Couldn’t Use the Apps)

Nearly half of us adults say that dating is harder now than it was a decade ago. If you are frustrated with endless swiping, ghosting and dead end chats, you are not alone. One Reddit user wrote, I have wasted so much time trying to meet people through apps. In eight years I have met zero people in person. If any of that resonates, the cynicism, the fatigue, the will I die alone jokes, take a breath. You are not doomed. Pew data from 2023 shows that only about 1 in 10 couples actually met through an app. Now that number might be a bit higher. Now it might be around 25 to 30%, but over half of people still meet through everyday life, friends, work or chance. So in this video I wanted to share five practical tips for how you can meet people offline. Whether you're taking a break from the apps or or you just want to know that you don't need them. Number one, say yes to invitations you would normally decline. There have been studies on our thoughts that show that we have thousands of thoughts a day and most of them are the exact same thoughts we had yesterday. Well, I think the same thing about the things we do day in, day out. Most of the things that we do in our lives are routine. They are a repetition. So what we have to do is start introducing some newness into our lives if we want to meet new people. I remember going back to London one Christmas and my friend, a friend I rarely saw inviting me to his engagement party. I didn't really want to go, I was tired, I was jet lagged. But I said yes. And I am so grateful I did because that decision to say yes changed the course of my entire life. That party is where I met my wife, Audrey. And even if you don't meet the love of your life when you say yes to an event, every invitation is an opportunity to expand your network. Even if you don't meet someone romantically, you might meet someone who introduces you to someone else down the line. By the way, the people that are especially valuable to this strategy are what we call your weak ties. People that you don't know that well. Acquaintances, People you don't see very often. And I know it's scary and outside our comfort zone to go where we don't know people, but you really never know when it's going to pay off in a life changing way. Speaking of getting outside our comfort zones, this is the last chance for you to join my one and only retreat for 2025, which is happening in the next two weeks. It is finally here, the retreat is going to show you how rewire the deep emotional patterns of a lifetime so that you can finally see what's possible for you in love and in life when you step into the most confident, calm and powerful version of yourself. The best part is this year, for the first time, you can do the retreat from home with the virtual experience. So you can do it from where you're watching this video right now for just $195. The link to get your ticket is retreataccess.com and by the way, if you, if you're busy that weekend when you get a virtual ticket, you also get two weeks to watch the replay. And I'm throwing in 30 days of free access to Matthew AI so that you can continue to get my support after the retreat is over. If you missed this one, you will have to wait a whole other year for the next one. So grab your ticket today and I will see you in a couple of weeks. Now, when you're saying yes to invitations you'd normally decline, excuses come up, right? Time, Energy, Introversion. This is where our second strategy comes in. Number two, set yourself micro missions. Let me tell you about my tour rule. When I would travel around and do events in all different cities in the world, I would get to my hotel after a flight and I would be on my own. This was back when I couldn't afford a team or to bring anyone with me. And I had this feeling of I really should go out and like see the city. But I also had the feeling of I really should stay in my hotel bed and order room service. As the introvert that I am, here's how I got around it. I would set myself a simple rule. Okay, Matthew, you have to go to somewhere nearby, a little bar or a coffee shop or whatever, somewhere close, and have one drink. That's it, one drink. Once you've done that, you can come home, order room service and go to bed. But you have to do that. And the beautiful thing about this mission was that A, I did it because I lowered the stakes of it and B, some of the time things would happen, I would meet people, I would end up having a really fun evening. Not always, but some of the time. And those things would never have happened if I didn't set myself an easy to complete mission. So one of the missions you can set yourself when you're doing something is how long you're going to be there. Okay, I'm just going to go for one hour or I'm just going to go for 30 minutes. And if I'm not having a good time, I can always go home. That's an important thing to remind yourself. I can always go home. Another mission you can set is for consistency. Okay, I'm going to do one new thing. Put myself out of my comfort zone or my normal routine once every two weeks. Make it a consistency that you can actually stick to. Remember trajectory over intensity. You can also have a mission for socializing. For example, if a friend invites you to a party where you don't know many people, instead of declining because it feels awkward, go with the mindset of just meeting one new person. You don't have to work the whole room. Just focus on having one meaningful interaction. Strategy Number three for meeting people Practice Tiny Interactions Tiny interactions. Easy to do interactions. So make it a point to chat briefly with people as you go through your day in a low stakes way. Compliment a stranger's cool T shirt in line at the grocery store. Ask a barista how their day is going. Compliment someone's pet. Your dog is adorable. What's his name? These micro interactions do two things. Number one, they remind your brain that most people are friendly and they're happy to chat a little when they're approached kindly. And number two, they make you more confident in striking up conversations when it matters. It's like warming up before a big game when you really have someone you want to talk to. It's a lot easier if you've been having little interactions with other people in your everyday life. Some other examples of how you can do this Ask a little favor. You could be in a bookstore and say, could you grab that book off the top shelf for me? I think I'm a bit too short. Comment on a shared situation. You might be in line with someone and just say, this line is intense. Is it always like this in here? Compliment someone at a wedding or a networking event. Compliment how well someone handled a speech they had to give. And there's always a very simple one you can use in most social situations, especially when you both know the host. You can say, we haven't met yet, have we? And then shake their hand. The key is to keep all of these little openers light and low pressure. You're not asking someone out, you're just engaging. If they seem receptive, awesome. Carry on the conversation. If they only give you short replies or they seem busy and distracted, you can gracefully bow out with a polite comment and move on. There's no harm done. One of the ways I like to think about socializing is I want to go into every room and make up other people brave if I make other people brave. In other words, if I make it easy for them to talk to me by being warm and friendly, more people are going to talk to me. The key here is don't be perfect. Just say something. Instead of thinking of saying the perfect thing, say the obvious thing. Because if the choice is between saying something obvious and saying nothing at all, choose the obvious thing every time. Hello everyone. Audrey and I are in full minimalism mode in our house right now getting ready for a baby to arrive. We are getting rid of things that don't spark joy. We are bringing in things that do spark joy in Marie Kondo. And one of those things we brought into our home that does spark joy are the blankets from Cozy Earth. Audrey has practically been living in their Bubble Cuddle blanket. Say that three times and we have even got the Cozy Earth baby blanket to prepare for for little Chadwick. This just in, we are not going with Chadwick. Both are soft, elegant and fit perfectly with the minimalist vibe we are creating in our home. What I love most about Cozy Earth is that their products aren't just beautiful, they are functional, high quality and designed to last. If you are looking for something to simplify your space and invest in things that spark joy for you, Cozy Earth is a great way to go. Head to cozyearth.com and use the code love life for 20% off. Now back to the episode. Strategy four for meeting people Join communities that align with goals you already have. One of the ideas that people struggle with is this idea that I have to do all of these new things in order to meet people and I don't have the time or the energy. But if you're doing something that already aligns with a goal you have, it's a lot easier. Either do something that you've been meaning to do anyway. So it could be getting involved with a charity by going to an event. Could be joining a salsa class or a public speaking workshop or or do a more sociable version of a thing you already do. So if you love photography, join a photography club or attend a workshop. If you're into fitness, try a group class or a running club. The point is not to add more things to your schedule here that take up more time. The point is to use time that you would have already allocated to goals you have or things you already like to do. Before we go into number five, tell me in the comments which of the first four strategies is most important for you right now in getting some progress? Leave a Comment, I want to read them. Number five, Learn to exchange details with people. Casually, of course, at some point when we meet people, we want to be able to exchange details with them. So you can say a number of things as a way of doing this. You could say, it'd be great to stay connected if you're open to it. What's the best way to stay in touch? You can even add, I can send you that podcast we've been talking about. Or if you've been talking about Lord of the Rings with this person because you're a millennial, you could say, you never know when you're going to need good Lord of the Rings content. Bonus tip number six. Have a large repertoire of Lord of the Rings content. That was a joke. We're still on number five. There is no number six. Another way to exchange details. Let's say you've been talking to someone and your friends who you came with are across the room. You could say, hey, I've got to get back to my friends, but I've really enjoyed talking with you. Why don't we exchange numbers and we can keep talking sometime. What I like about this, by the way, is that you're the one leaving. You're the one getting back to your friends. So you're almost like taking yourself away, but you're throwing in the. It would be great to stay in touch. Of course, you can also give someone your number, which is a lower pressure thing to do. So you could say, hey, let me give you my number. If you ever want to continue the conversation, shoot me a text. I think Tim Ferriss had a line that he gave years ago which went something like, why don't we exchange numbers? You can always give me the wrong number if you like, you know, and you could even add, I won't know until I get home. There's something kind of sweet and self deprecating about that, and it also completely takes the pressure off of someone else. It also shows that you're kind of like cool and easy and you don't take yourself too seriously. Once you have exchanged details with someone, it's important that you send texts that actually build attraction and continue the momentum. Which is why I talk about in this video where I give you seven specific texts that make them want more with you, which is also great. If you already have someone's number and you're wondering what to text them right now, go check it out. Let me know what you think. And thank you as always, for being part of my community.