Discover the Simple 4-Step Action Plan For Finding Your Person This Year

Hello everybody. I am so excited to see you all. Welcome to this event, The Year of Love. Thank you for waiting so patiently. We are doing something really big today, and it is designed to help you find love. This is a special one-off event that is designed to give you an approach that comes from almost 20 years of deep experience in this area. This has been my life's work. And I did this event back in January. We brought it back by popular demand. It was officially the biggest live event I have ever done, but this is my last time doing it. So this is a one-off this year. It's happening once more only, and that is today. I want to start by acknowledging the beauty of why we are all here and what unites us in being here. Every single person who is in this comment section right now that I'm looking at in front of me is here because love matters to us. But love probably hasn't felt that simple for many of us. I'd love you to take a moment to share why you're here today, maybe a way that love has not been simple for you. What drove you to be here with me and spend this time? I'd love to read a few comments. I know it's a vulnerable thing to do, But that's how I want to start today is with an uncommon level of vulnerability together. Let's see. Hello, Rance in Montreal. Hello, Debra in Indianapolis. We got Sicily here. ReDreamful says, "To change." Terry says, "To make love simpler." This is the year. Oh gosh, these are going fast. I lost it. Uh, love certainly hasn't been easy. I keep meeting narcissists. Looking for clarity. Miss Marie, I'm hearing you're in Dallas. Amazing. Uh, Cameron says learn how to love smarter, not settle. I've been looking for 20 years, no luck. So we have a— by the way, I love how many people there are all across the world right now. Thank you for being here. We have this truly global audience and so many of you that have taken the time out to come and be with me today. Um, I heard someone say, is this a repeat of the event that you did in January? And the answer is yes, this is the event that I did in January with a couple of little tweaks here and there, some things that I wanted to update. Um, but this has been a very, very powerful event for many people, and thousands of you missed it. So for anyone who missed it, This is your moment, me doing it live right now. If you saw it, by the way, then here's your chance to actually re-ingrain the things that I said in January. The mastery is repetition, and too many of us go somewhere and we get an epiphany, and then we lose it because we don't actually ingrain it in our system. There's a wonderful phrase. How does it go? Amateurs practice until they get it right. Professionals practice until they can't get it wrong. So lots of reasons people are here, and you're coming from all different situations. Even though what unites us is we all want to find love, people are here— some people are here because they've been single for a long time, other people are here because they're newly single. By the way, put your hand up if any of these resonate. Uh, some people here just had their heart broken. Uh, there will be many people here who got their heart broken a long time ago and have never been able to get over that person. You know, we call that chronic heartbreak. There's acute heartbreak, which is the heartbreak of someone broke up with me a month ago, 3 months ago, or 5 minutes ago, and I'm in it right now. And then there's the chronic heartbreak of a relationship ended 3 years ago and I still haven't been able to move on. Some of you are here because of unrequited love. There's someone you are in love with, or there's someone you have a crush on that won't go away. But their love is unrequited. It's a unique pain when we feel that. Some of you are in a situationship that isn't progressing, that feels like it's not moving forward. You know, it— that person won't commit. You're afraid maybe to bring things up with that person about where it's going because you don't want to scare them off. Who here is stuck right now in a situationship? And then there are other people here who will relate to feeling like every time they try in their love life, they keep repeating the same patterns over and again. They keep ending up with the same people, a different version of the same person, a different version of the same pain. And often that comes back to, you know, us being driven towards what's familiar. In love, we do not go towards what makes us happy. We tend to be drawn towards what is familiar. Freud had a name for it: repetition compulsion. And this is what so many of us do in our love lives. If there is someone on your mind right now as we go into this event, someone you can't get out of your mind, can we agree, all of us together, to set that person aside for 90 minutes, 90 minutes to 2 hours, we'll see how we go timing-wise today, just so that we can focus right now on becoming a more powerful version of ourselves? Even if it's for the purposes of becoming a more powerful version of ourselves, once we start texting that person again, or once we start thinking of that person again, because maybe we'll think a little differently after we've raised our game here, after we've taken on more personal power here. Deal? Okay. All right. So look, dating today is hard. Our brains were not designed for the way things are right now. They weren't designed for everybody to go online. Online, where we get rejected at a scale that is completely unnatural, or where we get attention at a scale that is completely unnatural, where there are too little social consequences for treating people poorly. It is tempting to think that the problem is with the kinds of people that we meet online. But here's the reality: the people we meet online are the same as the people we meet offline. If you met someone in a coffee shop today and you had this gorgeous meet cute with them, and you made eye contact, and there was a sparkle in both of your eyes, and both of you reached for the same coffee thinking it was yours, and you touched hands, and then you looked at each other, and you had a conversation, and you exchanged details— when you go and tell your friends, 'I just met this amazing person today,' Oh my God, I was in this coffee shop, this gorgeous woman or this gorgeous man, you know, I was having a conversation with them, we exchanged numbers and we're going to go on a date. We think that that's like a person we met in real life. I can almost guarantee you that same person is also online. The problem isn't with everyone who's online. There's some people online who are a problem, but at scale, the problem is what online does to us. In the online world, we are simultaneously made to feel that we are not good enough while also finding ourselves 100 different ways to disqualify everybody else. And we are sick of this in 2026, which is why people in such great numbers are quitting the apps. You may have seen the articles, the numbers of people who are all deciding right now, I'm done with the apps, I am going to divert all of my attention to in-real-life events again. But even so, the horse has already bolted. Dopamine addiction is here. It's been here for a long time. So even when we meet people in real life, we're not just competing with the apps, we're competing with everything all the time. We're competing with the videos that come up on their phone to distract them. We are all up against the fact that People in general right now don't have the same attention spans they once did, and they don't have the same motivation to give things a real chance because it always feels like there's something else to do or there's someone else to talk to. The constant disappointment that results from that, that is what chips away at our self-esteem, because we start to think it's never going to happen for me. And then we all know it, there's that friend who comes up to you who's been married for years and has the gall to give you a dating pep talk, and you think Just shut up, Jonathan. You found Katie in the before times. You know nothing of these times. We see our friends pairing off, we see babies and weddings all over social media, and the longer we stay single, the more we begin to worry there is something wrong with us. We see ourselves getting older, we start telling ourselves all of the good ones are taken. That in the process of all of this, I am losing my value. And then we start to feel both insecure and panicked. So we start thinking to ourselves, I can't waste another minute. So we either throw ourselves into a situationship or even something toxic with someone because it feels like it's better than nothing. Or some of us go the other way. We start overprotecting. We start looking for red flags everywhere. We come up with all of these rules about about who should get through the door and who shouldn't get through the door. We overcorrect, and we arrive at what me and my team call the investment gap. The investment gap is when the potential of a relationship is never realized because one person isn't willing to try, and the other person is too scared to. Here is what the investment gap looks like. Looks like. Because you know that it is so hard to get someone to stop and watch, when they do pay attention to you, and it's someone you actually like, the stakes feel impossibly high. Who here has ever felt that? So then even at the point of having a great date with someone, they still feel non-committal. You feel like you get just enough to keep you around, but not enough to ever feel safe. And then in really subtle ways, you don't feel like things are moving forward. But you also don't know how to bring that up because you don't want to look desperate. In fact, you don't really know how to bring anything up because you're afraid. You don't want to bring up your intentions or where it's going. You start becoming reactive, anxious, overthinking everything. And then our biggest concern stops being with our own happiness or well-being, whether this situation is actually rewarding We simply become preoccupied with not scaring someone off. And before you know it, you have adjusted to their pace, and you're too afraid to ask for more. This is the investment gap. And without realizing it, these days especially, we solidify this gap early when we teach someone that we will accept less in order to avoid losing them. And a really important part of the investment gap is that it leaves us fearing that we are just too much. Who here has had that thought in dating recently? Maybe I'm just too much. Maybe I'm just too much. My friends, this is not a powerful way for us to move through our love lives, and it is not one that's going to lead to success. All of this, by the way, is why so many people get to a point where they're like, I'm done, I'm done, I'm done with dating. But when we say, "I'm done," we do a disservice to the human being at the core of all of this. The one who deeply wants to find love and the disappointment that that person feels. The person who is scared because all they want is to share their life with someone. It's what they've wanted for so long, and they're scared it's not gonna happen. I don't know if there's any fans of the TV show The Pit out there, but there's a line in that show that stuck with me since I watched it. Where one of the doctors is saying to another doctor, "You know, we're all gonna die. All of us. We're all gonna die. Our time is coming. But we can't succumb. We can't give in to death when it's not our time." And I actually think that that relates to our love lives, you know? Like, love is disappointing. It can be heartbreaking. It can be earth-shattering. But we can't succumb to a life of numbness or avoidance because of the people that have been in our lives so far. So I want to speak to that person in you that still hopes, that still wants more, that still wants love, and tell them there is a better way, and they don't need to be scared because they are far more in control than they realize. I'm not going to tell you you're wrong about dating culture. You're not. It sucks, it's hard, but we don't have to be a part of that culture. Mitch Albom said, if you don't like the culture, don't buy it, create your own. That is what we are going to do today. We are not going to spend the next year of our lives banging our head against the wall of dating apps hoping for a different result. We are going to approach love differently, not by chasing it, but by attracting it. And I care deeply about this. I have never been more connected to the value of having the right relationship. I got married a few years ago to my wonderful wife Audrey. I have a 5-month-old son upstairs right now, and I'm so aware of how important it was that I did all of this with the right person, and how hard it would have been to make all of these decisions if it was the wrong person. I want to help you find the right person for you. Listen, people are still finding love in 2026. And coaching hundreds of thousands of people has shown me that at any minute, it can all change. So, you're all here right now, thousands of you. Grab a pen. Pay close attention. I'm gonna be speaking fast. Give yourself time to really be present today without needing to rush off somewhere else. What could be more important than this? If love is important to you, if this is a huge thing for you to find this in your life, what could be more important today? So, make space. Space for this today, the same way I want you to make space for this part of your life this year or in the next 12 months. How often do we get an opportunity like this to be together? So today what I'm going to be doing as part of this event is giving you 4 principles that help to make finding love inevitable. And at the end of this session, I'm going to be doing an exercise that's not just going to get this in your mind, it's going to get it in your body. So If you're showing up to this today feeling sad, heartbroken, disappointed, frustrated, just over it in general, I promise you that you will leave here today in a different state because of the exercise we're going to be doing at the end. Stay tuned. First, I want to help you overcome the investment gap that we talked about. How do we overcome the investment gap? Well, that is where we need principle number 1. Principle number 1: we have to learn how to stand out from the crowd, because this is the, this is the result most people are getting, by the way. It's not just you, most people are getting this result. We have to stand out, and the way we do that is we learn how to create. And I want you to make notes, make lots of notes during this, deep deep and lasting attraction. Deep and lasting attraction. Notice I didn't say superficial attraction. We need deep attraction. People who are getting attraction are doing different things than everybody else. Even if they're doing them unconsciously and they don't know what they're doing. There are things we can learn that that change our impact with people. In the same way that I'm up here public speaking right now, I've been doing this for 19 years of my life. If you said to me, "What's your advice for public speaking?" and I just said, "You know what, just go and be yourself," you'd say, "Fine, but clearly there's a mechanics to public speaking that you've learned that helps you to make an impact when you're on stage. The way you use your body, the way you use your voice, the way you gesture, the way you structure sentences, the way you put a talk together. There's all sorts of things that surely you can teach me about that. The same is true of attraction. So to create deep and lasting attraction, there's something we need to know. It's called the Attraction Formula, and there are 4 parts to the Attraction Formula. The first one is chemistry. Forgive my handwriting today, I'm gonna be moving fast. The first one is chemistry, and chemistry is not just alchemy. It's more than that. Chemistry is something that can be lost simply because we're too nervous on a date. Who here— let me just see the comments right now— feels like they've ever been hindered in their ability to create chemistry because they have not, uh, been able to be relaxed or confident on a date? David, will you pull those up for me real fast? Will you pull those comments up for me? Thanks. Who here has ever found themselves to be struggling? And Gracie says, "Matt's a lefty." I love it. Right. So chemistry is something that is hindered by us feeling nervous. It's hindered by us being in a place where we're not relaxed. Chemistry can be changed. Let's say you went on a date. By the way, there's a difference in chemistry between what's called platonic language and desire language. Desire language is the language of chemistry. Platonic language is the language of friendship. If you said to someone after a date, I had a great time, thank you so much, that's platonic language. There's nothing wrong with it, it's not harmful necessarily, but it's not going to create chemistry. If you said to someone instead, using desire language, "I hope you managed to enjoy the rest of your night without me," and maybe you put a little smirking emoji, there is something about that message that when you hear it, we can feel it, can't we? Ah, that's the kind of thing that creates a little lightning bolt through the exchange, through the interaction. "I hope you enjoyed, you managed to enjoy the rest of your night without me." The subtext is, "There's no way you could have enjoyed the rest of your night as much as you did when you were with me." That was the best time. So it's playfully self-assured. There's a little bit of sass there. Okay, platonic versus desire language. By the way, I said to— I don't know how many of you are using Matthew AI right now. I know we have Love Life members in the house who have access to Matthew AI around the clock who are using it. But I went to Matthew AI and I said, can you give me a text that you can send someone to create chemistry when someone is texting you while you're in the middle of your work. Here's what Matthew AI said. Beautiful chemistry message. You ready? Matthew AI said, I shouldn't even be texting you right now. I'm supposed to be focusing on my work, but you're distracting in the best way. So let me read that again. I shouldn't even be texting you right now. I'm so— by the way, shouldn't Used in this context, desire language. I shouldn't. There's something, you know, this is bad. I shouldn't. I'm being, you know, like, I, I should be focusing right now. You're a distraction, but in the best way. I shouldn't even be texting you right now. I'm supposed to be focusing on my work, but you're distracting in the best way. That is a message that creates chemistry. By the way, if you have been using Matthew AI and there's a context in which it's really helped you, leave a comment. I, I love— I get messages every single day about how Matthew AI is blowing people's minds. So let us know in the comments. There are so many practical things that you can do to create chemistry. I mean, literally, a thousand different ways to create chemistry. If we get more time together, I will show them to you, but chemistry is just one component of the attraction formula. Let's move on to the second, or we'll be here literally for the rest of the day. I could go on about this all day. The second part is connection. So the first part of the attraction formula is chemistry, the second part is connection. Connection. Okay. Connection. Different from chemistry. There's a Bruce Springsteen quote that always stuck with me. He said, "An audience simultaneously wants you to excite them and make them feel at home." Well, if chemistry is exciting someone, connection is what makes them feel at home. It's what makes us feel at home with them. This relies on building genuine rapport with someone. So chemistry has a desire element. Connection is about rapport. How do you build rapport with someone? The first thing you can do, I want you to write this down, is enter their world. Enter their world. You have to enter their world on a deeper level than most people do. And one of the ways we do that, I'll give you one technique right now, is to ask why questions, not just what questions, emotional questions, not just logical questions. So a logical question would be, what's your favorite movie? An emotional question is, why does that movie speak to you? Anyone here seen the show Subway Takes that's everywhere right now? That show has Kareem, the host, on the subway asking people for their take. And the first— what he says is, what's your take? And then they give him their take. So for example, they could say, 'I think rats are judged way too harshly.' That could be their take. Now the take might be interesting, but it's not nearly as interesting and it's not nearly as connective as the why. So the next question he asks is, 'Well, okay, why? Like, why is that your take?' And in that moment, they explain what's behind that sentence. And And it's in that that we start to learn who the person is. It's in that that Kareem looks at them and he's like, oh my God, I agree. I had no idea how much I agreed. I even thought I disagreed, but now I agree. So it's all in the why. Hitchens, Christopher Hitchens, had this quote that is, it's less important what someone thinks than how they think. We have to ask questions that get to how someone thinks. So enter their world. That's one technique for creating connection, but you can also build deep rapport with someone by sharing your world. Now, how do you share your world? We don't do what most people do, which is someone asks you an everyday question like, how are you? Or what have you been up to? And we just give them a very quick, simple, logical answer. How are you? Uh, I'm good. How are you? There's no rapport built in that, but we can share our world when someone asks us an obvious question by giving a non-obvious answer. So taking something from my life last weekend, if someone said, "How are you?" I could say, "I'm good. I'm a little tired. I went to a bachelor party in Joshua Tree with a group of guys this weekend," which sounds crazier than it is. It wasn't crazy at all. It was just about the most wholesome bachelor weekend you could ever imagine. The guy rented a house that had every game and sport imaginable. And we literally did a tournament. There was like a tennis tournament, a football tournament, a cornhole tournament. Like, it was like being a bunch of little kids playing for the weekend. Now, that— in that one little story, I've thrown out a whole bunch of conversational hooks that someone can latch on to, firstly. But what I've also done is I've showcased something about myself. I've revealed something. I've showcased my values. I have said that I appreciated the fact that it was wholesome. I have also shared something about the kind of company I keep, that this wasn't some crazy, debaucherous, misogynistic bachelor weekend. This was just a group of guys who were really sweet men getting together and having a really nice time for the weekend. So I've said something about myself, my values, the company I keep. All of that is extremely powerful. And it also turns conversation into what it should be, which is basketball. Conversation shouldn't be tennis. Tennis is, "How are you?" "I'm fine, thanks. You?" "I'm good. What have you been up to?" "Uh, you know, just work's been busy, etc. Like, a lot of stuff going on. I'm super tired, whatever." "What about you?" That's tennis. This does not make for connection. Basketball is you catch the ball, you dribble it, you move it around, and then you pass it when you're ready. but you're not afraid to hold onto it for a little bit. There are so many ways to create connection, by the way. It is the way you elicit and receive vulnerability in the other person, uh, learning how to create what I call me too moments with the other person that build rapport, what I call the, the, or what's called the law of reciprocity because people take their cues from us. So how much we give away and we're vulnerable, that encourages someone to be vulnerable back. Something I call the echo effect, which is how we remember and repeat details to people. Learning how to perceive someone uniquely in a way that no one else does. Connection is an entire art form on its own. The ability to make someone simultaneously feel truly seen while allowing them to truly see you, but in a way that is magnetic. Without connection, chemistry is something that just leads to hookups, right? We enjoy being with someone, but we don't miss their presence. If you have connection but no chemistry, you never get past the first date because it requires, in the romantic context, not in the friendship context, in a romantic context, some desire is needed to pull us, to motivate us into the next date, right? Now, you might get a second date with just connection and no chemistry, but you're way more likely— if you never get past date one, chances are you're not creating enough chemistry, not you're not creating enough connection. If it's just becoming sexual, then we're not creating enough connection as a pattern, not with one person. I want to ask you a question again. We started off in a vulnerable way. I love it. Let's continue. Be honest, who here feels like, I don't create enough chemistry? If I'm being honest, I'm not creating enough chemistry. Maybe I don't know how to flirt. Maybe I'm not sure how to come across that way. Maybe I don't know how to inject that into my interactions. Who here feels like I'm not creating enough connection? I'm struggling to create that deep rapport with somebody. Maybe I'm not eliciting the right information from them. Maybe I'm not being vulnerable enough. Or who here feels like it's both? If you're honest, connection and chemistry is something I need to do a better job of. Let's pull up the comments and take a look. Yeah. So chemistry, some people saying I'm not doing a good job of either. Definitely not good enough at creating chemistry, Sally says. Jill says chemistry she needs to work on. Connection, a whole bunch of you saying. Cheryl, you're saying connection. Or you're saying you create connection, but you end up in the friend zone, so you're not creating enough chemistry. So lots of people saying both. By the way, for those of you here who are like, "I'm not really worried about either right now because I'm not even meeting anybody," you are gonna love principle number 2. We're still on principle number 1, how to overcome the investment gap through the attraction formula, creating deep and lasting attraction, but you're gonna love the second principle. Okay, let's go to the third part of the formula. The third part of the attraction formula is what we call perceived value. Perceived value. All of us are asking a question: is this person a person of value? Is this person that's in front of me that I'm on a date with a person of value? And we don't like to admit that, but it's true. We're all asking, is this person a catch for me? Or do I feel like I'm shortchanging myself if I date this person? We are assessing whether someone is going to make our life better or worse. There's a James Hollis quote that goes, will this situation diminish me or enlarge me? I think we're asking a similar thing about the people in front of us. Is this person going to enrich my life, or are they going to make my life contract? Is this going to make me a better version of myself or worse? Is this going to gonna reflect well on me or poorly. In attraction, the value we have counts for nothing. That's why we call this perceived value, 'cause look, we all have value, but in attraction, the value we have counts for nothing. The value we communicate counts for everything. Me and Audrey and my mom and our son just came back from Tokyo. And one of my favorite things in Tokyo is in the train stations where they have the confectionery that they sell, which is some of the most beautifully packaged confectionery cookies and sweets and everything that you'll ever see. And in the cabinets where they sell these various treats and cookies, they always do an extraordinary job of showing the components of that particular treat. So if it's a cookie that has like chocolate in it, or honey, or butter, they'll show a cookie with a square of butter on top, and then honey— it's all plastic— but honey being poured onto the butter and pooling around the cookie in the most gorgeous way. And you see all of these components, and you salivate, and you think, "I need that cookie." Now here's the thing. When you open that cookie, It's not going to have a little stick of butter on top of it. It's not going to have honey pooling all around it. It's a cookie. What it's really showing you is the ingredients of this cookie, but my God, does it make you want it. This is the same cookie that you would see if it was just in a packet showing the cookie, but instead it shows it in a way that makes you go, we should get some of those. It— they are masters when it comes to these things of communicating the value of the cookie. So we have to know how to communicate our value, our components, in a really attractive way, or people don't want that cookie. People don't want the thing that is us because they won't really know our value. Let's talk about some great ways to show value, and then we'll talk about a dangerous way to create perceived value. So let me get your help right now. How can we show value? Leave a comment. What is a good way to show value? How do we demonstrate value to somebody else? I knew the cookie thing would inspire some fun comments. Sean says, I definitely need some good— some cookies now. Um, all right, let's see. Taking care of ourselves, absolutely. Being polite to strangers, absolutely. Being good at something— if you're talented at something or if you're skilled at something and someone watches you in your element, isn't that incredibly attractive? Have you ever seen someone do something really, really well and thought, God, that's attractive? Even if they weren't your type, you're like, that is attractive. Maybe even it made them your type. If someone's kind, if they're passionate, right? What did we all love about Steve Irwin, the Crocodile Hunter? He was so passionate about what he did. If you heard him talking about crocodiles, it— he was unbelievably passionate. Lizards, snakes, whatever it was, they may not have been your passion, but you felt passionate listening to him talk. There was an excitement to the way that he spoke. I remember him crouched behind some logs as a bunch of crocodiles were eating a hippo carpus. Carcass. And it was— it made me laugh because of how passionate he was, in the most endearing way. He'd literally go— he, he was looking at the camera and he's like, look at them crocs! Oh, they're feasting on that hippo! They'll be eating him all day! And then as it started to go down, the hippo carcass started to float down the river, and Steve Irwin goes, look, they don't even know it's gone! They're all fighting over him. They don't know he's gone down the river, but don't worry, they'll catch up with him later. And then he looks at the camera. I'll never forget this clip. He looks at the camera and he goes, I'll tell you what, this has been one of the greatest moments of my life. And you, this is a guy who did this for a living. He did it every day, every day. And yet He got on camera and he shared this passion that made him valuable to all of us. We didn't watch crocodile— we didn't watch Steve Irwin so that we could witness crocodiles. We watched crocodiles so that we could witness Steve Irwin. Isn't that amazing? So when we're passionate about something, we give people a window into the magic of our mind. We can also show value by being thoughtful, intelligent, funny. By the way we show up for people in our life, by having a healthy sense of independence, by having confidence in the way we communicate. One of the— one, a nice way to communicate confidence when you've been texting with someone is at some point when you've built some rapport, send a little video message. I know this sounds like a scary thing to do, but send a little video message. Maybe you're doing something in your life. Do like send a message that showcases you in the middle of your life. So it might be that you send a video message of you cooking for you and your sister. Someone says, 'What you up to?' And you're like, 'Well, I am cooking for me and my sister who is over there letting me cook for her because I'm a pretty good cook. This is what I'm cooking. Don't you wish you could have that? Anyway, I have to go or this is going to burn and my sister's going to kill me. I hope you're good.' 'Hey, let me know what you're up to.' Quick. But that video message does a few things. In a world of bullshit, in a world of AI slop, in a world of fakeness, it shows an aliveness, a humanity. It showcases you in the middle of your life. It shows you own yourself. Takes confidence to do that. So someone gets that and they're like, 'Whoa, who is this person? Something about them.' So many ways you can show value. If you're a man, you can show value by how much you actually love women. There's a lot of men who lose their value today by being bitter about women. If you're a woman, you can show value by showing how much you see the best in men, right? We don't show value by hating the sex we're trying to attract. We show value by being clear about what matters to us, our values, being in integrity with those values, the company we keep, like the Bachelor example I gave you. And one of the biggest things that creates perceived value is what I call unique pairings. Unique pairings. Unique pairings are when you have two different qualities in the same person that you don't normally find in the same person. So for example, they've got a good sense of humor and they can be sincere. Normally people who are sincere are often too earnest. People who are funny can never be serious. When you get both in the same person, that person becomes addictive. 2 things. And by the way, let's focus as a group, as a team, let's focus on creating more unique pairings within ourselves, or doing a better job of showcasing the unique pairings within ourselves. Somebody tell me in the chat, what's a unique pairing you already have that you could do a better job of showcasing? What's something you, you already have that you could do a better job of showcasing? Now, while you're doing that, let's just summarize this. There are two things that matter for perceived value. One is who you are as a person, your personality, your character, what you represent. And the second is the life you bring. What world, in other words, does someone get to be a part of by being with you? Because when you do both of those two things, it creates respect, and respect is a master key to attraction. Too many of us are far too concerned with going through life being liked when we should be more concerned with going through life being respected, because being respected is actually a pathway to being liked, to getting that attraction. Here's just an important note when it comes to perceived value. What's valuable about you— and I meant it when I said there's something valuable about all of us here, we all have value. But what is valuable about you is not going to be valued by everybody. You may stand for things that other people don't value. That's okay. We are not supposed to attract everybody. And who here right now is going through maybe a terrible breakup? Maybe it's the worst breakup of your life, or maybe you're just in pain because of a rejection or someone left you. Who here is going through that right now? Leave a comment. There is something we have to understand about breakups. The person who left us didn't value what was valuable about us. Do not make that about your fundamental self-worth. If someone left, there is a high chance it's because there was something that was ultra valuable about you, but they didn't value it. That doesn't make you unworthy, that makes them wrong for you, because the person who is right for you is the person who values what is valuable about you. The person who is right for you values what is valuable about you. So we've been through some beautiful ways to show perceived value. I said there was a dangerous way to show perceived value, which is a way that too many people rely on once they start liking someone. And that is not who they are, not the life they bring, not all the things they represent, not the things they're good at or the passion they have or any of that. Not their confidence. Too many people rely on giving to someone, doing things for someone, as a way to create value. We like someone, so we decide to continuously go out of our way for them. Why is this dangerous? Well, our problems start when we think that we're going to show someone how much we'll do for them, and that's going to make them like us. In other words, I like someone, so I'm going to give as much as possible to this person. Now, you can do that in very careful doses in early dating. You should do it in large amounts in a relationship because that's what makes a relationship really strong. But if we try to raise our value in early dating too quickly by doing things for someone, it is going to have the opposite effect. Why? Why is that? Because this is something everything in our body tells us to do when we've decided we like someone. The reason this is dangerous is because perceived value only works when it is paired with the last part of the attraction formula. And the last part of the attraction formula is what we call perceived challenge. Perceived challenge. So many of us invest in someone based on how much we admire them, how strongly we feel for them. And that, uh, maddeningly ends up making the other person, person question our value because they realize, I don't have to do anything to earn this person's attention. Make no mistake, people respect what they earn. And like we said before, respect is key to attraction. So we have to stop ourselves from investing too quickly. This is essential. How do we do that? How do we not invest too quickly? I'm— for all of my Love Life members, I have something coming up very special about this, but for right now, when we're in speed mode, I'm going to give you a few quick things. First, we adopt a 'we'll see' mindset. So instead of rushing to label someone as special or imagining a future with them, remind yourself that you're still in the discovery phase with this person. Tell yourself, "I am enjoying getting to know this person, but we'll see." Don't immediately project all of your hopes and dreams onto that person. The top job in your life, the job of the person that spends the rest of your life with you, that job has to be earned. It cannot just be given. So we'll see. Important mindset. The second, go slow. To go fast. Show that you are taking time to assess who this person really is. You are not being dazzled by their shiny parts. You have to be better than that. So take their power away. And when we do this, we give time for a stronger connection to actually build. We're not mistaking sex for connection, which is a really dangerous trap. It allows us to ensure that us and them are equally invested. And this is so important, guys, because here's what's really slow. Spending months or years on the wrong person. I want you to write this down. This, by the way, should give you a level of calm going into the next situation where you like someone. Choosing wrong is slower than going slow. Choosing wrong is slower than going slow. Who here has ever experienced that, by the way? Who here has had a marriage or a relationship that taught you that choosing wrong is going slow— is slower than going slow? Okay, so we go slow to go fast. Next, we invest, then test. Invest, then test. A phrase that my brother Stephen Hussey once came up with when we were talking about this, which is this idea that you give a little bit and you see how that person responds. Most of us don't do this. What we do instead is we decide we like someone. Once we've decided we like them, Then test. So invest, then test what comes back. These are all examples of that important word, standards. And standards are far more powerful than playing hard to get is. Playing hard to get is a tactic, but we don't have to pretend that we don't like someone to have value, to be a challenge. To be— to create perceived challenge, all we need to do— we can show someone we like them, we just have to show that there's standards behind that for who they have to be or how they have to show up in order to maintain our interest. The greatest way to create perceived challenge is to have standards. A standard says, if I don't know where I stand with someone, I'm going to find out. I'm not going to be afraid. I can afford to lose this person. So then you say to that person, when people ask me out, I don't know what to tell them, which is a powerful thing to say because, A, you're showing that there are other people who are interested. You're showing that this train is going to leave the station at some point soon, and that clarity is what's required so that you do know what to say to people who are asking you out. When people ask me out, I don't know what to tell them. People are looking for cues to know whether or not you're valuable, and standards show your value because they say, "I like you, but not so much that I will bend in ways that I don't want to bend." We have to have the ability to pivot at any time. The goal is not this person. The goal is happiness in love, and they may not be the same thing. And that's where standards lead to boundaries. All a boundary is, by the way, is a way of showing a standard. So if someone says to you, "I really like you, but I'm just not in that place where I can commit to something right now," you say very calmly, "Well, lots of people really like me. So if I was just going to hang out with someone who really liked me, I could do that with anyone, you know? My time and energy is valuable, so I'm just not interested in giving energy to a situation and a person who's not in the same place as me." What you're showing there is, "I am way more committed to my own happiness than I am to keeping you in my life. I am committed to me." This is about showing someone your culture, right? "Oh, that's your culture? You are in a mode where you're hooking up and treating relationships as transactional or superficial? Got it. That's cool. Let me share my culture with you." Mitch Albom said, If you don't like the culture, don't buy it. Create your own. But do you wanna know something advanced? 'Cause people teach boundaries everywhere, but there's something that's taught a lot less. Having boundaries is essential. It is essential for like level 1 survival. But there is another level for advanced communicators, which I believe is what we are. It's why people showed up here today, is to be advanced communicators. And that is this: saying no to the wrong thing is one thing. Getting someone to say yes to the right thing, that's a different thing altogether. We don't want our legacy in life to be that, you know, we just said no a lot. Here lies Mary, she shut a lot of shit down. We want to be, here lies Mary, she lived. Here lies Tom, he went out there and he ripped it up. We have to do more in life than have the ability to say no. It's a beautiful skill, by the way, but we have to do more than that. We have to become someone who isn't just a, a, a someone who has their own culture but is an influencer of their culture. Audrey, my wife, she created the culture of our relationship from the beginning, right? She saw some behavioral patterns she didn't love. And she said, "Oh, that's your culture? Let me share with you my culture." So the way she did this, and the way we're all going to do this, is we're going to develop the power of influence, which I am going to show you in principle number 4. I'm going to give you a very practical example of how to bridge the investment gap in the way that you influence, how to get someone to invest more even when they're not right now. We'll do that as Principle Number 4. Very good. That was just Principle Number 1, by the way. We have 3 more to go. Who's glad they came? Let's pull up the comments real fast. Who's taking lots of notes? So, Principle 1, very important. We need deep and lasting attraction through the Attraction Formula to overcome the Investment Gap. By the way, If I have anyone who's thinking of joining my Love Life Coaching Group, which I hope as many of you do as possible, um, inside the Love Life Coaching Group I have an entire 2-hour module on the Attraction Formula where I was blitzing through it right now because we're limited on time, but I have many, many techniques and strategies and things you can learn for each one of those 4 parts of the formula. So please go and check that out when you get a chance. If you're already a Love Life member, go and refresh yourself with that because I go much deeper than I'm able to to do here. So Principle Number 1: overcome the investment gap by standing out through the Attraction Formula. Uh, let's move on to Principle Number 2, because Principle Number 1 is redundant without it. Why? Because there's no point learning the Attraction Formula if we're not meeting anybody. We need to meet people for any of this to actually matter. And most people aren't meeting nearly enough— not just people they like but people in general. They're either not being proactive enough, or they're burning out being proactive in the wrong ways. So let's move on to principle number 2. Write this down. We have to create an environment that creates luck in our love lives. We have to create an environment that creates luck in our love lives, and we do that through The Flame Method. The Flame Method. This is how we meet high-quality people without burning out or chasing, and it is essential for anybody here who does not want to be a prisoner to the dating apps. The way I look at it is this: you can either be the moth or the flame. The flame— the moth goes out there in their love lives just bumping into things and hoping that they meet someone. The flame creates a life that brings quality people to them. And there's a concept that's very important to becoming the flame that really articulates the essence of what it is to create a life where you're the flame, not the moth. There's a British economist who wrote a book called Obliquity, John Kay. And the idea behind this book was that our goals in life, especially when they're complex goals that are difficult to control, like finding love, are best achieved obliquely. In other words, indirectly. Okay, indirectly. Now, what does that mean? It means it's not about mindlessly doing more. It's about doing the indirect things that contribute to having a life that brings you people. So let's go through a couple of examples of what to do for the Flame Method. Okay, what are some of the oblique, indirect ways that we create more luck in our love lives? Well, for most of us, what we need more of is community. And not just any community, but new community. How many people, if you're honest, have been stuck around the same people for too long? I'm not saying you don't love them, I'm not saying they're not great people, but how many people have exhausted their existing community? Whether it's the community you have at work, whether it's your family community, whether it's your old friends, your married friends. How many people here have all— the well has run dry on your existing community? The greatest hack for your love life is to invest in new communities, because instead of going out today and going, I hope I meet someone in the coffee shop I go to, We're saying, I'm gonna enter an entire new ecosystem, an entire new pool of people, and in that pool are so many people I've never met. So this is where— and by the way, the Attraction Formula is really important here, because when we go into those communities, we want to know how to talk to people, flirt, create chemistry, create connection, show value, create a sense of challenge if we start to get to know that person. But creating community by entering into new pools of people is absolutely essential. And if you're an introvert watching this, I want you to relax. I am an introvert. I don't have unlimited energy to socialize. You don't need to suddenly become the Great Gatsby throwing these epic parties every weekend. But you can start to know a people in you— a couple of people in life who are themselves the Gatsby types. Who have things going on, who invite you into new pools of people. And the beauty of entering a new pool of people is that all of a sudden you are— you're meeting all of these people that are brand new to you. One of the great hacks, by the way, for community is to meet a new friend. A new friend is automatic, even if they're not the most sociable person in the world. If you meet a new friend and they invite you somewhere, chances are you're going to meet people you didn't meet before. Through that person. New friends are essential if we want to design a life that creates more love. Next, so community, number one, good important point for the Flame Method. Next, do the more sociable version of the thing you already do. So all of us right now are spending time doing certain things. We go to the gym, maybe we cook, we walk the dog, we work from home. We are already spending time doing these things. Ask yourself, what is the sociable version of that thing? Being at the gym on your own with your headphones in becomes a class. Working from home becomes working at a coworking space where there are regulars that you get to know each day. Running turns into a running club. Cooking turns into a cooking class. And when we do this, by the way, it's helping with the first point. When we do the more sociable version of the things we already do, we're entering into new communities by default. And we don't do this because we're guaranteed to meet the right person in that community, right? We do it because even if you join a new community or you're in a place where you meet new people, if you meet someone like you— they're single, they're out there, they want to invite you somewhere, you've got someone to hang with that person may know the love of your life. It's not, I don't go here to meet the love of my life, I go here to meet a person who knows the love of my life. Me and my wife Audrey met at a friend's engagement party. I've been talking about this for years, for over a decade of my life at that point, and I met her using the exact advice I have been giving this entire time. We didn't meet on an app, we met at an event I said yes to. But we have to start saying yes to things that make us a little uncomfortable, because if we don't get proactive, life is not going to give us the natural opportunities to just create new communities. Most of us, we got a new, new community when we started a new school, but then after that, what was the next new community we had? Maybe it was when we started our place of work. After that, our communities tend to close up. So we have to proactively engineer those opportunities to join a new pool again, otherwise we're going to become a prisoner to the dating apps. These are a couple of examples of the Flame Method. We also have to look at how we structure our dates in terms of the timing of our dates and how long they are. We have to talk about how to manage our time so that we find a way to fit our love life into all of the other things we have to do. Because how many people here feel like they're burning out in their life in general? How many of you— leave a comment— feel like, 'I already have no energy, I already have no time'? If so, we have to get a handle on that. I'd love to spend more time with you and show you a better approach to how to sprinkle in joyful effort into your love life that doesn't feel like it's a burden and doesn't feel like it's depleting you. There's a technique I want to show you if we have more time, which is Two-Hit Theory, which is how you meet a lot of people in a new environment very quickly and with very low stakes, even if you're an introvert or you're terribly shy. There's so much to talk about here, but the key principle when it comes to the Flame Method is whatever we do to find love from now on has to be sustainable. Because if you run out of time or you run out of energy or you burn out going hard trying to make opportunities happen in the next 30 days, you're just going to give up. The goal is to stay alive. The goal is to stay in the game because you don't know if you're going to meet the right person a month from now, 6 months from now, or 9 months from now. But if you give up again a month from now and you're like, oh, I can't be bothered to do any of this, and your person was coming for you in 4 months, you're missing that person. Um, again, for anyone who is joining us on Love Life this week, I know a whole bunch of you have been considering becoming members of my coaching program this week. We are holding a planning workshop next week that we did back in January that is designed to show you how to create a year with lots of proactivity, but that is joyful and doesn't overwhelm you. So as you start to employ the Flame Method, you're going to meet a lot more people. You're going to create an ecosystem that makes it far more inevitable that you find love. In order to turn those meetings into something, we need the attraction formula, which was principle 1. But without the third principle, we will still meet and attract people and find a way to sabotage it. So this principle number 3 is maybe the most important principle of all. We have to own ourselves. In other words, if we're not careful, our patterns will sabotage our love life over and over again. This might be the most vulnerable moment we've shared today, but who here has or knows of a pattern in themselves. We've talked a lot about how much dating can suck today, and I agree. We've talked about how much other people can suck, but let's talk for a moment about ourselves and some of the patterns that get in our way. What's your pattern? If you were being honest, what is a pattern that you have that from the inside sabotages you, not from the outside? I want you to just leave a comment. I want to read a few of these. Out loud. So Tegan says insecure attachment, anxious. Kristen says I get in my own way. Deborah Hearn says people pleaser, insecurities, overthinker, defeatism. Yeah, defeatism is when we just give up altogether, right? We stop trying. Overwhelm and then shut down, someone said. People pleasing. Too intense too soon. Too much nervous energy and communication. I go too fast. How many people relate to that one, going too fast? We've got parental trauma or trauma from a long time ago. Fall in love with the potential. Look, None of this, nothing we are talking about today works without owning yourself. We have to be a powerful persuader of our value. People are looking for cues to know whether or not you are valuable. Here's why, and this is the secret about love: people don't know what they want. They are looking to us for clues. Everyone has this— well, most people have this idea in their head of the person they want, and and then they meet someone who makes them feel something, and at a certain point, it doesn't matter whether that person looked like the person they saw themself with, or is that person, acts like that person, that person in front of them makes them feel something, and all of a sudden, this is my life. We can be that persuasive force, but in order to be that, we have to believe it. I did an interview for my Love Life members with a man called Ed Mylett, uh, business leader, and he was talking about value and persuasion. And he said people think that persuasion is convincing them that this thing you have, in this case ourselves, is valuable. He said that's not it. He said the most important thing is to convince someone that you believe what you have is valuable, because people are looking in your eyes and seeing if you believe it. If you believe it, therefore far more likely to believe it. But we can't persuade people if we don't believe in our own value. And too often we don't believe it because of a narrative that we have had, some of us for most of our lives, a narrative that we create around, you know, our experiences. I'm too old. I'm too inexperienced. I've never had a real partner. I'm behind in life. It's too late. I'm not attractive enough. When we adopt these narratives in dating, they control our value. And when we don't believe in our value, instead of showing up in this present, grounded way, we start becoming reactive. Our nervous system takes over. I, I had a woman I coached who didn't get invited to a barbecue, but from a guy she was dating. He was having a barbecue, he didn't invite her. She said to him in the middle of the barbecue, "Why didn't you invite me?" And he said, "Oh, I am so sorry. It was just some old friends." You know, they hadn't been dating that long. He said, "Can I call you later?" And she said, "Don't bother." Why? Because her pattern was avoidance. As soon as she got scared, she ran. And what she got scared of was, "I'm going to get hurt." And we have different nervous system responses to that fear. For some of us, it's flight. It's the avoidant. For some of us, it's fight. I'll do anything to keep you. For some of us, it's freeze. We become passive and we don't speak our needs. For others, it's fawn, or what's known as the people-pleasing instinct. I'll do anything to please you. This is a much bigger area, guys. Uh, more time with you, we'll get into this. But for now, make no mistake, the surest way for your stuff to for your stock to fall in life is to let your stuff win. Owning yourself through confidence and being grounded is a superpower. And if you combine that superpower with principles 1 and 2 that we have been through today, the Flame Method and the Attraction Formula, I promise you what is possible for you will astound you. You will find yourself on a path to something deeply meaningful with someone who is right for you, while other people are stuck in that whirlpool of modern dating, never moving forward, constantly getting trapped The Investment Gap. That's why I want you to commit to this stuff. This is my passion because I know— I've been doing this long enough to know— you are here and it is all still to play for. I don't care what age you are, you're not behind. I don't believe in behind. You're where you're meant to be. It's your life. You can't do it wrong. What is ahead anyway? The ground is always shifting beneath us. You know, people who think they're in a great relationship now won't be in that relationship next year, some of them. Or someone gets sick and passes away. Tragedy happens. You could meet the love of your life today and then lose them to something neither of you could control. We have no idea what's going to happen in life. But forget behind and ahead. You're alive now. That much I know to be true. And there is so much more that is available to you than you may be experiencing right now. Honoring the fact that you're alive means embracing the opportunities and making the most of it. Look, one of the hardest things about imagining a better love life is that we are terrible predictors of what is actually possible for us. And I get it. I get it. It's because when— we're not— it's not just like we were born pessimists. It's that we've been through a lot. We've been disappointed a lot. We've been hurt a lot. We've been hit one too many times, and from where we stand right now, our vantage point is limited. I get it. When we've been hurt so many times, it becomes hard to imagine something genuinely different. Who here feels that right now? Like, I want to believe in more, but my God, I have— like, it just at this point is so hard to believe. In that for myself. I could maybe even believe it for other people, but for myself is so hard. I see so many of you, right? So many of you relating to this. Let me give you what I hope is a reassuring thought. Donovan, you're a key. Jane, My vantage point on your life is not limited in the same way, because for nearly 2 decades now, I have been up close with hundreds of thousands of people's love lives. Not on YouTube, but in real coaching, where my day job is. If it was YouTube, it would be millions. And I have seen the same breakthroughs happen again and again. I have seen the patterns that are invisible when people are too close to their own story. I want to share one of those stories with you because it perfectly captures how unrecognizable someone's life, your life, can become in a single year if you commit to making this a different year than the years you've experienced in the past. This is from a woman called Ariel. It is the perfect example of how your past does not equal your future, or it certainly doesn't have to. Ariel said, I found myself navigating endless dating and at times some truly discouraging experiences. I encountered anxious and avoidant push-pull dynamics, was ghosted more times than I can count, and had one experience in particular that left me questioning my self-worth and wondering if I was truly unlovable or too much, as I had been told before. Those moments were painful and humbling. How many of you here, by the way, can already relate to Ariel's story? Leave a comment. She said, even through the tears, I chose to keep moving forward. And then the most amazing man walked into my life. He makes me feel deeply loved, supported, and never once like I am too much. I'm smiling as I write this because just this morning, after a 12-hour night shift, he brought me coffee before I went to work, simply so he he could see me even for a moment. We're traveling to Hawaii at the beginning of the year, and I'm so excited to welcome the new year with him by my side. It feels especially meaningful knowing that last New Year's Eve I was crying on my best friend's couch with a broken heart. The contrast within a single year is something I don't take lightly. Same person, same world, same dating landscape as the rest of us, completely different reality. Question: what would it mean to you if your reality could change that much 12 months from now? On a personal level, what would that mean to you? To not be overthinking every interaction, if that's your pattern right now, or guessing where you stand with someone because you keep attracting people who don't actually commit. Or bracing yourself for disappointment because your brain is stuck in the past of how many times you've been disappointed already. If you could be looking at a life where 12 months from now you weren't hoping things would be different because they actually were different— you felt chosen, you felt emotionally safe with someone, love felt steady instead of confusing, it wasn't something you needed to talk about ad nauseam with all of your friends— because instead of feeling draining, it actually felt like home, time. That is the difference between being a passenger in our love life and being the driver. So I have a question for you, and every question I've asked you, you've been incredibly vulnerable. Let's keep that going today. If you guessed at it for yourself— and I know this isn't an easy question for all of us to answer, but I really want you to think about it, even if it was a guess— what do you think would need to change in your life right now for that to happen, for a story like Ariel's to happen to you too. Now you might say, I'd need to figure out a better way to create opportunities in my love life because right now I can't seem to meet anyone, let alone someone I actually like. Who here relates to that? Or I'd need to learn how to apply the attraction formula from the very beginning so that people actually put in effort to get on a date, or so that the dates actually went somewhere, because right now I meet people and then nothing happens. Or I'd need to learn how to manage my emotions differently so they don't keep hijacking my brain in dating, so that I didn't just go into obsession when I like someone. I'd need a different level of certainty in myself. I'd need to own myself. While we may know some things we need to do or focus on, knowing how to do them is a different story. And I don't know about you, but when I have a story like Ariel's in front of me, me in life in general. I get inspired, but I also get very frustrated. I get inspired because it shows what's possible. I get frustrated because I want to say, okay, great, but what did that person actually do in that year that made their life change so dramatically? Who here has that question when it comes to Arielle? Leave a comment. Like, okay, great, what the fuck did she do? Well, I will tell you some good news. In Ariel's case, I actually know what she did because I was there. I spent the last year working with people like Ariel and thousands more just like her to get them to a completely different place in their love lives in a year. If you like, while you're here, because why not, I would love to show you what we did together that made all the difference. How does that sound? Let's pull up some comments, David, and see. Natalie says, what's the secret? You beat me to it. Yeah, Ishira, what did she do? Okay, so lots of you saying yes. Great, then let me walk you through it and we will get to principle number 4 straight afterwards. Okay, principle number 4, let me remind you, is the power of influence. And to finish today, after that, I'm going to take you through a visualization that's an extraordinarily emotive exercise that's going to leave you in an amazing state when you go back into your life today. Okay? So please stay till the end of this. We're going to have a big finish to today. And before you leave, with your permission, I would love to also extend a special invitation just for the group of people that are here today. Would that be okay? Good. Okay. Amazing. Um, I think you're going to be really happy that you showed up live today. I hope that you already are happy that you showed up live today. Um, I am so excited to share with you what Arielle did because this is my life's work, you know. This is, this is what— where I get to be passionate because it's where I've spent my time in my adult life. It's what I've spent my entire life mastering, is how to help people communicate and find the right relationships. I help people raise their standards in love. I help them find their person faster than they would on their own, and I show them how to tap into a confidence that they didn't know was available to them. Where I do that with people today, these days, and in the last few years, is in my Love Life Coaching program. That is what Arielle was a part of with many thousands of other people. It is the only place in the world that I work with people as their coach, and I take them through a process that I have developed over nearly 2 decades of transforming people's love lives. And it doesn't matter what anyone's starting point is. It doesn't matter what your starting point is. I have taken 200,000 people through this process now, and Ariel's story is beautiful, but it's one of many. By the way, if you are a member of Love Life who took the time out to be with us here today, please leave a comment. Let people know, uh, uh, that you're here and give them a warm welcome, because it's always— you always receive people so beautifully on my behalf. What I do for people in love life has worked for so many because there is a proven system, a path that we take every member through. We identify where you're at, whether it's coming off of the worst heartbreak of your life, whether you've been single for years and you've tried everything, whether you're right in the middle of dealing with mixed signals from someone you're dating. We figure out where you're starting from and we meet you there so that we can customize what you're gonna do next, what the right path is for you. Then we give you the exact tools for your situation so that you can both make the internal shifts you need to make and own yourself, and make the external shifts in the way that you're approaching your love life. Okay? That's what's gonna start to get you results. Then me and my team actually walk the path alongside you every step of the way so that if you have questions or you hit obstacles, We are there to show you how to overcome them. And lastly, and this is one of the real magical, like, unsung heroes of what we do in the Love Life Coaching program, we surround you with other people who are starting their journey at the same time so that you have this momentum together going through with— going through it with other people who get it. I have spent many years building this process. We have refined it non-stop based on what works and what doesn't, which is why it gets people to the right relationship years sooner than they would on their own. And by the way, the hard truth is that many people never get there on their own. We know that. We know people in our lives who, they never quite know how to be proactive in the right ways, and so they never find that relationship, as sad as it is. So, let me ask you a question. I love reading the comments. You have all been so kind to me today. You've all been so gracious. You have shown so much love and support, and it's wonderful to see everyone having an amazing time. I'm having an amazing time with you too. This is fun for me. But out of interest, going beyond today, if being part of a process like this was something that was possible for you, how many of you would be game to actually give it a shot and to see what was possible for you 12 months from now based on all of the things I'm talking about? There's no pressure here, by the way. I just want to know who in this room is actually game to say, "Share with me a new approach." Like, if you know a new approach for me over the next 12 months, I would love to hear it. Let's pull up those comments, David, because if no one is saying yes, then I won't bother. Amazing. Pat Royce, I see you. Um, Crystal says, if I could afford it, absolutely. Well, bear with me on that one because I have some good news for you. Sandy Gold, yes. Okay, all right, and lots of you. So look, for everyone saying yes, let me show you what a year would look like on a practical level. And even for the rest of you, I— we've got more to do today, so don't worry, don't go anywhere. There's more value that I'm going to be giving you for free today. But I even think that even for you, if you're not interested, this will be an interesting insight into what people like Ariel did over a year with So the first thing that we do is we give you access to my entire course library, which covers any and every stage of dating and relationships. So how to get off the sidelines if you feel like you're never really meeting anyone and you're struggling to take those risks and you need a little courage, but you also need to know how to meet people this year, how to break the cycle of casual situationships and get someone to commit who you may be seeing, but they're dragging their feet. And I promise you, by the way, if someone is dragging their feet, there is a recipe for getting someone to get out of their own way. I will show it to you. I know this to be true. I know it to work because Audrey did it with me. She is sat right there and she knows exactly what I'm talking about. Um, we have a course on how to get the attraction back when you've lost it. We have a course on managing anxious attachment and overthinking in dating. How to regulate your emotions so that you don't get too invested too quickly when you do find a special connection this year. Because if you do everything I say, you will find new connections. You may even find the great connection of your life. You want to be ready for it when that happens. We have a course on how to heal from an excruciating heartbreak that's fresh, and we even have a course on how to move on from chronic heartbreak that's not fresh, but you can't get over someone. There's a course on rebuilding your confidence. There's a course on how to leave narcissistic and toxic relationships and heal from them in the aftermath. We have a course on what to do if you're newly single at a later stage of life, and we even have a roadmap for people who are dating over 50. The beautiful thing about this library is it's designed to cover you at every stage you could be at. It's not just about getting the answer you need today, it's about getting the answers you good tomorrow as you progress. No matter what you are going through right now, I promise you, we have not only seen it but spent many hours building structured trainings around how to get you through it. And I'll tell you the scariest part about these programs— they work. When you start following them, things are going to happen in a different way in your love life. You're going to meet people. You might even meet an amazing person soon, very soon. And when that happens, you're going to have new questions. That's how it works. We enter new territory, we have new questions, which is why the next part is so crucial. As part of Love Life, you get me personally coaching you every month live over the course of the entire year, guiding you step by step. And not just me, you get my brother Stephen Hussey, who co-wrote the, the, my original book with me, You get my wife Audrey, who is one of the most talented communicators I have ever met. If you saw our recent YouTube video with her, you know that she came along and made one YouTube video this year on, on my channel, and it was more popular than any of the videos I had made this year, which was offensive. Um, but between the three of us, it amounts to almost weekly coaching. 18 years of doing this. Has shown me that people need more than epiphanies. We need practices. We need someone or something that regularly centers us, because it's very easy to get knocked off balance. This is not how smart you are, guys. The smartest people in the world get in the way of their own happiness every day. That's why the right coach can make the difference between something working out in our love life and us sabotaging it. So if you want me to be that person for your love life, this program is where I do this for people. Okay, so what about when you need personal help and we're not in a coaching session together? When it's 2 AM on a Tuesday and you are struggling with your emotions? That is where Matthew AI comes in, and that's why we created it. Every single member of Love Life gets 24/7 unlimited access to Matthew AI as their dedicated coach. And for anyone wondering, this is not ChatGPT. You can ask ChatGPT advice on your love life, and many people do, but what you will get is an aggregate of advice from the internet. With Matthew AI, you're getting me and my nearly 2 decades of deep experience in this area, because Matthew AI is trained on every single paid program and seminar and coaching material that has never been available on the internet to the public who you haven't paid for them. It is like having me in your pocket to text or call anytime. We had The Wall Street Journal just publish a major piece on this this year. Our members tell us it is one of the most valuable tools they have ever had for their growth. If you are a member and you are using Matthew AI, let people know what Matthew AI has helped you with. Um, and to give you some perspective, in the last 12 months alone, Matthew AI has provided over 250,000 hours of personalized coaching, which is the equivalent of me talking non-stop for over 24 years. So it is literally doing something I can't. The other thing you get, which I've already mentioned, uh, is essential to The Flame Method, is community. We have one of the largest communities in the world of people who are being intentional about finding love. In love life, it's simple. You get around people who have the same goals as And that creates a camaraderie where there are friendships that form. We even meet up a couple of times a year. So we have a meetup, like I'm, I'm literally coming out to New York next month and we have a venue. It's going to be intimate and only LoveLife members can come. We have another one of those coming up. Shout out to LoveLife members who didn't know that this was official yet in London this summer. So for all of my LoveLife members, we are going to be meeting up in London this summer. So, you'll get to come out and we'll actually get to see each other, and you'll get to meet other people from the community. Again, if you are one of our Love Life members and you're in that community right now, give some love to people who are thinking about being part of this. And for all of my guys watching this, I see you. I see you in the comments. This is not just for women. We have plenty of men who go through this program as well, and let me tell you something, the culture of the men who are in this program is gorgeous. I love the guys who are part of this program. They're deep, they're thoughtful, they're intentional, uh, they're vulnerable. It is a wonderful place for guys to be as well. My friends, these years are precious. I want you to get to the end of this next 12-month period feeling like the next 12 months mattered. Our stories do not evolve by accident. They evolve because we make a different decision, we try a new approach. So consider this my invitation for you to do that for yourself over the next 12 months. If you are still here, I think it's because you don't want to look back years from now with regret and wonder what could have been. Who here feels that? Like, I don't want to— if I, if I, you know, strike out in my love life because I really went for it and I tried every approach, I can live with that. But I can't live with the that I left something on the table. If that is you, then let me tell you, my mission is simple. If you want to work with me to do this, I'm committed to working with you. There is $16,000 worth of programs, live coaching, access to Matthew AI, all of it inside Love Life. But my goal in recent years has been to make this possible for as many people as I possibly can who are willing to take this journey with me. So we made it $840 for the entire year to get all $16,000 worth of programs and coaching, all of it, which even includes, by the way, the opportunity to attend the in-person events this year in New York and London, which are only available to members. But like I said, and like I just said to one of you, there's— this is a good day to come and join us, because if you're committed to me, I'm committed to you, and I don't want you to have a reason not to do this today. So for anyone who is out there right now and is like, I— even if this could help me, I really want to do it— I'm taking 50% off that normal sticker price for the year, that $840 price, and we are making it an upfront fee of $397 for the entire year, which is the equivalent of $33 a month. Most of us can't get a single Uber Eats delivery to our house for that, for that these days. Um, we are going to be able to honor this 50% discount for everybody who commits to a year, okay? Because the truth is, that's the way this program was actually engineered. It's not about me coming along and over-promising what you can do in 30 days. It's about showing that your life can be unrecognizable in the space of a year. And even if you signed up for Matthew AI separately, by the way, for a year, it would cost more than what you would pay to get everything I've talked about today, including Matthew AI. So there literally won't be a better day to join this year. Who's game? Who wants to do this with me? Leave me a comment, write the word 'in' if you want to do this with me, because I'm gonna enjoy continuing with you today into the last principle. Um, but I, I, I want to know who sees, you know, the horizon beyond today and says, I want to do this. Like, this isn't— I don't want this to be a 90-minute session that I do. I actually want to be a part of this. Mini Pri, Lelabelle, Iridian, Ariella. Amazing. So look, for everyone typing in right now, I am adding in uh, two more things. I firstly go and grab this now because there's going to be a lot of traffic to that page. You can go and get access now by going to joinlovelife.com. joinlovelife.com is that link. So please go over there and grab it now. Um, but I want to— I want you to know I wanted to do something very special for everyone. This is a new cohort of people, so I want to spoil you and I want to have fun with you. There's two things I'm going to do that are really going to serve you on this path. The first one is called the Modern, Modern Dating Playbook. This is a 60-day roadmap designed to kick things off and give you everything you need to navigate modern dating. The reason I say it's going to kick things off and it's going to do it in a highly proactive way is because it's going to give you a mission from me every week for your love life so that you're not guessing about how to make progress. I'm literally going to tell you each week, do this this week. Next week, do this this week. You're going to get in-depth masterclasses on the things we've covered today, from the Attraction Formula, the Flame Method, and a masterclass on how to decipher mixed signals. So everything we've covered today, you're going to get masterclasses on all of it to go deeper, and you're going to get a dedicated space in the community so that everyone goes through this together as a group. Okay, so we're all going to start together There's even an in-case-of-emergency break glass section so that when you run into red flags or someone pulls away or you're anxiously spiraling, you know what to do. Plus a section for anyone who's dating later in life. So please don't— I know your excuses already. I'm too old for this. This isn't for my age bracket. I promise you, we have you covered. No excuses for anyone who is struggling with the way dating is today, or you're just over the apps The journey begins right now with this specific group, okay? So you've got to be on the train. The second thing I'm doing is called the Early Dating Reset. This is something brand new. We haven't done it before, and Audrey and I are going to be doing it together tomorrow. Here's what this is. Who here— I don't think I need to ask this at this point— has ever met someone they really liked and it fucked you up? You overinvested, you obsessed, you overthought everything, and you ended up losing all of your power. Say me. This is why people are so inspired by the way that Audrey showed up when they hear our story, and you're going to hear a little bit of our story in a couple of minutes. What they saw is a person who stayed centered even when things weren't going her way, and people are like, like, how the fuck did you do that? How we show up in these moments can mean the difference between something ending prematurely and ending up married with a 5-month-year-old who won't let you sleep. Well, tomorrow, Audrey and I, who is sat over there, we are going to be holding a live call to help people anchor their confidence in those crucial early stages. So if you are someone with an anxious attachment style, if you are someone who struggles with nerves, if you're someone who struggles with getting too obsessed too quickly, with showing up and giving too much too quickly, with moving too fast, with overanalyzing everything. We are going to show you what the earliest signs of overinvesting are, especially the ones you don't even know you're doing. And then we're going to walk you through how you can stop your emotions getting hijacked so that you can maintain your peace. You'll ask us questions, we'll talk about your situation. It's going to be fun, it's going to be helpful. You're going to meet Audrey and spend time with her. It's going to be amazing, and it is happening tomorrow April 22nd live. This is just for anyone who decides to join us today because obviously, you know, this is going to be done tomorrow. We wanted to do this quickly, uh, because we know that once you start doing this, opportunities are going to come to you, and we want you to be able to show up powerfully to every opportunity that comes your way. If you can't make it live, by the way, you're still going to get lifetime access to the recording, so don't worry if you're at work tomorrow and you can't make it, but if you can make it live, amazing. Um, so when you join today, you're going to get access to the Early Dating Reset workshop, and then you're going to get your first mission from me in, in the Modern Dating Playbook to kick off the first 60 days. Guys, if you are still listening to me, you're right for this. I want this to be a place where you know that you are not leaving your love life to chance. And what I love is that this isn't an investment in another person, it's an investment in you. It just so happens that this investment in you is what's going to bring that person into your life because it changes your whole energy. Last thing we had, I want to just show you this because it's beautiful, uh, we had a woman named Christy send us this note. She said, before joining the program, I was very disappointed with men and had sworn off dating. But the program taught me how to strengthen myself with confidence and techniques on dating. For some reason, this aura must have shown without me even knowing it because I met someone. We've been dating for over 2 years. He adores me and I can feel it. Anytime I feel insecure, I would go back to my notes or ask Matthew AI and I would get my confidence back in the snap of a finger. Matthew Hussey and his whole team are a godsend. Thank you. To all of those who are still hesitant, I can confidently say that This program will change your life. I read that to you because whatever your past has been, it is never too late to experience a different life with new possibilities. You have already come this far in life, and as my friend Jesse Itzler says, "We didn't come this far to only come this far." The link to join us is joinlovelife.com. Like I said, if you join during this session, you're gonna get the entire program plus the 2 bonuses I just mentioned. We are going to get to Principle Number 4. The only thing I'm going to do before that is take a very short 3-minute break for everyone who is joining us to get on board so that those people don't miss Principle Number 4. Then we're going to do Principle Number 4, and we're going to move into an experiential exercise that is going to leave you in a beautiful and empowered state when you leave. If you have any anxiety, any fear of like regressing once you get off of this call, or losing your confidence, or feeling like you're going to feel hopeless again, please stay for this exercise because it's very, very powerful. In the meantime, during the break, leave me a comment with the word 'joined' once you have secured your spot in Love Life so that I know you've signed up. I want to give a bunch of you a shout out, and I will see you in just a few minutes. All right, welcome back. I'm loving seeing these comments from people. Ellen Graciela has joined. Joy, you have joined. That's wonderful. Leave me a comment as soon as you have joined so that I know. I'd love to give my new members a shout out. I'm gonna see you tomorrow. I can't wait. This is gonna be so fun. Who do we have? Peek Dogs 67. Sabine has joined. Uh, Sila Wolf joined in January. Amazing. Bridget, you have joined. Uh, leave me a comment saying join so that I know, uh, you're here. Who do we have? L Thompson, Margaret, Marianne. Amazing. Who are my gentlemen who have joined as well? If you're a guy and you've joined, let us know in the comments. Love to hear from you too. Um, so good to, to see all of you here. We've got Robert, he's joined. Amazing. Famous Hollywood from Texas. Beautiful. Tigress joined. All right, Jason joined. Amazing. We'll keep them coming, guys. And if you're still working it out and you're still figuring out that page, do your thing. I'll continue, but please don't miss the opportunity while you're here. Let's move on to principle number 4, everybody. This one's— I've been excited to deliver this one. There's always certain points in a speech where you know it's going to be fun, and this is one of them. So let's remind ourselves, we had principle 1 was we have to overcome the investment gap by standing out with deep and lasting attraction, and the way we do that is through the attraction formula. Principle number 2: In order for the Attraction Formula to be something that's useful to us, we have to meet people, and to meet people, we have to employ the Flame Method. We have to make our life an environment where luck happens. Uh, number 3: None of this works if we don't own ourselves. We can't sabotage ourselves, which many of us do all the time, so we have to do the deeper work to figure out where am I getting in my own way. For everyone who's joining Love Life right now, I'm very, very excited to do this work with you. This is not— I want to be clear, you're going to get all the strategy and techniques that— and practical work that you could ever ask for in Love Life. You're also going to get the deeper work that's going to focus on where we're getting in our own way and what we can do about it. Um, I said that that one of the secrets to the Attraction Formula, or one of the 4 parts of the Attraction Formula, is perceived challenge. And there are certain key moments where we get to demonstrate perceived challenge, right? I, I think about it. In fact, Audrey once said a phrase that I thought was, was lovely. She said, don't miss your cues. There are moments with people. Anyone ever had a moment in general in life, not even just romantically, where someone did something and you knew you should have stood up for yourself in that moment? You knew you should have said something, you knew you should have pointed something out, and you didn't. And then you beat yourself up about it for ages afterwards, right? Well, in dating, there are certain cues, and we're afraid of those cues because we don't want to rock the boat with someone we like. But those cues mean everything to attraction. Now, Audrey spotted one of these cues when we first started dating. We were— we had been dating for how long? Like 3 or 4 weeks by this point, and we had seen each other a handful of times, uh, but Audrey had started to feel like in each of these times we met up, she was doing a little more of the work in coming to me, right? She was— she had come to my side of town. She'd been very gracious in doing that, because I was home for— from Los Angeles and I had a lot going on. But there was a moment where she decided, enough. I— we had arranged to meet up one night and we went to— or me and my family went to see a show on the West End in London. It was around Christmas time. So we were seeing— we saw White Christmas on the stage and then we came out of the show and I was texting with Audrey, and we were both saying, like, we still meeting up? And both said yes. And I said, how about you come over here to the West End in London? I'm here with my family right now. It would be great to, to do something around here. There's lots going on. There are small moments where you have to decide whether you're going to accept or whether you're going to ruffle feathers. And in that moment, it was more important to her to stress a standard than it was for her to have short-term fun, which would have been like meeting up and having a great time. So I want to share with you what Audrey did, but before I do that, I want to share with you a couple of approaches that are not so great, that are extremely common in situations like these. First, there's the passive response. Now, the passive response goes something like this: Okay, no worries, I'll come to you. Then there's— and by the way, the problem with the passive response is that you've not communicated anything. You've not shared that you're not okay with this, right? You've just gone along with it. And what we, uh, what we go along with, we tacitly approve. So when you do that, you're approving that behavior, which is why many of us get months into dating, build up all of this resentment, and then explode on someone for something they've been doing all along. And they're like, where the hell has this come from? I thought this was all approved. So passive doesn't work. The second approach that's bad is passive-aggressive. Let's say I had said, can you come over this way? And she said, I'm too tired to come over there tonight, have a great night. Now there's something avoidant about that response. She's annoyed or hurt or disappointed and is not communicating that she's annoyed or hurt or disappointed, or that she— this has failed a standard she has. Instead, she's just shut it down, and she's even given an excuse. I'm too tired to come over there, which is misleading, right? That's not the point. I'm too tired to come over there tonight. Have a great night. Shut it down. Okay, so you've not made your point and you've become avoidant. Not great. Then there's the version of communication that just gives up your power. So let's say she says, 'I'm upset, uh, with you that you won't come my way when I've been to you twice now.' 'I'm upset with you that you won't come my way when I've been to you twice now.' Now we might say that's vulnerable and it's honest, so great. The problem is it gives up a lot of power to someone that doesn't know you very well and who you frankly don't know very well, right? I'm upset with you that you won't come my way when I've been to you twice now. It's a lot. It feels intense at that stage. So none of these do what Principle 4 is all about, which is developing The Power of Influence. Developing the power of influence. Remember, one level of survival is getting good with boundaries and saying no to the wrong behavior. Great. It's a whole other level when you get someone to want to say yes. That's influence. Okay? Okay? So let's talk about the different levels of influence. You might say that a tweak to the avoidant response we gave earlier would be to say, "I don't think I have the energy to come that way tonight, but it's okay, we can do another night." Now you might say that's an improvement because even though you're not giving them what they want and you're doing what you want, you're remaining warm in the process. You still have good energy. The problem with this response is you still haven't communicated what it is you actually think in this scenario. Okay, so it's positive, it's warm, it doesn't do the thing that you don't want to do, so it's not passive, but you haven't really communicated what you feel. All right, let's move to the next one. You could say to someone, and this is influence level 2, You could say, pretty sure it's your turn to come see me. There's a bar near me I'm excited to show you. So let me say that again. Pretty sure— by the way, this brings humor and a touch, just a touch of playful but warm sarcasm, right? There's the smiley face. Pretty sure it's your turn to come see me, smiley face. I'm not, I'm not mad, I'm just, I'm digging you right now. I'm kind of exposing the elephant in the room. There's a bar near me I'm excited to show you. Okay, so by the way, um, that's what she did. That's what Audrey did. I doubled down and was like, I definitely want to come over to you at some point in the next week, but do you mind if we do over this way tonight? Um, she then came back and said, no worries, we can do another night. She didn't say it with any anger. There was no, like, emotion. It was just, no worries if you, if you can't do tonight, let's do it a different night. So she just, she started with that warmth of, I'm pretty sure it's your turn to come see me, there's a bar I'm excited to show you. But then when I pushed back, she said, okay, 'Let's not worry.' And she just took it away. She— we— to this day, she jokes with me. She's like, 'You were trying to have your favorite.' She said, 'People were— you were so used to people giving you your favorite. Your favorite was that I came your way again,' she said. 'But I was like, no, I'm not doing this,' right? So she came from a place of playfulness and power but clearly communicated a standard and a boundary. The standard was we have to meet each other halfway in general in this dynamic, whatever it becomes. And the boundary was, if you're really not going to come to me, let's, let's do this another night. Okay, now if we wanted to like add one more— this, Audrey didn't do this, but I was having fun with this and playing with it, and I'm like, if we just added just a, like, a touch more of, like, something on this that added a little bit of influence, what would we do? Um, she could have said— and by the way, this isn't better, it's just different— she could have said, we can do another night, it's totally fine, but you'd be missing out on a great mojito and a very cute outfit. And maybe she has, like, an upside-down smiley face or something. There is something irresistible about that. There is something undeniable about that. It is— there's a— in the food industry, there's a term called the bliss point, which is the optimal level of salty and sweet in food manufacturing that means that when you eat that food, you keep wanting more. Well, I believe that there is a bliss point to communication. There is the optimal level of salty and sweet in early dating that leaves someone wanting more of you. In other words, I don't just leave you with a no, I leave you wanting to say yes. The power of influence, my friends. If we cultivate this, if we develop this, you're someone who— you don't just go into a room and maintain your composure. You don't just go into a room and have your own unique culture. When you go into a room, when you date people, It has an impact on the room. It changes the room. Okay? This is what all true, like, exceptional communicators, exceptional influencers are doing this all the time, right? I didn't come here today simply to have a culture, to be a certain culture. I came here today to impact. With my culture. There's a difference. And if I wasn't able to do that, then this wouldn't have been the session that I believe it's been, and hopefully you believe it's been too. Okay. And by the way, there's always someone when I do this that says like, I— this feels like, you know, I wouldn't do that. I feel— I don't like that it's manipulative, or it's something or whatever. And to those people I say, stop being so literal. Stop being so literal. We did a video with— the video we did with Audrey, at the beginning of the video, this came out on YouTube like 2 weeks ago, we had this whole joke that I was persuading her to come on camera because she was like a bit— and by the way, she was a bit resistant. She was like, really, I have to get on camera? And I have to— and I was like, people are gonna love it. And so we did this whole bit at the beginning that played on this where I like brought her out with a blindfold and pretended that there was a cake that I was leading her to. And when I took the fold-off, she was on camera and she was like, what? There were people in the comments who were like, I can't believe that you would tell her that there was cake there and then lead her to a studio and make her be on camera. I just, I can't, I can't enjoy this video because I just think that's really wrong. And I was like, how? We can't get through life, guys, if we're going to be this, this, take ourselves this seriously all the time. Right? One of the master keys to standards and boundaries is playfulness, is humor, is the ability to tease. These are back doors to communicating who you are and what you'll put up with and what you won't. We're not going to get very far in love if we take ourselves too seriously in this process. Um, let's pull the comments up one last time, and then I'm just gonna, uh, I just do this last exercise with everybody. Romana says, "That's like a mile above my communication skills." Not for long, not for long. Okay, very good. Megan says, "I thought that bit was cute, LOL." Michelle says, "I thought it was cute." That's 'cause it's cute. It is cute. I'd love to get that message. Huh? Oh, you mean the cake. Oh, they mean the cake. Oh, they thought the cake bit was cute. Yeah, I agree. Okay. You can put your pens down. I want you to find a space where you can just, you know, connect right now with your eyes closed If you're in a room with other people, go find a room without other people. Give yourself the gift of just being in your own company right now. And let's do this together. Okay? Commit to this moment. You've committed to this session today. It's been wonderful. I've so enjoyed being with you. Let's commit to this last 10 minutes and make the most of it together. I'm going to count down from 5. When I get to 0, I want you to close your eyes. And I wanna start by just saying thank you for being with me today because I know that your time is precious and it means the world to me that you chose to spend some time with me today. Okay, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, zero. Take a deep breath. Breathe in. Closing your eyes, relaxing your body. I like to think that each of us were born with a light inside of us. A pure light that from the beginning allowed us to perceive things as new and beautiful and fascinating. A light that brought to life the magic in the world. A light that allowed you to bring your beauty into the world by being unashamedly you. A light untouched by tragedy, grief, or heartbreak, or by the comments of other people who put ideas in your head about what you couldn't do or what you weren't worthy of. A light that had not been dimmed by thoughts of inadequacy and self-doubt. As we go through life, these challenges from within and from without cast shadows in our world. But if we can resist these shadows, that light remains our superpower. You already have it. It's not something anyone has to give to you. It's not something that you have to learn the secret to. Your only job is to be brave enough to hold on to it, to remember who you truly are under beneath your pain and perhaps to encourage it to shine a little more brightly each day. And this is important because this light isn't just your superpower, it's your beacon. It is the signal you beam out to sea so that other people know where to find you. Because somewhere out there on that vast ocean is a ship crashing through the waves, looking for that light, doing its best to find its way to you. Somewhere out there, there is someone who is looking for you. I want you to picture for a moment this special someone, the person you have wanted to meet all your life. Your person the person with whom you're going to create the relationship you have always wanted. More than a dream relationship, more than something that can simply be conjured up sentimentally by books and movies, or the ideas of friends and family about who you should be with and what you deserve. The kind of love only you and this one special person could design together. A secret world only you two could inhabit. This person is out there right now as we sit in this room. Maybe they're doing their laundry. Maybe they're spending time with the people they love. Maybe right now they're working up the courage to let go of the wrong love. Maybe they're thinking about you. What I know is that this person needs your help to find you. They need you to be out there in the world where they can see you. Smiling so that they know they can approach you. Open and vulnerable so that they know they can be open and vulnerable around you. And most of all, happy. Happy so that they can see just how beautiful your light really is. This is the greatest gift that you can give to that person that is coming for you. That is the favor that you need to do for them before they arrive. To make your light bigger, brighter, brighter than the darkness created by the people who haven't treated you right. Brighter than the black cloud that was left by the person who didn't deserve you. More powerful than any heartbreak you've felt. Stronger than any insecurity that was ever put in your head by someone who was never supposed to play a leading role in your life. Because this person. That ship out there on the ocean doesn't need you to chase it. It doesn't need you to sail out to sea and make it your life's mission to find it. It just needs this one special favor, this one brave act of service, that you let your light shine so brightly in every direction that no matter where it is on the water, this ship will see that light and know which way is home. Waiting for that person to come along and make you feel special before you turn on that light is living life backwards. The light comes first. It's not just something that's turned on by love, it's what enables love to find us. And we are capable of accessing that light simply by appreciating what is beautiful about our lives now, right now, even in this very moment, before we have found that special someone. Because with or without that person, life is beautiful. Its beauty lies in the places we travel to, the lessons we learn, the struggles we face, the moments of love between between family, friends, even strangers, and the simple gifts of life that are there for us to notice every day if we only pay attention. And its beauty isn't in just in these things that we look to on the outside, it's in us. We have the power to create it. Unlike trees that need external light to grow, We have the power to create our own light. Life's truly special people are not merely seekers of light, they are sources of light. And there are people in our lives who need our light. In a world where pain and loneliness is more common than our perfectly curated profiles would ever lead us to believe, and where true kindness means more to others than we ever really know there are people around us who need our light. Our family, our friends, the stranger in the street, and of course that ship out there. Make no mistake, the most romantic thing you can possibly do for your future partner is to make yourself happy today before you never meet them. Instead of waiting for the light at the end of the tunnel, be the light inside the tunnel because life is the tunnel. There is no way to fake that light. It comes from the deepest parts of your nature, your kindness, your generosity, your vulnerability, your soul. You're already beautiful. You just have to make yourself easy to see in the dark. So I ask of you this one favor, not for me and not even just for you, but for everyone in your life and for that special person that is coming for you. Do not give up on them. When you leave here today, the Your favor is this: you shine your light so brightly that it can be seen from space. I would like to thank all of you for being a source of light in my life today and in all of our interactions we have together. I appreciate you giving me purpose in my life. As I count down from 5, you can begin to open your eyes. 5, 4, 3, 2, and 1. 1. As you leave this session, remember that every time you choose yourself, you are teaching the world how to treat you. And every time you choose to do something different than you normally normally would, you are opening the door to opportunities you have never had. I promise you because I have seen it over and over and I know. So much more is possible for you. There is so much available to us that we can't even see right now. When we change our approach to all of this, doors begin to open that never appeared before. Remember, we didn't come this far to only come this far. To rebel against our programming and to choose a different experience of life than the one we were taught and have experienced so far, that is a miracle. But achieving it isn't a miracle, it's a choice. I so hope you join us in Love Life. If you do want to join us, the link is joinlovelife.com. And by the way, if you scroll down to the bottom of that page, you will find the bonus that we created for everyone who is here. It is called the 2026 Standards Toolkit, and it's a little gift from me to you to say thank you for spending the time with me today. I so appreciate you. Thank you so much for all of the love in the comments. My VIPs, I will see you in 30 minutes. The link will be in your email to join me for our VIP session. And to everyone who is here, whether you joined me for Love Life or not, whatever, whenever is the next time we get to be together, thank you so much for joining me. And for all of my new members, I will see you alongside my wife Audrey tomorrow. Take care, everyone.