Matthew Hussey argues that having difficult conversations early in a relationship, about exclusivity and standards, actually makes you more attractive. Many people avoid these talks because they're easier, but hiding what you want wastes years on the wrong person.
How does it feel to be back out there doing the live events? I feel connected in a whole different way. We just did the Matthew Hussey live session in Dublin where we got a couple of hundred women together. We had them ask me questions about their love life, about life in general. It was so much fun. I haven't had a chance to do that in a while. Next time I say hello to you, we will be in London. Jameson, you excited about London? We're coming for you, London. We're coming for you, London. I'm gonna see you tonight. Oh my god, dude. Oh my god. Are we light today? I feel like we are. We don't have two pages of people yet, so. That's how I know. I like how light is like 30 people instead of 37. You think about how much we've grown in the last three years since we went out touring last. There's so much to say and we're better at it. We're just better at it. So I feel like we have a greater capacity to help people now. But one of the huge benefits to me is the engagement that I see in myself by being in a room with our audience. It's me doing what I do best, what I'm kind of built to do over the years. And, you know, I had, I think in the last couple of years, taken for granted what an effect it has on me not to be out there doing this. And people say this to me all the time. I have women say to me, But you don't understand, we have an amazing connection. We're great together. When we're together, it's fireworks, there's chemistry, we have such a great time. Well, that's a really dangerous thing to base investment off of. That's cool, they're giving us nine minutes. That's like the longest segment we've had. That might, like, for a daytime talk show. So you're saying do get rid of the wrong guy and quickly or the wrong person. And not just if you're not gelling, but if you see red flags, Because people see these things early on. I once heard relationships end the way they began. In other words, what breaks, what makes you have to break up with someone two years in, you probably could have seen two days in if you were paying attention. We had the last one just the other day. Thank you very much. Nice to see you again. Take care. Steve, what's one thing that you want Matt to cover during the London event? How to have difficult conversations in and out of a relationship. How to have this difficult conversations you don't want to have. I think that's good. There's just so many people wasting time. Wasting time with the wrong people. and not actually being as attractive as they could be if they were communicating their standards. Like they feel like their standards are going to scare someone away instead of realizing that that standard is actually going to make that person want them more. Men are not great liars, but men are wonderful avoiders. They are wonderful avoiders. What do you think happens two months in when you assume you've been having an exclusive relationship with someone, but you never talked about it. You never talked about it, because you just want to seem happy-go-lucky, I'm having fun, I'm the casual girl in the relationship. Let's just enjoy ourselves and see where this goes. What need for labels? Let's just be romantic. Let's see what happens. Aren't we having fun? This is amazing, isn't it? Is it magical for you too? Because it's magical for me. Let's keep going. And then two months in, what happens? You find out he's been still dating other people. And you're heartbroken. Because you're already emotionally invested to the point where him kissing somebody else sends daggers through you. And you realize he's been dating other people. And so you bring it up. And maybe He does the decent thing. Maybe he says, you, know what? I should have told you. I should have at least mentioned the fact I was dating other people because I felt that this was getting more serious. I felt that we were getting more emotionally invested, and I probably should have at least given you more of a steer to the fact that I'm not ready to be exclusive yet. I should have done that. I didn't. We never really had the conversation, but I feel like I could have been more proactive in giving you that message because I felt from you that you wanted something different. But I ignored that because it was easy. He could do that. Or he could say, we never discussed that. We never had that conversation. Look, this isn't just a men thing. I don't ever want to turn what I do into men women, really, because the truth is, Most people do what's easy in life. Most people do what's easy. A guy doesn't broach that subject because it's easier not to. It's easier not to. It's easier if you're a month into a relationship and you really like the person not to have the conversation about where it might be going. It's easier not to because it might make things awkward. It might actually give you an answer you don't want and you're enjoying it. So you don't want to screw it up. You're even afraid that having the conversation itself will screw it up. It's always easier not to. But see, over the years I have developed this belief. Candor, directness, honesty is a powerful force, especially when combined with charm. and especially when it's followed by a no if you don't get the answer you want. To me, what we're doing this time is literally like turning people's psychology about dating upside down. That's the difference. It's not, this isn't come out and learn a bunch of dating tips. This is, I am gonna turn your psychology about this on its head. and it's going to save your life. I really believe that. Like people are going to come and the message is so important that it will save people decades of wrong decisions in their love life.
