Matthew Hussey discusses why people cheat and get cheated on, pointing to insecurity and controlling behavior as relationship killers. He argues red flags appear early but get ignored, and advises ditching wrong partners quickly while letting the right one develop naturally. A seatbelt story shows how emotion persuades better than logic.
Questions this video answers
Focus on making dates fun and authentic, avoid rushing the process, quickly eliminate unsuitable partners, and give the right partner space to feel special while not appearing overly eager.
Chapters
Look like vloggers? Look at us. Don't we look like bloggers?
To help us explain, Matthew Hussey from howtogetheguy.com joins us live from New York. Thank you so much for joining. So they're the three personality types who are most likely to cheat. What about the other side? Who's most likely to be cheated on?
Who? Well, insecure people. You know that. The trouble is if we are trying to constantly control somebody else, if you're insecure or if you're controlling and you're constantly nervous that your partner is about to cheat on you or could at any moment, you end up suffocating the relationship itself. Yeah.
With that in mind, then do we not play psychologists in some degree and try break down what our partner may be? The narcissist, the insecure person, the selfish person. Are you saying that we maybe do do that or don't do that?
Look, I think that it's not about becoming a psychologist. It's about looking for the red flags early in dating. Most people, I believe, can see the thing that ends most relationships in year three, I believe, can be seen in week one. 90% of the time, we just choose to ignore it. Thank you, sir. That was good. You're very welcome.
So you were stuck in that category. No, but you played it, you know, like you do. You can't get too attached to what you're gonna say on live tv, I feel like. Because you, like, do so much better when you free flow.
Yeah, that's true. There's a weird level of control in that. There's a control in not being in control. But if you try and control everything and you want to say every thing, that's when the moment somebody takes you off road, you feel like, oh, God, I'm off road. I don't know what to say here. Even though your normal brain would actually have come up with a really good answer for that.
So you kind of have to look at it like, I'm gonna have a conversation with these people because you happen to have an opinion on all this stuff anyway.
Yeah. Let's talk about changing.
How's it feel to see your dad? When's the last time you saw.
It was back in London about a month ago. It's nice seeing him in New York. Family time. Wherever in the world you can get it. It's never perfect. There's never enough time. But it's nice squeezing it in. I just landed in the city. Oh, really? Yeah. Did you just eat here? How was it? Amazing.
Can I Get a picture.
Yeah. Of.
I did not pay.
I like the fact that I came by and took a picture and now you're returning the favor. Okay. So this should be your job.
Thank you. I just wanted to tell you I'm sorry I interrupted your conversation.
No, that's totally you.
Well, I did want to tell you that you have gotten me through most of the ups and downs in my relationship life and when things have worked out really well, how the nation will follow your advice. And I. And I have commented on Facebook and this is, this is a statement that I don't take lightly. I am so glad that I'm alive in the same time this year.
Oh, wow.
Isn't that sweet? Okay. Thank you so much.
Of all the compliments you've gotten, where does that one rank?
That's literally one of the top three compliments I think I've ever received. I'm happy I'm in alive in the same time as you. That's an amazing thing. It's hard to take that compliment fully. Do you know what I mean? But it's a very. But an amazing thing. Top three compliments ever. Matthew's here to answer their questions. I feel very fortunate about this. We're going to start with Kepoli.
Yes.
Hello, Capoli.
Hi, Harry. Hi, Matthew. So I'm getting older, so I tend to move quickly and I don't want to scare my dates away, but I'm wondering, how do I get to the next level without becoming too desperate, emotionally or sexually?
It's really tricky, isn't it? Because, of course, how do you look like you're not in a rush when in fact you're in a rush. Was there a practical advice in that question? If we're saying. I would say think about. Think about what you're doing on a date, where you're going, what you're doing. Think about actually making the date more fun. Yeah, but that's not somebody seeing other sides of you, because otherwise we could be encouraging women to waste their lives with some person who's not serious. And the whole skill, to me, the whole skill, if you want to call it a skill, the whole skill is when you're in that rush mode is the secret is to discard the wrong guys quickly. One key is to get rid of the wrong guys faster. I don't want you to rush things because rushing things scares people away. Right. That doesn't mean go slow with the wrong guy, because if you're with the wrong guy and he's meandering and he's not sure what he wants. Going slow with that guy can waste your life, but if you meet the right guy and he's showing you all the right signs that he's dating with purpose, that he wants something more, you don't want to rush it with that guy or you could ruin it. Because no guy wants to feel that you're going after him because you want something and not because you want him. He wants to feel he's special. Right? So take your time with the right guy and get the wrong guy out of your life as quickly as you possibly can.
I love that. Thank you.
Tells it like it is. It occurred to me Elvis might, like, shout across the room to my dad if he was in studio. It didn't occur to me they'd sit him in a chair in front of a microphone. So you have to appeal to his emotion, not his logic. The logic of this is gonna hurt you doesn't necessarily work. I'll give you a very, very quick story. My mum and dad were in the car together. My dad's in the room with us today. My mum and dad were in the car together and my mum said to my dad, put your seatbelt on. And my dad, it was so stupid. He was rebelling for no. It was like, that's a good idea, right? Logically, that's a good idea. But he didn't do it. He was just like, yeah, I'll do it in a minute. And she looked at him and that was logic, right? She then looked at him and she said, oh, please put your seatbelt on. I die if anything happened to you. Do you remember when that happened? I put my seatbelt on. He literally. He literally goes, oh, babe. And he put his seatbelt on immediately.
Steve, do you ever get extra proud of your son when you see his brain working? Well, no.
I kind of try to resist being proud of what they do, but be proud of who they are. I apply that equally to all three songs. I'm proud of who they are in any situation like that. Whatever it is, it puts the focus on our relationships. I had friends. I have friends in Florida who were evacuating and they said to me that first there was this clarifying thought that I have to pack up a bag in the space of a day and leave. And even that is clarifying to think, well, if I'm taking one bag, what do I put in that bag? Of everything I've got, what do I put in that bag? Very good exercise. Interesting. I think all of us, as a mental exercise, should go through that take five minutes and think, if. If I had to pack up my bag in the next 10 minutes or hour, what would I put in there? What size special to me that I couldn't live without? And I think all of us come to realize it's a lot less than we think. The second thing is that the most important things we have can't be put in the bag. They're the people in our lives, and it's the relationships. And I think anything that connects us again to the people in our lives, there is at least a silver lining there. I think that's a beautiful way to rearrange our focus a little bit, Sam.
