Answering Your Questions LIVE

What'S up, guys? Hello. Hello. It's good to see you all. Leave a comment once you get here. We are live on Instagram, Facebook, Tick Tock, YouTube. Let us know when you're here so that we can see you. Here we go. What's up, everybody? Hey, Tasha. Instagram coming in hot. Robink, what's up? Eva, hello. We have Audrey with us today. For everyone who doesn't know, Audrey is our creative director in our organization. and she's also my wife.

And we have an international best-selling author with us. Number three, New York Times, Sunday Times, all the other times.

We just found out, guys, yesterday that we are number three on the New York Times best seller list, which was a huge goal of ours and something that you all helped with immensely. And we want to say thank you to all of you. We're going to answer a couple of questions and there's a couple of things I want to say, but we hit number three on the New York Times, which is crazy. We also hit number six on the Amazon charts for the week. We also, if you're in the UK, we're number five on the Sunday Times list. in the UK. So it has just been an extraordinary 24 hours learning this. We are so grateful. Thank you to all of you who bought a copy. I wish that I could thank every single one of you in person. But for everyone who doesn't know, I'm throwing an event this Saturday, virtually, a three-hour event to say thank you, to show my appreciation and so that we can spend time together. And, you know, the greatest way I know how to give back is to spend three hours with you, giving you every bit of support I can on your love life journey this year. So that's what we're going to be doing is my thank you to all of you who showed up and got a copy of the book. As you may have heard yesterday, this particular thank you on Saturday, I am opening up to people who got the audiobook version of love life. So if you've got the audio version, while you're not eligible for all of the bonuses that people who got the physical version got, we do want to open this up to you because we're just so, so grateful to all of you. So if you, whether you've got the audio, the physical, the Kindle version, the ebook version, you can go to love life book.com and register for this Saturday's event. There's zero cost to it. This is just a thank you event and a celebration event for everybody. So make sure that you do that if you haven't already. And by the way, if you haven't got the book yet, it's not too late to register for that event. If you get a book, you can still come. We're still grateful for for all of the support. And I want to let everyone know because this event's only happening once. So make sure if you haven't already, grab a copy of the book and register@lovelifobook.com using your receipt or purchase number. And, and you can come join us if you haven't already. This is the book. And we're a New York Times bestseller. It's crazy. This is crazy.

I'm so proud of you. He has worked so hard on this book, and I think that It's really kind of, it's weird. It's actually really, we were talking about it this morning, it's so weird that it's like over and it's done and it's out there and everybody loves it and the reviews are beautiful and the responses are amazing and it just feels like almost, it's almost like you can't hold on to it because it's not like a thing. I mean, you can obviously hold the copy of the book, but you can't like hold on to the success and what it means and everything that you've achieved. So it's like a really weird feeling that's true. It's dominated our lives for years and then now it's kind of just done.

I also realize how much of an underdog mindset I still have. Like we went in Barnes & Noble yesterday. The book was number, we found out it's number three in the New York Times. And we went into Barnes & Noble in Los Angeles. And we couldn't find the book. And I was like, oh, I guess they're just stocking it on a shelf somewhere upstairs where we can't find it. It's not in any of the main parts of the store. And then we went to the counter and I was like, Do you have Love Life? And the woman was like, oh yeah, we sold out of all of them except one. People have been hungry for it and we only have one left in stock. and I was like, oh, well, well, I'm happy to sign it. And she was like, oh, my God, yes. So we signed the last book, and.

They put a signed sticker on it. And someone messaged me on Instagram saying.

That they had picked it up. That's so nice.

It's so nice. I thought it had, I thought it.

Had, it had sold out. I said that to you. Yeah. No, I, we keep, I get, when it's sold out, I don't think it's sold out. I think they're just not stocking it. And then I realized that they are. It's just as that it's sold out. We just so you know, by the way, for everyone coming to the event this Saturday, it is a Justin Howard. Good to see you on Facebook, man. It's so good to see you in here. Just so that everyone knows, on Saturday, we have a massive giveaway. Again, part of the thank you for everyone who has got a copy of the book is we're doing a giant giveaway with 39 different prize winners that there are going to be on Saturday. And we're giving away tickets to the live retreat this year, six days with me in Florida. Fun fact, first time I ever did the retreat was at Justin Howard's house. That was before we took over a resort in Florida. But he was an angel for me then and helped me. to throw an event when I didn't have the money to throw an event. But we're giving away tickets to the live retreat on the beach in Florida. We're giving away a one-on-one with me, Love Life sweatshirts. You've seen me wearing them. Love Life t-shirts, signed books. And just so you know, my team just told me every single person who shows up live for the event on Saturday gets 10 giveaway points. What that means is you get more chance of winning one of the prizes, 'cause if you don't show up Saturday, you could still win a prize, but by showing up live at the event, you actually get extra giveaway points, which means it's more likely that you'll win. Essentially, it's like getting more entries to the giveaway by showing up live at the event. And we're gonna have people from all over the world, from every time zone showing up. on the event.

Should we do some questions?

Let's do it. All right, Jeremy, what's the first question? Diana says, how do you separate how you feel from someone from your past and who they are in the present? It's the same person. Jeremy, how do you read that? if you really want them to have changed. If you want them to have changed.

So how you feel from someone from your past and who they are in a present. Yeah, suppose it's like how somebody made you feel when they behaved badly, I'm guessing, and who they are today. How do you separate, I suppose, like how do you get over the fact that someone hurt you and kind of give them a second chance?

Yeah, yeah.

That's how I read that also. we look like lumberjacks. Just realized.

Oh, yeah. Yeah.

I can't.

Well, in fairness, you're wearing my shirt, so. Yes, but that's why we look alike.

So.

I think, look, firstly, we all change, and we all. Well, not all of us evolve in positive ways, but we all have the potential to evolve in positive ways. And remember, there are ways that. you have changed over time that you wouldn't necessarily want to be judged on you from five years ago or you from 10 years ago. I certainly wouldn't want to be judged on me from five years ago. I mean, there are, in many ways, I've grown and evolved today. But what you have to be really honest with yourself about is whether your, what your fear is, is that this person you know, could revert back to what you've seen before or whether your fear is founded because they're really not showing any change. Like, are they just saying they've changed, but you're not actually seeing that they've done the work to change, that they've made real progress? What? Maybe there's some part of you that is concerned that they haven't really changed that much. So I think you have to be honest with yourself. Have they done all the right things and made the changes? And is the change grounded and significant? And have they changed in ways that are very real and you're just kind of finding it hard to separate from the person of the past? Or is it that they haven't really changed and they're just telling you they've changed and that's where your anxiety is coming from? All right, very good. Let's go. Jeremy, what's our next question? Anna says, how do you forget yourself? How do you forget yourself? Maybe forgive. How do you forgive yourself for staying in a relationship you knew wasn't good for you? I feel very foolish. Do you have something you want to say about this?

Oh, I have so much I want to say about this. I think, well, a few things, everybody has their version of that. So, you know, forgive yourself because everybody else has had to at some point on some way, shape, in some way, shape or form. Obviously, there's a different, different levels. It's a spectrum, but everybody has their version of that. And often the reason we stay in unhealthy Dynamics that aren't good for us is because we're trying to write something of the past and we're trying to kind of relive something and, you know, it's really interesting. I don't want to get too deep with this, but I've been banging on about this for ages. But there's a new show called Baby Reindeer and he, there's a, without sort of giving too many spoilers, a lot of the subject is abuse and how somebody keeps going back to an abusive situation. and it's really interesting because you always ask yourself, like, why do they do that? Like, why do they keep going back? And it's kind of the same thing. I think we often are trying to, trying to relive something and trying to get a different outcome from it, something that hurt us. And we're trying to almost, it's like chaos feels familiar and, you know, bad treatment feels familiar, and it's what we know, it's what we believe about ourselves. And so there's so many things that play in so many reasons why we stick around, and I think that The fact that you're able to recognize that it's a bad situation now is kind of all you need to move forward in the future and make better decisions and know that the lessons it will have taught you and the ways in which you will have grown and kind of learned how you wish to be treated in the future through that relationship is really significant. So it's not wasted time.

And be grateful that you got there now. Did you realize how many people never get there? How many people go to the grave in a bad relationship? Being hurt by somebody, you know, that is incredibly common. So the fact that there's a parallel universe where you didn't realize it, where you never had the strength, where you never got out, and you just spent your whole life in that relationship. So understand that this is, you know, you're telling yourself a story about how you stayed in too long. But you could tell yourself a different story about how you got out early enough that you're still alive to go and make the changes. Yeah. To go and enjoy the changes. You got there as soon as you could get there. That's the way you have to see it. And it doesn't matter that someone else got there five years earlier in their difficult relationship or someone else never had a difficult relationship. Guess what? They had different situations, different wiring, different situations growing up, different DNA. You got there as quick as you were able to get there and thank God that was fast enough for you to still be here and still have years to play for. That's where the gratitude comes in. Amazing. All right, let's keep going. And real quick, before we go to another question, I've seen a couple of you saying that you want to know where to get the book. You can get it at love life book.com, but a really simple whole way. If you're on Instagram or Facebook is literally just to type love life. If you type the words love life, but as one word, I will DM you a link to go and get a copy of the book. And that way you can come and join us for this Saturday's event, which is a celebration, people, of everything that we have done to get to this point and everything you've done to help us. So if you want to come to this Saturday's event with me, grab a copy of the book you can type in the words love life as one word or you can just get it at lovelifobook.com.

Or you can get it on Amazon Barnes and Noble waterstones all those places and just go back to lovelifobook.com and put your order number to get the free ticket to the event very good.

All right what's our next question Jeremy Nick says, how do I get out of the friend zone? A new guy got introduced to our friend group, like, six months ago, and I think he might like me, but I'm not sure. Well, then maybe you're not in the friend zone. If you, you know, are you telling yourself a story that you're in the friend zone?

Well, I think she's saying she. How do you find out, right? Like how do you know? Because obviously she's saying she thinks he might like her, but she's not sure. But at the moment they are officially friends. So how does she break free from that?

Well, look, it's, you don't have to take some giant risk, like going up to someone and saying, I really like you. That's often the mistake people make, is that they think it's all or nothing, actually. flirting can happen in 1% increments. You can do a little more than you normally do. Let's say you, let's just really break it down in an absurdly granular way. Let's say you always just say hi to this person, hang out, shoot the shit, talk, whatever. But you never, there's never a moment of physical touch. Well, maybe you like, touched his shoulder or the next time you have a conversation or the next time, like, you're moving past him, you like, like, touch the sides of his arms and, like, like, kind of move them out the way as you walk past him. Like, those little moments are moments where someone gets a jolt of, like, oh, that was something a little different. Or maybe you comment in a slightly more charged way about something they're wearing. That's a hot jacket. You know, and they hear you use the word hot in a context that involves them and they've not heard you do that before.

How do you try and hang out one on one?

Try and hang out one on one.

Like you suggest hanging out one on one.

Yeah, absolutely. And be, you know, say text that person outside of the group. I don't know if you have their number, but if you don't exchange numbers with this person and text them outside of the group and start building a connection outside of the group. go for coffee, go for a walk together. You know, these things like you, you have to be a little brave. You don't have to be brave to the extent of going and confessing your love to someone. You just have to be brave enough to do one percent more than you have done in the past. Yeah. And you'll be able to feel if.

That'S reciprocated by the way that he responds to it. Exactly. And it might just be that he's not even thought about it in that way because he doesn't know how you feel. And then actually it sparks something.

That'S a good point, Audrey Hussie. All right, next question.

I'm, like, squeezing into you because we have.

The camera is very. The camera is very slim, so we have to, like, really. It's also just hard in this vertical format. We have to be cheek to cheek in order to both be in shot. All right. Fousy says, what should I do when my ex blocks me on every social media should I waiting for her during no contact. If your ex has blocked you, it is time to move on, friend. That's you're not. You shouldn't be waiting for anyone. If someone has blocked you, then they've sent a sure sign that they're moving on and you can't wait around for that person that is wasting your life. So you have to have, I don't care what happened in the relationship, you have to have more respect for yourself than to wait around for someone who has made that kind of a decision about you in their life. And by the way, maybe they did you a favor because if they hadn't blocked you, maybe you would still, Thomas Anderson said it's a gift that they block you. Thomas Anderson on YouTube. I agree with that point. They might have given you the closure that you wouldn't have given yourself or wouldn't have given yourself for another six months or a year. Yeah. So give yourself. This person, I don't know if you said it's he, she or. Oh, her. If she's given you that closure, then take that closure. Okay, on. Next question, Jeremy.

Bless you.

Thank you. Oh. Jennifer says, how do you deal with your anxiety when you let your walls down after having them up for years? I'm feeling things I haven't felt in a long time and it's hard to adjust. I'm trying to balance out. What a great question. Do you have anything you want to say about this first?

You go first.

Look, I, when you've been acting, let's just start here. If you've been in a certain pattern for years, and in your case, the pattern is having your walls up, and then you start with, like, you start treading into a new pattern. It doesn't matter what the shift is, the shift is going to feel un comfortable. The shift is going to feel unfamiliar. What we have to tell ourselves is the fact that it's unfamiliar or uncomfortable isn't a sign that I'm doing something wrong. It's not a sign that I'm screwing up or that there's something to be afraid of here. It's simply a sign that I'm doing something new. So you're just doing something new. and connect with why you're doing something new. This is really, really important because if you don't connect with why you're doing something new, the moment you feel some resistance, the moment you feel fear, you'll revert back to how you were before. You'll say, oh, I'm just going to keep my walls up. What we have to do is say, what's my original why for doing this? Well, my original why for doing this is because Me having my walls up has not worked for me. It's pushed people away or I've never let people in or year after year, I'm not really making space for real connection, for an authentic connection. So connect with the pain that got you here, because it's usually pain that gets us there, isn't it? There's pain from me having my walls up. What you're now experiencing is the pain of bringing your walls down. The anxiety that comes with that is a new feeling for you, because at least when your walls are up, you don't have to feel anxious. You can feel lonely, you can feel disconnected from people, but you don't have to feel anxious. Well, now you're feeling anxious, but you're opening yourself up to connection. Now, letting your walls down, letting your guard down may not always work. There are gonna be people that you do that with who prove to be bad people to do that with, or they're people that hurt you, or they're people that, you know, you learn you can't really trust them. Or it's you find out that they don't like you as much as you like them. All of that is okay. When you feel that pain, what you have to reconnect with is your why. I'm not doing this because every single time I let my guard down, it's going to work. I'm doing this because this is how I want to be in life. Because being the opposite has denied me some of the best part of life. The real connection, the real relationships, the real love, the authentic relationships that can arise from letting my walls down. So connect with your why. Don't. Remember in the book, I talk about the difference between standards and tactics. If something's a tactic, then it's something you let your guard down just because you want a connection right now or you want love right now. And if you don't get it and if someone betrays you, you go, I'm never doing that again. But if because of your life realizing that having your walls up makes you someone you don't want to be, and it makes you a less authentic version of yourself and that you don't want to be that anymore in life. You want to be who you are, and you want to love the way that you can love, and you want to have a generosity of spirit, and you want to really connect with people, then you're going to open up to people, not as a tactic, but as a standard. It's going to be who you are. And then if it doesn't work in the short term, you're like, I'm not going to change just because it didn't work with that person. This is who I am now.

And how do you overcome the fear of rejection that comes with all of this? Because I agree with everything you've just said, but ultimately at the heart of this is a fear of getting hurt, a fear of getting rejected, a fear, you know, and I know that can come from lots of different places, but how do you manage that very real chronic fear of being rejected and feeling unworthy?

Realize it's not your fear. It's just life. It's not your fear. You don't own that fear. You're not the victim in that situation. We are all just part of a game where rejection is a feature, not a bug. You think rejection is a personal bug. It's a feature of the entire thing. And when you realize that, you stop seeing rejection as something that is a sign of your worth or lack of worth. You stop seeing it as personal all the time. Look, you know, there's no way of us going live and not seeing some negative comments. It's impossible. There's always going to be something. There's always going to be some shit. But so if we go in saying, how do I not mind, how do I not worry about the rejection or how do, firstly, if you say, how do I avoid the rejection? Good luck. Impossible. You can't do anything in life without facing rejection. If you say, how do I stop it bothering me so much? Realize that it's not a bug of your shitty me. Like, it's not a bug of me being terrible on this live right now. It's a feature of going live. It's a feature of trying to have a relationship. It's a feature of trying to build a business. It's a feature. All of these things are features. They're not bugs. Once you understand that, you stop freaking out when you get the rejection. You just realize it's part of the process.

I love that.

Guys, we have to go because we're actually shooting something right now with a very special person who has just arrived at our house. His name is David Kessler. And we have a very small group of 50 people that we coach in a year that David has come along to talk to called Club 320. So we are about to start that right now. But before we go, I just want to say to everybody, I can't wait to see you on Saturday. It's going to be an amazing, amazing event. I can't wait to say this event is a celebration. It's a chance for me to say thank you to all of you. It's a thank you for me, a time for me to give back to all of you for the way that you've shown up for us. It means the world. And like I said, the best thank you I know how to give is just supporting you and showing up for you. So for three hours, I'm going to be with you on Saturday, helping you create a plan for your year this year to continue your love life journey. Because I know so many of you are loving the book and enjoying the book. I've been reading the reviews. They're so, so gorgeous. But I know that you're wanting to know how to continue your journey after the book. How do you take the lessons and apply them in your year? especially if you want to find your person or become more confident or find you're happy enough. If you've read the book, you know what I'm talking about. So we are going to be doing that on Saturday. The event is completely free. It's just a thank you event. It's just a celebration event. If you've got the book already, Jeremy, can we pull up that link one more time? If you've got the book already, lovelifobook.com is the link where you can register your purchase. When you register your purchase, I will send you an email with the details for the private link for the event. If you haven't got the book yet, don't worry, there's still time. You can get it today. You can get it right now. Either if you're on Instagram or Facebook by typing in Love Life and I'll DM you a link to buy it. Just one word, Love Life, or going to lovelifobook.com or wherever books are sold and getting a copy of the book. Just make sure, guys, this is a very important detail. If you don't go and register your purchase@lovelifobook.com, I don't know you've got the book. If you just go and buy it from a bookstore or Amazon, I have no idea and I can't send you the link. So the way to get the link for the event this Saturday is just to register your purchase for free at no cost@lovelifobook.com and I will see you on Saturday. David wants to say hi. Come say hi. Oh my God. Hey.

Here we are everyone.

So if you, if you, so many of you got the bonus for pre-ordering of the Heartbreak series. And David, you were like a showstopper on that series. David's interview, I know, touched and affected so many people. I can see in the comments already it affected a lot of people. So David is like an absolute Master at what he does. We're about to watch him work out, work his magic with our Club 320. I see the comments. We love you, David. All right. But I just want to say this. Okay.

I tell people about books all the time, and I love telling folks about books. I have been telling them about your book, and they're coming back and telling me, I got it. I love it. It's amazing. So just know, like, it is an amazing book. It is an amazing, life-changing book, sir. Thank you.

Thank you. This is, I have to give David a proper hug because this is actually my first time seeing him in a minute and he just showed up at our house literally mid lives.

So, but you do, there's some, there's something you feel like, oh, you feel like a New York Times best seller. That's what you feel like. It's a rare feeling to feel that.

On New York.

Which means it's resonating, which means it's helping, which means you did an amazing job, Matthew.

Thank you so much. Oh, my God. What a cool moment. I had no idea this was gonna happen. Guys, thank you. This is. It's been a delight to see you today. I can't wait to see you all on Saturday. Like I said, register your purchase here@lovelifebook.com and come join us and you get extra points in the giveaway if you do join us live. you get a better chance of winning those prizes. So I'll see you Saturday and have a wonderful, wonderful day, everybody. And just so you know, the audiobooks count for this. So if you've got the audiobook version, you still get to come on Saturday. I know a lot of you have been asking that question. All right, love you guys. Take care, and we'll see you soon.