Answering Your Questions LIVE

What's up everybody? Leave me a comment once you're here so that I know you're with us. I'm looking forward to seeing you all, to having a little catch-up with you today. What, what's the day? What's the month? It's June 2nd. June the 2nd. That is, you know, we're really at the midpoint of the year. It's probably a good time to take stock, isn't it? Christian, how are you? Hi, Jess. Hi, Michael. What's going on? Always love seeing you here. Who else have we got? Jen, hello to you in Florida. David, is it possible to make the comments slightly bigger? I got you. That'd be great, thanks. We're already testing my eyesight here. TikTok is going. Get your comments. What's up everybody, good to see you. We're going live right now on a bunch of different platforms. Is that better? Oh, amazing, that's great. Maybe even I split the difference a little smaller. Um, there you go, that's perfect. Sweet, thank you. Of course. Do you want to do a little rare Producer David in shot? Hello everyone. Whoa, that is a rare sighting. Yes, with a rare hat. That is like seeing a very rare Pokémon. Yep, I'm a shiny. Good to see you all. We've got Greece here with us. Alright, let's do it. So, I want this to be guided by you today and what you would like to talk about, what you would like to cover. Happy to talk about some of the things that are on my mind, but really I want to talk about what's on your mind and how you're feeling right now. What's the general mood in the room? Leave me a comment with how you're feeling right now. Let's take a little moment just to, you know, a vulnerable moment to share how we're actually how we're doing. Let's see. Tumba on Instagram says, "What is it when a woman can't take accountability for something she has caused?" I think for any of us, what that is, is, you know, well, one of the things it is, is an inability to confront what admitting we are wrong would mean. Um, it's, you know, for— it would mean a humbling of ourselves. Um, it might be, you know, many of us have been in a pattern our whole lives where— and I, I don't relate to this one personally, or I— no, that's not true. I relate to moments in relationships of having been stubborn and being, being unable to admit in the moment that I was wrong. Usually I would come back and admit I was wrong later, but that when we get activated and we go into fight or flight, for many people that fight instinct gets activated and it's too big of a thing, especially when you've— your identity is based on being right or on being smart, or it feels— there's— admitting you're wrong feels shameful in some way. And many people aren't good at processing those kinds of emotions. They're not good at processing the, the fact that they feel shameful. You know, to admit I was wrong is to feel some sense of guilt or shame, and they can't go there. It's too diff— it's too painful for them. They don't want to have that image of themselves. And of course, at the extreme end, we can call that narcissism. But at the more benign ends— benign might not be the right word, but the, you know, the other end of the spectrum that doesn't involve genuine personality disorder There's just the inability to confront painful emotions that we have to do when we say, "I'm sorry." You know, we might— it might feel like admitting vulnerability, admitting imperfection, and for many people, they're afraid to do that because of where it will take them if they start doing that. That will take me to a— I don't know how to operate in that place. It's much easier for me to just make you wrong or to defend my argument until the end of time. Because, you know, we see this— by the way, we see this everywhere, don't we? We see this in politics, we see this in people with their political beliefs. You know, we get so entrenched in our way of thinking, uh, what we've decided is right and wrong on whatever particular issue, and when we see the other side as an adversary instead of— we're all, you know, if you could, if you could bring yourself to see us all as human beings just seeking truth, then you don't— you have a relationship, you have a positive relationship with the truth instead of an antagonistic relationship with the other side. As soon as you have an antagonistic relationship with the other side, it, it creates this I dig my heels in more because I can't lose to you. And that's what it really becomes about. My— in a relationship context, we have to— especially in a romantic relationship, in a marriage, in a long-term relationship— we have to get out of the adversarial mindset. And the adversarial mindset will continue to have us digging our heels in, trying to win the argument. Because as long as I see you as the person I'm debating with, I can't lose to you. If I— if me admitting that I did something wrong is me losing the argument, and losing the argument is the thing that I'm most afraid of, then I, I will stay stuck. And I think part of the thing we can do is help people we're in a relationship with to understand that to admit wrong isn't— they're not losing an argument. It's not about winning and losing. It's just about acknowledging that something they did caused pain. Um, and, and it's not our— we shouldn't take responsibility for someone else not being able to be accountable, but we can help create an environment where people start to realize that we're both on the same team. Um, not, I'm trying to win an argument and I need you to acknowledge that you've lost the argument. That's us coming from ego. Um, all right, very good. Uh, great to see you all here. For anyone asking, is this real? This is real. I'm astonished these days how many times when I go live— so Sandra on TikTok, I see your comment right now saying, is this a recording? I'm astonished at the number of people who think this is a recording. Every time I go live, um, I'm answering your questions in real time. So this is very much being authored by you in real time. Um, I— we live, I suppose, in this AI world now where we distrust everything we see, which is, you know, there's something really sad about the state of things that we've arrived in that place. Um, all right, let's see. Awara says— let's take, uh, I'll take one more question from Instagram, then I'm going to give some love to TikTok and, and YouTube and Facebook. Um, Awara says, my husband cheated, we are trying to repair, what should I do? Um, well, so I'm So sorry that you're going through that. And this is, you know, you have to, you have to make space for two things, right? There's the relationship needs repair, but now there's also you who needs healing. And that's going to take time. You know, that there's been a fundamental betrayal, and that's going to take time for you to heal from. And the— I'm not here to weigh in on whether staying or going is the right thing. That's an intensely personal decision. And, you know, everyone will, will want to weigh in on this situation. I'm sure there are comments coming in right now weighing in on what you should do in your life. But it's life, it's not for other people to weigh in on. It's an intensely personal decision for you. Um, But one way or another, whether you leave or whether you stay, you need to heal from this. And a key question is, will— can you heal within the context of this relationship? If you leave, I can guarantee you there'll be a whole bunch of ways that you can heal. People you can be around, support systems, mentors, friendship, you know, all sorts of love you can cocoon yourself within to heal and to get stronger and to move forward. The question is, can that be true if you stay in this relationship? In order for that to be true, if you stay in this relationship, you need someone that you can genuinely heal with. You need someone who actually supports that healing. And for someone to support that healing, they need to acknowledge the wound, they need to acknowledge the damage. And this kind of links with the first question because it goes back to accountability. A lot of people can't acknowledge, truly acknowledge, the damage they have done to you, because in order to do that, it would make them feel too bad about what they have done. So they want— they consciously or unconsciously, they want to minimize the situation. And they may not start that way. They may start by being, you know, hating themselves for what they've done. They may start with a deep sense of shame and guilt, but they will often want to push you to move on quicker than you're ready to move on because it's too painful to acknowledge what it is they have done, the fracture that they have caused, the deep betrayal that they have been the cause of. And, uh, acknowledging that is too much for some people. So you'll— you might find that this person starts to minimize your emotions or rush you in your process or try and get you over it as quickly as possible. And, and actually, a huge part of your job is to be— have us have a standard around your healing that says, you have done something here that has caused a deep fracture in our relationship. 'You have betrayed me, and I am choosing to stay if you're choosing to stay because I love you and because I believe you when I say you're now doing the work.' That's a whole different conversation, because someone who cheated, you know, there's work that they now have to do to be the kind of person, to have the kind of character and the kind of response systems that mean that never happens again. That's a lot of work on their part. So that's a dangerous thing, right? Because you're trusting that they're doing that work and that that work is going to pay off. But you don't— that person has to show you they're doing the work. They can't just say, 'I'm, I'm so sorry.' Sorry— being sorry about something isn't the same as being capable of not doing it again. They're two very different things. Does everyone— I, I— for many people, that will be worth writing down because it is a very important reminder for all of us. When someone is sorry, it is not the same as them being capable of not doing that thing again. Sorry is a feeling. But the ability to not do it again because you've, you've changed the way you respond to situations— if he was feeling lonely and he did it that way, if he wasn't getting enough sex and he did it because of that, if he was in need of attention so he did it for that way, if he lacked empathy in that moment towards you and wasn't connected to the damage it was going to do to you, if he was acting selfishly— these— him cheating, what was a response to any of those things? Well, how do you know that that's not going to be his response the next time he feels affection isn't there in the relationship in the way that he wants, or the next time he feels that he needs variety, or the next time he feels that he's not, you know, he's insecure and he needs validation from somewhere else. How do you know that that's not gonna be his response system the next time? How does he know that that's not gonna be his response system the next time? And the answer can't simply be, "Because I'm so sorry this time." It has to be that I'm— I'm— this is— this for me is a wake-up call about work I need to do. Does he even begin to understand what that work is? And is he taking it seriously? And is he getting the help he needs to make sure that that never happens in his life again? You know, I'm not— by the way, I say this with no judgment towards him. This— I'm not— this isn't a judgment. Every— people make mistakes. And cheating is a bad mistake to make, but people make mistakes in all sorts of ways in life. And yes, we have to be careful because that if you take the Robert Greene perspective of no one ever does anything once, if someone does something once, it's a pattern. So watch what they do and trust that this is a pattern in their life. I think that's a great survival belief to have, but it's also not always true, is it? There— that— how have you done things in the past that you didn't repeat because you never wanted to do that again after you felt what it was like to do that thing? Have, have you stopped doing certain things that you used to do? It— we do, you know, we make mistakes, we have regrets. Regret is a very powerful thing. It can stop us from doing that thing again in the future. But, uh, You know, all of this, if nothing else— I think your name was Awari— if nothing else, what I hope all of this information does is, is illuminate how complex this really is, and that it is not as simple as, "He's sorry, let's move forward." It's not that simple. There's work to be done on his part. There's healing to be done on your part. Is he doing the work? Does he support your healing? Is he acknowledging the betrayal and the wound that's been created? Does he keep showing up for you in that wound and, and helping you to heal, even though that's going to be a long and, and, um, uh, you know, indirect process. It's not going to be a straight line, right? You're going to take a step forward and go backwards, and that's going to happen a lot. Can he be there for you in all of that? And if the answer is yes, yes, yes, yes, yes to all of these things, then you have a shot. Um, but there's a lot of assumptions. Um, all right, very good. Um, guys, I have something to tell you about. I'm going to get to another question. I'm going to take a question next from TikTok. I'm going to take a question from, uh, uh, YouTube, um, perhaps Facebook as well. Before I do, quick announcement, um, for anyone who is looking to do deeper work with me on your confidence on the patterns that hold you back in life. For anybody who feels like your emotions get in the way of you enjoying life or relationships or dating, if you feel like you have an inability to regulate your emotions, whether it's because of wounds from the past, whether it's because of fears about the future, the worry that you're never going to find love, or that you're not good enough. Wherever it comes from, many of us, if not most of us, struggle to regulate our emotions in the times that matter. You know, someone cannot text you back and all of a sudden you feel dysregulated and you're anxious and you're liable to say something you're going to regret. Someone can say something or do something that makes you feel afraid they're going to leave, and all of a sudden you're clinging on too tight. We could just simply go on a date that was a great date with someone we really like, and all of a sudden we find ourselves over overinvesting. This comes from an inability to regulate our emotions. And for anyone who wants to do the work with me to regulate their emotions, to get the tools to be able to do that, um, I've spent the last 18 years putting together these tools, not just for other people but for myself. And the place I have always taught them is live on my retreat program. For those of you that haven't heard yet, I'm doing this program again in October of this year. It's a weekend program and the tickets are on sale right now, and we have an early bird ticket at a deep discount that is available only until midnight tonight. So go check it out. The link should be above. Is it mhretreat.com, David? So it's just above me there. And what's the word people can type into? So if you type in— if you're on Instagram or Facebook and you type in the word October, I will send you a direct link so that you can just click that link and it will take you through to the early bird page. But if you're not on Instagram or Facebook, you can go to mhretreat.com. This is the most powerful work I do. There is no deeper work I do. If you know that the— some of the issues you're facing, the challenges that you keep coming up against, are not surface level, they run deep, and it's your ability to manage your emotional state, your mind, and therefore you're all— unless you can regulate in those ways, you're never going to be able to truly get out of your own way and get what you deserve in this life. Come and join me, um, because I promise you there is, uh, there are all sorts of tools and techniques that you can learn that allow you to have a completely different experience of this life. And relationships and dating. And we're living in a world today where dating is harder than ever in many ways, where it's more chaotic than ever, where there's more bad behavior than ever. It— when people tell me about the things wrong with dating today, they're not lying. But it makes it that much more important that we are able to regulate ourselves, because a well-regulated person that can show up to dating today can find extraordinary love.. But if we can't rely on ourselves to be able to regulate in these situations, we make ourselves prone to getting taken advantage of, to missing red flags, to being unhappy when— even when we meet someone who's great, we, we're unhappy and anxious. Um, this is the deepest work you can do, and it's the most important work you can do. And don't mistake deep for conceptual. It's highly practical. Um, so we're going to do this work together in October of this year. 2 days of immersion. Um, October is the word to type in if you're on Instagram or Facebook, or you can go here, mhretreat.com. Early bird tickets at a deep discount, only available until midnight tonight. And you can break it up into a payment plan of 5 payments, by the way. So if you want— if you need help and you want to break it up between now and October, we've given you that option. All right, let's keep going. I want to take a question from, uh, let's see, uh, something from YouTube maybe next. Oh, actually, Sarah just put one in from TikTok. Let's give TikTok some love. Um, Han on TikTok says, hi, I broke up with my boyfriend of 4 years because he didn't want to commit. Uh, he's— I'm a 28-year-old female, he's a 32-year-old male. Did I rush? No. I, I don't know what you mean by commitment exactly. I, you know, did commitment mean exclusivity? Did it mean an engagement? Did it mean marriage? I'd love to know what commitment meant to you, but the, the idea that 4 years in someone doesn't want to commit to you, if you're talking about committing to being long-term with you, and you deciding to end it because of that, is you didn't rush. 4 years is plenty of time for someone to know what it is they want with you. And it might be the case that, you know, I don't know, in a science fiction world, if you met them 10 years from now, they might be more ready, but We're not living in a science fiction world where you met him 10 years from now. We're living in a world where you are 28 now, where you want commitment at this stage of your life, where you want to know where it's going with someone you've been dating for 4 years, and you don't see the point in continuing with someone who doesn't know what they want 4 years in when they're 32. So it's— there's no point wishing for a world that doesn't exist. You know, we play these games with ourselves about, uh, so Han, you said, I asked to move in together. I'm glad I got some clarification on that. Um, look, I, I, I think moving in together is— this come— let me, let me make sure I'm careful with my words. This, Han, is about where you are in your life. So you are 28, you've been dating someone for 4 years, and you're ready to go to that next level. To you, the next level is represented by moving in together. Um, there's nothing wrong with that. That's not— no one would hear that and say, what an incredibly irrational thought you're having. You're having a completely normal thought that 4 years in, it would be great for us to move in together because that feels like the next step in our relationship. Um, this person didn't want to do that. Now, there's a— there's a key question is why. What is it about moving in together that this person finds difficult? And my guess is that if you felt, you know, that— I can imagine a world where if someone was able to express to you in a way that made sense that moving in together wasn't something they were in a stage in their life where they were ready to do it. Maybe they really like their own space, you know, and that's really important to them. It remains important to them, but they do, you know, they, they'll do one week on, one week off at your place, you know, or whatever it may be. And that there's a time when they will shift and they will want to live together, but in every other way they're committed. And you can feel it, you, it, you sense it, you know it, you know that this person is with you on the journey. There's no doubt in your mind that this person is with you. You might feel differently. There might be a little more compromise in you. My guess is that what you're sensing is hesitation in, in general that's represented by this person's inability to take that step to move in with you. And that's probably the part that scares you the most, because we sometimes get lost in the specifics of what someone will or won't do And the thing we should be paying attention to is less the specifics and more the fact that this represents something. It maybe represents a difference in intentionality in the relationship. Maybe it represents a different— difference in attitudes towards commitment or towards sharing a life, or a difference in how sure they are about the future with you. I'm just gonna check in because I think Han responded. Um, you said, Han, I compromised and agreed to move to his hometown. I didn't want to. So that's more information. You agreed to move to his hometown. You're 4 years in. That's a big sacrifice on your part. You didn't want to make that sacrifice, but you did, and it feels right to you that the two of you should move in together. Now again, this isn't a 6-month-old relationship. It's a relationship you've been in for 4 years, and you've just made a very big sacrifice to be in the relationship. Um, it's where you are right now, and this is, this is where I want to— you are in a place in your life where you're 4 years in, you're looking probably to longer-term commitment. For you, a natural next step would be moving in together, and this person isn't willing to do that. Um, I don't— I'm not someone who thinks you shouldn't have any conversations about that. I think you should have lots of conversations about that. Get behind— get on— get an understanding of where it's coming from for this person. And the more you uncover, the more you may begin to realize that they're not moving in together is indicative of something else. Right? I, I think we have to be really careful with rules when it comes to, to relationships and love, because the reality is people are different, right? There are married couples who are in their 50s who— I'm not saying that it's for me, it's not for me— but there are married couples who are in their 50s and 60s who don't live together, and they're happier for it, but they love each other and they love being married. Right, we— I'm not here to impose a standard on what you should be okay with or not be okay with. And I think you should be careful of anyone who has these hard and fast rules about, well, if they don't do this, then you should be out. It's not, it's not like that. It— you have to design a life that's right for you. And if you're with someone and they're not that then there's a key thing that's important to you as a next step, and they don't want to go there. You've got to get behind why. And, and whether ultimately, when you really learn why, is it suggestive of a surface-level difference that the two of you can get over? Because ultimately you truly love each other, you're going to spend your lives together, or you're gonna, you know, you're in it for the long haul together. You're all in, both of you. You feel it in your bones that this person is all in, but there just happens to be a genuine difference between you on this front. That's a conversation. What we often find is that the more we get into people's— the values and the, the deeper drivers behind the things that someone doesn't want to do, the more we start to learn that maybe we really see life differently. Our values are very different, our intentions are different, how we feel about each other is different., and that's the really illuminating part. That's the important part. So the confronting the conversation head-on is the most important thing. And make no mistake, if that person isn't articulate in their answers, if they, if they can't be vulnerable or share with you anything that actually makes sense, then there's almost certainly things that they're not telling you. And it's not up to you to guess that what they're not telling you is the— is something positive. You can only deal with a person that you can truly communicate with, who gives you the, the respect of being honest with you about why they are dragging their heels on something. And if they can't, if they equivocate, and if they give you ambiguity and answers that don't really add up or make sense, or they try and change the subject, that's when you should start thinking about leaving. Because it. Now I can't, I can't get to the values that are behind this if you can't be open enough and vulnerable enough to actually share with me. And that normally means— it can mean someone is emotionally inarticulate, and you have to ask yourself, can I really be with someone for the rest of my life who is emotionally inarticulate in this way? Um, but it also might mean that there are things that they know if they told you that part you would already be out the door. Um, very good. Someone said the voice is a little low, David. I don't know if that's just true for them or true for multiple people, but just something to bear in mind. Um, all right, Lorraine, hello to you on Instagram. Michael Traynor, what's up? It's good to see you here with us. Um, let's see, um, a quick reminder for anyone who's just joining us: tickets to my live retreat in October are at a deep discount until midnight tonight. $600 off the tickets until midnight tonight. MHRetreat.com is the link. If you want to do the deepest work I do with people to restore their self-worth, heal, work on their confidence, and learn how to emotionally regulate in a way that you've never been able to do before, that is the work I'm doing with people in October on this immersive weekend. Tickets are on sale now, and they are cheaper than they're ever going to be again at any point this year between now and October. So if you know you want to come, MHRetreat.com, or if you're on Instagram or Facebook, just type in the word October and I will send you the link. Just type the word October. All right, let's see, what do we have? A question here from YouTube: How do you balance the concept of build a garden to attract butterflies, and if none come to you, you still have a beautiful garden, uh, with the belief that life won't be fulfilling 'Without a partner?' Oh, what a gorgeous and important question. So the idea of build a garden to attract butterflies, and if none come to you, you still have a beautiful garden, um, is— it's an important concept, right? If you build an amazing life and, uh, you have great friends and you have passions and hobbies that you love and you have things that fulfill fulfill you. You have a sense of purpose in your life. You feel good in your body and the way that you take care of yourself. And, you know, and none of these things as a byproduct to bring you a partner— you still have this wonderful life of your own, um, that, uh, that you get to inhabit as your home. And I, I think this is a very important idea this concept of invest where you are, invest in your home. The way I've talked about it in relational terms when it comes to romantic relationships is that— this is kind of a crude example, but like, other people are like a hotel room, right? You, you go on a date and it might be the best date in the world, but it was like a night at, you know, some incredible hotel. It was only rented, and we don't own it now just because we had a great time there. It was a great experience. Maybe it will lead to something more permanent, but right now it's a hotel room. And I use this as a kind of metaphor for investing in our own home. You know, every time you work on yourself, every time you improve your own belief systems, every time you are kind to yourself, you give yourself what you need, every time you show up for yourself, every time you, you know, do growth work on yourself, or you add to your life, you're adding to your home, and your home is something you get to take with you through your life. So that's the one thing, the one thing you'll always own is yourself. So I'm a huge advocate for any investment you do in you. There's a reason I run a retreat every year. There's a reason I'm so passionate about it. It's because it's where people invest in the home that is them, and that's the investment that will pay dividends forever. Relationships, on the other hand, especially romantic relationships, you know, it— there is this feeling like the moment a romantic relationship goes away, I'm, I'm like reset to zero. Even if I got that, you know, even if I got that relationship to this place that I thought it was amazing, and so, you know, like it was something I was so proud of and so happy with in my life, if that person walks out the door tomorrow, what's the home that I am left with? Very, very important. Um, now how do you balance that? Because this was the, the real question. How do you balance that with the idea that the, the belief that life won't be fulfilling without a partner. I think that we sh— there's a, in a way, a false line being drawn between those two things. Let's just take the belief on its, on its own, the belief that life won't be fulfilling without a partner. Firstly, I want to acknowledge the truth that exists at the heart of that belief, which is not— I don't believe that the life can't be fulfilling without a partner is a truth, but there is a truth behind that belief. And that truth is relationships are amazing when they're right. I mean, they're terrible when they're wrong, but when a relationship is right, it is truly one of the most rewarding experiences we can have in life. That's just true. There's no point telling ourselves otherwise. There's no point pretending that that's not the case. Having a beautiful, rewarding relationship is one of the great beauties of this life. But that's true, by the way, of more than romantic relationships. It's true of many different kinds of relationships. But a romantic relationship is one kind of relationship that is, is, has its own uniquely special DNA. And if it, you know, there's a reason that so many of us have this deep, deep yearning to find that kind of love in our lives. So of course we're not crazy. We shouldn't gaslight ourselves for it being, you know, important to us that we find a relationship. It's important for a reason because we instinctively know that there's something incredibly beautiful to aspire to there. And when we see other people in happy relationships, we see a picture of something that we deeply, deeply want ourselves. But fulfilling is an interesting word because fulfilling is— fulfillment gets to be achieved in a whole bunch of different ways in this life. We can find fulfillment, you know, I experience fulfillment anytime someone approaches me in the street as happened yesterday and says, you know, I— case in point, where was I? Um, oh, I was somewhere in the last couple of days, but someone came up to me and said— I went to— oh, I was at brunch with my, my mom and Audrey's mom are both in town right now in LA, and we were at brunch and a woman came up to me and she said, "I took your retreat program back in 2013 and it changed my life." And she was telling me about it, and this is a woman I haven't seen in, what, 13 years? But she said, "I came to your event." It was in Palm Springs at the time. She said, "I came to the event and it changed my life." That was a deeply fulfilling moment for me, and I felt very connected to how fulfilling that was. It had nothing to do with my romantic relationship. It had nothing to do with my marriage. It had everything to do with an experience that I shared with someone back in 2013 when I'm pretty sure I was a single person in that moment, and I had this truly fulfilling moment that was connected to that time in my life. And that would have been fulfilling regardless of whether I was in a relationship now or not. Life gets to be fulfilling in so many different ways, and I think that, that there's hope there and there's a peace to be gained there, that there's not one way to be fulfilled in life. And that doesn't mean that there's not a kind of heartbreak that we experience when we don't get fulfillment in an area that has always been deeply important to us. And I think that part of the heartbreak we experience is this feeling that we missed out on something incredibly important. But— There are so many people in relationships today who look like they have that kind of fulfillment that are not happy. You know, how many unhappy marriages are there? We know statistically how many divorces there are. We don't know statistically how many unhappy marriages there are, and there's way more unhappy marriages than there are divorces. So, and the same goes for non-married couples. Um, how many people lose their partner even when they're happy, you know, lose their partner to illness or tragedy? They, they— or, or because their partner's not happy and not satisfied, but they are, and they wanted to hold on to that person and that person left. There's— there are so many— there's— life is not binary. Life is not I'm either someone who had a relationship or didn't. There's so many degrees in between where you found a relationship and you weren't happy, where you found a relationship and, and you lost the person. You could meet the love of your life today, and a year from now you could lose them to life circumstances, you know. So what would that mean, that you were fulfilled for a year and then you weren't? And who feels fulfilled 100% of any day? You know, show me a happily married person, and I'll still show you a person who will experience many moments of not feeling fulfilled in their life, because in their mind, they're like, "Well, okay, I'm married. I tick that box. I'm happy. I got that sorted, but I'm really not happy in my purpose in life. I really don't feel like I've got enough going on in my career," or, "I really feel like I keep comparing myself to other people who are further ahead than me, and I feel like we should be making more money," or, "I feel like—" So their lack of fulfillment just goes to another place. It's, it's really, really important for us not to falsely compare ourselves to people either who are not— they have what we think we want and they're not happy, or, and they're not happy because that relationship isn't good, or they're happy in their relationship but they're still no better at being happy than we are because they struggle in a whole bunch of other ways with their unhappiness. Their unhappiness can't go to, "I'm not married," or, "I didn't find a partner," but it just, it looks for a different place to go to attach itself to, and it just attaches itself to something else. Their health anxieties, or their career, or their lack of friendships, or the fact that they don't have a big family, or the fact that they're living somewhere they don't wanna live. So I, I think it's really, really important to recognize that yes, relationships are an extraordinary form of fulfillment when we get them right, but there's a huge caveat there— when we get them right. But it's also true that fulfillment comes from many different places, and whichever form of fulfillment you have found, there's always something else for your that feeling of lack to attach itself to. And those people who you look at and feel a sense of, you know, I don't mean this in a bad way, like you wish them ill, but like a sense of envy, a sense of jealousy, like, I just, I wish I had what they had. Don't, you know, you can be assuming that their happiness isn't finding its own version of exactly what your brain is doing. It's just finding it somewhere else. So the game for all of us is essentially the same. Whatever we've found, whether we've found happiness in love, whether we've found riches, whether we've found status, whether we have found a great social circle, whether we're the fittest, healthiest person in the world with the best body, whatever it is, our— the game we are all playing is essentially the same, which is, can I find satisfaction in the life that I have and the things that are available to me. And there will always be a sadness that we feel, um, or let me rephrase that, that I think a fundamental part of acceptance in this life is the recognition that not everything that we hoped would happen will happen, or it won't happen the way we thought it would or planned for it to. And life is so complex It does not adhere to our wishes in every department, and it doesn't give us exactly what we planned for. And often the things we plan for are the things that we end up resenting the most once we have them. And the things that we never thought we wanted are the things that make us the happiest. And life is like that. So, you know, a huge part of acceptance is accepting that life, life doesn't always happen on my terms. But fortunately, it doesn't have to happen on my terms for me to find peace or for me to find happiness or for me to find joy. And leaving a little space for the fact that we also don't know what's going to happen. So, you know, the fact that you're even asking me this question means you're still here and that there's some time on the clock, who knows how much for any of us. But you're asking this question, which means you're still here. And if you're still here, there's still a sea of possibilities in front of you that you may not be able to truly understand or see from your vantage point right now. And that is an amazing thing that's worth saving a little curiosity for. I would— I sometimes think that there's a lack of— and I know it doesn't come from arrogance, it comes from pain— but there's a kind of lack of humility sometimes in assuming that we know everything that's going to happen in the rest of our lives. We already know what's never going to happen for us, what opportunities are never going to come for us. Some of those areas we're right. I mean, I'm never gonna, you know, I'm never going to play in the NBA. You know, we know we're right about some of those things, but we're not right about all of them. And love is one of those funny things that you— love is not the NBA. Love is something that's available to all of us. And so there is a kind of lack of humility in assuming that simply because we've had a hard time in love so far we're never going to find the love that we seek in our lives, or that we know for sure what opportunities are going to come or are never going to come. Um, very good. Check in with the comments right now. I'm seeing some hearts. Appreciate, uh, you guys. I hope this is helpful. Let me know, leave me a little comment if you've taken something from this today. Misty says, "I've been reading your book Love Life. In the 9th chapter, you spoke about getting over someone you never dated. I know getting over him is the right thing, but how do I handle my emotions and hope and move on?" I I don't want to say too much about this right now. Stay tuned in the next few weeks because I've got something that's going to help you a lot, a lot, a lot. So, I don't— this is super behind the scenes right now. I can't talk about it yet, but just in the next few weeks, Misty, I promise you I've got something that's going to help. So, just stay connected to my channels, and there's an announcement coming. Um, the Lou Yuga says, this is amazing, thank you, going to sign up for the October session. Um, that makes me really, really happy. I'm— I have— I've been doing this program, the Retreat, for 18 years of my life now. And there are, throughout the years, I have people who come up to me in the street wherever I am in the world, or in coffee shops or you name it and tell me, "I was one of those people who came to your retreat." And there are now thousands of those people, literally thousands, because I've had thousands of people come through this program. And I— wherever I am in the world, I meet people who were attendees of the retreat who continue to tell me the ways that it has shaped and informed their lives, that there was a before and after. For them in this program, that it was a pivotal moment for them in their growth and their development. So I, you know, for anyone who wants that moment for themselves this October where it, you know, it begins the rest of your life in a new way, I really encourage you to come and join me. It's the most special thing I do, and I'm immensely proud of it, and I'm really, really excited about this one in particular. So The link is mhretreat.com. For anyone joining right now, the early bird tickets are at a deep discount at the moment. We have $600 off the tickets right now, and that's just until midnight tonight. There's a— you can break down the payments if you want to spread them out between now and the event. You can split it into 5 payments to help you. But it's— I just, I promise you, it— this is something that will be different to anything you've attended like it before, if you have ever attended anything like it before. It's a very unique and special program, and it's something I've put my heart and soul into. So if you resonate— I know that we have an abundance of people that we can go to these days, and so many different voices, and there's so many great ones. But if you, if you watch me and you listen to my work, my podcast, my videos, on YouTube, and you know that you really resonate with me, like my voice, the way I communicate, the way I break down ideas, the way I coach and teach, if that is like a style that you find really helpful, I'm a big believer in if you find something or someone that's working for you, go deeper. And this is an opportunity for you and me to go deeper than I ever can on YouTube or Instagram or anywhere like that. Um, Hadok Peter says, please do more of these, Matthew. I take a lot from you and you have helped change my mindset so much. Thank you, that means so much to me. Um, RZBS, I've been following you since 2020 and it's helped me a lot throughout my journey. Um, thank you. Um, Very good. I see people here saying that they've— I've helped them get relationships. I love it. If you're on Instagram or Facebook, comment the word, "October," and I'll send you a link to your DMs. So, if you just comment the word, "October," you'll get a link from me in your DMs. You can click that link and you'll go straight through to the Retreat page where the early bird tickets are on offer until midnight tonight. So, just comment the word, "October," Anyone else, if you're on TikTok or YouTube watching this, go to mhretreat.com. And by the way, for anyone asking, this is not for women only. This is for men too. We have a completely mixed crowd these days. Look at my audience online. It's men, it's women, it's everybody. So, I'm just excited to have you there. It doesn't matter where in the world you're coming from. There'll be people flying from all over the world. All different ages. Um, it's, uh, it— you'll know it's right for you if you're listening and you're like, I need to do this work. And by the way, I needed to do this work. I still need to do this work. I, I'm on the, the same journey you're on. I'm on myself. Um, you know, I, I have my own things that I've had to heal from in my life. I'm still healing from some of them. You know, I've had to work on my own emotional regulation. I have had an ongoing relationship with my good friend, anxiety, for my entire life, really, most of my life. And, you know, it's— I've had to confront that. You know, I didn't— when I was in my 20s, I never— if you'd have asked me in my 20s, "Are you an anxious person or do you have anxiety?" I would have said, "What are you talking about?" I didn't— I wouldn't have said I related to that word. I did have it. I just, I didn't process it that way. I didn't have the language for it. I didn't have the label for it. I've, you know, I, but luckily I've confronted that and I've learned a lot of tools that have helped me immensely. And if I hadn't, my God, there's so many wonderful things that have happened in my life that couldn't have happened. And more importantly, in some ways, I wouldn't know how to resolve my internal issues in the way that I do today. And I'm not saying I'm perfect at that. I'm not. I, you know, I have my own challenges, but I'm way better than I used to be, and I've learned a lot about these things over the years. I've amassed a lot of combined wisdom from people I've learned from, courses I've taken, mentors I've had, coaches I've had, therapists I've had, and of course a dash of my own, uh, my own ideas in there too. And it has come together to be something really, really special that helps a lot of people. So I really hope that I get to, to share this all with you in October. I'm grateful regardless of everyone who's here right now. It means a lot to me. Anytime, anytime you spend time with me, I'm just so appreciative. In a world where our time is so scarce and where there are so many resources available to us and so many things pulling our attention, I'm always grateful for the time that you give me. I'm very respectful of it and I honor it because I know we don't have nearly as much of it as we would like. And I'm always— I believe if someone's going to take up your time, they should bring you something of quality and of substance. And that's the ethos in everything I do. When you watch a YouTube video of me every weekend, that video has had a lot of hours of love and energy put into it. I don't phone them in. They probably take me too long, but I believe in bringing you things of quality and of substance, and that's what the retreat is on steroids. So I look forward to it. I can't wait to see whoever joins me in October and Again, thank you for everyone else who joined me today. I'll see you soon, guys. All right, much love. Um, for anyone who hasn't got to the link yet, it's mhretreat.com. And, uh, I will see you all soon the next time I do one of these. Or as I said, cool announcements coming up in the next few weeks. Um, I won't say much, too much more now, but anyone who's going through a hard time right now, especially in love, um, Something cool is coming. I look forward to telling you more about it. Um, all right guys, be well, have a wonderful week this week, and I'll see you soon. Bye.