Matthew Hussey on why your partner might dismiss your needs as crazy. If you want physical touch or intimacy and they make you feel unreasonable for asking, that's a sign your core values don't align.
I recently talked to a guy, dated a guy, that said that my expectations, my standards were unrealistic because I like physical touch.
Yeah.
I like intimacy.
Yep. And he doesn't.
He isn't really.
He's not. Touchy feely.
Yes. In my eye, that's, like, very important to me.
So then why are you with that person?
I don't know.
I know that's a blunt thing to say, and it might sound like a lot to say. Well, you should leave a person because you're. You know what? The level of affection you want is here and the level they want is here. But it's not really that crazy of a thing to say because you just said it was really, really important to you. And it feels like, therefore, you're ignoring a piece of you that's really important to you that's going to continue to make you unhappy and suffer in a relationship. I do. I do.
Yeah.
So you need to find someone like that. So instead of allowing someone to convince you that their worldview is the worldview, go find someone with your worldview because all he's doing is trying to. You know, a lot of us do it for survival. Right. We do it because we. I need to make you believe that what I do is the norm so that you don't challenge me on it. Exactly. But he's not representative of all men. There are many different types of men. And if that person has a radically different view of things that are important to you, we can have all sorts of different views on things in relationships. But when they're like, your core, that's it.
I tell them that my core values, like, I'm not asking you to make $250,000 a year.
I'm asking for a hug and a handhold watching a movie.
If you ain't touched me, I might as well be sitting next to my daddy.
Right. You want to snuggle up?
Yeah.
Yeah, of course.
Showing I'm your girl. You're my guy.
Yeah. Go find that guy.
Yes.
Don't find a guy that you need to convince to give you a fucking cuddle.
Exactly.
You gotta be like, listen, you got. What's the. To me, the best part of watching a movie with someone is you spooning the hell out of that shit.
Yeah.
Right. You got, like. That's what. That's the person I want. I don't want someone who's like, not really. I'm fine. I need my space. All right. I want someone who's like, you know, who's affectionate. So you do too so go find that life's too short. What are you gonna do? Hang out with someone all day that's never gonna give you the level of touch and affection you want? You're gonna be affection starved. You're gonna. You're gonna. You're gonna starve. Yeah. It's gonna drive you crazy. And that person is always gonna make you feel like you're crazy for wanting it. So. No, go find someone who can do that. I know that's a hard bit of advice to hear in a couple of minutes when you've actually got to go home and face the reality of letting go of. To give you that, but if you've had an honest conversation and it's not improving and this person is just making you wrong for feeling that way, then you got to go and find someone who it fits more easily. Like, great relationships aren't easy, but they shouldn't be. They. They shouldn't be that difficult. No. All right.
Thank you, Sam.
