In this Love Life call‑in segment, host Matthew AI speaks with Riley, who is about to attend a weekend retreat in North Carolina where an ex‑partner she dated will also be present. Riley worries about handling the awkward encounter without ruining her enjoyment. Matthew guides her through a pre‑emptive emotional preparation strategy: (1) before departure, list and reflect on personal sources of meaning and gratitude unrelated to the ex; (2) recognize that proximity can amplify lingering feelings and pain; (3) arrive armed with this broader sense of purpose, avoiding the need to “play cool.” He advises Riley to be authentic, to acknowledge the awkwardness openly (“expose the elephant in the room”), and to own her feelings rather than pretending everything is perfect. By confronting the situation directly and focusing on her own life priorities, she can reduce the ex’s emotional power and enjoy the retreat. The segment ends with a thank‑you and a call‑to‑action for listeners to call in with their own issues.
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Hello, this is Love Life and we have a caller on the line and her name is Riley. Everybody, Riley, are you there?
I'm here.
Oh, God, I'm excited. How are you?
I'm doing wonderful. How are you?
I'm fantastic. I'm excited. I'm excited to hear your question.
Okay, I'm ready for you. So I'm going on a weekend retreat this weekend and I just found out a guy that I dated is going to be there and things didn't end on a really great note and so I'm just wondering how to handle it gracefully.
Where are you going this weekend?
North Carolina.
What for? What situation has brought you both together?
It's just like a big, we're like mutual friends with a whole bunch of people. It's just a big weekend retreat.
You all belong to the same cult?
Yes.
Got it. Got it. So you're all going away somewhere to the same retreat and he's gonna be there. Are you actually gonna be in close proximity to him?
He will be, yeah, he's invited to everything that I'm invited to will be all the same things.
Okay, so will you have to talk to him or will there be lots of other people there?
There will be lots of other people, but I'll probably end up having to talk to him at some point or seeing, like, I'll be, I'll see him multiple times while I'm there.
Do you want to talk to him? Do you think secretly you'll be trying to engineer opportunities to talk to him or you'll actually be going out of your way not to?
I think I'll be right in the middle. I don't think I'll seek him out, but if I see him, I won't run the other direction.
Okay, so what do you think you should do?
My instinct is to just try and avoid him, but I don't want to be so busy trying to avoid him the whole time that I don't have any fun.
Well, I think firstly, you've got to be emotionally fit before you even go.
Okay.
Because when you see him, you don't, people say, well, what do I do when I see him? Actually, the preparation starts before you see him. When is this weekend?
We're leaving in a couple of hours.
Good. Okay. You should have called me three weeks ago.
I'm sorry.
Okay, well, okay, so you're leaving in a couple of hours. Here's what I would do. I would, while you're on your way there, make a list of all of the things in your life that give it meaning. All of the things that make your life important to you that have nothing to do with him. It could be friends you're grateful for. It could be family you're grateful for. It could be certain goals that you have this year that you're excited about, certain places that you're excited to visit. It could be a hobby that you're really enjoying right now, a skill that you're learning, that you're really enjoying mastering. Write down all of the things that you're grateful for that are giving your life meaning. And remind yourself of how much there is in your life that has nothing to do with this person. Because the danger, of course, when we see someone that we still maybe have some feelings for, we see someone that hurt us, the proximity to them makes the pain greater and actually can have the effect of blowing it out of proportion. If you think about it during a breakup, why is it so useful to spend time and distance away from that person.
It's like last time thinking about them.
Yeah, you're thinking about them less. They're not on your focus, they're not in your focus in the same way. So you don't blow up the pain disproportionately. You actually start finding other places in your life to get meaning from. But if you're not clear on what's giving your life meaning before you see him, when you see him, your brain will trick you into thinking that's the thing that gives your life meaning. And then you'll get hurt in the process. Know when you arrive, When you arrive at that retreat, you've got to know that you're armed with all of the great things in your life to begin with. And then when you get there, don't try and play like, I don't care, I'm all cool, I'm fine. You know, you don't need to play games in that way. Okay. Just be authentic when you get there. If it's a little awkward and difficult, okay, you know, own that and live it. Even if it means, you know, you might be next to him and admit it and be like, well, this, you know, this is, I have to say, it's kind of, it's a little difficult being here together. It's okay to say it and shine a light on it, because when you expose those feelings, you actually give less power to them. When you can admit to him, you know, it's kind of tough, isn't it? Being here together, it's kind of, kind of strange. When you own it, you give it less power, as opposed to holding it in and doing what other people do, where they They walk around like they're amazing all weekend trying to pretend that everything about their life is unbelievable and hoping that the other person will be intimidated.
Okay, that was my original plan, so I'm glad I talked to you.
No, you don't, that's too much effort and energy, isn't it?
That's true.
Yeah, that's too much energy. Just own where your life is right now and remind yourself of all the important things that are going on. and all the things you're excited for. And when you're around him, don't be afraid to expose the elephant in the room, which is, you know, okay, it's a little awkward, it's a little strange. That's okay. And you're the one who's honest enough.
To just, you know, own it and.
Admit it and maybe even smile about it. All right, I can do that.
Perfect. Riley, thank you so much for calling in.
Yeah, thanks for chatting with me.
I appreciate it.
You're so welcome. Call in again sometime, will you? It sounds good. Have a nice day. All right, you too. Take care. big thank you to Riley and a big thank you to all of you guys listening out there. If you want to call into love life and have your question answered, call in at 844-204-6288 that's 844-204 Matt. And by the way, it doesn't have to be a love life issue. It could be anything you want, anything to do with your life, anything to do with your work, your family, your friends, whatever it is, call in and we'll give it our best We'll give it the old college try. I will speak to you soon. Goodbye.
