This is a YouTube video titled "Are Your Standards For A Guy Too High?" created in March 2014. It features a monologue by Matthew AI discussing dating standards, encouraging viewers to reflect on whether their expectations are realistic, defensive, or enforced too early in relationships. The content is a personal advice talk aimed at helping people improve their dating experiences.
For the first two months of the year, I have been touring with the Get the Guy tour. We've done about six or seven cities by now. It's been amazing. In every one of the locations, someone has come up to me and asked a variation of this question: Are my standards for the men I meet too high? Instead of just answering it, I'm going to ask you three questions and I want you to think about very carefully your answer to each one of these. The first question, are you looking for something that actually exists? Many women I find fall into this trap, by the way, many men do too. Let's talk about women for a moment. Women fall into this trap of expecting a man that doesn't actually exist. They want Christian Grey, who is 27, who is amazing in the bedroom and has all these fetishes but makes you feel completely comfortable with them. Who is sexy and good looking. Who is a billionaire. Doesn't exist. I love that when she was writing that she said, no, I won't make him a millionaire. What's more attractive than a millionaire? A billionaire who spans people. So enjoy TV, enjoy movies, enjoy that book you're reading, not in public, and in real life look for a real man. The second question I ask is are these standards just a defence mechanism? What do I mean by defence mechanism? Well a lot of women just to remove themselves from the game tell themselves I'm so fussy. and that's the reason they never meet anybody. Oh, I don't want him, that thing's wrong with him. See, I know many people that will only date people that they think will never reject them. They'll date the nice guy, they'll date the guy who's safe, who's comfortable, the guy who they know is never gonna walk away, because around that guy it's safe. The one that could actually harm them, reject them, the one that could make them feel small, that's the one they never go for. So within the little pool of people that they date who they think are beneath them, of course they always say that person never meets my standard. It'd be like going for jobs where you know those jobs are always jobs you're overqualified for, but in every case you go, oh, God, I'm just too fussy, I can never find the right job. By the way, if this second question appeals to you, then you know that the change you need to make isn't lowering your standards, the change you need to make is allowing yourself to be vulnerable again. The third question I ask people is, are you enforcing your standards too soon? When we're dating, you don't wanna be so picky at the outset that you never actually get the chance to connect with someone and get to know them. Many women will say, well, on the first date, I already know, if I know I know, no, he's not right for me. But the truth is, very often our high standards is what brings up somebody else's game. This is one of the things people forget when they say, I should lower my standards. Lowering your standards will simply mean that people will start lowering their behavior around you and you'll start to meet worse and worse guys, even within the same guys. I know that sounds confusing, but even the same people who could have been a good person around you can become negative around you or a bad person depending on how you act. So it's not about lowering your standards, but it is about giving giving people a chance in the beginning. Cast the net wide initially and then get narrow when it comes to who you actually embark on a real relationship with. So these are the three questions I want you to ask yourself. The first one, does my standard really exist in a real person? The second one, is this just a defense mechanism to stop me from being rejected? And the third one, am I enforcing my standards too soon and preventing anyone from developing a real connection with me or even bringing their game up to meet my high standards by giving them a chance to get to know me? That's it for today. I hope you enjoyed it. Make sure you go through to my newsletter and sign up so that you get my regular updates. It's at howtogettheguy.com/advice. We'll throw it up right now. We'll also link up under the video. If you haven't done that yet, go and subscribe and I will see you in the next video. Take care my friends.
