Afraid of Ending Up Alone? WATCH THIS

No point beating myself up. There's a lot that's happened in my life that has helped to create that wiring, but I do not have to be beholden to it, and it does not have to be my future. We put a question on Instagram recently, and it got so many responses. We thought, you know what, let's do an episode on this. The question that we put up there was, what is your biggest fear for your future, the one that worries you the most? And Audrey has been pulling responses from what has been over 2000 responses to this post, and some really interesting ones that didn't just resonate with us, but resonated with thousands of people who read the post who liked those comments. When something is worrying us and we're living in that future, or the future where we. Where that happens, or we don't get that thing, it can really destroy our experience in the present. And we can waste an enormous amount of our lives and our energy just living in this ending that hasn't necessarily even happened, but it's ruining our experience of life today. So it might be nice to let the air out of some of these things a little bit so that we can get back to the present.

Yeah. So one of the ones that came through which I thought was really, really interesting is I'm afraid that I will be alone, struggling for life, and have no power. The reason I picked this one out is because it was written by a woman. And I think that this idea of being left and having no power and struggling and not having any value and kind of being somehow left behind. I'm not saying that men don't feel this. I'm sure they do. But I definitely think there's something about it that really resonated with me and I think will resonate with a lot of our female listeners. So I just wanted to address it.

Look, I've. I. I believe that so many women have been conditioned to have a kind of helplessness about them. There's a learned helplessness that that happens, but there's also a kind of forced helplessness that happens where women have been brought up by people who teach them that they can't do things or they can't do things as well as men, or that they're less important than their brother because they're a woman and their brother goes to the good school and they don't. And their brother gets all the opportunity and they don't. Because your job is not to be able to be competent and do all of these things. Your job is to, you know, Go and marry someone. Then there's. There's, you know, women who are with men as adults, who teach them a kind of helplessness, who don't let them do things or control them or tell them that they're not good enough. And even if it's not overt in subtle ways, they kind of seed this idea that they're not as capable or that they're silly or that they're. Oh, my God. You didn't know that? Oh, my God. You don't know how to do that. Okay, I'll do it for you. It's a kind of this idea that's planted in someone's head that they can't do it by themselves, and they can't trust themselves and their own decisions, and they need to go to someone to get them validated. And you see it everywhere. You see it from people in relationships where they're always asking their partner, do you think this is okay? Do you like this? Are you. They do it in businesses where they're always. It's like they're not comfortable without a boss of some kind. People are like that in life. Amy Porterfield, who we interviewed recently on the podcast and for the Love Life Club, she talked about this concept of unbossing yourself, of coming to realize that you don't need a boss to be telling you what's good and what's not good or what's right and not what's not right. And that's, you know, that comes from a learned distrust of our own intuition, of our own. Of our own decisions. The only way you strengthen that muscle is by actually going and exercising it. You have to actually go and realize, okay, you know what's happened. I've learned a kind of indecisiveness. I've learned a kind of helplessness. I've learned a kind of distrust of my own decisions and ideas and thoughts about what to do next. And so I'm going to. I'm right now what I have to do is go through a process of rewiring myself. I'm not going to sit here and blame myself for feeling this kind of powerlessness. I'm going to train my way out of that wiring. There's no point beating myself up. There's a lot that's happened in my life that has helped to create that wiring. But I. But I do not have to be beholden to it. And it does not have to be my future. It doesn't have to be my reality, but I have to earn my way out of that reality. It Sucks that some people get given this bad wiring and other people don't. Right? That's how life's not fair, is that there are people, that there's certain people who are successful and they're like, I did it all myself. And you're like, no, you didn't do it all yourself. There's wiring that helped you. You had some wiring that was really useful to you. And other people got shitty wiring, and that's not their fault that they did, but you can change it. And that person who works that muscle and says, you know what? I'm going to start making decisions. And if they're the. If they turn out to be not the best decisions in the world, then I'll make another decision. But that's what's going to make me make a better decision the third time is because I made a bad decision the second time. That's what's going to give me that insight. So I'm going to make. I'm going to be prepared to make bad decisions in the short term. I'm going to be prepared to suck at things in the short term, but I'm going to have a mindset of resourcefulness where I say, let me go and learn. Let me go and decide. Let me. And start on small things. You know, deciding what you're going to have for dinner tonight or deciding what you're going to do with the next hour. Start with small things and build up that muscle to the point where you actually start trusting yourself again. And even before that, it's like, if you want to get into that mindset of, well, how do I even get myself to a place where I can make a decision? Go to the gym, go train for an hour. Get it in your body. Go do something that moves you because you move differently, you think differently. And then you come home from the gym and any. Anyone ever come home from the gym and been like, oh, I'm going to tidy the house now. That's because you have a momentum when you come home from training your body in some way or going for a run. So now you tidy the house and that allows you to go and do the next. So it's. Momentum is the key. What, what you're describing to me is a kind of learned helplessness and it feeds on lack of momentum. Bring momentum back into your life in small ways that build and make decisions and call the shots in your life in small ways that start to give you the confidence to do it in bigger ways. And you will eventually learn that everyone else does not have a superpower that you do not have. Men do not have a superpower that you do not have. They do not just have a confidence that you don't have access to. No one's better than you. You just learned a story over time that there is. There's something about you that's deficient. It's not true. But you need to learn that it's not true by building that muscle. That's all I have to say about that for now.

Oh, that's all. That's an amazing, amazing response.

Thank you for watching the video. If this resonated with you because you have some big fears in your life right now that you feel are holding you back, I have a place where we can work on them together. With me as your coach. Live it is the virtual retreat. It's happening in June from the second to the fourth. You could do it from eight anywhere in the world. And right now there is a self care special ticket available, which means it's $100 off the normal ticket and it has some incredible bonuses with it. And it's only available for the next couple of days. So if you're serious about changing your life and improving your state of mind right now, this is an amazing opportunity for you and I to work together. Go to mhvirtualretreat.com to get your ticket and I'll see you there. Sam.