Matthew Hussey argues you don't need to change who you are, but you do need to develop skills like storytelling, flirting, and confidence. Real transformation takes time and commitment, not quick fixes.
Well, here we are, 2017. Welcome, my friends, to a new year. My favorite Christmas movie is A Christmas Carol. And it's my favorite because it's such a genuine story of change. You see this guy, Scrooge, who goes through a process overnight where spirits of past, present, and future come to him and show him what it's cost him to be a certain way, what his life is like now and what it's going to be in the future. And all of this creates this huge avalanche of emotion that makes him say, I have to change. I have to do something. Now, one of the things that's more unrealistic about that story is the image it creates of how easy it is to change. Making the decision to change is not the easy part, but it's the part that can happen overnight because you only have to have something dramatic enough, something that causes you enough pain that makes you want to change in a night to get yourself to say, you know what? I can never be this way again. Or, you know what? I want to learn how to do that finally once and for all. Or I'm gonna change my life in that way. But the actual process of changing is harder. If you're standing here right now saying, I want to change, I want a different result in my love life, let's get away from gimmicks. like, I'm gonna change this today and everything's gonna be great. And let's start moving towards genuine transformation. This video is not about tricks, it's about transformation. I want you to make this year 2017 your project. An amazing project where you decide there is a certain skill set, there is a certain competence that I want by the end of the year, whether it's the ability to story tell, whether it's holding court, Whether it's being able to work a room, whether it's being sexy or flirty, these are skill sets that I will have taken on. Not because I suddenly learned them all in a day, but because I have been practicing these every day. By the end of the year, when I sit here a year from now, looking back, I'm gonna be able to look back on all of the skill sets I now have. Why do I have to make this year a project in learning all of these skills? Well, firstly, I believe these skills are worth learning for their own sake. I don't think that we have to commit to learning all of these skills just to get a relationship. I think we do it because it's who we want to be, because these skills are useful to have. Secondly, we're not just doing them to have a relationship. We're doing them because they're useful in a relationship as well. You think storytelling is not relevant in a relationship? We're going to be telling stories to our partner for the rest of our lives. Marriage, I once heard it said, Steve, who said it? Marriage is a 50-year conversation. Who said that? David Brooks. Marriage is a 50-year conversation. We want to be good conversationalists. We need to be good conversationalists to have a 50-year conversation. We think flirting is just about finding something. Oh, I don't want to have to learn all these flirting tips because, you know, I just want to find someone and for it to happen naturally. Well, how does a relationship work if we can't flirt with our partner? Show me a couple that doesn't know how to flirt and I'll show you a really boring couple who have no tension between each other. The skills that we need to maintain a relationship are the same as the skills we need to get into one. The skills we need to get into a relationship are the same as the skills we're gonna need all the way through the relationship. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. And while we're at it, fuck all those people who talk about be yourself. You don't need to do any of this stuff. Be yourself. They don't know what they're talking about either. You know how long it's taken me to learn how to be myself? Doing this is really scary. Today, put a camera on yourself and see how hard it is to be yourself. Put a camera on yourself and say, I'm gonna upload this to YouTube today. and see how hard it is to be yourself. When we're under pressure, when we're scared, when we want the right outcome, is exactly when we stop being ourselves. Whether it's in a job interview, whether it's speaking to someone we find really attractive, whether it's public speaking, those are all situations where it's hard to be yourself. So being yourself as a piece, just be yourself as a piece of advice, like it's easy to just fucking be yourself is ridiculous. Okay? It takes time and effort and hard work to be yourself. Of course we want to be ourselves. We want to be the best version of ourselves. What's important is is that we get up this morning and we say, who do I want to be this year? 2017. Who do I want to be this year? So that should I find the relationship of my dreams, be it two weeks from now, a month from now, three months from now, when I get that relationship, I am somebody that I would be proud to be in that relationship for the rest of my life. In other words, I'm coming to my dream relationship. as my best version of me, rather than going to it hoping that somebody else won't notice that I'm not the best version of me. Too salty for a first video of the year? I don't think so. I'm gonna leave it there. But here's what I'd like you to do. I'd like you to make it your project this year to get good at this stuff. Don't make it like your weak mission this week. Make it your project this year, decide the things you wanna go out and start doing more of, whether it's approaching guys more, whether it's being more flirtatious, whether it's not taking so much shit from everybody because you know you let people walk over you too much. Decide what you want and start getting competent at the skills you need. I'm gonna put up a program of mine called How To Talk To Men, Jameson, let's throw it up right here. How To Talk To Men is a great program to get you started. It gives you a ton of things you can work on right now in your love life and it gives you practical ways to do it. It's not some guy telling you to be yourself. It's someone actually giving you things you can do today to get better. That's what we're all about. And later this month we'll be talking more about confidence because today we're talking about competence. There are two sides of the same coin. We need both. Thank you for watching. I will see you next week. Welcome to 2017. I'm only getting like this because I want change for all of us this year. Trust me, I'm going to be just as hard on myself. I say this to you because I'm saying it to me. Let's do it together. We're a team. You know I love you guys. Let's make this an incredible year.
