Answering Your Questions LIVE

What's up, everybody? Going live everywhere right now with the Daily show. That seems to be happening at the moment. Give me a comment once you get here. So I know you're here with me. Say hello. I'm going to be doing some questions today, checking in with you guys. I've been enjoying checking in with you over the last few days, seeing how everyone's doing. The comments have been really beautiful. Hi, Musk and Pre, Good to see you again. Sadia, you too. This is really nice. I love seeing the regulars in here. Rayhan, how are you? Percept, Zainab, Kanchan, Serena. We're going live everywhere today. Not just YouTube but Facebook, Instagram, tick tock. Loana. I appreciate that. Hello to you. Thank you to all of my regulars who keep coming back and to everyone who's brand new here with me right now. Hello. Hey, Valerie. All right, we got Instagram live with us now to J Mesky. Hey, Susie. Dylan in the Middle East. What's up? Good to see you. We got Gabriella in Venezuela. Israel is here. What's up, Mesh Lithuania. We got people everywhere here. Tabitha says I've been liking your content on flirting lately. I'm glad that that makes me happy. I feel like the, you know, it's always nice to get that balance of the practical stuff, which I think of as competence in dating, with the deeper work, which is confidence in dating and relationships. So it's nice to be able to do both. You know, there's a time for the much deeper work and the healing we need to do. And then there's a time for I need to know what to do. I'll always remember a moment that highlighted this for me back when I was in my early 20s. I remember someone came home with me one night and it was the first time they had ever been to my house or my apartment at the time. And she walked in and the lights were like, every light in the. The apartment was turned up to a blinding degree. And I'll always remember she said to me, can we just like dim the lights a little in here? And I was like, what do you mean? She was like, this is aggressive. She's. And she was, she was older than me and she was like, one day you're going to learn the importance of lighting and in creating a mood is what she meant. And it, to this day, it kind of makes me laugh because I look back at myself in my early 20s and I did not understand the value of creating a mood with lighting. So every place I lived in, you look like you walked into a hospital like blinding bright clinical lights. And I can say as a 37 year old man, I've come to understand a little more about the importance of lighting in setting a mood and an atmosphere. Now the truth is that's not to do with confidence in dating, it's to do with competence. Understanding lighting is important is competence, not confidence. Although there's a certain confidence that can arise out of feeling competent, of course, but that's, that's a competence aspect of dating. So it's important when we're out there learning about love and relationships and basically any part of life, it's important to understand that there's the mastery of our competence in an area and the mastery of our confidence in an area. There's lots of people out there in dating right now with what seems like a little too much confidence, given that they have very little competence in having relationships or knowing what it is to be attractive to other people, or knowing how to behave or how to connect. So sometimes people can have an excess of confidence when they don't have any competence, right? That's unjustified competence. So both are very, very important there. I, I think of them like they're a ladder where you can only go as far as the other one comes up with it. In other words, if you go to the next rung on a ladder with more confidence, but your competence doesn't come up to meet it, there's only so far you'll go. Imagine that, like it's a job, right? In a job you could be super confident, but at certain point, if you're not competent, your boss is going to realize you're no good and you're not going to be able to climb up the ladder. But if you're super competent, but you have zero confidence, then you're going to be afraid to ask for more. You're going to be afraid to ask for that promotion, you're going to be afraid to have any standards so you could be really good at your job and treated like crap by the people around you and never progress because you don't command respect because you're not confident. So confidence and competence is a ladder to get where we want to be. Does that make sense to everyone? And the same is true in our love life. We need both. We need confidence and competence. If you want to build both right now, give me a little yes in the comments that you agree that you understand and that yes, you know who, and by the way, leave a comment right now saying which one do you feel you need to build more of competence or confidence. I'm really curious right now. So we've got Instagram in the house. TikTok, YouTube, Facebook. Tell me across every platform right now, what do you feel you need to build more of competence or confidence or both? If it's both, that's air Sings on TikTok is saying both. L on Instagram is saying competence. Musk and prix. You want to build competence. Cassandra on Facebook wants to build both. So lots of people saying both. Lots of people saying confidence. A lot of people saying competence. So this is. Listen, the truth is, most of us could benefit from building more of both. That's the reality. I'm going to get to some questions right now and I'm going to see we'll probably end up answering a couple of questions on confidence and competence today. But if you want to build those with me, I want to give you just a little thing, a little piece of advice right now before I get into the questions. Some of you know this already, some of you have already taken me up on this advice. But for those of you who haven't, this is another PSA to let you know that my tool, Matthew AI, which is perfect for building both confidence and competence, is available on offer right now for $7 for your entire first month. So if you want to be able to text me or call me any time of day as much as you want and get my answers to your questions, whether it's building your confidence in dating, whether it's understanding what to do in dating or how to respond to something in dating, or even getting precise texting scripts or help with your dating profile or help with someone who's faded in their interest and you want to know how to win it back. Whatever it is, Matthew AI can help you with all of it. And it is available right now for $7 for your entire first month. You can get it by going to this link mh askmh.com and if you are currently on Instagram, let's pop up that pinned comment on Instagram so that people know to comment coach. But if you are on Instagram or Facebook right now, you need to type in the word coach. Do that right now. Comment the word coach on Instagram or Facebook and I'm gonna just DM you a link direct to your messages and you can follow a little process there with me that will take you right through to Matthew AI. Asexualize says love Matthew AI. Talk to him for hours, usually every day. Godsend. Go get it. I am a part of the Love Life club as well. That's amazing. Incredible. You, yeah. Matthew AI is literally, if you're not, if you don't have this right now, you're missing out on a secret weapon that so many people have. We have had over 1000 people now who have got on board with Matthew AI just in the last five days. There are people walking around with essentially me as a coach in their pocket nonstop because of Matthew AI calling me, texting me, as that person said, speaking for hours a day. Sometimes it's unlimited once you get it. So right now it's $7. If you're on Instagram or Facebook, the word coach if you are not, if you are currently on YouTube or TikTok commenting, the word coach won't work for you because we haven't got that set up there. However, if you go to this link, you can go and get it right now. And the good news, can we even pop that in blue so that people see it a little better that ask? Mh. But the good news is that if you go there, you can even just try it for free. So just give it a try, see what it does for you. I don't, you don't need to take my word for it. Just go try it. It is mind blowing what this thing can do and it's so cool that you can literally just call me or text me. All right, I'm going to keep going. Let's answer a question. Let's see if this to do with confidence or competence right now. So Loana says I make much more money than the guy I'm dating, but I really like him. How can we make a relationship work? So this is a competence related question, not a confidence related question. Or at least it's more competence related. So how can we make a relationship work? Well, look, Loana, firstly, I'm not hearing from you and maybe this is true. But you're not saying it. But I'm not hearing from you that it is a massive problem right now. What I'm hearing is that you're concerned that it could be a problem and maybe, I don't know, maybe there's certain things he said that has made you feel like it's going to be an issue. But you have to be very careful. All of us have to be very careful. Having an issue in our mind that we're telling ourselves is going to be a problem before it is. Right. It's, that's no different to a guy saying I'm, I'm not tall and I'm worried that it's going to be a problem for her that I'm not tall? Right. How do you know? And by the way, even if she had told herself, I want a guy who's X, you know, feet, if you come along and you have a particular confidence and a charisma about you, she may throw that idea out of the window. She may not have ever had that idea in the first place. So we have to be very careful of telling ourselves a story that this thing is going to be a problem. Just because we're either told that it's a problem by society or by news pieces or by online or even if we've experienced it as a challenge in the past, that doesn't mean that the person in front of you now represents the people that you've dated in the past. The answer to how can you make a relationship work? Is understand that in any relationship there are certain basic needs that both people have, right? So both people have a need to feel significant. Both people have a need to feel safe. Both people have a need to feel sexy. These are fundamental things that people look for in relationships. Both people want to feel important. Both people want to feel impressive to their partner. So when you start looking at these things, Luana, not in terms of how much money this guy makes, but in terms of what his needs are, then you'll start to be able to actually play to those needs and figure out, how do I serve those needs? Okay, If a lot of men want to feel important and want to feel significant and want to feel impressive to you and want to be respected by you and want to feel like they matter and want to feel like you look at them as a strong male. And there's an element of being able to look at him as a protector or as someone who makes you feel safe if you know that those are things he wants to feel. And you know that. Okay, in history, a lot of men got to feel that just by making more money than the woman. So there was a kind of natural imbalance there that made a guy feel like, I'm in charge, I am protective. I'm the one who's providing. And that played to some kind of masculine need. Well, and by the way, even deeper than the masculine need is just the need to. To, like I said, feel significant, feel loved, feel safe, feel like he is. He matters in your life. But layered on top of that is what's often a very masculine need of. I need to feel like I am protecting. I need to feel like I am making money because that's how I provide and protect. If you say, right, let me get back to the core then. In the past, a lot of men have been able to feel strong and masculine by just making more. We now live in a world where that's not the case for so many men. Increasingly, it seems to be the case for. For less and less men. Now we say, how do we still make someone feel necessary? How can you still make him feel like a strong and gorgeous man? How can you still make him feel like he makes you feel safe? How can you still make him feel like he contributes in unique ways that you wouldn't have if he wasn't around? How can you still show him that there's a. There's something you really value about his masculinity or the strength he brings to the table that would make him feel sexy and would make him feel strong in the ways that he wants to feel strong. How can you still make him feel safe? That money isn't the driver for you and therefore you're not going to see someone else who has more money and think, maybe I'll be with him instead. How do you make him feel safe that he's not. He's not competing with other men who have money or have more money right now. It's not your job to make him confident. I don't want to give the impression that he has. He can abdicate responsibility for his confidence and hand it over to you. But we have to live in the real world where we as partners to each other in a loving relationship. Part of our job is to create an environment in which our partner can feel really safe and needed and loved and impressive. Right. It's part of being an amazing teammate to our partner to cultivate an environment where they feel all of those things. So that. That would be my answer to your question. You're right. Now you're worried you're not going to be able to meet a certain need of his. And I'm telling you that that need of his transcends money, is something you can make him feel even in a dynamic where you make more than him. Does that make sense? Let me know in the comments what you guys think of that. I've been talking and not able to read comments in this, but let me know if that all makes sense to you and you connect with that. Don't. There's so much rhetoric out there now telling us that, you know, if you're a woman and you earn more, then you're in trouble because men don't want that. If you're a man and you're not tall enough or you don't make enough or you don't fit some archetype of what it is to be a sexy man that no one's going to want you. We are told all of these things and we have to be very, very careful about the stories we're listening to. Because if you live online in those stories and in those communities and in those forums that keep reinforcing that, it's going to become your belief. But you don't have to live in those stories. There are many different realities in this life. And you, you do get to choose. You get to choose what's going to be real to you. All right, let's keep going. Remember, if you're on Instagram or Facebook, comment the word coach. I'm going to send you an offer to get Matthew AI for your first month for $7. If you're on YouTube or TikTok, go to askmh.com this link. I'm going to throw it up right here. Askmh.com right there. See it? Go to that link. You can try it for free. Ask a couple of whatever question you wish I would answer right now. Go ask it of Matthew AI and see what it can do for you. And then if you love it, which you will grab it for $7 for the entire month. This deal is only available until this Friday. I'm doing it not because it's worth that. It's worth way, way, way more than that for a month. I'm doing it for a limited time because more of you need to get off the fence and actually try this because it's going to change your love life and it's going to change as well. Not just what, not just knowing what to do, but it's going to change your deeper confidence by being able to actually explore why do I feel insecure? Why do I feel anxious? How can I feel better right now? Matthew AI is going to help you with those deeper things as well. Please go try it. I see Julie, you've typed in coach. Niavzla has typed in coach. Very good. Keep typing. Coach everyone on Instagram and Facebook and for everyone else, go to askmh.com all right, what question have we got? Let's see. All right. Krizal says I asked my hubby to install a questions app for couples because we are long distance relationship for two years and I want to be closer to him but he is unparticipative. Shall I tell him I'm going to uninstall? I Don't want to beg. Look, I think that it's okay. What you have tried to do is figure out a way to get closer and to communicate more and more. This questions app was one way that you wanted to do it, but he's not been enthusiastic about that. There's nothing inherently wrong with that. It just might not be something that he's into or he's sold on. It's something you're sold on right now as a way to get closer, but maybe it's not something sounds like he's not sold on it. That's. There's nothing wrong with that, but there is something that he has to take seriously about the desire you have to be closer given that you're in a long distance relationship. And if you've been doing it for two years. Anyone who's ever been in a long distance relationship. I've been in long distance relationships. Me and Audrey were in a long distance relationship between Los Angeles and London before we were able to live in the same country together. So I understand what that's like. It's really, really hard. And it's A long distance relationship, if you're going to do it, is not something you can be passive about because you just grow apart and you get less and less close over time. Which is why, by the way, in a long distance relationship, there has to be some light at the end of the tunnel. I'm a big believer in that. You can't stay in a long distance relationship indefinitely without having a plan, without having a vision. And okay, you might not have a vision in the first two months because you're just getting to know each other, but by the time you've been together for two years, if you haven't got a vision for when you're going to be together and how you're going to resolve this long distance thing, then I would start to argue what's the point? Right? You're in something that's kind of satisfying a need, but in the short term, because you're getting connection, but you're actually not getting that need fully satisfied. It's quite a poor quality way satisfying that need because you don't feel close, you clearly don't feel connected in the way you want to, which is why you're trying to get him to sign up to this app where you can ask questions and so on. So it's it. You're not getting your needs met right now. So in this, the first thing I would say is, do you actually have a vision for when you're going to be together? Is there a plan in place? Is there light at the end of the tunnel? If there's not, start asking yourself what's, what's going on here? What is the plan? And. And if I don't have a plan with this guy, is it because I feel like I can't talk about a plan with him, is it that he gets freaked out when we start actually making a plan and if he does get freaked out when we start making a plan, then we kind of have a bigger challenge here because it's not worth it to me to stay in a situation where there's ambiguity about what's going to happen. This is my life. This is your time. You know, we had this conversation the other day with somebody else who was talking to a guy for three weeks before he went off on a boat for six months. And you guys were laughing at me for my rant. I went on. But the same point I was making there was, listen, you got to be honest with yourself. Do you really want to be with someone who's on a boat for six months? Like you is, you know, like that's going to be an unrewarding situation. So you better. It better be really good for, for you to sign up for that. Well, I say the same to you, Crizal. For you to be in a long distance relationship for two years, it has to be really good and too many people. We live in a world today where it's really easy to have a long distance relationship. More and more people than ever are having long distance relationships and we don't because we're. Many of us are lonely and we are starved for affection and we are looking for love and we want to find it and we don't want to wait another 10 years to find it or five years. We will settle for a long distance relationship. But if we have to be really careful because long distance relationships are one of the easiest ways to waste time. Because you can waste time in something mediocre where you don't feel connected to someone just because it's something rather than nothing. Does anyone relate to that? We want the something instead of nothing. So we hold on. But you got to start Chris out. I would start looking at this a little differently. He doesn't need to love the app that you wanted to download and you can tell him that, fine. Listen, it's not about the app. Screw the app, right? I don't feel close to you. And for me, if I don't feel close to you, that's a problem because then we're going to start drifting, and my time is too important and my life is too important, my happiness is too important to be in a relationship where I'm drifting further and further with someone. You know, if we're going to do this, both of us could have an easier time dating someone where we are. So if we're going to do this, it has to be because it's really good and because we're excited about it and because we're actually putting in the effort. And if we're not going to put in the effort, that's a different. That's another question. If we're not willing to put in the effort. If you don't want to download an app and do that whole thing, I get it, we don't need to do that. But we got to find a solution to this. Do you agree with that? And I would have that, I would have that question, that conversation with him. But don't have it from a place of passivity and don't have it from a place of weakness. You've got to approach those questions from a place of strength. Right? Remember, this is your life we're talking about, right? Don't come as a beggar to a relationship begging for more closeness. Come as someone whose time is valuable, whose affection is valuable, whose love is valuable and rare. And that love, that rare love can be pointed in another direction. So if it's going to be pointed in this direction, then it needs to be with someone who's willing to show up in the same ways. Okay, but now, now we get into confidence, not competence, because right now there's. Krizal. Competence is how to stay close while you're long distance. Confidence is believing you have a right to ask for your needs to be met and believing that you can get them met elsewhere and that there are. You'll be fine if you have to leave this relationship because your needs don't get met. And then coming from that place, when you have the conversation. Okay, so this is a competence and a confidence question. Again, go try Krizal, go try Matthew AI, because while I've only dealt with this for a few minutes, Matthew AI can have a conversation with you about this for many hours and you can give more context. Matthew AI remembers details so you can literally. It can get to know you. It can get to know your situation. You can tell it the kind of attachment style you have. You can tell it what you suffer from, what you've been through that's made you afraid to speak up for yourself. You could talk about the history of the relationship. It will take on board all of that when it's answering your questions. So that what you get from Matthew AI is not a generic answer. It's A my answer because it's trained on 20 years of my content. B is a highly personalized and tailored answer because it gets to know you. So go ask your question now. Chris, I'll continue this conversation I'm having with you right now with Matthew AI. Whatever you want the follow up question to be, go ask it of Matthew I here ask mh.com askmh.com is the link. Go continue the conversation with Matthew AI. Or if you're on Instagram or Facebook, you can literally just comment the word coach. Comment the word coach and I'll send you a link directly to your DMS right now. Cam on Instagram. I'm sending you that now. So you've just left the word coach. Everybody else, in quick fashion, leave that comment with the word coach so that I can send it to you now while we are together. Mj, I'm sending it to you now. L on Instagram. Sending it to you. Jen, I know you just typed it in on TikTok, but it won't work on TikTok. You have to go to askmh.com which we'll put right up there. In fact, we'll just leave that on the screen for a moment. Up the top. All right, fantastic. Adam says, might as well ask Alexa, except Alaska. Alexa isn't Matthew Hussey. And the difference is with Matthew AI, Matthew AI has literally had all of my paid for programs that Alexa does not have access to or chat GPT. It has all of my paid for programs in. It has all of my books, it has all of my courses, all of my private seminars I've given. It's not just access to what I've said on YouTube, it's all, all of the many, many, many, many thousands of dollars of trainings that I've given over the years that Matthew AI pulls from when it gives you an answer. And for your first month, you're getting it right now for $7. It speaks many languages by the way. So if English isn't your native tongue, you can go and speak your language to Matthew AI and you'll hear my voice speaking back to you in your language or texting you in your language. It can, it can do it all. So go check it out now. AskMH.com and by the way, xx says it's the new chat GPT. The truth is, it's it's. You're getting me coaching you, not Chat GPT. You're getting me. If you want Matthew Hussey as a coach, you're getting me coaching you with Matthew AI. And we even asked Chat GPT if you were recommending yourself or Matthew AI for someone looking for help in their love life, who would you recommend? And it said Matthew AI. It's true story. It said Matthew AI because it's specifically designed by Matthew Hussey to help you in your love life. So even Chat GPT didn't recommend itself for that. It recommended Matthew AI. All right, very good. Let's keep going. David, what do you like? May Cosmetics from Instagram. All right, Betty May Cosmetics from Instagram says, I know this guy on a professional level. We've been chatting three years and I've been hinting that I like him, but I don't know if he knows he's a businessman. Do I tell him I like him? I like the idea that he's a businessman. He's a man of business. Do I tell him I like him? Look, I, I, you've known him on a professional level and you've been chatting for three years and you've been hinting that you like him. This is, to me, it falls into that category of I am trying to read someone's mind about whether they know or don't know. I don't know how obvious the hints you've been dropping are, but an obvious hint is saying to someone, if you want to go and get coffee sometime, it'd be great to hang out more. It'd be great to, to connect more that, that if a guy likes you, he's likely to take you up on that offer. The okay, maybe he's being professional and he's saying, because I don't know if he's in your place of work or you just know him from another company because you guys have done business together before. But what you need to do is take it out of the context of a working environment. So saying to him, hey, if you ever want to catch up over a coffee or hang out, it'd be great to hang out outside of a professional context for once. When you say that, you are dropping a very loud hint, but you're also allowing him to set up the date if he wants to. And if he doesn't take you up on that, then, okay, like that's you, you, you have an answer. Unless you want to go one step further and let him know that you like him. But I would argue when you're dealing with someone on a professional level. There's not a need to do that necessarily. You can just talk about the fact that it would be great to hang out outside of a professional environment if they were ever open to it. And you can grab a coffee or, you know, grab a drink after work. I would do that. If you've not got anywhere close to that right now, I would say after three years, even if you get a big fat silence after that, it would be worth it. Because what I care about more than trying to help you not get rejected is you not fantasizing for another three years about what this could be wasting your time. I care about your time more than I care about your ego. Your ego is not that important. Your time is incredibly important because you can't get it back. So I don't want you fantasizing for another year even, or another six months about what this could be. Because as long as you're thinking and fantasizing about this, you're likely not pursuing other opportunities in your love life. So this isn't just one of those, you know, will they, won't they things in your mind. The will they, won't days will cost you your love life. Let me say that again. The will they, won't they's that happen in your head. The sagas that play out over many, many episodes in your head will cost you your actual love life. Because while you're playing that TV series out of will they, won't they in real life, you're losing your time. You're losing the opportunity to meet an actual person who would be right for your love life. How many people have spent way too much time in a will they, won't they saga in your own mind? And you're done with it. You're like, this is. I've been wasting my time in this. Who here has ever been in a situation where they've wasted way too much time playing out the will they, won't they story in your head? Vidya, you have Ashley Amanda on TikTok says I'm there right now. Yeah. Reiki says, I'm so done. Katerina says I'm a champion in it. Well, let's start becoming champions of protecting our time. By the way, I'm curious, guys. I always like your help with these things. We're making a video this week, a new video for YouTube. Of all the things I've said so far today, what resonates the most with you about for something that you would like me to make a video on or talk more about or is it something I haven't said? I'm just curious, what would you like me to. If you could choose any video that I made for YouTube this week, what would you like to me to make a video on? If it's something that you feel is connected to something I've been saying, let me know. Like, oh, I loved when you were just talking about this. Can you talk about that more? I'd love to know. All right, if you're. And again, if you are on ins. While I'm just reading those comments, if you are on Instagram, if you are on Facebook watching this, comment the word coach right now and I will send you a link to get Matthew AI for an entire month, for your entire first month for just $7. This is only available until Friday. We've actually had 1100 people in the last few days who have signed up to Matthew AI because they want to take advantage of having me essentially as your one on one coach and they want to do it. They want to make sure they get in on that $7 for the first month deal. So I'm saying this because I know a lot of you are going to miss it. A lot of you are going to come to me on Saturday and say why didn't anyone tell me? I didn't hear about this. So I want to make sure as many of you hear about this as possible. Vegan voyages on Instagram has just typed Coach, thank you. I will make sure you get a link. S. Vicki has typed in Coach. I'll make sure you get a link as well. All of these, check your DMs. You'll see them in your DMs. And if you're not on Instagram or Facebook, if you're on TikTok or YouTube watching this, go to this link askmh.com as soon as we are finished or just go there right now and you can try it out for free. Ask a question, whatever you would like me to answer. Whatever you wish I answered. Today, go ask that question of Matthew AI and say see how powerful it is. It's going to blow your mind. All right, let's keep going. I'm going to do maybe. What time is it? Let's see. All right, let's see if we can do another question. Or two ladies. Rodriguez, Caroline, Type in coach. Type in coach and I'll send you a link. Vidya says Matthew AI. So good. I'm happy you think so. Video. It's been amazing what this has been doing for people which was what was the Lydia okay? Or ladies, says Rodriguez. Rodriguez says I find out. I find out about my partner's plans when I hear him talking to his friend. Even plans like leaving the country. He invites his friend, doesn't even ask me if I want to go. I'm confused. So it. Well, it sounds. One of the ways I. I write a chapter in my book. This book is behind me over here. It's called Love Life. I write a chapter in that book called Attention is Not Intention. And when someone is showing us attention, that doesn't always mean they have the intention to invest in us, to show up for us, to build something with us, to have a future with us. And very often we confuse attention with intention. And one of the ways that someone shows genuine intention is by involving us in their plans. It's one of the ways they show us respect is by involving us in their plans. And God is so being in a relationship with someone who doesn't actually let us in on their plans until they're already made, who doesn't share their plans with us or who shares their decisions with us, but never makes us a part of the decision. And then in your case, you know, one step further, he makes a plan to leave the country. I have to find out from overhearing a conversation with his friend that he's leaving the country and I'm not even invited. His friend is. That's a really, really painful place to be. I don't know if anyone out there has ever been in a situation like that. I've been in a situation like that before where I felt like I was kind of just being dragged along with someone else's plans. And I was never considered. And it was. I was always the last person to know what was happening next. And it was unbelievably painful. It made me feel unimportant in the relationship. It made me feel insignificant. It made me feel like I never got a vote. It made me feel like I was constantly insecure because I never knew what was coming next. How many people have ever had that experience of someone where, you know, you can't relax because you never know what you're going to find out next about when they're not going to be around or when you're, you know, going to be apart, you. You just didn't know. And that makes you feel like, God, anything can happen at any time. And then you start living with this constant insecurity of what's the next thing I'm going to find out about that's going to Hurt me. So that's a really, really painful place to be, and I'm so sorry that you're going through that. A certain point in any relationship, we have to ask ourselves, I might have on paper someone who is my partner, but do I have a teammate? Those are two very different things. Even if I have a partner on paper, do I have a teammate in real life? And latest, it sounds like you have a partner on paper, but someone who's not behaving as a teammate in real life. So the next question is, what do you do about that? Well, you start by saying to yourself, the only relationship worth being in is a relationship that is with a genuine teammate. And then we say, well, then how do I discover whether this person can be a teammate? I need to share with them how this makes me feel. Not in a way where I'm accusing them of things or of being a shitty person or labeling them as bad or selfish or any of that, but simply sharing with them. I want to, you know, I, I, I always want to be an amazing teammate to you. And when I'm making plans, you are a huge part of those plans, and you factor into those plans. Because I, you know, you're the priority in my life, and if I want to do something, I'm sharing it with you because I want you to be a part of it. Or at the very least, I want to make sure that you know, you know about it in advance, and if it's an issue, we can discuss it. But I don't feel that I get the same in return. And it really hurts to be honest with you, to, to overhear that you're going somewhere in a conversation with a friend and feel like I'm the last person to know if I'm honest. It feels a borderline disrespect. It feels disrespectful, you know, not even borderline. It just does feel disrespectful because I, it makes me feel like the last one in the room to be considered. And I, I would always have a higher standard for how I treat you than that. And I, I need to have the same from you. If I get that there is. I don't feel like I have to, you know, I, I shouldn't be. There's something wrong in our relationship if you share plans with me. And I'm always saying no. So if you're afraid that I'm going to always say no or make, you know, make life difficult over things that you want to do, then you're not giving me Enough credit. I want to be a supportive partner to you. The things that make you happy, I want to be a part of and I want to support, but I want to be a part of it. And right now I don't feel a part of it. That's the kind of conversation I would have. I would go on and on because this, if, if we were having latest, if we were together right now, I'd be having a whole one hour conversation with you on this. Not only that, but we dig into why you're afraid to speak up for yourself in these ways. Again, that's confidence, not competence. Competence is knowing how to have the conversation. Competence is confidence is feeling worthy of having the conversation and knowing you'll be okay even if that conversation doesn't go your way, or even if, frankly, the relationship doesn't go your way. But I can't do that right now. What I can do is say to you what we've started here. Go and take into a much deeper exchange and a longer Exchange with Matthew AI. Go to askmh.com to do that. Even if you want to just start out for free and just try it. Just keep this conversation going over there. All right, let's see. Reiki says we are having a one hour, an hour long conversation. Yes, that's true, but not on one question. We're covering several different questions. But I really, really enjoy spending time with you guys. So thank you for, for being here with me right now. All right, let's see. SM says nerdy question. What data was is Matthew AI based on? Did it include videos, books, blogs? It includes every single program I've ever created, even the older programs. It includes all of the, the library of content that I have in my membership, my Love Life club. It has my books, both of them. It has all of my private seminars, my retreats. So it is the greatest value thing you'll ever get because it's literally like my brain in an AI that can answer questions drawing from everything I've ever done, even the stuff that most of you have never had access to because you've been watching me on YouTube, but you haven't signed up to my programs, my retreats, my courses. So it's the greatest value thing you will ever, ever get as far as being able to take a course or a journey with me. And all of that is@askmh.com so go check it out, try it for free. And then if you love it, which you will grab it for seven bucks for your entire first month. All right, very good. And if you're on Instagram right now, comment the word coach and you'll just get a link directly to your DMs for this. So if you want this, comment the word coach and I will send you a DM right now so that you can get it. Gadar, I'm sending you a DM right now, so look out for that in your DMs. All right, let's do one more question. David, anything you like the look of here? Oh, Dana says on Instagram, tried the AI yesterday. Got some great verbiage on addressing a difficult topic with the spouse and how to communicate. You even repeated the words for me three times so I could take notes. Great tool. Yeah. There literally, there are people. One thing you can do, which is amazing, is you can literally just upload the. The A photo of the texts you're having with someone. And Matthew AI will help you decode what's happening, why they're reacting the way they are, and give you responses to help you write text message responses to someone. So you can literally upload a conversation you're having with someone. And it's like getting me. It's like having me as another person in the room helping you with the conversation in real time. So it can be that practical. All right, very good. Keep going. One more question. What do you like, David? So Aria A says, does it still make sense to try for a relationship at 36, or does it make more sense to just focus on my career and life outside of dating? Look, this is what we tend to do in life, is create. We. We try to have our life, see if we can organize our life into these extremely neat compartments of now is career and my life outside of dating. And when I'm done with career and life outside of dating, which when is that going to be, I will then date men in their early twenties do this as well. You know, you see so much of that rhetoric now. I am going to focus on my career and making money and getting muscles. And then when I'm done with all of those things, I am going to go out there and date. But until then, I will not waste time in this frivolous way dating people. And it's a. It's kind of a. It's a way of thinking that's not actually really tethered to reality. Because the truth is, the parts of you that you are trying to make go to sleep while you focus on your career and other parts of your life, they don't go to sleep. If you say to yourself, I'm going to just make my, my romantic urges or my sexual urges go to sleep for the next five years. See how much they cooperate. It doesn't work. You've got a, you know, a guy says, how many guys in their 20s say, I don't have time to date, but they've got time to watch hours of porn every week? Because guess what? The sexual urge doesn't go anywhere. It's not like you say, I'm not going to waste time on dating. And then this, our sexual urge goes, okay, then I'll just let me know when you need me in 10 years. That doesn't happen. Guys start turning to porn and then porn ends up wasting an incredible amount of time. And it's a worse version because that's not, there's no real connection there. It's all it's doing is fueling a dopamine cycle and an unhealthy relationship with sex and with women. So now you're, now you're exchanging something that actually could have been a very productive thing. Dating, even when it goes wrong, is something we learn from. We get connection, we build competence. We learn how to, in, how to be out there in the real world. We learn how to get rejected. We learn how to come back from it. We learn how to get our heart broken. We realize that it's not the end of the world when we do get our heart broken. So even when it goes wrong, there's life lessons we're learning and we're out there. We're in the game, right? And that's all a form of progress. But if we exchange all of that real connection for porn in the example I'm using, then we're all of a sudden turning to something far worse and far more capable of rotting our brain, far more capable of building unhealthy relationships and associations, far more capable of wasting our time and becoming a drug that becomes extremely unhealthy. And I'm not saying this as a prude about porn. I'm saying this as it's just fact that there's all these, these, these lies we tell ourselves about. I'm not doing that because it's, I haven't got time for it. And then we waste time in a whole bunch of other ways, right? And that's how you in your 30s as a woman who's saying, I'm going to focus on my career, I, okay, but what are you going to do with the rest of your life? What about when you're not working and is your career just has it just become a way of, of getting, of removing yourself from a game that's inherently more scary to you than your career because you can't control it. You don't feel a sense of control over this one in the way that you do over your career. Your career. It feels like you put in effort, it advances you. You try harder, you work more hours and your boss notices. You get a promotion, you get a bit more money, and you stay on that cycle of I, I.