Answering Your Questions LIVE

You are live. Hey, everybody, leave me a comment. Once you're here, let me know you're here. And with me, just going live on Instagram. I think we're already live on YouTube. Leave me a comment. Let me know you're here. Let me know how you're feeling today. What's on your mind today. Do you feel good? Do you feel yourself? Do you not feel yourself? You feel like you're having a hard time? How you doing today, Abhishek? Anxious? Sup? The Punisher plays Good to see you. What's up, Melody Red? Hey, Daria. Hello to you in Germany. Jared, your videos are very helpful. I appreciate you. India from Oregon's exhausted from a mentally draining relationship. One of the things that I've said before that I think is worth repeating is that sometimes a conversation is the only thing between standing between us feeling the way we are today or right now, and us feeling better. And I don't just mean, like, if you're having trouble with someone, having a conversation with them. I just mean if you're exhausted, Sue Ellen, I see you. If you're stressed, if you're overwhelmed, if you're anxious. Sometimes the only thing between us and feeling anxious, stressed, exhausted, and feeling better is a healing conversation with somebody and sometimes a healing video. You know, I. I know so many of you watch my videos, and sometimes a healing video is the difference between the way we're feeling right now and feeling like we're in a much better place. And I always find there to be something really comforting just about that realization. If you can have a conversation with someone and it make you feel better, then what you know is that the circumstances that are making you feel bad didn't change during that conversation. The circumstances didn't change. But you had a conversation that made you feel better. There was a perspective shift that made you feel better. I find that really interesting and I find that very encouraging and hopeful and liberating thought, because it means that so much of the way I'm feeling right now can be solved by my own mind. A lot of us feel that, you know, life has to change for us to be happy. So many things have to happen for us to feel relieved or to no longer feel stressed. So much has to change. We have to do so much. It's going to take forever to get ourselves out of this mess or this situation, whatever it may be. But if a conversation with someone can suddenly make us feel calm again or can make us feel like everything's going to be okay, can make us feel hopeful, can make us feel relieved, then actually it doesn't mean that there aren't. There aren't things we want to change. Of course there are things we want to change, but it means that so much of what we're experiencing is just happening in our mind. And we can change the contents of our mind by what we focus on in our day, by who we engage with, by what we engage with. You engaging with me right now, I, I hope can be a healing moment. It can be a moment where you feel good. And for Zolia on, on TikTok, who's saying, am I really live? I am really here live right now. But the idea that we can change how we feel simply by having a conversation or watching a video or being here right now, that should be an encouraging thought because it means that you don't actually need anything to happen to feel better right now. You just need the right perspective. You need to make sure that the contents of your mind are something beautiful or empowering or healing. You can feel better with nothing changing in your life but the contents of your mind. I want to do some questions today. I. I am really, really excited that so many of you are watching the 30 day confidence challenge. I'll remind you that the replay of the 30 day confidence challenge that I did on Tuesday is available for a few more days. So go check that out while it's available. The link is there. Mhchallenge.com it's free to watch and if you're on Instagram or Facebook, just comment the word replay and I'll send you a link to your DMs. Make sure you watch that because the challenge starts on Saturday. I see the active mindset on Instagram. You join the challenge. So many of you are already signed up. So many of you are already engaging in the free community that I created for this. We're going to be together over the next 30 days. I'm going to be working with you on your confidence. The whole thing is free, so don't miss it because it starts tomorrow. The day one of the challenge is tomorrow, so this is a great day to get in so that you can start with the rest of us on day one. It starts with a live training, which I did on Tuesday, but you've got time to watch it today before we start tomorrow and watch the challenge. Watch the training today and then tomorrow will begin day one of the 30 days again. If you're on Instagram or Facebook, comment the word replay and you can still see it before it disappears and before the challenge starts tomorrow, and mhchallenge.com is the link to go there. Oh, sorry. MH Replay. I've done that many times the last couple of days. Mhreplay.com. thank you. David is the link. All right, let's keep going. Now, is this the microphone that picks up lawn mowers outside or. No? Okay. So we should be fine. Okay. I have a lawnmower right outside the door right now. I don't know if anyone can hear it. I just have to pretend it's not there. But you shouldn't be able to hear it. Okay, let's go. Let's do some questions. So it's sbht says, how can I stop myself from regretting loving him? How can I stop myself from. From regretting loving him? I think I would ask you why you regret loving him. Maybe it's because you feel like that person wasted your time. Maybe it's because you feel like you endured so much hurt and suffering by being with that person. Maybe you feel like you wasted a lot of life. We. We all have moments where we kind of regret what we. The way we showed up or that we showed up at all, that we gave someone the time of day, that we lost ourselves in a relationship. You know, some relationships are responsible for us not just hurting ourselves. They're responsible for us hurting our family and our friends. Because some relationships are so toxic that we. That they monopolize our mind, our thoughts, our life in a way that makes us unavailable to the people that really matter. And many people have regrets and shame around that too. Are we still live on tick tock? I just want to check because something went off on the screen over here. We're still live. Oh, strange. Let's see if we can. It seems to have restarted because I lost all the comments. Either way, you might need to restart it on my screen because I can't see it, but. Oh, weird. I can't see it on my screen. So a lot of us have regrets and shame around having loved someone. I take some comfort in knowing that we're not alone in that feeling, that we're in really good company, that there are so many people that have that exact same feeling. So if you have some regrets around who you have loved or how you've loved or who you've given time to in your life, join the club. It's a great club and it's got some wonderful people in it. So instead of thinking, I, you know, I'm uniquely bad for having done that, think, no, I'm. I'm part of the world for having done that. In some ways it's a sign that I have shown up, that I've lived. David White has a great stance, the British poet David White has a great stance on, on regret. He says to people, I, I, he says, I don't get this whole culture we have today of hashtag, no regrets. You know, like we, we, we have a culture that seems to be very, very uncomfortable with the idea of regrets. Like I regret nothing. I, I, I'm, I'm, you know, I'm, you know, I see everything in a, in an amazing way all the time. And I have regrets. No, that he says, he says to people, if you have no regrets, where have you been? Where have you been? Because regret is important and regret is what tells us to do things differently. Regret is what tells us that we don't want to show up that way again or give that person or these kinds of people the time of day again. Regret is what makes us treat others better because we regret having treated them poorly in the past. Regret is what, what makes, can make us treat ourselves better because we regret having treated ourselves poorly in the past. So if you feel regret, join, join the club. It's a great club, there's wonderful people in it. And regret actually can be a very powerful thing in guiding your future actions. Vidya on Instagram says Matt, please tell me with complete honesty, are men biologically even capable of monogamy in body and mind? Well, the, and mind part is tricky because let's start with the body part. The mind part is more tricky. Do I believe that men are capable of monogamy? Yes, because they, they do it. So the, I, you know, I think that the, the kind of idea that they're not biologically capable, there's a, maybe an argument to say, are we programmed for, for monogamy or not? But are we biologically capable of monogamy? Of course, there many, many, many people do it and are very happy doing it. So I, yes, I, you know, I've signed that, I've signed up to that one and you know, I believe in my ability to stay true to that. So I do believe that men are capable of it. In mind is more tricky because, you know, you can't control the contents of someone's mind, nor would you want to. I would never be, want to be in a relationship where we were trying to control the contents of each other's minds. There's something very tyrannical about that. It's very Orwellian. I don't think you should be trying to control anyone's mind. You know, someone is allowed to have thoughts. My wife Audrey, is allowed to walk down the street and think that another man is hot. I can't control that, nor would I want to. You know, it's not that we have to be very careful when we start getting into trying to control someone's mind. And at the end of the day, what makes monogamy a choice is that it's not always easy. It's a choice. It's something we decide to do. We may still find other people attractive. We may still have thoughts, we may still have temptations, but we choose monogamy. We choose the life that we have with the person we've chosen. That's what makes it special. It's the choice. Monogamy. If someone, you know, never had another option in their entire life, monogamy might mean a little less. You know, monogamy means more when someone does have options and does have temptations and does, you know, consider that there are other attractive people in the world and yet still says, this is my person. I've made this decision to be with this person. Now, that's what loyalty is. Loyalty can't exist in a vacuum where it's never tested. Loyalty can only exist when there are things to be loyal over. When you stick up for someone and you didn't have to, when you stand by someone and you didn't have to or it would have been easier not to. That's what loyalty is. Mood or mode on Instagram says, hello. I'm intellectualizing my patterns and starting to understand why I do the things I do. But still there's this detachment of my feelings. What's the next step? So I'm intellectualizing my patterns and starting to understand why I do the things I do, but there's still this detachment of my feelings. What's the next step? I might need a little more information on that one, I'm afraid. I. You know, I think what you're talking about is the difference between understanding our patterns and being able to genuinely change them. You know, I may understand why it is I get anxious but find it difficult not to get anxious. And that's, you know, awareness is a really crucial step. But awareness is only one part of the process of changing our patterns. The. The other part of the process is reconditioning our patterns. And that takes time. It takes having. Having a kind of tools. Tools, things that we can do when we feel ourselves get triggered, when we feel ourselves going down the normal path. And if Your normal path is detachment of your feelings. Then there's, there's understanding that that happens and then there's having the tools to actually change it so that you can fully connect. And of course, it's important for you to, to connect, to, to understand. Why is it I feel it's difficult to connect. What need does it serve when I detach? Because when we do the things we do, it's not because we're just stupid. We do the things we do we do because they meet some kind of a need. And we have to find more productive ways of meeting those needs. We have to find more empowering ways of meeting those needs. We have to find ways of meeting those needs that serve us better than the ways we have met those needs in the past. Detachment for you has in some way protected you, kept you safe, given you a sense of certainty, given you a sense of significance, protected your ego. I don't know because we're not speaking on the phone right now, but if I were coaching you, I'd be helping you understand what that detachment does for you and showing you that there are better ways to meet those needs and con and reconditioning that behavior. For those of you, by the way, that are coming to the retreat in October, this is a big part of the work that we're going to be doing. So for anyone who feels stuck in their old patterns and wants to learn how to meet their needs in new ways that serve you better, bring you more peace, more happiness, and more of the results you want in life, that's the work that we're going to be doing on the retreat in October. So I look forward to seeing so many of you there. In the meantime, anyone who wants to work with me and be coached by me, currently I am running the 30 day confidence challenge, which is a free 30 day event I've given you. I've basically, I did a huge live event on Tuesday of this week. I gave five confidence building missions that we're all going to do together starting tomorrow, which is day one of the 30 day challenge. If you missed that live session I did, it's available on replay right now. You can watch it here@mhchallenge.com and when you watch the replay, I also give you a link to, to a missions blueprint where I give you the five missions and you have space. It's like a worksheet that you can fill out your missions that you're going to be doing. I give you tips for completing the missions and I also on the live session that I did, I give you a link to the community where we're doing the 30 day challenge. Because we're doing it all inside my love life app. I've created a free login for everyone who's part of the challenge. So you'll have your own personal login and. And you'll be part of a community worldwide of thousands of people who are all doing it together starting tomorrow. So if you weren't there live this Tuesday for the kickoff call for the 30 day confidence challenge, you can still watch it by either going to mhchallenge.com or if you are watching me right now on Instagram or Facebook, you can literally comment the word replay right now. Comment the word replay and I will send you a link in your DMs so that you can go and watch it. So either Instagram and Facebook comment the word replay or go to mhreplay.com if you are watching this on TikTok or YouTube. And thank you for all the beautiful comments from everyone who has been watching the kickoff call. I've had some amazing comments. I literally, my team just sent me a DM from Instagram this morning that was so stunning from someone who, who said, I've just found you at the right time in my life. The 30 day confidence. She said, I just discovered you and it's so healing. And the 30 day confidence challenge is exactly what I need right now in my life. So she's doing. She's also coming on our retreat in October, but it's a really special thing. So thank you for all of the messages. I really appreciate it. All right, let's see what else. Any. You guys liking the look of any particular questions? That cactus burger. You answered that question. Oh, I see. Cactus Burger. Cactus burger. I answered a question of yours recently, didn't I? Let's see. Matthew, I don't know if you will see this, but this week, after I asked you about going slow and commitment, my girlfriend and I had a talk and we've become official. That is so cool. I love that. That's amazing. Really cool. Well, thanks for coming back and thanks for watching me now. And I hope that you're part of the 30 day confidence challenge as well. Let me know if you are Cactus Burger, because that's really special that, that, that, that's happened since we last spoke and I'm excited to continue the progress with you. You know, there's so much more we can do together, so that's, that's really, really amazing. Congratulations. See, what else do we like, let's see, Cleoniki says on Instagram. Matthew, how can someone manage anxiety and clinginess in relationships during stressful life periods without relying too much on their partner for reassurance? Yeah, that's. That's challenging because you have two things going on. You have the stress of life, and then the. The anxiety that you're bringing to the relationship maybe as a result of that. But now, of course, what you have on top of that is I'm anxious about being anxious because I don't want my partner to feel like I'm smothering them with my problems, with my challenges. Um, and a nice way to think about this is to think my partner's job isn't to fix everything, but I. I want a partner who I can raise the flag with when I'm having a hard time. Like, that's one of the most beautiful things about having a partner is that there is someone that you can wave the flag with and say, I'm struggling a bit. And I think that is what's really nice, is to be able to own both sides of it. So own the fact that you're having a really stressful life, period. But also when you speak to them, own the fact that you don't. I don't. You can say to them, I. I want to just share something because I'm going through a hard time right now, and I'm going through a hard time for this reason. You know, life is really stressful right now. I find myself worrying about certain things, and I don't want to put that all on you, and I'm conscious of not putting that all on you because I want to show up in our relationship as, you know, a leader, or I want to show up with beautiful energy to you. I want to be supportive of you. So I don't want you to feel like I. I'm always the one who needs support, and you can't ask me for support. I want to support you, too, but I just. I want to share with you that I'm just going through a bit of a hard time right now, and I'm struggling with, you know, how much I have on my plate, or I'm struggling with things that are going on, or I'm struggling bring that to them. And when someone can sense that you're not coming to them, just dumping on them and expecting them to fix everything, but instead you're just sharing your state of mind and owning it, while at the same time owning your responsibility to be a great partner for them, there's something really powerful about that, and that has the potential to bring you closer together, because the authenticity and the vulnerability is what connects you. Owning it is what makes that person feel like it's not. You know, they're not constantly exhausted by what you're going through right now. So that's what I think about that. But that's a. It's a really great question. Thank you for sharing it. Let's see. Hot Wings McGee. Great name. Hi, Audrey. This is David and Harrison trolling me. Hi, Audrey. How. How to handle men who have all green flags but won't get close? Won't get close. Using jokes to make me laugh and not answering questions. So I finally asked, so how do you feel about me, then? Well, should we ask Audrey? Is she around, Summoned? You didn't even ask if Audrey was around. You just went straight to, hi, Audrey. That is so funny. So I. She's coming. All right.

You've been summoned by the people.

This person. I'm clearly the one running this live. But someone just put, hi, Audrey. How do. I just started asking a question, so can we just get your input on this one?

Yeah. What is it?

Okay, so Hot Wings McGee, you might need to come forward a little bit. Hot Wings McGee says, yeah, big fat belly. All right.

How to handle men.

How? She says, how do I handle men who have all green flags but won't get close? He uses jokes to make me laugh and doesn't really answer my questions. So I finally asked, how do you feel about me, then?

So.

So I think he. She sort of. Maybe I'm wrong, but I think she's sort of saying, like, he's deflecting. Yeah, like, he's not really, like, opening up. He's not really connecting. He's not really answering the questions that she has. He's just probably keeping it very surface level.

It sounds like she's kind of. Kind of done it by saying, so how do you feel about me? I think, yeah, that's quite a common thing.

I think, like, opening up. He's not really connecting. He's not really answering the questions that she has. He's just probably keeping it very surface level.

It sounds like she's kind of. Kind of done it by saying, so how do you feel about me? I think, yeah, that's quite a common thing. I feel you guys are messing with Matthews. Hilarious. So, Hot Wings McGee, when you said that, what did he say? I'm curious.

You're gonna have to type fast. Hot Wings.

Yeah, you're gonna have to type.

We gotta. We Gotta get to the next question.

The reason I say that is because I think that, you know, if somebody keeps doing those things, keeps, like, almost deflecting. I remember when we were dating.

Oh, here we go.

And you. I was basically like, okay, so you. Are you. You know, are you gonna commit to me or not? Like, properly? And then you got me a puppy party.

I can't believe you've just said that. That was. That was private. David doesn't even know about this.

Yeah, I mean, it was a really lovely.

I can't believe you've said. You've never said that out loud before. I don't think so. I don't think you've ever actually.

I don't know what happened.

Right, well, hang on. Let's just explain what happened because no one knows what that would even mean. Basically, we were together. Right. And I can't tell. Are we both on camera? Here we go. We got Squeeze it. So we were kind of in a. We were together at the time, but we. We would know. We were like. We weren't committed.

Yeah.

We were exclusive.

Yeah. And then we were boyfriend and girlfriend.

Right. But you sort of felt like I wasn't emotionally. Emotionally, like, talking about the future. And I was kind of. There was a limit to how much I was really leaning into the relationship. Is that fair?

Yes.

So I got you a puppy party.

So I basically was like, I'm just wondering, you know, where. Where is this going? Like, not where is this going? I said, you know, like, I really feel like actually you're on paper. We've. We're committed, we love each other, etc. But I still feel like you're holding back, and I just want to know whether or not you're actually in or out. And.

And I said.

And he bought me puppies. A puppy party. And I enjoyed the puppies. But then what happened was the puppies went away and this is actually hot wings. Mickey, this is relevant to you. We enjoyed the puppies, by the way.

These are like. There was a. I think there was, like, a woman that brought, like, loads of puppies to the house.

Yeah.

See, I've since. I've since realized this is probably not okay. I don't know. People have said to me, like, oh, you shouldn't do that, because it's supporting a business that probably is, you know, not. You know, there's puppy mills and whatever. So for all of you out there.

I think they were. When they rescue puppies, I think they were. I think there was some ethical thing to.

Anyway, let's Hope so. But I. Basically, I'm. So for anyone out there who's like, that's an awful. And I. I didn't know. I didn't know. But. But all I heard was, someone comes with a load of puppies to the house, and, you know, that will make Audrey very happy, and she enjoyed the puppies very much.

But then what happened was the puppies went home, and what I said was, okay, that was really fun. Thank you so much. But we still need to have a conversation about, you know, whether or not you actually are in this. And what I didn't do is go, oh, I'm gonna let the charm and the puppies and the whatever distract me. And I think that's a really important thing. No matter how much you like someone, you shouldn't let their grand gestures, their charm, the things they're doing to distract you, take you away from what is essentially your path and what you want. And if.

So, what happened after the puppy party?

Well, I had that conversation with you right after.

Yeah, it was. It was basically, the puppies came, and it was like. I was like, she loves the puppies. This is going so well. As soon as the. She knows. She was like. She had all the puppies on her laps. They were, like, just crawling all over her, and she was loving it. And then as soon as the woman left with the puppies, she just turned to me and went. So anyway. And just, like, started up the conversation straight away.

Yeah. So I think it's, you know, if he's making jokes and stuff. Hot Wings McGee, you just go. You know, you laugh at the jokes and everything else, but then you just go, so you haven't answered my question. Like, how do you feel about me? Because, you know, I like you, and I personally think this. We have something special, and I'd be really interested to see if it could lead somewhere. By the way, it might not lead somewhere. We don't know. This is early stages, but I'm willing to try. And, you know, what I want to know is whether or not you're willing to try as well, because I don't want to be the only one that's in on this. I don't want to drag you along. So. Yeah. How do you feel? How are you feeling?

We should do a video about this. David, I feel like there's a vlog in.

In the puppy party.

Yeah, well, now that you've said it, I would never have said it publicly.

I'm sorry.

Now that you've said it, we might as well get a Bloody video out of it.

Realize that it was. It wasn't. It was. I hadn't said it. Sorry.

Someone. Food and photos on. On. On. TikTok says, was the puppy party a distraction or buying time to think? And that's a great point. I think I was. Bought me a good. It bought me a good hour. Those puppies were bloody expensive, I tell you. I couldn't afford four hours of thinking time. So anyway. Yeah, that. So. So your answer to the person who asked this question is keep.

Well, just. Just to. To remember, remind yourself of your. Your path, your goals, what you want from this situation, and don't let yourself be distracted from those things. And it sounds like you've kind of done that anyway. It sounds like you've had that conversation. But the key, I think, is to not be combative and confrontational when you're having these conversations. Because if he isn't sure and he isn't necessarily, like, you know, he's got commitment issues or he's a little bit afraid or whatever, like, you're not gonna kind of like shout him into committing to you. Like, you're not gonna kind of force him into committing to you. What the best thing to do is to just be like, this is how I feel. And ultimately, like, right now, I'm questioning whether or not this is how you feel. And I just need to know either way because I don't want to be with someone who isn't in and who doesn't actually want to be with me. So that would be my advice.

And if a man ever says, guess what I've got planned and it involves puppies, be very, very, very suspicious. What is. What's going on here? What conversation are you trying to avoid? I thought it was a perfect plan. All right, get out of here.

I'm sorry. I actually have idea. No meeting. So.

Yeah, yeah, I'm on that meeting with you. I just need you to. Yes, hold. Just give. Buy me three minutes. Okay. All right. So, guys, there is less than 24 hours until day one of the 30 day confidence challenge begins. There is. There are two things you need to do. One is go watch the kickoff call that I did where I talked about the five missions that we're going to be doing together. You have to watch this call. It's like the fundamentals of what we're going to be doing over 30 days. Go watch the call. You can watch it here. Mh.mhreplay.com Go watch it. If you're on Instagram or Facebook, just comment the word replay and I'll send a link to your DMs. Make time to watch that today. And then the second thing you have to do is at the end of that training, I give you a link to the community where we're doing this together and where I'm going to be going live. I'm not going to be going live for the 30 day confidence challenge on social media. I'm not going to be on Instagram, Facebook, tick tock, YouTube. I'm not going to be there. I'm going to be going live inside this private community. The whole thing is free, but if you're not in the community, you're going to miss it. And it's going to be 30 days to change your confidence measurably with these five missions. So whether you want more external confidence in the impact that you have, the ability to speak with confidence and clarity, or whether you want more internal confidence, the ability to trust your own instincts and to, to, to remove self doubt, come join us on this journey. It starts tomorrow. If you're on Facebook or Instagram, just comment the word replay now. And if you're anywhere else, if you're watching this on tick tock or YouTube, go to mhreplay.com make sure you watch it today. Give yourself a good 90 minutes or so to watch this. Watch it all the way through. Don't dip in and out. And then tomorrow we begin. All right, I can't wait. I'll see you all. I'm gonna, I'm gonna go live for a little bit, a little bit inside the community tomorrow just to say hi and wish you all luck on day one. So you'll see me tomorrow inside the Love life community. But make sure you sign up and the link everything is in the live training that's there. So mhreplay.com and yeah, I'll see you soon. I'll see you tomorrow. All right guys, thank you for eventful 37 minutes. I'll see you soon. Bye.