Choosing the Right Relationship, Escaping Toxic Mindsets and Butter Coffee

Stevie boy.

Brother, brother, where art thou?

I am in LA. We are 15 minutes late to this. We said we'd be live at 11 o'clock Pacific Time and we're 15 minutes after that. So, firstly, sorry everyone. This was not, we were supposed to be here a bit earlier. We don't want to keep you waiting around. We know that, well, hopefully Steve people have been eagerly waiting to come and join us here, but they may not have been.

Matthew, you've used a collective noun, we. Matthew told us two minutes ago that he had told everyone we were going to be live at 11. He's dragged us all in to his mess. But here we are, ready to pick up the pieces for old Matty Boy.

Right, well you've been no better there, Steve, because now you've thrown me under the bus. So you've done no better than I did. And by the way, I didn't realize that.

I'm pulling myself out from under the bus that you threw me under.

Right, yeah, you pulled yourself out and then came back and threw me back under it.

I don't know what's going on with this bus, but there's a lot of people under it.

Well, hello everyone. What? It's good to see everyone. Let's see who we've got in here. Mariana, how cool is this? This is cool. Steve, why are we doing this? Here's the honest truth about why we're doing this.

Don't sugarcoat it. Give him the full shebang.

Oh, don't worry. I'll give him the full shebang. And Steve, I won't throw you under the bus. Here is what happened. We had a video. that was supposed to go out this weekend. We've been very excited about it. I, in the middle of the night on Thursday night, I even teased this video, Steve. I told everyone on whatever the live was that I did on Thursday, I was like, get ready, because this weekend we have a really special video coming. I teased it, and then in the middle of the night, like 3 a.m. Friday, I had a mini crisis where I was like, I woke, I literally woke up and I was like, this, there's a change we need to make to this video. It's not quite, like, it cannot go out this weekend. And, you know, Steve, people don't realize when you, when you make a YouTube video, it's not just like you make it and throw it up that day, at least for us, like, there's a whole process that it has to go through. We need to get an email ready to send to our mailing list. we need to put it through all the steps to make sure that it's QA'd. There's a whole thing that has to happen. So Friday was the wrong day to have this realization. So I pulled it, but the team then went, well, then we have nothing to go out this weekend. To which I replied, Then fine, we'll get on live. We'll just, for the first, Steve, this is the first time ever We risked not having a weekend video, a new weekend video. We've been doing it for like eight years now, releasing a new video every week.

Can I just say it is actually unbelievable when I process it, this is actually, I can't, not a weekend in about eight years plus, because you had another little channel before, but it came this one, like nearly 10 years, you've not missed a Saturday of doing a video, a Saturday or Sunday.

Which we don't get enough credit for, Steve. No, he's amazing. Yeah, but that.

But.

And it would have been. We should. Here's what we should have done. We should have not replaced it with this YouTube live, and we should have just seen what happened if we didn't put it out. Like, what. What happened?

Sorry. What do you think was gonna happen? Everyone's gonna go, oh, this is. This is great. This is different. No video.

No. I just wanted to know if anyone even noticed.

Who said notice?

Well, maybe not. Like, maybe everyone. We think everyone would notice, but maybe the reality is people would just be. Get on with, you know, they'd be like, they wouldn't even know. Steve.

Oh, this is an interesting strategy. They. They released nothing this time. The John cage of YouTube. Just nothing. That's my statement. Brilliant. Just. Just a blank screen for 10 minutes. You old sausage. Well, thanks for joining everyone on your Saturday. I'm glad you're here.

Sarah says there'd be riots in the streets. I bloody, I know it's not popular to say right now, but I bloody hope so.

Matt, can I say it? I know you're sort of sheepishly hiding it right now, but it does feel like you're getting bulkier in each of our calls lately. Have you? you've been lifting a lot. That's not a set. That's not a patsy question you set up for me. I'm genuinely curious.

If only, Steve, you were that controllable.

I.

No, I. I've been doing a little bit of lifting, Steve.

Yeah. Yeah.

I mean, there's. I've been. I've been going to the gym, and, you know, I mean, I've always gone to the gym, but, you know, I've. I've been doing it with a bit more zeal recently. I've also been got back to boxing, Steve. I've been, you obviously know, I've been boxing for over a decade and I hadn't done it in a while. COVID didn't help, wasn't a great sport to do in the middle of COVID just being face to face with someone breathing all over each other. But I have gotten back to that, so that's helped as well.

Wait, what does that mean? You're like training to like spar with people or you just like going and...

I have been sparring. I've been sparring. I've actually been sparring a couple of times a week with Lewis Howes, who's a big boy. Really?

That's the name drop in there. Clang.

We've been, no, we have. We've been, we've been, we work out, we go and box a couple of times a week and we'll duff each other up for an hour.

And Lewis is a big strapping man.

He's broad.

He's tall. quite an intimidating figure in the ring. And also, I asked this because this is my thought on the boxing thing. I always enjoy coming with you, doing the training, having a bit of fun, but my whole thing is my brain is all I have, Matt, and I do get scared of getting hit in the head and thinking, I can't, I'm not an Instagram model, Matt, dare I say. I have you know, I was a.

Don't put yourself down, mate.

No.

Well, I grew up chubby.

Some might claim that you are.

I grew up chubby. I lost weight, and. But I'm still not. I'm not like some Instagram model. My brain is what I have. You know, I went to a fancy University. I write, I study. That's. That's what I have.

What University was that, Steve?

Oh, I have a PhD, Matt, from Oxford, as you well know. You came.

That's a great University, isn't it?

One of the best. Well, it's in Frasier. I'm not bragging about my degrees, but I do, I get scared of getting hit in the head. Does that, does that make sense?

No, it's fine. My humble brag is being friends with Lewis Howes. Yours is I have a PhD from Oxford University.

And I don't want to get hit in the noggin. But does that come to you? Like, you don't want to get hit in the head too much when you spar and things?

By the way, I think you're, Great looking man, Steve. And I think people would be very surprised to hear that you ever grew up chubby and that you don't, that you're so sort of self-deprecatingly derating your, the physical appeal of you, which I think is as strong as any other part of you.

Well, it's not my moneymaker, let's just say that. But thank you, it's very sweet. But hitting the head?

I'm not, no, no, no. I used to, in my 20s, I used to do full head sparring, but now we don't, because Lewis and I both realize we're, you know, we're at that age where we're essentially relatively young, but also where you start worrying that you're forgetting things and you you're like, wait a minute, why am I, why is my memory not, why do I keep forgetting that? Or what, like you start just thinking, I don't want to lose more brain cells than I need to. You don't really think about that in your 20s. You just think, oh, this would be fun. And you, it's, you're an idiot, essentially. So.

Right.

So, yes, that's what I think.

I can't afford to lose. Not, not because I'm so smart, but because. A tip over into being dumb if I lose too many brain cells. Just smart enough.

I forget a lot, Steve. I'm quite insecure about my memory. I forget quite a lot. So I am trying to make sure that I don't do anything that could contribute to me not remembering things. Do you know, like someone said, Do you know what I was watching last night? Have you seen the QAnon documentary on... By the way, I just want to prepare people. Just let me just prepare people a little bit.

I.

Speaking of losing brain cells, has anyone watched the QAnon documentary? This is really going to smarten you up, guys.

No, I just want to prepare people because we.

When.

When we were talking about this, we were about to write in the description, let's talk dating, confidence, blah, blah, blah, and, you know, just general weekend nonsense. And then I intentionally went back and deleted all of the words there that imply that it would definitely be something useful. Because I thought if we end up just talking about weekend nonsense, I don't want to pretend that we were going to talk about dating and answer a lot of questions. So, you know, if it feels like we're drifting a little bit, that's because we haven't promised anything more. in this session, but time with us. If we do get to some dating and stuff like that and confidence and whatever, that'd be a lovely little bonus. We'll have done something extracurricular on a Saturday. But I, yeah, so I was watching the Q and On documentary, Steve, and there was a moment where they were talking about the Capitol riots. And they said, they replayed a news piece that said, well, you know, this is going to be a day where everyone will remember where they were on this day when they heard this news that the people have stormed the Capitol. And I immediately got insecure because I thought, I have no idea where I was. Like, I, like it, that this is how ridiculous insecurity can be is I'm sitting there, on a Friday night watching a QAnon documentary eating cake, by the way, which is, was a nice little treat that I gave myself a cake.

A birthday cake you bought for yourself.

I, it was a slice of birthday cake from Milk Bar, Steve. And Steve, you know that cake.

Oh, that, that, that is honestly one of the best things in the world. The milk cake.

Steve.

I especially asked one for my birthday.

Yeah.

And you got it for me.

We brought you one from LA to Florida because we were in the. On the retreat for your birthday. We flew you in a cake.

I know. I'll never forget that.

I mean, it wasn't. When we say we flew you in a cake, it wasn't like we got a. Like a private plane for that cake. But it was put, no doubt, it was on a plane to get to you. Where was I?

You were talking about the documentary, you forgot where you were. Ironic.

I said everyone's going to remember where they were the day of the Capitol riots. I literally thought, oh no, I've lost my memory is terrible. I don't remember where I was the day of the Capitol riots. But you know, do you remember where you were, Steve?

That historic day, I was probably probably in my damn house like I've been for a lot of the last few months with COVID in the UK, we've been on full lockdown. So it's really, I was probably at the park running or in the house. That's what happened.

Yeah, yeah, that's right. When someone says everyone will remember where they were this day, yes, because everyone was at fucking home.

Yeah, I go, oh yeah, I've been home for six months.

I remember where I was every day for the last year.

Yeah. oh, my.

Yeah.

Well, that's good. I'm glad you keep him busy. Is that your favorite lockdown watch? The conspiracy documentaries?

No, Steve, I. Ryan Turner, our good friend, said to me, you have to watch the Q and on documentary because by the end of it, you'll find out who it is and you won't believe it. And I thought, that's a great setup.

I didn't even know who Q himself is. Yeah. Or herself. Yeah.

Exactly. And I didn't care about the QAnon thing. It's not like I followed it closely at any point during the whole thing, but I learned about it by watching it. And it was interesting. I mean, the internet is a weird place is really the conclusion of so much of that is that it's just the depths of the internet I still, to this day, am naive to.

Yeah, the problem of you saying it's interesting is people now think that means that you think The whole, the whole theory is interesting.

No, I, yeah, no, I just, you mean the phenomenon? I just, I'm continuously surprised how naive I am to the internet. Yeah. Like, I, I don't realize there are these, just, there are these homes on the internet for so much stuff that I don't even know goes on. I have to be told about the most basic things going on online, Steve. I mean, only last week when we went, I went with the boys to Lake Arrowhead and, and Ryan was telling me in the car about the Friday song that he was like, do you remember the Friday song? And I was like, I have no idea what you're talking about. He said, what?

What are you saying? You, you must, you know the song, though, right? You knew it.

I didn't know it.

Are you.

I don't know. But this is now, this is now, Steve, I'm getting.

That's mad.

This is what I'm talking about. because did I know it? Maybe I did and I forgot. But I don't remember the Friday song if I did hear it. I don't know where I was. When did it come out?

Oh, I don't know, like 2011 or 2012.

I don't know where I was. I don't remember it. And we were playing it in the car. Yeah.

Yeah.

For those who don't know, Rebecca Black Friday, Maybe some people on this are too young.

You know it this well.

Matt, it was like a viral... It was a mega viral sensation.

Steve, I see it's worrying. I don't know why. I don't know that.

If any people listening are like 14, I understand why they might not have known. But, I mean, what does it say about me?

What does it say about me that I don't know about that? What? What? Why don't I know that? If you know that and Jeremy knows it and half the world knows it.

I think it says you are desperately out of touch. You live in your own delusional bubble where you don't have any contact. No one allows you contact with the outside world.

Can I just stop you there, Steve? These don't sound like good things. Are you trying to compliment me or is this a... Are you having a...

You do not listen to anything. You only hear what you want to hear. And, you know, sorry, because the, it.

Sounds like you're not saying nice things.

Sorry, let me finish. You have no finger on the pulse of what people are looking at.

Okay.

No, that's just stunning because it was like a mega joke. It was, people were like, oh, this is so silly, this stupid song has got so many hits, and it was like, you know, everything about it, it was like a perfect viral sensation.

Right.

I was at University at the time, and everyone talked about it that the next day.

Wow. The next day.

Right.

Well, Steve, what. Are you making plans this year? Are you sort of like, are you looking at, like, how are you looking at your year in terms of. Getting out. Are you are you making plans to go and do some fun stuff or are you just still playing it month by month?

I have thought about this.

Sarah Young by the way says are you taking questions? You can put a question in the comments and we'll see what happens. It's clearly Stephen and I aren't in the most serious mood but put it in the comments and, and maybe we will give it a try. Sorry.

Yeah.

So you're doing, you're, you're getting away or you're not.

You know what? I keep thinking about this, really, there's been a kind of pleasure in not making any plans that there, there's a lot that's very negative about this, and I'm, you know, that I'm sick of lockdown as everyone else is as well. It's It's definitely been an ordeal at times, to say the least. But the one thing is it's been good to not have, you don't really have to think that far ahead of making the plans. Now that being said, I do, you know, I have a theory, Matt, about happiness that was told to me by our cousin Danny when I was very young and I never forgot it. And I don't know why, because it wasn't like our cousin Danny went around dispensing life advice.

Right.

But once he told me, one of the secrets to happiness is to always have two things to look forward to. And I said, why two? And he said, the first one because you need something on the horizon, and the second so that you don't get depressed when the first one ends. And he heard it. I don't know where he got it from. I've never seen it anywhere else since. But it never ever left me like two things to look forward to.

Is that just the antithesis of mindfulness?

You could say that, but there's a lot of studies that show that positive anticipation, seeing a good future is a really important thing for happiness. You have to see that things are going to get good and that drives you and it motivates you. So I'm not sure, but so then I'm like, well, I should think of some plans. And like one, you know, it might even just be like, I've got a wedding in October. That's a thing. It's a while away, but I'm going to see all my friends from school and stuff. That's like super cool. Like, I don't see those people enough. You were talking on that last live stream about Tribe and stuff. I don't see those guys enough. I'm really looking forward to like having that day. It's one day, right? But I thought, but I don't want to make any travel plans. So the thing I would usually do to look forward to is travel plans, but I guess it's more, I'm trying to think of it more in terms of like, all of us, we will reunion with our cousins, with you, and I'm looking forward to getting us all put together in a room, wherever that is. It might be in America, I'll come to you. I'm looking forward to going back to New York, which I love, or LA, I love being with you in LA. And I'm just like, I know that's coming. So I'm sort of making a bookmark in my head, like, I'm gonna go see Matt in LA or you're gonna be here and we're all gonna do something. And I know that's gonna happen later this year.

If that was me and I was looking forward to all of my friends, seeing all of my friends in October, I would think to myself, I just wish it wasn't a wedding.

You're not, me and you are not great, we're not great lovers of weddings. For two people who talk about dating and relationships a lot, Steve, I don't.

Like, I, I, I, I, there's nothing, there's nothing I dread more than a wedding invite.

Okay, you've just said it, but I, what do you dread? The party?

Because, you know, you know, Steve, we get plenty of wedding invites from our audience who have met someone as a result of our work, but I'm not even talking about those ones. I, I, dread a wedding invite from like a friend? No, there's nothing I dread more than a wedding invite from a sort of like someone who's somewhere between a friend and an acquaintance. Because that like a wedding to me, if you can go and you're just surrounded by people you love, that is a good time and especially if you care about the people that are getting married. But other than that, I can't do it, Steve. It's like, I feel like, you know, I feel like how the queen must feel.

Oh, yeah.

What?

What? What when she gets.

Well, the queen's life is. Is like going to events where she has to watch things that she's not connected to, doesn't listen to speeches she does not care about. and sit there cordially and get through that event. I mean, that's the thing that people don't realize about when people glorify the Royal Family. Like it is.

I wouldn't trade. I wouldn't trade for that.

It is got. You are. It's event after event where you have to stand there just to be there because you're a royal. Sit through endless Chapel. services. Do you remember those at school when you'd have to sit through a chapel service that felt like you were gonna die, Stephen?

And they felt like they were three hours long and they couldn't have been.

As a teenager, that was like how I imagined jail to be was Chapel. And I'm not having a go. I know it's important to some people, but at School, that was my memory of it was, I can't believe we have to go and sit through this now. And I, I'm not comparing a wedding to jail, Steve. No. I'm just saying that there's a, how the Queen feels sitting through events like that, that's sort of what I dread about weddings.

I do know what you mean. And I, I'm gonna pick you up on what you said earlier, though, is it does depend who it is. If it's the right, there's like a group of 10 to 15 people where you're like, those are weddings you would actually enjoy, and all the others feel like an obligation. Like, there's a bunch of close people where you're like, oh, I'll know loads of people there, and it'll be fun because I'm really close to that person and, like, I'll actually enjoy seeing the people there. Still, it's a bit long. It's a bit long. It's a long old, it's a long old commitment, but at least.

Well, marriage is a long old commitment, so I suppose it's sort of foreshadowing.

So you all have to come and do your own part.

Yeah, this is symbolic of what we're getting into. We're going to make this day as symbolic as possible of the long old commitment that we're embracing here. I'm glad you're seeing your friends in October, Steve.

Yeah. What do you think it's going to be like when people get back to dating again? I keep getting so many people complain about the fact they can't right now. And yet it's like when people can date, they complain about all the things that dating requires. I feel like. I feel like people now act like I would always be out on loads of dates now if only I could. Yeah, but it's like, I don't know. I'm skeptical of these people who are all complaining they can't be on dates.

Well, it's just an easy thing to say, isn't it? Like, oh, I'd be meeting so many people if I was able to go out right now, and most people aren't taking advantage even when they. can. And that, that's just a lesson for life, I think, that we are, we're eager to play with the toy that's just been taken away from us. But when it's right in front of us, we, we don't, we often don't think about it. So, yeah, it's worth sometimes thinking, what would I, what would I want to do if suddenly I didn't have the chance to do it? That's a good way of looking at things, I think, without needing a pandemic to teach us. the lesson, because by the way, the pandemic, people, I do think, I do think there's a, there is some kind of psychological, the, the, this whole year will have had an effect on our psyches, for sure. But I think it's, people also underestimate the speed with which they will return to their sort of level, whatever that is, whatever their level of doing things, going out, experiencing the world, whatever, whatever their level is, I think most people will return to. But look, life is about like, it's, I'm, see, I'm, you know me, Steve, I, I'm too extreme. I, if I think I want to get in shape, I go mental. Like, I, I suddenly will book out like seven sessions of training in a week and do this, do that. Like, I'm, I'm a bit extreme. And the problem with extremes is that you you tend to do the pendulum thing. You know, you, you fly from one end of the spectrum to another, and I have to remind myself, like, if I tell myself, oh, I've been stuck in for a while, and then even on a micro level, if I think there's a, you know, I've been stuck in for a while, and then I go, oh, I want to plan then the next few days, a lot of activity. Suddenly, like, I'll Ram out four days of, like, Let me go to dinner here and go out here and invite this person here. And before I know it, I've shot off 15 messages to people. And an hour later, I'm like, everyone, like people have said yes, and I've arranged a brunch, and I've got a thing to do on Saturday night, and then I'll- and you've gone, what have I done? What have I done? So I try and remind myself because I'm insane, I try and remind myself, all right, Matt, you want, you feel a bit cooped up, you're a bit, you've got a bit of cabin fever. Let's arrange a brunch. Let's just start there, because chances are, by the end of this brunch, you won't want to see anyone again for five days.

But it's so true.

If you, you know how they say, don't shop hungry. All right, don't go food, don't go to the grocery store and do your grocery shopping hungry. Be careful.

Don't text lonely, is that your... Don't.

Be careful texting lonely. Be careful of booking out your social calendar when you have cabin fever. You know, like, just be wary because, like, slip, you want to do something, slip, all right, put something in the diary, see how you feel at the end of it. be careful of the, the, the, that, because I, I do. I go to such extreme levels that I immediately just think, I've just booked, I, I've now got, I've now got a cancel six different things that I don't want to do, and I'm going to annoy everybody. Imagine getting a text from me saying, all right, mate. Oh, do you want to get out this weekend? Do you want to do something on Saturday? And they're, they're just going about their business, Steve. They're happy and they get a text from me going, Do you want to do something on Saturday? And I'm all revved up and then they go, yeah, yeah, yeah, that sounds great, Matt. Wow, it's going to be so great to see you. And then just a day later I go, you know, I said I wanted to do that thing on Saturday. I really don't.

The honesty of that would be fantastic, but also possibly friendship ruining.

Yeah, I try to be more honest with people these days about not wanting to do things. When people text me, I don't say, you know, like that classic thing of, I've got a lot on this weekend or whatever. I don't do that. I try to just say to people, I don't think I'm gonna feel like doing anything. They would say to me, Do you want to do something on Saturday? And I'll be like, To be honest, mate, I'm actually looking forward to a day on my own on Saturday. But let's try and arrange something for another week. Like, I'll be honest about it because I just don't, I can't stand the bullshit of like, ah, mate, I've got a lot on on Saturday. I'm doing this and I'm doing that. But yeah, it's like, just tell them. Just tell them. Just tell them you don't feel like doing anything. That's fine.

Yeah, I find it's a weird one. I sometimes set aside near days 'cause I wanna read and catch up on loads of reading. But people don't like being beaten by reading for a, for plans. Like, sorry, I really want to, I've got a lot of reading to do. People think like, what? Why? What, you gotta read a report for work? No, just these books I really want to get around to. It's like, people don't want to be beaten by that.

In a way, they shouldn't be offended. Like, if you're being dropped for your mate Dave, If it was, if you went, oh, I'm seeing Dave instead, they could be offended because they're like, Dave! Fucking Dave! I'm being dropped for. But if it's like you're being dropped for Shakespeare or Seneca or, you know, these are, that's tough company to beat.

Yeah, but Shakespeare hasn't got feelings. It's them who's gonna get hurt.

Yeah, but it's still more interesting than most people.

That's one of my, this is a strange segue, but I wrote a piece yesterday and it was about, I posted it on our Facebook, on our blog, howtogeettheguide.com, and it was called Relationships: what yout Want Versus what yout Pay For It. And it was a point where I was talking and this, relates to me and being, like, introverted and, like, I like my time to myself. I like reading and stuff. But, like, you. Everyone thinks they know the kind of thing they want in a person or in a relationship. They might think, I want to be with, like, an artist, a sexy, passionate artist. I want to be with an entrepreneur. I want to be with a model. I want to be with someone who's really extroverted and a part and adventure lover and. My point in this article is you have to know what the price of whatever it is you want. You have to know what the price actually is. And maybe it's like entrepreneurs tend to be really, really, really driven, sometimes hard to get on evenings and weekends, quite fixated. Some artists can live with financial insecurity or they can just be obsessive and want loads and loads of time, be greedy with their time. The extrovert adventure lover can be exhausting and they never stop and they'll never stop and take any five minutes to sit down with you, have a cup of tea. And, you know, that I'm relating that back to me. I'm saying like, if I, you know, if I'm in a relationship, one thing I have to communicate is that I, I need, I'm quite greedy with like, I need time Lots of things I do are learning, writing. I have to have a lot of time to be able to do those and it doesn't make me super sociable. I can sit and read together and do those things, but I can't divide. And I used to be so bad at communicating that. And so almost because I was trying to please the other person or not trying to make waves, I would make excuses that something else, whereas the truth is this is just really important to me and I need to do it. And yeah, I guess that would be my price.

I think people definitely underestimate the value of just being able to do things in each other's company. If you can be together whilst also serving your separate goals, that's a really lovely thing. That can make a relationship. if you can be in the same room achieving your separate goals but together in company, I think that's a really beautiful thing. And of course that's not the same as quality bonding. Well, it can be bonding time but it's not the same as like getting to know each other better time. That's a specific form of spending time together in conversation. But I do think that there's spending time together in conversation which is really important. And if you always are in company but never in conversation, that's a lopsided relationship. But if you're always in conversation.

And.

You can never be in company without being in conversation, that's also, well, perhaps you could say that's an exhausting relationship. And it's one that has you wondering when they're going to go home or when you can get away so that you can get back to your life. and I actually think people underestimate that as a cause of ending like situations that never progressed to where they could be is that they've created a situation where someone says, I have to go home so that I can continue living my life. I have to get you out of my space so that I can continue living my life. And if someone doesn't need to say that, if someone can say, I can continue living my life with you here. That's the beginning of, I think, an enduring relationship in one sense.

Yeah, it's trying to do that without the other person feeling neglected or like you're not interested in being with them.

But it takes two secure people.

Yeah.

Yeah, that's right. I think people struggle with that, though, whether they want to be with the same, someone who's the same as them or someone who is, you know, opposite, subtract. But I think it's really self knowledge. It's just self knowledge of knowing, you know, you could be the laid back one and be with the super driven, crazy, obsessive one, as long as you are cool that you you're going to be doing loads of things yourself. and you're cool that they're out there having to be like obsessive and driven. That can work, it's just that you've got to make peace with that's the choice, right? You pay the money, you take the ride.

Yeah, man. Being with someone who's obsessively driven is hard. That's hard. I'm wondering in the comments, have you been with someone that is obsessively driven to the point where you just felt really neglected and you didn't feel like you could have the kind of like we neediness is often put down, Steve, as a kind of, you know, oh, I don't, you never want to be with a needy person, but at a certain point, you just have needs, right? And you have to admit when you're in a relationship where those needs aren't being met, where you're just like, I can't, I'm not needy, but I, I am not. I am a plant that's not being watered enough here in this relationship. I'm needy to the extent that a plant needs water. And this relationship doesn't offer nearly enough water. I'm curious as to who. Who's been in that situation with someone who you thought. Have you been in a situation with someone where you were initially, you thought, I'm really attracted to how driven this person is. But then that drive was the thing that ended up breaking you up. Who's been in that situation?

Lynn says you can be needy because your needs are not being met. Yes, exactly.

That's a good point, Lynn. That is a good point. That's what I think is interesting about the, as a kind of extension of the attached concept. I know a lot of people always reference that, attached with the different attachment styles, the anxious attachment style secure and avoidant.

And.

One of the more interesting corollaries of that idea is that your attachment style can actually shift. But this is why I think it's dangerous sometimes to try and define your attachment style too rigidly or as this constant because you can be with someone who actually makes you appear much more needy and all of a sudden your attachment style starts to look like the anxious attachment style. But it's because you're with someone where the relationship really does not naturally and organically meet your needs. It's someone who constantly makes you feel like you're an underwater and you're constantly craving that because you don't have it. And so now you come across as needy, high maintenance, anxious. But in another relationship, you might actually seem like none of those things.

Yeah. That's why I'm cautious about people taking that role as their lifelong role. I think I've definitely played different roles in relationships over time. And that is, if you've been with someone who makes you feel insecure, you know what that's like. Sometimes it's like, oh my God, this person is demanding so much of me that I desperately feel trapped and I want to pull away now. And I'm desperate for my freedom and time and space. So I think it can be behavioral.

What's your view, Steve, on the whole getting attracted to something in the beginning that then, you know, I think someone in the comments just put Esther Perel also talks about this idea of the thing that attracts you that causes conflict down the line. What's your view on that? Because there are the things that you ignore in the beginning that are red flags that cause conflict down the line. But what about the things that you're attracted to that cause conflict down the line?

Well, is she saying it's a problem or something you have to watch out for?

I don't know what Esther, someone's quoting Esther in the comments. I don't know what Esther's particular take on that is or whether it's just an observation that, you know, the irony of the fact that the thing that attracts us in the beginning is the thing that can actually create an awful lot of conflict down the line. But what's your view on that?

Yeah, I can see times where I've definitely done that. Like, sometimes I like, you know, I've chosen people who have been like strong-willed and very independent and I'm attracted to that. And it can also come with us being both really driven and wanting our own things. Sometimes we're both being a bit selfish and I want to do this this way, I want to do this. And even though there's a lot of attraction and chemistry there, it's like, ah, we both, you know, it's like we like the fact we're both kind of strongly on our purpose, but that's hard because you're both difficult to, the other one won't be like, hey, I want to fold into your life and do it do your thing. That's definitely happened.

I think we spend a lot of time focusing on what we're attracted to, which is natural and we're kind of never going to get rid of that. So it's pointless to tell people not to focus on that because that's what they're going to focus on. But I think that something everyone could benefit from proactively putting more focus on is not just what am I attracted to, but are my needs getting met within this situation and can they be met within this situation? You know, you could be attracted to someone who's crazy driven and has built something amazing, but if all the early signs point to them having no time for you or them not giving you the affection or the time that you want, then you may be attracted, but that's not the same as being happy or your needs being met in the situation.

Yeah, yeah, I agree.

Lots of, well, we've prompted some longer comments with this little discussion.

So Amber says, what we are attracted to sometimes is what we haven't owned yet in ourselves. I'm not sure how to decipher that, if that means something we don't have or something we haven't dealt with.

Well, no, I think the point that's being made there is that we get attracted to... I heard Tony Robbins say once, and I thought this was quite good, He said, we get attracted to people who are like us or like how we want to be. And I thought that was quite, quite true. You know, we get attracted to someone because they have qualities that we already have and we're like, oh, they're like me. It's one of us. Or you see someone who has a charisma that you'd like to have, you know, or a boldness that you'd like to have. or a playfulness that you'd like to have. And so that's magnetizing. We want to be closer to those things that we ourselves want to represent. And I think what she's saying is if you haven't owned it in yourself, but you do appreciate that quality when you see it in somebody else, it's very attractive.

Yeah, I've often been attracted to very expressive, warm people. I'm not saying I'm not warm inside, but I don't initially come across that way. I can be quite rational and pragmatic, and I think I can often be attracted to people who have much more in touch with their immediate visceral emotional side.

I'm curious in the comments, what are you struggling with today? You know, like what's on your mind? Good or bad actually? You know, like it's Saturday. What are you feeling on this Saturday? How are you doing? Like how are you actually doing? I'm curious about that. It's quite nice doing this with everyone on a weekend. I mean, Harry might kill us if we make it a habit, given that it involves him on a weekend. Jeremy, too. We've got, this isn't a simple setup, Steve. We've got actually Harry and Jeremy on both sides of the coast, on both sides of the Atlantic, helping us with this. Plan Me feels amazing, which makes me very happy. Sarah's starting a new journey of self-love. That's lovely, isn't it? Terry says, I'm chronically introverted and terrified of meeting new people. I really think that you have to treat meeting people as a muscle that has to be built and treat it in kind of stages. You know, the first stage is just leaving the house. The second stage is just being a bit more proactive in saying hello to people or just putting yourself in an environment where you could meet people. Clubs and things like that or things where you are going to be part of an activity are great because it's not just you standing in a bar hoping to bump into someone. You're there for a purpose. so that's a good place to start if you want to meet new people, but not feel obliged to talk to everyone. Inspiring young lady is grateful for this live. Wonderful way to spend a Saturday. Nice ironet. IronnutD says, are there aliens among us? Which would probably be the sort of comment you'd expect underneath the Joe Rogan podcast. Which I'm going to take as a compliment.

And what's the answer?

I mean, I suppose it's possible, isn't it? I wouldn't rule it out. It's possible.

That's fair. Hits says, uncertain how dating will work now things are opening up. Want to be more intentional this time around. One thing I'll say, Hits, super simple slogan. I like to say this a lot because it's super, super important. Be open about who you meet, but be very selective about who you invest in motion in. That's how you be more intentional about dating. Many people do it the exact other way around. They're very, very closed and selective about who they meet. And then when they meet one person who they vaguely like, they're super open with giving them their heart. If you flip that around, then you date with a lot more intentionality, you get rid of the wrong people faster, and your net is really wide. So you have loads of people that you might not have, you might have dismissed at first because you were being too ruthless and you'd be like, oh, this person was actually really attractive or they were sexy on the date or I had a great phone call with them. Then you have a lot more people coming in, you don't get in scarcity mindset and that's how you have people to choose from.

That's nice. I like that.

And my whole thing these days, Matt, is dating should, if you're gonna date, make it enjoyable. Like, don't get on this thing where you, you keep doing things you don't like. It's like the wedding we talked about. You don't really want to go, but, you know, I've got to drag myself out for this thing. If you're feeling that, don't do it. But have the call first with someone, get the chemistry going so that you're actually gonna like. Oh, that was good. I'm gonna enjoy seeing them in person now and. I'm not going to go and do a three hour dinner or something. I'm going to go to something easy and fast. Like, I'm going to go to a game of bowling. That would be fun to play a game of bowling, wouldn't it? I'm going to go to that darts place. I'm going to just have a stroll and we'll get a coffee or we'll get an ice cream. Like, just do it as things that you would have fun doing and it'd be time well spent in good company. And then you're never feeling like it's.

A waste of time. You're actually, it's just a part of your life. Also go into like people.

Yeah. And but the priority should be like fun. I'm having fun with this person.

You know what makes you not have fun is if you're obsessed with whether someone is the one when you go on a date. That's not fun because you cannot enjoy that. It's like wanting, I'm not allowed, I'm not gonna have fun with this unless it's the best person I've ever met. and you have to just go in to say, I'm just going to enjoy a time with another human being. If I don't want to do it again afterwards, that's fine. But I'm just going to enjoy, I'm going to actually get to know this person and find out what a great person they might be. What's interesting about them? Not the whole, like, I remember seeing a comment from someone being like, you know, if a guy doesn't like me on a date for who I am or whatever, take it or leave it. and I thought even just from the tone of that, it sounds like that's not a way to start a conversation.

Yeah.

You don't, it's not, you don't go past a restaurant that's like trying to bring you, like an Italian restaurant where someone doesn't say like, how are you hungry? Are you, you want to try this? You want to try that? We've got some great deals. They don't shout at you from the window going, We got food in here, take it or leave it. Like you wouldn't go to that restaurant. Like you want us, you don't want us, take it or leave it. We're a restaurant, baby.

Yeah, yeah.

Like you want to invite someone in, have a chat, have a glass of wine. Let's see what's going on. What are you all about? What have you been up to in your life? What have you been doing for these 35 years? Oh, that's interesting. Like, just have a conversation. It's not, that's why it's so goal oriented.

That's why this whole thing as well of, and speaking of weird pockets of the internet, there's plenty of weird pockets that are like, you know, men saying that women aren't good enough, women saying that men are trash and all this stuff. And it's like that, once you let that frame sink into you of like, the other is not good enough and there's no good ones and it's like a, you know, it's a dumpster fire and everyone's just like selfish and horrible and low class or low quality and I'm so great. You could not set up a worse mindset for you to actually enjoy yourself on dates and have fun because your mindset is looking for just confirmation of that that worldview. And you're looking for like, if someone doesn't hit every mark straight away, like see, no one's good enough. Like there's no one who's even attractive, who's got great personality, they're selfish, and I see these like, the these like ideas, like a bit of a fungus that grows in weird places and people get hooked on it like a drug and it becomes like, the reinforcing, like, people all like, like, egg on each other, and suddenly you're in a complete bubble of, of almost a delusional idea of the other person who's not you, the women, the men, the people you're trying to attract. And it's just like, there's loads of people out there. Fine. There's loads of people who you're not interested in. There's loads of people who are like, bad behavior that you don't want. But there's so many people trying. There's so many people who are doing interesting things. There's so many people you can learn from. There's so many fun, cool people out there. And it just really, I feel for people who have got too sucked into these things because I can understand where people get frustrated and you have some failures or whatever, things don't go well. So I feel for people who get into these things where it becomes a bubble. But I feel like they've lost the sense of you've got to be open to new data. You've got to be open to like, I'm gonna live my life with great people around me and that's gonna attract great people. Like once you are surrounded by a great crowd, you're gonna only accept people who treat you well, have the right standards, and as long as you have that, filter, you're not going to let those trash people in. But you've got to be open to the fact there are non-trash people out there.

And it, you know, people just, I think people forget that relationships, like we get very focused on, we haven't got one and we really need one and therefore everyone becomes a target for that relationship. And then anytime someone doesn't become that or isn't what you want in that department, it becomes really frustrating and you sort of, it makes you angry at that person almost because you're like, you're costing me. And like, I could be with someone right now and this is just costing me time with another wrong person.

I.

Do you know what, like, always fascinates me is when people I know who are in their 40s, 50s, 60s, these end relationships. And I'm sort of fascinated by that. I'm fascinated by the change in state that occurs between being in a relationship and being out of one.

Yeah.

Because they feel like different worlds. But you're always. You're always have the potential to. To slip from one world into the other. Always.

Yeah.

Like, even the friends you. think are, you know, like, oh, they're taken now. It's like, well, for now, and maybe forever, maybe, but maybe not. Like, maybe they're going to be single in their 50s. Maybe they'll be single in their 60s for they'll have two awesome years being single in their 60s because they broke up with their long term partner or whatever. Like, you just don't, you just don't know. And I think we think of things as so binary, like, The world is just people who are leaving the world of being single to then be in a world of relationships. But we forget that the reverse is just happening all the time too. It's in constant transition. And that, I think, is one of the things that makes people very insecure, is that they think that they're in a sort of group of people that's constantly being drained. Like, you're, you know, another friend gets into a relationship and then they're like, another person has left the planet single. You know, like, planet single is diminishing by the day. Another one of my friends has left planet single and I'm still here. And it's like, you're a bunch of your friends are coming back to planet single.

Yeah.

They're coming back. They don't even know it yet. But they're coming back. So relax. Like you're good. You can, there's plenty of times for you to leave this planet. By the way, don't leave on a shitty spaceship. Like that, because that's, then you're coming back sooner than you think, right? Or you're going to be on another planet and incredibly unhappy. Some people are so, they're so obsessed with leaving planet single. that they'll get on any spaceship to get out of there.

Yeah.

They don't realize how unhappy they're going to be on another planet.

Yeah.

Christy says that would be a cool short film. That would be kind of a cool. We. We could do that. We should do that as an animated one. That would actually be a great animation. Right.

That would be a good one.

Maybe we could just take that. Let's just send Jameson that clip and have him animate it. I like that.

And one of the secrets is that Planet Single is actually quite lush and beautiful as well, but people leave it thinking, oh, that's very good. Gotta get off of it.

Now, can I just say, George, who was talking about aliens earlier, feels newly validated by all of this talk. talk and it's concerning me because he's. Because I feel like we. We got him off the subject of aliens for a bit because he's been commenting a lot on aliens. We got him off of it. And I'm worried that we've now just sort of. We've given him all he needed to get back into the alien pool.

I. I don't know why he's come here for the hot alien talk because there's. There's a lot of YouTube channels that will be talking about that 24 7. so I don't know why he's hunting around Matt Hussie because it's more fun in it. I'm really waiting for the day that Matt Hussie guy is gonna get onto aliens because.

Yeah, but that's, like, saying, why. Why is a gay guy attracted to this straight guy? You know, they have the whole world of gay guys, but it's like, yeah, but there's a. There's an appeal. He's straight. Maybe. Yeah. Maybe he's. George is thinking, like, I'll get them onto aliens.

Don't worry about it, by the way.

He has. Look at us. Here we are.

Imagine if from now every piece of content you ever did was only about aliens. And you never talked about relationships again.

Exploring nature together says we need a moderator. That's probably true. Although Harry, are you maybe Harry is moderating. Are you moderating Harry? If so, a lot's getting through.

This is YouTube. You don't moderate, mate. You just let them. You let them fly.

Steve, I'm writing down alien animation because I feel like there's something fun to do there. Sorry, not alien animation. Planet single animation. Get out of my head, George. if someone joins right now, they just see you and I just sitting in silence. What am I watching?

It's like a Mr. Beast video.

I don't know what those are.

Again, completely out of touch with YouTube. No idea what's going on, do you? And MrBeast is one of the biggest YouTubers, but you don't care, do you?

So his thing is sitting in silence or what?

He would do these videos where some of them were mental. It was like, I'm sitting here just blinking for three hours and it'd be like a three-hour YouTube video. That was like some of his early, it was like almost stunts of like, I'm gonna count to a million, you know, I'm gonna count to 900,000 and it'd just be a fire, you know, hours long video. I mean, you missed the base. The man's now doing great.

So, clearly he doesn't need my help.

What are you looking forward to? How are you staying mentally balanced? Are you staying mentally balanced?

I... well, I have my routines. My routines are really important to me, I've realized. I can't speak highly enough for routine. Like, I need that gym session each day, whether it's the gym or boxing. I need that little sort of morning ritual that I have each day of, like, going and making my butter coffee and, you know, like, I. I need those little things that ground me, especially because, I don't know, I suppose.

My.

Life has a lot of input and things going on. I need those things that. That just. just give me a sense of regularity in my day. It's one of the reasons I sometimes feel worse when I travel, because when I travel, my routines go out of the window a lot. And it, it, you know, Steve, I'm coming back to London next Friday, and I'm, I've really been conscious to, like, figure out this time round, what do I need to bring? to have my routines there, because normally I'll come to London and I see family and everyone and I love it, but I I then fall out of the routines and then I start feeling worse and I'm like, why do I feel worse? Or what's, why do I feel so out of sorts? And it's because I'm, I'm not doing those normal things that I do just because I'm in a different place. I'm like, oh, they all go out the window this time around. I'm like, what are the things that I need to do to feel good, to feel like myself in this environment? Otherwise, I'm not, I'm sort of just untethered.

When I did a long trip in Asia, the only thing I had to do was make sure I kept running up. That kept me sane for making sure I exercised. And I got to run around all these amazing cities like Taipei and Seoul and Chiang Mai.

I was just like, Steve, we've got to go to Asia this year. We're not going to be able to go to Asia this year, are we? Asia's still closed.

It's closed now, but who knows? Who knows where we'll get to? Yeah, I heard Russell Brand talk about that, how he has to do all these things in the morning. It was like, I have to do my run, my something, vipassana, meditation, yoga. It's like all these things just to stay normal.

Yeah.

Just to like, not be a crazy addict.

But that's probably, I'm a bit like that, I think. There's a bit of that brand quality in me where I'm a little.

I.

Can go off into my extremes and I realize there are things I have to do every day to keep myself in check. Otherwise, Steve, it'll be birthday cake every night.

Does. Does Matthew RC get, like, a slob day? Like a Sunday? Do you just, like, it's all off the table.

Today, Stephen.

Get up when I want, you know, eat what I want. No exercise.

That was. That was supposed to be my day today. I. But then we had the video issue with this weekend's video. For those just joining now, the reason we're doing a live is. because I ballsed up the video for this weekend by trying to make a last minute change and then it wasn't ready for the weekend, which by the way, I can't wait for you to see this video. It's going to be so cool. But, you know, normally it would be today and I'd like, but I have to, I have to like, my mind gets so, I'm a list maker, so I find it really hard to just Stop doing that when the weekend comes around. I find it very hard in general to switch my my brain off. That's a problem for me. I have to go through processes to just to just get my mind to calm down and to switch off. But what happens is that I'll get to a Saturday and I go, Right, I'm not planning anything. for today. Like, this is a day where I'm gonna give myself the gift of not because so much of my day is scheduled every other day that I'm just like, I'm gonna give myself a day where I'm not scheduling anything. But what then happened is I'll go, do you know what movie I really want to watch? I want to watch see the new Mortal Kombat movie. So then I'll, like, be like, all right, okay, I'll do that today. and I write that down. And then I'll go, do you know what? I really want to go and get a nice coffee, but I'll forget if I don't. Like I, I will, I'll think of something I want to do, and then I'll forget that I want to do it. I don't know if that happens to you, but one of the things I hate, the biggest tragedies is when I get to the end of the weekend and I realize there were things that I said to myself I really wanted to do, but I forgot to do them.

Oh, I have that with, like, movies where I want to watch two movies at the weekend, and then I'm like, ah, I didn't. I should have just watched the movies. I like just watching TV and, like, hanging out. Yeah.

So I get anxiety about not about forgetting to do the fun things that I want to do. You know, like, I hate. I hate the phrase, if it was important, you'd remember it. I think that is such bollocks. Like, there are so many important things that I don't, like, I'll, there'll be something that's really important to do for my, you know what's really important to me? Meditation. If I don't schedule it, I will forget to do it.

Oh, yeah, me too.

It's like, no, if it, it's not if it was really important, you'd remember. That's a ridiculous thing to say.

So I, the one disagreement we have there is you, and I know you don't believe this, but I believe my good ideas, I trust that if they're good ideas, they stay, and if they went, they were bad ideas. But you write down all your ideas, whereas I'm like, a great idea, I don't forget it. But you are too superstitious.

There are some things that repeat on you because it keeps newly the truth of that idea and it's validity, it's weight, it's importance. It keeps repeating on you in your life. and so for that reason, you don't maybe forget that idea.

But.

But there are plenty of ideas that I think you, if you're having a lot of ideas, you may not get back. That idea might not Circle back. I see them as, like, these, they're things that just float around you. And it might be that that idea is still out there, but if it floats away, it might take three months to come back. It might take three weeks to come back, and it's not there when I need it. But I, yeah, I mean, I get to a Saturday and I, if I'm not careful, I start to, like, I make a list of all the, oh, I want to, yeah, I want to read a magazine. I haven't read a, I don't, I never get time to read magazines. I'd really like to do that today. Oh, I want to read, I want to read that book. You know, I keep saying I want to read that book and I've never, I keep not finding time for it because of all the meetings I have in a week. Oh, let me write that down. Before I know it, this relaxing Saturday has been like, it's scheduled out as if it's like another work day, but it's scheduled out with all of these different things that I say I want to do with a Saturday, but then that stresses me out. I'm like, so I have to like, I have to like really just calm myself down and be like, okay, you're a mental person.

I think what we're getting here is the cost of being with you is you are an intense Matt.

Yeah.

When we talked about cost of relationship, the cost of being with Matt Hussey is that he lives at a high intensity.

But I do, sometimes I am very grateful for it and other times I can't stand myself. Which is why sometimes it's nice to be around someone who is just the opposite, because then I'm like, yeah, okay. okay, you're, I like being around you is calming because you're not constantly like looking at the day and going, am I making the most of it? Am I doing enough with it? What did I want to do today? I think partly it comes from.

I.

Think it comes, it's a sort of little, I'm letting myself off the hook a little bit here, but, but not entirely. I think it's a bit of an anxiety born out of The fact that I've spent so many years having so much of my time scheduled out.

And.

Having a business that's so demanding that a weekend becomes this even a day on a weekend becomes this really sacred, special time because I know what's coming on Monday. and so because I know that it's so sacred and special to have that time, that's just for me, I then have a tendency to overthink the making the most of it. I'm so eager to get the most out of it because it's just for me that I. That eagerness to get the most out of it can trigger that kind of anxiety where I'm like, am I? Am I having a Saturday? Am I get like, is this, is it's like my mind goes, is this the greatest Saturday ever? Are we doing it? Are we having a great Saturday? And I have to like be like, it's all right. We're having a nice day. Relax. You're all good. It's okay.

Yeah, it's almost you're like a maximizer instead of a satisficer. You know, you're about like, are we doing it? Am I doing relaxing at a nine or a ten? Instead of like, am I just satisfied with, hey, let's put on a film that I'd like to watch tonight, and that's a tick. You know, that's a good thing.

Harry, our younger brother Harry is the complete opposite. He is like, Harry is the most present chilled person. He's like, he is the, he's so laid back, like he's really good at just enjoying things. And that I really admire that in Harry.

I think you and I learn from Harry and our cousin Billy, where we see that they are more in the moment. Me and you are more analytical, more thinking, constantly trying to think ahead of things. You know, maybe trying to optimize certain things. And I think they have the chill gene.

Willow Bark says, Matt, you're putting too much pressure on yourself. Oh, welcome to my mind.

That is... Let's get out. Come on, let's really get old Matt Hussey out. Let's sit down for four hours now. Where do you want to get started?

But look, Steve, you know everyone's got their thing.

That'S, that is true. You put a lot of pressure on yourself for everything.

Yeah. And that's, that is, that does, that can make me hard to be around. And it's why I need to, like, I, I need to be around people who, I have lots of driven friends, but I also, I just like being around people who, you know, have a different attitude than me and sometimes take it all a bit less seriously than I do. because it reminds me, oh yeah, look, I'm a maniac. You know, I could see, if I don't hang, here's one of the things I've realized, Steve, if I spend too much time with myself, I start to think that it's always important to me to never lose sight of how I'm mental, of how I'm a maniac. And that sometimes can only be seen in contrast to, like, other people and you realize like, like sometimes I'll beat myself up in a week for things that, you know, when I see, like, you know, hang out with a friend and they'll be like, they'll tell me about what they're going through that week and I'll be like, oh my God, like you get perspective on how hard you're being on yourself because you realize they messed up this too and they screwed up that and they're having like, I'm like, oh God, it's crazy how hard I'm being on myself. but that's my default. Like, people don't realize that, Steve. The reason I. The. One of the reasons I'm so passionate about self-love and self-forgiveness and how we treat ourselves is because that's something that I've worked on a lot in my life and continue to. It's not because I've got that. Like, that's something I've always had figured out, and now I'm going to show the world how to do it. Like, that's something that. But, like, it was so funny that we had an interview recently where someone said to me, like, do you think that, like, you're like, it's all these vulnerable people that are coming to you? I was like, Whoa, whoa. Put me in that box. If you're gonna say that people coming to me are, like, vulnerable or they have problems or whatever, Put me right in there with them, because I'm there, like I'm in the trenches. All the things that I talk about, I need to. So this idea of, like, you know, the vulnerable, I'm like, what are you talking about? I am that person. I was 14 years old reading these books. I was 18 years old, 20 years old, already going to events. and visiting seminars, trying to work out my own shit. So like, it always, I always find it unbelievably patronizing when people talk in that tone. Because I'm like, well, hang on, if you're gonna insult other people, you better insult me too. Because I'm, I do, the work that I'm talking about, I'm doing that work.

Yeah, yeah, well, you've always tried to like read books, self-improve, learn from other people, go to events.

Yeah, for sure. For sure. Love Apple says, are they cousins? We're brothers. Stephen and I are brothers.

For better or for worse. We're stuck together, baby.

Rabi, I love what you're saying, Matthew. You're speaking my language. Well, I'm glad. Avery says, I find it so awesome when you curse. I'm trying to curse less this year. I actually have, I think I've cut down my cursing by like 70%, but every once in a while it feels real good to just, it actually, I'll say this, Steve, It feels real nice to throw one in when you haven't been doing it for a while.

Oh yeah, oh yeah.

You really get the juice out of it when you haven't cursed in a minute. It's like a little treat.

Someone says, what MBTI type is Stephen? I am INTP, which is quite a highly analytical type. I think shared by Einstein and Darwin. So am I a bit like those guys?

I don't think anyone's saying that.

I asked the question.

Yeah, but it's not.

So I think that's the logician. I think it's very analytical.

Victoria says having kids will change your focus. So it's a big thing. That's like a big. thing to do to change your focus. But I agree. I have no doubt about that. Love apples says, what zodiac signs are you guys?

Well, someone already knew it here. They said Libra and they were right. So I. I don't know.

What does that say about you, Steve? That you're a Libra.

Well, what does it say about them that they knew? Is there a star sign where you can read minds? Because. maybe they've got a very, very powerful one. Other people can tell me what Libras do. I hear different things all the time. I remember reading one horoscope once and it just said how Libras are really sociable and then I went, nope. And then I didn't bother reading any further. I was like, I'll stick with Myers Briggs for now because this isn't working for me.

That's funny. I'm a Gemini, but that's about the extent of my knowledge or interest in star signs. Star signs, it's no point having a go at star signs because they're just a game. People like playing. It's like another game people like playing. It's just a, you know, I've realized that most people who talk about star signs Don't really believe in star signs. They just enjoy the fun of it. They enjoy the sort of, it's like a little activity that you get to, I know some people are very much into it, but most people, I think, when you quiz them, they're just like, you quiz them to the point where they just go, I just enjoy it. I just think it's just fun to look it up. And I go, oh, all right, then. That's fine.

Yeah.

Some people say the Myers-Briggs one is all pseudoscience. So I don't know. But that one does at least come from questions you answer yourself. So at least it- you- can't compare.

Myers Briggs to star signs.

Oh no, but people, yeah, because at least you answer questions on Myers Briggs. So you self-report.

It's not someone saying, because you were going at this time of year, this is what you're like.

Right, you could argue that there aren't only 16 or 32 personality types like Myers Briggs says you could argue against the classification, but it does have your input.

Hits 236 says thank you for saying that living in LA people's take star signs so literally.

It's quite funny how that's so regional, isn't it? It's quite funny how LA has a very specific association.

LA attracts believers of all kinds in all different things. Steve, Lewis and I were once walking past a yoga studio that does sound healing, sound baths. I've never done it. I've only ever done one sound bath in my life, which was on this day. So I have no comment on sound baths. But we got invited in because it was a new yoga studio and they went, Do you want to come and We were looking in the window because it looked like a really cool space. They were like, Do you want to come in and have a complimentary sound bath? So I went, All right. And they brought me and Lewis in and we sat down. Oh, I go, so the guy, this guy comes over with that big Australian instrument, the didgeridoo. And, I mean, if you've not seen a didgeridoo before, It's huge. It is the most, it must be the most frustrating instrument to play when you've got a lug that everywhere. Because it's, it, this guy was big and it was as big as him and it extends all the way from his mouth down to the ground and he's holding, it's like giant pipe and he's got this didgeridoo. One woman's got these sound bowls that she's just like, She's mixing on the sound bowls.

Did they make noise? Did they make noise?

Yeah, like a... That was not bad. So she's doing that and he's got the didgeridoo and he goes, and for anyone, Lynn, you asked what a sound bath is. I suppose it's sort of designed to put you in a certain state by hearing noises that calm you or heal you or whatever. I mean, look, nice sounds are nice. So I have no doubt that they can have some kind of therapeutic impact. But anyway, he was.

He.

I go to him. Steve, is this the most LA thing you've ever heard? I go, should I lie down or should I sit down? Bear in mind, this is my first sound bath. He goes, oh, no, I'm gonna need you to. To sit on. Sit down cross-legged so that I could play the didge right into your heart.

I mean, that's a sentence.

But firstly, a didgeridoo isn't nearly enough of a common instrument for you to abbreviate it. You saying didge about an instrument that I've only ever seen in person once in my life. I don't know what world you're living in where casually everyone's just playing the didge to the extent that you can call it a didge, but it's not my world.

Just grab my didge.

I'm just gonna play the didge right into your heart.

So as you press it onto your chest.

I'm sitting there. Lewis is next to me. We're both cross-legged. and this. This guy, while this one woman's not. She's on the bowls, right? She's. She's mixing the one twos on the bowls. Then he's. He's there with the Didge pressed up against my chest, just playing it into my heart. Stephen, is it Vibe?

Are you vibrating?

I saw vibrating with the sound. Yeah, it felt quite. It did feel sort of weird and nice.

But.

But Steve, does this story end.

With you saying, and it's the best thing in my life right now, these sound baths?

No, it was my first and, and, and I won't say last, but it was my first and only sound bath. And, and then, but they took a picture of us and put it online, like what? I thought that was a bit of a violation, Steve. Because I had my eyes closed, I'm having the dig played into my heart, which dare I say is a private thing. That felt like a personal moment. And next thing I know, it's on bloody Instagram tagged Matthew Hussey having the dig played into his heart.

Matthew Hussey and Lewis Howes give the sound bath the thumbs up.

That's the thing. You can't bring someone in to a free sound bath and then put up a picture as if they're endorsing sound baths. You've given me a free trial. You've given me a free trial. You've had me close my eyes so I now have no idea what's going on. And then you've ambushed me with, I'm now Mr. Sound Bath. I'm a poster boy for sound baths.

I mean, you're joking. You're joking about them, but turns out they're incredibly savvy. They're incredibly savvy marketers.

That's true. That's true. They saw us coming.

Well.

Should we wrap this up?

Yeah.

But there's a lot of people who have no idea what butter coffee is and people have still mentioned it half an hour later. They think you're insane. They think you're utterly insane.

It sounds like me saying, I wake up in the morning and have my butter coffee. is if people thought I sounded and looked mildly like Harry Potter before, that's like put it over the edge. It sounds like something you'd get in Diagon Alley.

Harry, you forgot your butter coffee.

By the way, I realized Diagon Alley, it must have been intentional, I must be probably the last one to this realization, but diagonally is that what they were doing?

That's it.

Got it. Interesting. Well, yeah, it's butter coffee is black coffee with ghee butter, which is butter that's had the dairy removed from it essentially, I think. What's it had removed from it? The lactose. I think it's had the lactose removed from it. and it's been, it's a reduction of some kind, Steve. I'm not sure. But it's ghee butter and MCT oil all blended together to make this sort of fatty, buttery coffee that you can do during intermittent fasting. So the whole point is that if you're doing intermittent fasting, which I do from like 10 a.m. to 7 p.m. But you get hungry before 10:00 a.m., especially if you're waking up early at five or six, then you tend to get hungry in those hours before 10:00 a.m. You can have this coffee while you're fasting. It's sort of called a bulletproof coffee. But you can have it while you're fasting and it gives you this sort of, because it's high in fat but low in calories, I believe. There's someone who is on this that knows far more about it than I do. Because of that, you are satiating yourself in some way. It curbs the hunger and it makes you feel like you're having something even while you're fasting.

Well, I love a judged up drink, so I would probably really enjoy it.

I'll make you one when I get home. You'll really like it.

Bring all your potions and we'll mix up a little Harry Potter. Butter coffee. Someone in the chat called it butt hurt coffee. That's funny. That's how you feel once you've been fasting for 12 hours. Butt hurt. Drinking your coffee.

Well, speaking of which, Steve, I haven't eaten today and it's one o'clock in the afternoon and I am pretty famished. So, I'm going to go and eat. But thanks everyone for being here. What a delight to spend some time with you. on a Saturday.

I'm actually amazed how busy the chat has been. And, you know, thanks guys for coming to join us. I didn't think, like, there's been a constant scroll of comments going in and I wasn't sure what to expect, but it's been a delight and thank you for sticking with us.

Yeah, we very much appreciate it and look forward to seeing you again very soon. Have a great weekend. for the rest of it, and we'll see you next time. We love you guys.

Yeah.

First. First of many, I hope, Steve. So, Steve, you go and enjoy your weekend as well, mate.

Yeah.

Don't worry, mate.

Got.

Got my butter. I'll just eat a stick of butter and then down a coffee.

All right, guys, take care. We'll see you.

Cheers, everyone.