Answering Your Questions LIVE

Okay, is everyone ready and comfortable? Welcome to Mr. Matthews' neighborhood. Let's answer some questions. I am going to be doing a bit of Q&A today, sharing an idea with you. making sure you all watched the replay of the training that I did, which is only available until midnight tomorrow. The link is lovelifereplay.com. david was fast fingers with that. Very good. What's up, everyone? Hey, Monica on YouTube. I might need to refresh these Instagram and Tick Tock. We're going live everywhere right now. And before you even say it, everyone, yes, we're actually live. This isn't some kind of, you know, technological Mirage where we've pretended to be live, but we're not really. We are live. Roller girl. What's going on? Hello to you in Vegas. Michael Fuller. Good to see you back in here, my man. Hey, Pascal. We said we'd be back. We are. We had a false start on the last one. I wanna. If you've got any questions relating to commitment, relating to. Oh, God, the state of dating today. Feel free to ask and let's get started. Hello to all of you. TikTok, Inez, I see you. Thank you for the love. Nas, how you doing? Shushu, what's up on Instagram? Someone said, you,'re wearing a hoodie today. That's different. It's not really. What's different is what I put on for making videos, which is always way smarter than I actually am. in the house. So this is just me showing up a little bit more how I show up, you know, in everyday life. But, you know, keep your guessing. Look, before we get into some questions, and David is going to be looking for some questions that he's going to pull. We've got Audrey, my wife, Audrey, in the background as well. She's pulling questions. I wanted to talk about a very, very important concept, which is giving too much. in early dating. One of the big reasons why we struggle to get commitment is because we give too much too quickly. Who here has ever done this? Leave a comment. Let me know. Don't be shy. I have. I'm sure you have too. You know, who's given too much? Who's felt like they met someone, they liked them. Gwen, I see you on YouTube. Who's met someone liked them and then felt like you've over invested. And in over investing, you lost your personal power. And maybe the other person began to take you for granted. Maybe they began to respect you a little less. Maybe they probably never said that, but I always think that we can sometimes lose opportunities without even realizing why we're losing them. And one of the reasons we lose them is because people lose respect for us and take us for granted when we give too much too soon. I want you to think about this. Nothing is harmed by slowing down and going at a more organic pace in our dating lives, but plenty can be harmed by going too fast. Right? Nothing is harmed by slowing down, but lots can be harmed by speeding up. And speeding up is a form of over investing. Because when we give too much to someone or when we over invest, what does it look like? Well, for one, it looks like already deciding on this person before we even really know them. Like, I've decided on you. You are good looking, you are fun, you make me laugh, I have chemistry with you. We had a great date. You're the one. You're it for me. That's deciding before we even know a person. So, there's this internal thing that has us making a decision on someone and saying, this person's right for me, and I'm now going to act as if this is my person. And of course, when we start acting as if this is you know, you're my person. You just don't know it yet. When you start acting as if that's true, that's a recipe for over investing. Another sign that we're over investing is when we do not recalibrate the amount that we invest based on their behavior. In the training that I did last week, I know shout out if you were there and you enjoyed it. It was called Casual to Committed, still available at lovelifereplay.com, but only until midnight tomorrow night. One of the points I made was reward rhythm. Reward rhythm. When we have a good rhythm with someone and they're giving us great energy and they're being responsive and consistent, that should be rewarded. But when we've already started over investing, when we don't have good rhythm with someone, when they're inconsistent, when they do things we don't necessarily like, all of a sudden, we don't say, oh, I need to recalibrate here because maybe this person's not as great as I thought, or maybe this potential relationship doesn't have as much potential as I initially hoped. Instead, we give more. We get less from them and our response is to give more. So a sign of over-investing is we never recalibrate based on them being crappy. We just in fact, we don't just we not only don't recalibrate, we actually give more. Who here has ever had that instinct before? When, you know, someone pulls away and your instinct is to fight, your instinct is to fight harder. That's a bad instinct. But most of us have been there before. So over investing is when we've already decided on someone we don't know well enough to have decided over investing is when we don't recalibrate based on their crummy behavior. And over-investing also occurs when we have made them the gatekeeper for our self-worth. When all of a sudden it's like we've given permission to them to decide when we get to feel worthy and when we don't. And you know that's true when someone isn't texting you one morning and all of a sudden you feel like you're not good enough. you feel like your self-esteem is on the floor just because they haven't texted you. Who here is having that issue right now? There's someone that's not reaching out to you. There's someone that you feel like isn't, you know, showing up in the way that you want. And it's like they're holding your self-worth hostage right now. Who feels that? Megan, I see you. Brett. So when someone is holding our self-worth hostage and we've given them permission to do that, that's a sign that we've over invested because we've stopped connecting to what else is important in our lives. We've stopped connecting to the fact that this person who we probably didn't even know a month ago or six months ago and our happiness certainly didn't rely on them then has now become the sole source of our happiness. We're no longer connecting to the things that do make us happy outside of this person. And I, I think this is a great lesson for life in general. I mean, some of you have businesses or careers where an opportunity comes up and we tell ourselves, this opportunity is the be all end all. Whenever I find myself straying with a business opportunity into thinking that this thing, this project is the be all end all. I know I've lost sight of how many great things there are, not just in my life, but in my organization. There are many different projects I'm excited about. There are many different things that I'm enjoying doing right now. No one project holds me hostage. No one project holds me hostage. And you have to look at your love life like that. No one person can hold your self-esteem, your self-worth, and your happiness hostage. and the moment we give them that permission, we're over investing. Because if you hold my happiness in your hands, if you hold my self-esteem in your hands, then I will do anything to get validation from you. I'll do anything to please you because I just need you to want me again. So we have to be really, really careful not to over invest, because when we do this, we're no longer discerning. We're not discerning who's right from wrong. We're not showing any discipline in our dating lives because we're basically saying, I'm no longer gonna connect to the other things that are important to me. I'm gonna take the breaks off of how fast I go with this person and how much I give to them because I just really want them. Screw whether it's a bad idea or not or whether I know them well enough. I just wanna go all in. So it shows no discipline. And it also puts us in a place where we no longer get people's respect. We don't get their respect anymore. And when people don't respect us, we certainly don't get their commitment. We don't get their buy-in. People start to respect us when they realize that maybe we're a sale they haven't entirely made yet. Or even if they've made part of the sale, they can still screw it up. And they realize that when we're willing to point out maybe what we don't like or when we're willing to back off because we don't appreciate their inconsistency or their flakiness. When we have standards, that changes the way we're seen. So, This is me saying to you, it's worth evaluating what's happening in early dating that might be hurting your chances of getting the commitment that you're looking for. And one of those things, it's not the only thing, but one of those things is our tendency to over invest. If you want more on this subject, I'm going to answer a couple of questions right now, but if you want more on this subject, go to lovelifereplay.com and watch this training that I did is completely free. It's about 90 minutes. It's even a bit more than that. And it's really powerful. I put a lot of work into it. It's called casual to committed. The three core principles for getting to commitment without games or ultimatums. And people have been raving about it for the last week. We're only keeping it up until midnight tomorrow night, and then we're pulling it down. So we want to give everyone a chance to watch it completely free right now while it's available, but it is only available until midnight tomorrow. So make sure you go check it out while it's there. If you are on Instagram or Facebook right now, you can literally comment the word replay and we'll send you a link to your DMs. So comment replay right now if you're on Instagram or Facebook watching this live. If you're on YouTube or TikTok watching this live, Savannah, I see you. Then you have to Go to the link. Commenting replay won't work. Go to lovelifereplay.com if you're on TikTok or YouTube. Isabella, I see you writing replay on TikTok, but it won't work. You have to go to the link if you're on TikTok. Okay. David, let's pull up a question. All right. This one is from Francine. and I'm. Let me pull it up here. Is Francine's question in the. Let me. Oh, here we go. Hi. Hi, Francine. How slow should I accept? I went on one date with a high quality man, and we really hit it off. He said all the right words. I. I was worth the white we. I was worth the wait. How are those the right words? I went on one date with a high quality man and we really hit it off. Oh, I'm looking now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He said all the right words. I was worth the wait. Do you mean in life, Francine? Or in meeting her, like she was worth the wait because maybe they took two weeks to... He was schmoozing. All right. Yeah, okay, fine. I was worth the wait. We have so much in common. I'm pretty, et cetera. He sends me a text every two weeks but not asking for a second date. next. Who can't like, isn't that boring? Francine? Isn't that boring that he said all the right words on the date? Like, you're like, he kind of has to like, someone who says you're worth the wait has to then be really great to justify having said something like that on a first date. Anyway, right? Unless it's like done in a very authentic way at the end of the day, like, hey, I know it took us a few weeks to meet up, but this was totally worth the wait. Not you are worth the wait. Like, this was like, that's a I don't like that comment in the first place. That's why I got stuck on it. But if you say this was worth the like, this was so worth the wait. I'm so glad that we made this happen. Okay, fine. But it doesn't sound like he said that when you couple it with the other things he said. You have so much in common. You're pretty, blah, blah, blah. well, okay, fine. Then you gotta back all of that up if you're gonna say it all. And if you go down this road of, like, he texts me every two weeks. This sounds like a person who came into your life, wanted to get you all connected to him enough so that you were hooked. And how, like, this is a. This is a. Guys, I want to be clear about this. This is a trick people do. They'll say enough. to get you hooked. And then when they know they've got you hooked enough that they can sprinkle in a couple of texts every, you know, few days or weeks, like, what is he? He sends a text to me every two weeks. Like, he thinks he's got you hooked enough that sending you a message every two weeks is going to be enough for you and is going to keep you around. Are you gonna prove him right on that? or are you gonna prove him wrong? I would be looking to prove someone like that wrong. If you think you have me hooked enough that you can send me a message every two weeks and that's going to be interesting to me, you are absolutely mistaken, sir. All right, what else? Let's start seeing this as boring, guys. What are we doing here? This is exciting. This is what we're gonna, like, wait for. Is someone sending a text every two weeks? No, absolutely not Francine. We're worth more than that. Anique Racine says, nice to meet you, Matthew. I've been following you. Let's switch over to Anique on the questions. Oh, this is just a nice comment. Okay, we could take Francine off then. That might confuse people. So Anique says, nice to meet you, Matthew. I've been following you and listening to you for over the last three years. I've learned so much and I'm now in a beautiful and healthy relationship with a wonderful man. That's really cool. I was waiting for the question and it was just a really nice comment. That's so, so nice, Anique. I'm so happy that this has been working for you over the last three years and that you're now in a beautiful and healthy relationship. How lovely. Thank you for actually taking the time to tell me. And yeah, Anique, thank you. For anyone who wants to continue their training with me, go check out the training I did because if you want a relationship with a wonderful human being that's beautiful and healthy, that's exactly what I talk about here. So go check it out. My boyfriend is loyal, but I feel anxious when he is going out with the boys. How can I calm my anxiety? I'm really stressed out. Well, first, show yourself compassion. Do we have a name for this one? we don't. But first, give yourself. Julia. Julia, give yourself some compassion, because this is either what you're experiencing is a reaction to the fact that deep down, your intuition is telling you that something's not trustworthy about this person. Or if you look at this situation and you go, this person's been wonderful on that level and given me no reason to doubt him, then there's something historic about this. And if there's something historic about it, the first step in calming your anxiety is to give yourself compassion, not to beat yourself up for being anxious. It's not like you chose anxiety, is it? It's not like when you. You. He goes out with the boys, you go to the menu of emotions and you go, you know what? When I really want to feel tonight, I want to feel. anxiety. You don't. It's instant, it's involuntary. That emotion visits you. And your job is to pause for a moment, give yourself compassion, maybe ask yourself, where does this come from for me? You know, what has happened in my life or what have I experienced in the past that has led me to believe that I can't feel safe when someone goes out with the boys. Have you had that conversation with your partner or are you just trying to pretend to be cool and collected all the time? You know, you don't have to be controlling, but you can have that conversation with your boyfriend and say, you know, I want to share with you something I struggle with because it's not something I ever want to impact our relationship. I don't want to control you. I want you to have a great time when you go out with your friends, but I just want to share it because it's part of, I guess, you knowing me is that I, I struggle sometimes with anxiety and maybe talk to him about where that comes from or what your experience is of that. And that is something that you want to work on. You know, you want him to know it about you because you want him to know you better. But you also take responsibility for working on it. Like, don't, don't keep it locked up in here. Actually, express it out there, but express it in a way where the two of you are a team together. It's not your anxiety versus him and his good time. It's the two of you versus your anxiety. That makes sense. And then he gets to be a wonderful teammate to you in that. And also, you'll see what kind of a teammate he can be in that. Does he shame you for that? Does he make you, you know, does he say, oh, I just don't want to hear about this, or, you know, this is really unfair, even though you're not actually, you're not saying to him, you can't go out or you can't do these things. You're just sharing a part of you. Do you feel better for having shared a part of you or do you feel worse? That's important. That's an important kind of litmus test for the relationship. So be compassionate. Don't be afraid to share it, but from a place of being a team and being a teammate in his fun as well. The last thing you want to do is deprive him of having a nice time with his friends any more than you would want him depriving you of having a nice time with your friends. I think it's also important to change the framing of this that your anxiety in a perfect world wants a relationship where he never goes out with his friends so that you don't have to feel this. But the higher part of you wants a relationship where someone can go out with their friends and you can trust them. Right? That's. That's the highest relationship, and. if that's the highest relationship, then you have to honor that and say it's only the right relationship if my partner can go out and have a good time and I can trust them. And if this person proves to be untrustworthy, then they have failed the test of being your ideal partner. It's. I think sometimes our fear is that our ideal partner is going to go out and they're going to do something. that is wrong and they're going to hurt us and they're going to betray us. But the moment someone does that, they cease to be your ideal partner. So in a way, you. You can flip the fear and make it not about, you know, my fear is that they're going to betray me. You have to say my fear is that I spend the rest of my life in a relationship where I'm constantly controlling somebody else. and I end up never creating the relationship I want because I can never relax. That's. That should be the bigger fear. And then from that place, you can say, then, you know what? I'm going to approach this relationship as if it was my ideal relationship. And if someone fails me in a fundamental way, then this isn't the right relationship for me, and I don't need to worry about losing the wrong relationship. I only need to worry about losing the right one. I hope that helps. Let me know. But be kind to yourself. This is old stuff. What you're experiencing is old stuff. So it learning how to just breathe and soothe yourself is very important for situations like this. Oh, this is, you know, if it was me, I'd say, oh, Matthew's doing that thing that Matthew does where he's, you know, worrying about jealousy or he's worrying about someone betraying him or, you know, that's, this is old stuff for Matthew. So let me be kind to Matthew right now, because the kinder I am to Matthew, the more Matthew is going to feel supported and loved, and the more he's actually going to be able to bring his best energy to this situation instead of, let me hate on Matthew right now for feeling this, which makes Matthew feel abandoned. And then Matthew's worst self comes out because he feels abandoned. All right, very good. What do we. What do we have? All right, Monty Express. It's a good name. I feel that I always put in more than the other person. Usually the girl starts putting the same effort. But by that point, I feel that I had to put the effort for too long to start getting the same. Look, we have to calibrate our effort based on what we're getting back. There's nothing wrong with being the person who makes the first move. There's nothing wrong with being the person who shows up. in a really kind or generous way. But we have to pay attention to whether that energy is reciprocated. What it sounds like, Monty, is that you're giving and giving and giving, and then you're resentful when they finally give you a bit because you're like, I, I don't like that I had to, you know, constantly be the one trying for you to finally try a little bit. So that resentment is that you were giving more than you actually felt good giving. And that's the part that has to change. We, you know, in the session that I just did that I want you to go and watch today, the thing I say is we should only give what we're prepared to lose. We should only give what we're willing to lose. And it sounds like you're giving more than you're willing to lose. So now you're resentful that you had to give so much to get something from them. What we want is for people who respect the ways that we show up for them early. And when they don't respect them and when it feels like it's not appreciated, we point our energy in another direction. And if we recalibrate in real time like that, we're going to find that we attract relationships that are reciprocal. If the relationships we get are the ones where we had to basically kill ourselves with how much we gave to someone, for them to realize that there's something they don't want to lose. And now the reason they don't want to lose us is because it's like, well, this person's giving me so much, maybe I'll hang on to it. You know, that. That. We're now attracting someone who is only with us because of how much we give all the time. They're not with us because of who we are, and they're not with us because they actually value being a teammate to us. Ella says, Guys tend to do stupid things that lead me to end things with them. Let's pull Monty off the screen, David. Guys tend to do stupid things that lead me to end things with them. How do you know if you've cut and run too soon or if you should give people and their silly behavior grace? so guys tend to do stupid things that lead me to end things with them. How do you know if you've cut and run too soon or if you should give people their. And their silly Behavior. Grace. I mean, it depends on what the silly Behavior is, you know? And it's. We have to. It's one thing to cut and run. It's another thing to communicate to. With someone in an elegant way what it is they did that has affected the way that. you're seeing things. You know, if I, if you do something silly and I just disappear on you, then I am not giving you a chance to acknowledge that and do better. Now, in some cases, that's fine. I don't believe if someone does, if someone's, you have a disastrous first date where someone is disrespectful, why would you want to communicate to that person that you're not going on a second date with them because they're disrespectful? It's like if you can't if you can't go on a first date and be kind or compassionate or respectful, that's not the time to be giving someone another chance. But if you go on five dates with someone and the sixth date is an anomaly where they do something that you didn't really like, that's a moment where you say, well, we had five great dates. Let me actually communicate to this person that what they did has given me pause. What they did has made me kind of a little uneasy or I really didn't appreciate it. And it's made me feel like kind of taking a step backwards. Are you communicating or are you just cutting and running? Because communicating is where we actually have the chance to see who someone could be, right? Who could they be with us if we bring them a different standard, if we bring them a different kind of energy, if we bring them a much, more powerful form of communication than other people bring them. That people are always going to do that. No one's ever going to be perfect. People are always going to do something at some point that rubs us up the wrong way or that we didn't like. And our job is to go, am I communicating like an adult in a powerful and confident way in this situation? Because when we do, we can find that actually people often, we have a lot of, we have more influence on people than sometimes we think. That's not a mandate to keep trying to change someone who doesn't acknowledge what you're saying and doesn't change anything. But, you know, if someone's been pretty great and then they do something you don't like, cutting and running without having the conversation is a way to constantly write off everybody all the time. So, I think it sounds like what maybe has happened to you is that you've been hurt in the past and so now it feels safer to cut and run. But what I'd love you to do is develop that robustness that makes you able to handle challenging conversations with people so that you can not just be the person who's not okay with what they did, but you can be the person who's bold enough to say, that you're not okay with what they did and to see if you pointing that out, albeit in a nice way, but in a firm way, changes anything. Okay. Rainier says the voice is low. Are we high enough? David, we probably are, but it might be your computer Rainier that you just need to turn us up. But we'll just double check that on our end. Someone said, any marriage advice to keep your marriage healthy and happy? I wrote something recently on this. I don't have it to hand, but I wrote a couple of, like, throughout for people who are on my three relationships newsletter. I literally just wrote a little, a little thing on this. And, David, let's pop up the link for anyone who wants to jump on that training as well. If you want to come and join us on our training that we have love life replay. .com. I just want to keep saying that to everyone because it disappears at midnight tomorrow night. I look what I've learned, not just from a year of marriage because it was just our one year anniversary a couple of weeks ago. But what I've learned just from being in a happy and healthy relationship is that not letting resentments fester is a really powerful thing. So in the past, you may have found that if you were resentful about something, you didn't say anything. And it could be anything. It could be you were resentful that you felt your partner wasn't thinking of you. It could be you resentful that you feel like you do a lot more for them than they do for you. Or when they're going through something, you're there for them and you show a ton of empathy. And when you're going through something, they move on really quickly. or it may be that you feel you don't get enough space or there could be any number of reasons, any number of things that are building resentment quietly in the background. And it's really dangerous to ignore those things. It's really dangerous to just hope that they will one day get better on their own. Because what we don't talk about, we tacitly approve, right? In any relationship, that's true. The behavior that you don't talk about the things that, you know, the feelings you're having about something that you don't share actually by our silence ends up becoming a kind of approval for whatever is the status quo. And then six months later or a year later, we wonder why the status quo is still the same. Why, you know, nothing's changed. And then we get even more resentful and more angry, and we bottle it up and we talk to our friends and our family or the people around us, and we say, oh, they're still doing this thing and it's driving me crazy. And you know, we don't tell the one person in the world who needs to hear how we're feeling in order to make it better. So not letting resentments Fester, but being willing to have the hard conversations. And they will be, in some cases, sometimes they'll be easier than you ever thought, but sometimes they'll be harder. Sometimes they'll be really challenging conversations, and we will have to start developing a little bit of a. What's the word? A little bit of a. An ability to. To hear, to have hard conversations and to know that they actually make our relationship stronger. They don't make it worse. The right relationship gets better with challenging conversations. It doesn't get worse. And there's a phrase in life. If you want an easy life, do hard things. If you want a hard life, do easy things. and, you know, I think the relationship version of that is if you wanna, if you want an easy relationship, have hard conversations. If you want a hard relationship, have easy conversations. Because if you're only ever having easy conversations, then your relationship over time is going to get harder because you're never actually talking about the things that need to be talked about to make it better. So if you're, if you're married right now and you concur, let me know. I know there's a lot of wisdom from people who have been married many years who may be watching this. So if you agree, let me know. And if you're getting into a relationship or you're in a relationship right now and you found that helpful, say yes in the comments. Let's just see what comments we have up here right now. By the way, guys, I'm going to say it again. I'm sorry. I know I'm going to bore you, but I will not rest until every person has seen this training. before it disappears tomorrow night. My brand new training that I did last week, which was over 90 minute training, casual to committed for anyone who wants a committed relationship. This training is I designed it for you. It is available only until midnight tomorrow night. The link to go and watch it is lovelifereplay.com. it is coming down at midnight tomorrow night, so go check it out while it's still available. And if you're on Instagram or Facebook comment the word replay and I'll send you a link directly to your DMs. All right. Very good. Let's see. What are you liking, David? Okay. Amani Muhammad says, How to stop investing too soon in a relationship? How to stop the feeling of loving someone from taking over my brain. Look, there's when someone takes over our brain in that way, firstly realise there's something chemical happening. So part of what we're experiencing, even if you were with that person for a lifetime, that sick feeling of I can't sleep at night because I'm thinking about them so much, that wouldn't be there. So even if you were in a relationship with them long term, you wouldn't maintain that chemical, love sick feeling of, I can't get anything done. I can't think, I can't sleep, I can't eat. I'm just obsessed with them. That would not remain if you were in a. Especially, by the way, it would remain if you were in an unhealthy relationship with that person where you felt like you're always fighting for their attention or their approval or. Or. for, you know, you were always worried about them leaving you, but in a healthy relationship, you that feeling would not remain. So know that there's a big part of that feeling that you can't really trust, that you shouldn't put a lot of stock in. Then recognize that your feeling of safety in life can't go, can't come from this person. And it sounds like what's happening for you is that you're transferring your need for safety onto this person and nominating them in the role of my safe zone before they've ever earned that position in your life. What you really want, Amani, is to feel safe. That's what you're looking for. You want to feel safe. and you know, the people that make me feel the safest in my life are not the people I just met. Those are not the people that make me feel safe. The people that make me feel safe in my life are my wife and my closest, closest, closest friends and allies, the people that I know inside out, the people that I trust, that I've built trust with over time. these are people that help me feel safe. I don't feel safe around people who I just met or I've only known for a few weeks or months. I can't make those people my safety. It would be unwise. I've got no reason to think that I'm safe around these people. I don't know them. How, you know, how I I might choose to trust someone because I'll have a better you know, relationship with them if I choose to trust them. And it's a pragmatic thing to choose to trust certain people for a time. But that doesn't mean that this is a weird distinction. But choosing to trust someone right now who's new in my life doesn't actually mean I trust them. Does that make sense? I might choose to trust someone because I'm like, I don't want to live constantly looking over my shoulder and I'm gonna choose to trust, you know, I just hired someone for my company. I'm gonna choose to trust them right now in their role to do their job. That doesn't mean I trust someone. Because trust for me is something that is gonna be revealed over time. So choosing to trust someone for me isn't the same as actually trusting that person. The people I actually trust are people that I know who know me, and we've been through it together, and we've been through ups and downs, and that relationship has been tested. So you're looking for safety, but you're. You're looking for safety in a place you can't find it because the relationship isn't secure yet because you've not had any evidence that this person is going to stick around in the long term because, you know, you don't really know the character of this person. You just know. that you feel lovesick over them. So you're not going to find safety with this person. And if you realize that it can actually be a route to relaxing because you go, oh, maybe I'm not supposed to feel safe in this situation yet. Maybe my safety can't come from this person. Maybe my safety has to come from the people in my life where I actually can achieve that feeling. and right now, my job is not to feel safe here. My job is to experience it, to make the most of it, but also to know that that person doesn't becau, like, that person isn't. Doesn't deserve my obsession. Like, based on what? If I'm obsessing over that person, that has nothing to do with their importance. It has nothing to do with their value to me. How can you know they have value to you? They haven't shown any value yet. them showing charisma and charm and having chemistry with you isn't value. They're just attractive traits. When I talk about value, I mean, have they been a consistent presence in your life over the last year? Have they been there for you? Have they shown up for you? Have you made a great team? Does it feel like this is building? Does it feel consistent? Is there reliability in this relationship? That's value, right? But when people talk to me about obsession, it usually has nothing to do. It almost never has anything to do with someone who's showing up for them consistently, who's trustworthy, who is there for them, who is a great teammate, who's making plans for the future. Because that's precisely the kind of person that around them you start to feel safer. and when you start to feel safer, you actually don't obsess as much. That's the irony. When you. When you. When you feel safe with someone, you don't obsess. It just feels right. There's a big difference. You don't obsess. It just feels right. You feel a sense of Peace. You feel a sense of home. You feel a sense of this is. This feels good. This feels rewarding. It doesn't feel rewarding when you're obsessed over someone. It feels horrible. Obsession doesn't come from that safety. Obsession comes from having put someone on some crazy kind of godlike pedestal where we don't think we're good enough for them and we think they're amazing and we'll do anything to get them regardless of how much value they're actually bringing to our lives. if you resonate with that, leave me a yes in the comments. Anne says great eye opener on Obsession. Thank you, Anne. Appreciate you watching this on, on YouTube. Donna, I see you on Tick Tock. Glad that this resonated. Same to you, Andra, Sarah on Instagram. Really, really happy that you're enjoying this. We've got a good crowd right now. A lot of people here across all of these platforms. All right, what do we think? I think I probably have to go and make a video now. We're shooting a new video today, which I'm excited to share with you guys. I think you're really going to love this one. And I love spending time with you. I really appreciate you showing up. I said this the other day, this is such a kind and loving community of people and you guys are so supportive of me. And even when we meet in the street and you come over to me or when I'm in a coffee shop and you say hi, I always feel like I have the best audience for what I do because you're so kind and people don't come over to me and they don't come over in obnoxious ways. They always come over in lovely ways. They're like, I watch your videos, they really helped me. Or I was in you know, Hollywood recently, and a guy came over to me and said, I'm a gay guy, but your videos really helped me. And I just want, I want to say, I appreciate what you do. Like, it's so lovely. Someone rolled down their window the other day and was like, at first I thought they were shouting something aggressive. And then I realized they said, they had said, you,'re doing great work, man. I was like, this is so lovely to just have someone roll down their window as I'm walking down the street. But I really appreciate you guys. Thank you for the love and thank you for the kindness and for being such a intellectually curious community and being such a compassionate group of people. I look forward to seeing you all soon. If you haven't already, please go and check out the replay before it disappears. I don't want you to miss it. I know that on Thursday morning there are going to be bunch of you who say to me, Matt, where can I see that session that you were talking about and it will be gone? So I do not want you to miss out. If you are someone who is looking for a committed relationship, whether you are single and struggling or whether you are seeing someone and that situationship or relationship has flatlined and you're not getting the commitment you want, this is a really powerful training. Every self respecting person who wants an incredible love life should watch this training, whether you're single or in a relationship, because the rules are the same. Go check it out. It's at lovelifereplay.com. and if you're in, if you're on Instagram or Facebook, type the word replay and I'll DM you a link to go and watch it right now. All right. I appreciate you guys. Thank you for being here. I look forward to seeing you soon. And Audrey's giving me a look. Did I miss something? Did I forget something? Oh, you gave me a look like I'd forgotten something. Oh, and I will. I can't interpret what Audrey's telling me, but I will see you later. I'll ask Audrey now. And if I've missed anything, I'll put it in the comments. All right, guys, sending you so much love. Thanks for being here. Bye, everyone.