Come Backstage – I’m Revealing My Secrets

Hi, guys, it's Matthew. I'm backstage right now at the Meredith Vieira Show, which is a show on NBC daytime. I've done the show a couple of times now. They keep inviting me back. And since I have Jameson with me in New York right now, I thought I'd film something for you that I don't normally get to do. I'm in the dressing room right now. Every week of my life, when I go out and do media appearances or when I step out on stage in front of a thousand people or 2, 000 people in a live seminar, I just did one for Cosmopolitan, where we were in front of 2,000 people at the Lincoln Center in New York. Whenever I do this, it's all about performing under pressure. It's all about being able to deliver at a high level in a very intense situation. And you don't always have another chance to deliver in those situations. Sometimes you really have to nail it there and then in order to get given another opportunity that is like that one. Now, you may not be going on TV tomorrow, but you may have an interview coming up. You may have some things you want to do this year that that mean that you have to deliver under pressure, whether it's approaching a guy or confronting a boss or just talking in public, maybe you have to give a speech somewhere and you're not used to it, maybe you have to pitch to somebody or in front of a boardroom, we all have situations in life where it's essential that we have personal impact. And I wanna make sure that you have everything you need to be able to do that. So while I'm backstage here and I have a few minutes before I go out there live, I wanted to give you three tips that I use every single time before I go and do an interview, before I step out on stage. First, know why it is, what you're about to say is so important. Know why it's important that you do this. So for example, right now I'm gonna go out there and talk about a woman who's been on a date and I'm gonna have to stress why first dates are so important. Now why is a first date so important? Because it's your advertisement for a second date, a third date and a fourth date. If you wanna get married to somebody, you have to get past the first date. So no matter how much we don't like bragging about ourselves, no matter how much we don't like that initial awkwardness of getting past the small talk to getting to know somebody, no matter how nervous we may be, that first date is crucial because if we don't master that, we're not getting any further anyway. So for anyone who says first dates don't matter or it's not that important or just do whatever, don't worry about it, doesn't know what they're talking about. First dates are everything. They're the gateway to the love of your life. So if I go in knowing that I already now and put in a certain emotional state where I go, this is important. The audience, the people who are going to be watching this show across the country and across the world, they need to know what I'm about to say. Step two is actually make a list of the essential points that you'd like to make. Now, writing a full script doesn't always work. Okay, I'm going to start point two again because someone literally just came knocking to tell us we're going to go live in a few minutes. So, this is literally, we're doing this under pressure right now. Point number two is I want you to make a list of the essential points that you need to say. So, for example, Me and Jamison were sat here a minute ago, I'll just pull up the file. Seating position is important, touch is important, tone is important. She wasn't using sexually charged language. I've written down a few points now. There's much more I could say, right? This is far from everything I could say when I get out there in the live studio. But what I want in my head are just some of the really essential points. And that's the same with a sales pitch, that's the same with going on stage, it's the same with a public speech. You'd be far better if you were giving a speech at a wedding just thinking about the essential points you want to make, and then worrying more about how you want to say them because how you're going to say it when you're up there is going to communicate everything. Now the third thing is to be flexible. In other words, when you get out there, when you go into that high pressure situation, an interview, a speech, approaching a guy, whatever it is, you have to be prepared for the fact that the situation might take you completely off-road and force you to say things on the spot that you hadn't prepared for, to answer questions you hadn't prepared for. So you have to be nimble, you know, when a water skier is behind the boat, you don't stand up straight and lock your knees because then when you hit a wave, you don't know you're gonna be thrown off balance, you're not gonna be flexible. What you need is to bend your knees so that they're like springs so that no matter what, when you're on those waves and it gets a little choppy, you can deal with whatever waves come along. Don't go in there with the expectation that everything is gonna go the way that you planned, 'cause rarely does it. It's one thing to be good at whatever it is you do, whether it's your job or to just be a good person to work on your personality, but it's another thing to be be able to present what you have in a really dynamic and amazing way. We all know that there are people who don't get what they deserve in life because they have no idea how to market themselves. And I have to be out there marketing myself every single week. And I can tell you right now that the majority of my success has come, A, from working hard, but B, from knowing how to put my best foot forward in life in any situation, socially, publicly, in my work life, with family, understanding human dynamics and understanding how to maximize my influence in every situation. That was why, by the way, towards the end of last year, Steven, my brother, when he heard me on Elvis Duran, one of the biggest radio shows in the United States, he wrote a document about the first five minutes that I was on that show. Because he said, in the first five minutes, you won over the room. And for the rest of the interview, it was easy because you were so dynamic in the first five minutes that you conquered that room. And he wrote a document detailing everything I did in those first five minutes. And it was kind of an exposé. say because he said a lot of things that at the time I didn't really want said publicly because it was kind of personal to me. And some of these were almost like, for me, Jedi mind tricks that I used that I didn't want out there in public. And then he asked my permission to release this document that he'd written. So if you didn't see that, by the way, it still exists. You can go and get it. It's very, very compelling and interesting. We have people writing us essays on what it did for them in their life and how it completely changed. They approached every situation and first five minutes of how dynamic and influential they are, whether it was an argument, whether it was going and talking to someone they were attracted to, whether it was an interview or a speech, it completely changed the game for them. So if you want to find that, go to howtogettheguy.com/behindthecurtain. Okay, because this is behind the curtain of what I do in everyday life to have influence. Go out there this year and take risks. Be uncomfortable. Go and do things that scare you a little bit. If you're afraid of public speaking, go do it. If you're afraid of talking to that attractive person over there and even just paying them a compliment, go do it. Do not hold back this year. This is a new year, 2015. I want to do this right. I'm out here right now doing it. I do things that scare me all the time. This right now, I'm about to go on, they're gonna be knocking any second now to take me into hair and makeup, put, you know, these clothes on me and send me out there to perform in front of this audience. I'm nervous. I always get nervous, but where I don't get nervous like I did when I was a teenager and I was petrified and used to freeze. If you know, I know some of you know what that is when you get so nervous, you get paralyzed and you can't do anything. I used to have that. What got me over that and what got me to be able to manage these situations is because I learned how to be competent in having influence and having great delivery. And that's something that I really want to pass on to you and I want to pass on everything that I've learned. So, I'm here with you, I'm in the trenches, I'm doing this right now all across the world, mastering impact, and I'm getting there step by step and I'm gonna keep passing you all of my secrets along the way, but stay with me and do it with me. Make yourself uncomfortable this year. Use the three tips I gave you in this video and go and download that guide now, howtgetttheguide.com/behindthecurtain and let me know how you get on. I'll see you soon guys.

A good man is hard to find. And then there's the question of once you find him, how do you keep him? Well, in an effort to help you find and keep love in 2015, we've called on the ultimate love expert. He's smart, he's savvy, just too bad he's not very good looking. But other than that, time for a segment we call Help Me, Hussie. Please welcome Matthew Hussie. Okay, Matthew. We need some help today. In your opinion, what's the biggest thing people do wrong on a first date?