A short YouTube monologue that applies workplace management techniques to personal relationships. The speaker recounts a disappointing team member and uses that to argue that when someone underperforms you should first express appreciation—be a "fan"—before addressing frustrations, because valuing their growth inspires cooperation. He contrasts this with nagging or threats ("I'm leaving") which breed resentment; core takeaway: "Fan first, frustration after." The piece opens with a light anecdote about filming location and pop-culture references and closes with a brief exchange mentioning Jameson.
Chapters
Who needs dating advice from me when you can watch all the terrible dating advice you can get right here. We're in the building where I film my radio show, where I record my radio show, and Jameson films my radio show. I just literally, in that room there, is Ryan Seacrest recording his show, nearly as big as my show. Kim Kardashian is literally in that room. No, she's not in that room. She's on the TV in the lobby. We were there, weren't we, Jamerson? Sat in the lobby, keeping up with the Kardashians, weren't we? Keeping up with KK. Evidently, you only need about five minutes of the show to keep up with the Kardashians. You sort of, and the sound was off, wasn't it? But we really, at the end of five minutes, we felt like we got it. Recently, there's been a member of my team that has caused me a lot of disappointment by not living up to expectations. and though I don't want to expose this person outright, it's not all Jamieson's fault. It has got me thinking about management techniques and how they apply to relationships. Over the years, one of the things I've learned about management is that if you're annoyed with someone in your company or someone who works for you, you can't just be annoyed at them because if you're just annoyed at them the whole time, they won't want to do good work for you anymore. They'll just end up hating you and resenting you and feeling unloved by you. You have to love someone, even when you're annoyed or frustrated, you still got to give them some love. I think you're incredible. I think you're great. I hired you because I think you're great. But there are things that I am so frustrated about right now because I know what you can do. I know what you are made of. And by the way, it's true, right? You're not lying about this. You're actually talking about the things that you admire in that person. Why are you a fan of that person? Think of that first. Then you talk about your frustrations. Now, that person wants to do good work for you. They want to help you. They want to be on board with you because what they realize is it's not just about, well, you're not performing for me, I don't care, because it's all about me and the results that you get for me. It's not about that. You care about their journey. You care about their growth. You care about what they're capable of, what their potential is. Many times in a relationship, we get angry with our partner, we get resentful, and we crack the whip, right? Constantly beat them over the head with what they're doing wrong right now. Now the problem is they end up resenting us because they think well I can never do anything right and you don't believe in me and you don't think I'm something special. I'm now just a punch bag for you and they don't want to do well for you. The key in any relationship is for the other person to want to do good things for you, to want to be a good partner, to want to be a good friend or a good employee. That's the key. You don't want them doing it just because you're watching or just because you nagged them today. You want it to be this pattern of them wanting to do good by you. The same rule as we just talked about in management applies. If you can show that you're a fan of your partner first and then show your frustrations, they're going to be on side with you in a completely different way. For example, you say, you know how much I love you, I care about you so much and I think the world of you. But I'm so frustrated right now because you keep blah blah blah because our relationship keeps having this problem and I don't want it to have that problem because I know how great we can be. and I know how amazing you are. When I see that side of you, I know how amazing you are, but I'm not getting that side of you and I don't know how long I can go with not having that side of you. Compare that with if you keep doing this, I'm leaving, because I am sick of this crap from you. You go down that route, you don't inspire anyone to be better. Show that you're a fan first and then show your frustrations. Now, some of you are watching this and saying, well, why do I have to show I'm a fan when they're doing wrong, when they're doing something that I don't like? well if you're not a fan then why are you with them? If truly you're not a fan anymore, don't hire that person anymore and don't have that person as your relationship or as your partner anymore. But if you are still in it, if you're still sharing a bed with that person literally or metaphorically, then you've got to still love them. You've got to still be on their side and value their progress and their growth. That's what's gonna get them to want to help you and want to be a better person for you. Fan first, Frustration after that. That's it for today. I will see you in the next video. Jameson, anything you want to say? No, nothing. Now, I don't want to expose that person by just naming Jameson outright, but it's been difficult. A lot of problems. It's tough. I don't want to talk about that person, and it's not all Jameson's fault. But like that.
