Matthew Hussey argues that arguments don't wreck relationships if you stop trying to win them. Couples who argue about once a week stay together longer. The goal is understanding your partner's feelings, not defending your position.
Hi, guys. Matthew Hussey here. So many emails coming in recently asking us to do something for people in relationships. I know we do singles advice all the time. And I wanted to bring you something today that if you're seeing a guy or if you're in a relationship right now, can really help you make that relationship even more special. So here's the tip for today. It revolves around the idea of arguments. Arguments are often seen as such a negative thing in relationships, and very often people assume that once they start arguing in some way, it's the beginning of the end. Like, oh, we've tarnished the relationship already. Now, I want to. Firstly, I want to debate that point and I want to bring you in on the debate on that at the end of this video. But secondly, I want to talk about what to do when you get to the point of an argument. Now, let's imagine you're with your guy. You start arguing immediately. That emotion comes in that says, I need to win this argument. It might be pride, being stubborn. It might be a part of you that feels insecure, like, if I don't win, then I'm not in the driving seat. So you try and win the whole thing. I want to make sure that we get to a more mature place than that. And by the way, I've been guilty of this myself. That's why I know this topic so well. When you feel yourself getting into that argument, remember there's a difference between winning in the argument and winning in the relationship. I want to make sure you win in the relationship because the argument is just the battle. The relationship is the war. So when you're in that argument, there's two words I want you to remember. I understand. Sounds obvious, I know, right? Key to relationships is understanding. But it's true. When you get to that point of an argument, showing that you understand someone is the key. Think about it this way. You might not agree with someone's reaction to a situation, but you can acknowledge where the feeling came from that led to that reaction. You may be over there and there's something you're doing that's making me jealous. So I come over to you and I shout at you. And in that moment, you're annoyed because you don't feel like you should have been shouted at. Now you can disagree with my reaction to shout at you, but you can understand and acknowledge that there was a feeling that that came from. Now, very often when you understand the feeling, that person feels ready to admit they're sorry. We'll deal with what to do. When they don't say they're sorry another time. But in this video, I just want to get to that place where our instinct is to try and figure out why that person is feeling a certain way before we go on the attack. Because when we go on the attack, then. And that's when we start doing serious damage to the relationship. Show that you're a team, that you want to help each other, and the quickest and easiest way to do that is to show that you understand them alright. Question of the Day I read an article in the Huffington Post recently that said couples that argue once a week stand a better chance of staying together. I want to know if you agree with that. Can arguments be a good thing? Let me know in the comments below. I can't wait to read them, and I'm going to reply to them as well. I'll see you soon.
