#AskMatthewHussey "Why Do Men Lie?"

Matthew Hussey here. We are going to do something slightly different today. I wanted questions from you, but I didn't want to do it in a very boring way where I just read them off a laptop like normal. I wanted to get you to send them in via tweets and record some videos for me. So that is exactly what we've done. We've taken a couple of tweets and a couple of your videos that you sent in and we're going to use those to make this video. I'm excited. And by the way, those of you whose video I use in this episode, I'm going to give you two free tickets as my present to the live tour, which is either in North America or the uk. You can choose any location you want and come and join us there. Okay, so I'm going to play a video. I'm going to answer the question. Credit goes to Jameson for choosing the videos because we had a whole bunch that you sent in. Jameson chose the ones that we were going to answer. I haven't even seen these or listened to these yet, so I'm hearing these fresh. We'll see what happens.

Hey, Matthew, this is Johanna from Germany. And my question to you is, who are your top three idols in your life? Yeah, I'm looking forward to your answer. Bye.

Hmm. Top three idols. This is, wow, really hard. I feel like we need a couple of different ones. Alright, I'm gonna go one historic. I'm gonna go one more recent. I'm gonna go one who's just out there. The historic one is Thomas Paine. Thomas Paine was around the late 18th century and he wrote some polemics politically that expressed very controversial views. He expressed very controversial views about the UK government, some massively controversial views on religion at the time, and some also very revolutionary views on the way he saw America developing. He was someone that inspired the likes of Thomas Jefferson and George Washington to do what they did in the States around the time of the Declaration of Independence. So an incredible gentleman who stood up for what he believed in in a time when many of his views were not popular and in many ways disgraced him to a lot of people, to a lot of his peers. So I admire anyone who can stand up for what they believe in in a way that defies public opinion and doesn't give too much respect to to public opinion. He was someone who had strong opinions that he held as his own and was prepared to fight for them. More recent one, this probably will not come as a surprise to all that many of you. But Anthony Robbins is a huge inspiration to me and has been since I was a young teenager. To me, he might be the best public speaker on planet Earth today. I can't speak for all the planets and that's because he can hold a room for hours and hours and hours. There are many, there are many good comedians who can hold people for an hour. There are some politicians who are good at holding people in a speech which is very pre planned and they have a script in front of them. But he's one of the only people on Earth I know that can truly hold people for that length of time. And I think that there are very few people who come close to him in that area. I also admire what he's built. I think he's built an incredible, an incredible empire that really separates him from so many others out there. I think his passion and energy shines through, even if you don't agree with what he says. There are many people in life where I don't agree with everything they say, but when you see their energy and their passion, you can't doubt that they're an incredible human being. And then the third one, this one's going to be, this one's going to surprise people. Many of you don't even know who this is, but Jamie Cullum. Jamie Cullum is a UK singer, a musician who travels the world on his tours, playing the piano and singing his heart out on stage. And if you just YouTube Jamie Cullum live and watch his live performances, he's jazzy, but you may not be into jazz. He also has this pop element to him, but he's also slightly alternative. He's just filled with passion. The way he performs live on stage, he's not just sitting there playing the piano, he's beating the piano. There are times when he drums on the piano where he's just singing and drumming at the same time, or where he's beatboxing or whatever, he's one of those performers that uses everything at his disposal. People often say to me, if you could trade lives with someone, who would it be? Actually, Jamie Cullum might be the person because he just goes and does what he's passionate about and he doesn't just go for the mass market. He does what he loves and if people like it, great. And if they don't, that's okay too. But he's never really sold out. You know, he's always been about what he loves, which is the music. And you can see it and you can feel it. And I love that because I love Passion. Alright.

Hey guys, Matthew Hussey here. No, I'm just kidding. If you could go back in time and tell your younger self three key things, what would they be and why?

Thank you. We didn't get your name. We didn't get her name. Wow. What a great impression. Is that what I sound like? Jameson, three things I would tell my teenage self. We did a video on this at one point, so I have no idea if what I'm gonna say now is gonna correlate with what I said in that video. I would tell myself to stop waiting for a time when all of your insecurity will go away, because that won't happen. Even as you become more confident, the insecurity will still be there.

So.

So instead of waiting for a magical time when you suddenly feel like your every insecurity is eradicated, just understand that you'll probably have some insecurity until the day you die. So start doing the things that you want to do now in spite of your insecurities, instead of waiting around for the insecurities themselves to magically disappear. It doesn't mean we can't work on them and start to erode them. But stop waiting for a perfect time when you don't have insecurities anymore. Because I cared too much what people thought. What else would I tell myself? Stop trying to organize your work perfectly. I remember back at school in high school where I would revise for exams and I would try and I would like try and create the perfect revision schedule where from morning till night I had the perfect things in their place and even on the desk, the desk had to be organized a certain way and I would try and do everything perfectly and because of that I'd never get round to it in the first place. I would tell my teenage self, take bites out of things and correct course along the way. Make it more efficient, more perfect, more productive as you go. Don't try and start from that place. Just take little chunks out of things and everything will get easier because all work pays off. I actually have a note on my. I'm going to read it to you. I forget exactly what it says. Oh. So I put this literally I keep on my desktop, on my computer. Every bit of work pays off. Every tiny action of proactivity has consequences. Keep going even if it seems disorganized and all over the place. That's kind of cool. That was a nice little. That came together really well. Jameson, we couldn't have planned that shit. I'm gonna call this Eat Vegetables. Sometimes I didn't really like vegetables that much. And so I would sort of associate eating good foods with pain. And as a result, I'd have, like, six days of eating badly. And then when I needed to eat well, I'd be like, okay, time's up on eating badly. I'm gonna now eat nothing but salad for the rest of the week. It was terrible. And I'd last a day, a day and a half. And then I have so much pain around eating well that I'd go straight back to eating badly again. When I was a teenager, a lot of life was like that. It's like six days of bad habits followed by one day of trying to be Superman before breaking it again and going back to the bad habits. I would say instead, just eat your vegetables sometimes. You can always improve on that. But in the beginning, just a little bit more. Balance is key. So those are the three things I tell myself as a teenager. Let's jump to some tweets. Priyanka Dada. Why do men lie? And what can be done to avoid it? Yeah, that's a good one. Why do men lie? I'm gonna go simple to begin with, because there are many reasons people lie. Of course, in the majority of cases, I think men lie because they want to have it both ways. If I lie here, I can do what I want to do over here and get the result I want here. When a guy takes someone home and she says, do you want a relationship? Do you want to? Are you looking for a relationship? And she asks that question for a reason in that moment, because maybe she doesn't want to sleep with him unless it's going somewhere. Now he has a choice to make. He could tell the truth. If in this case, the truth is, I don't want a relationship, that's the furthest thing from what I want, and I definitely don't want one with you, that may stop him from having sex right now. If instead, he's ambiguous or just lies and says, I think I might want a relationship, you know, maybe. Or he's just more ambiguous and says, I'm really not sure at the moment. You know, my lifestyle, I guess, could change if the right person came along. What he's doing is misleading her so that he can get the result he wants. In other words, have sex right now, and then afterwards do what he wants as well, which is not have a relationship with this person. What you're really looking for in life is a guy with integrity. And integrity in this context, meaning someone who portrays and says the same things that they think and feel and those things are congruent with the way he behaves. So all of these things, what he says, what he thinks and feels and what he does are in sync. That's the sort of person that we're all looking for when it comes to a long term partner. You can't stop a liar from lying. You can influence his behavior, but you can't control it. The only way to figure out if you're with a liar is to watch them and don't watch their words, watch their actions, and watch if their actions are the same as their words. If they sync up and if they're not, start to remove that person from your life. At the very least, call them on it in the beginning and say, listen, you said this, but you did this. And I just want to let you know that for me, that's not cool because I'm someone who always honors what I say, by the way. You have to be if you want to call someone out on being a liar. I'm someone who has integrity in their actions and if I say something, I mean it and I don't mean something else. And I certainly am not trying to mislead you and I don't want any less respect than that from you. That way at least he knows where he stands with you and he knows that you're not someone who will tolerate a lie. I have found in my life, someone who consistently lies on the small level can be very dangerous. We sometimes think there's a difference between the small lies and the big lies, and in some ways there are. But. But small lies are particularly dangerous because sometimes they're innocuous. They don't seem like they'd be too painful or too harmful. But you have to understand what that suggests about a person. If they're willing to consistently lie about the small things. It's a behavior which suggests that they're always looking to take the easy route instead of the route of integrity, which is sometimes a little harder, but ultimately much more honest and engenders much more respect and trust from other people. We were gonna do more, but Jameson said this has already run too long, so we'll do more next time. I guess this gives us a nice chance for us to find out what you thought of this. How do you like, do you like the longer format? Do you like the videos? Do you like the tweets? Tell us what you think of this. I've actually had fun with this because I feel like so often I make videos and you just see YouTube views, rack up and it's just like a number on a screen. And you can't relate to all of the people out there that are actually part of this fabulous community. When I see you guys on video and I see your tweets, you know, it's so real and it's so human and we get to interact. So keep sending in tweets and videos, ask us questions. If you want to send us a tweet asking us a question to be answered in one of these videos, AskMathuhussie. If you want to send a video, Send it to videoathuhussey.com Keep it around the 10 to 30 second mark. Give us a question. I want to know, guys, if there are dudes watching this video, I want you to send in your questions as well. I'd love to answer some questions from guys and I think you ladies would get a kick out of it too. So that would be fun. And let's keep this thing going. I think this is exciting. Congratulation to the people that won tickets today by getting their videos played. And if you haven't got tour tickets, go get them now. I have the tour dates ready. We have some locations in North America, we have London, so in North America, we have Toronto, we have New York, Chicago, Louisiana. Come join us in one of those locations or in London, we'll link up the tour underneath as well. And I'll see you soon. See you in the next video.