Do THIS to Get Him Hooked in the EARLY STAGES of Dating | Matthew Hussey
In this video Matthew Hussey delivers a comprehensive guide for women on how to attract and retain a man's interest during the early stages of dating. He argues that a woman's power lies not in sex but in the actions she takes afterward, and that standards combined with the ability to communicate them are the core of attraction. The advice is organized into four main sections: (1) Four concrete actions to hook a man in the first two weeks – enforce a "real dates only" policy, contribute small gestures like buying popcorn, show genuine excitement about small moments, and set communication standards by picking up the phone. (2) The concept of the "Bliss Point" in communication, illustrated with three text‑message templates for common dating scenarios (indecisive date planner, home‑body invitation, and last‑minute disappearance). (3) Strategies for maintaining power after intimacy, including a brief morning cuddle with a deadline, a follow‑up text that mixes vulnerability and personal relevance, and rejecting "Netflix‑and‑chill" follow‑ups in favor of more substantive plans. (4) Five ways to manage personal energy throughout the dating process: avoid projecting fantasies, pace self‑disclosure, mirror the other person's investment, prioritize equally, and refrain from reaching out solely for ego‑driven attention. Throughout, Hussey emphasizes that standards are confidence, communicating them is competence, and that managing limited energy is essential for long‑term attraction and relationship success. The video concludes with a call to action to download a free chapter of his program "How to Talk to Men".
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Make your reaction to things something somebody wants to experience. I don't think your power is in having sex with a man. Your power is in what you do afterwards. Having standards is confidence. Knowing how to communicate them is competence. Manage your energy because you don't have unlimited energy. The first two weeks of attraction are really, really important. because if we don't make a great impression there, no one cares how great we're going to be in week four or month six. So here are four things you can do to hook somebody in the first two weeks. Number one, have a real dates only policy. It is quite common these days, as you know, for a guy to attempt the Netflix and chill date before he's earned it. So when a guy says to you, hey, do you want to come over later tonight? We can order in and snuggle, What I want you to send him is, as much as I like a snuggle, I prefer to get out into the world with someone first. Keeps it interesting. Number two, buy the popcorn. Look, I don't know if you think it's a guy's job to pay for the date or not, but even if you do, there is an awful mistake that so many people make that relates to what I talk about here. Let me tell you what means something to a guy. Trying. That means something to a guy. When he feels that you're not even trying to contribute, that's when he feels used. Because any guy who's really confident and self-respecting, if the woman never is even trying to contribute, he feels like he's being taken advantage of. And it has nothing to do with money. It has to do with the lack of gesture. Gestures matter. It doesn't matter if he bought the movie and dinner that night, you just getting the popcorn or whatever the equivalent is on the date you're on, says to him, firstly, I don't take you for granted. And secondly, I'm sending you a subtle message that I am a team player. Number three, get excited about the little things. Being cool isn't about indifference. It's not about showing up with a been there, done that attitude. I've done it all before. Nothing impresses me. Cool is passion. Cool is getting excited. And about the little stuff, it doesn't even have to be the big stuff. It could be the place that he took you to. It could be the meal that you're eating, and there's something on the menu you're really excited about. It could just be a great cup of coffee. Whatever it is, getting excited about it sends a message to the person you're with. I am a fun person to do life with. I know that anytime I've been with somebody who gets excited about things, I start thinking of the long list of things that I want to do with them next because I can't wait to experience their reaction to it. Make your reaction to things something somebody wants to experience. Number four, be a grown up and pick up the phone. so annoying waiting for people to text back. I wish someone would invent an app that actually allowed you to speak in real time. Oh wait, Alexander Graham Bell already did. Now I know that already people are probably seething hearing this message because you're saying the problem is with men. They're the ones who don't pick up the phone anymore. They're the ones who always text, who don't bother with the old school ways of talking. To this I say to you lead by example. I'm not saying you're the one who should call the guy all the time, but what I am saying is the first call you make to a guy sets a precedent. It sets a standard. It lets him know that you are an adult and if he wants to date you he's going to have to have an adult relationship with you. So when you want to invite him to something, let's say you've been on two dates and on the third date you want to invite him to something, pick up the phone and invite him. Let's say that you're on your way home from work and you're walking and you have five minutes to spare, pick up the phone and say hi to him. That moment where you speak to him on the phone tells him the standard you expect from him in return and it also gives him a license to call you because many guys don't even know that they can or they should. When you call him it tells him it's also okay for you to call me. In this video, I'm going to give you three specific text messages that get the guy you want to pursue you. I've been helping women attract the men they want for nearly 10 years now, and there is a question that has always come up, but it's getting worse. Women saying, why don't men try anymore? They don't take me on real dates. they don't seem to actually court me, they don't go through the stages of attraction where they really invest. It's like they want a fast food dating diet. They wanna just text me and for me to come over. We want men to try again. Well, I have a fundamental belief that the women today who get the best men, and not just the best men, but the best behavior from those men, have two things on their side. One, they have standards that are higher than everybody else. People think that if you have standards, you're going to scare people off. It's the opposite. Standards make you attractive. But they don't just have standards. They have the ability to communicate those standards to a man in an attractive way. That's the real skill. Having standards is confidence. Knowing how to communicate them is competence. The food industry has a term. A term called the Bliss Point. The Bliss Point is the optimal level of salty and sweet in a food that keeps you wanting more of it. And they're trying to achieve this all the time. So think Nutella, think peanut butter, kettle corn. What's the Bliss Point that means even though you're getting full, you're not satiated. You keep wanting more of that food. Well, I believe that there is a Bliss Point to communication. An optimal level of salty and sweet that keeps you wanting more of a person. so if you achieve the bliss point in your communication with men, a man can become addicted to you. He won't be able to put you down. I'm about to give you three scenarios that I know you've found yourself in before and the bliss point response to each one. The first scenario is the date deliberator text. This is the guy who's indecisive about what you guys are going to do on a date tonight. So he sends something like, so what are we doing tonight? To which your internal response is, You decide, man. It's your job to figure out a plan, just frickin' pick something. But you don't want to come across aggressive in this moment because he hasn't done anything really wrong. So instead, here's the bliss point response. As much as I love planning, I think it would be more fun if you decide. Winky face. You see what you're doing there? You're simultaneously saying, I don't expect you to plan things forever. But right now, at this early stage, it would be fun if you took the initiative. Scenario 2 the home body text. He sends, There's a cool bar in my part of town for tonight. Now you know that the last time you went on a date you came to his part of town. So somewhere inside you feel like he should be the one making the effort to come to you or at least meet halfway. Now once again, he hasn't done anything drastically wrong, But you'd like to use this moment to educate him on trying a little harder. So instead of bottling up your feelings and going to his part of town anyway, or getting overly serious about communicating this to him, you put together this bliss point message. Geez, are you always this lazy? It's your turn to come to me. Kissy face. What this shows is that you can call someone out directly for their behavior, but you can do it in a playful and affectionate way. Which brings us to scenario number three, the day of disappearance. This is when you have plans with a guy to see him for a date, but on the day of the date, it's getting past the point where it's acceptable for him to have not given you the details yet. So maybe it's one o'clock in the afternoon, you said you'd see each other tonight and he still hasn't sent you anything. And maybe it's not 'cause he's a bad guy, maybe it's because he's been super busy or maybe he's out right now, But it's still not really okay. So you can either be passive and just wait until he texts you, or you can construct this BlissPoint message. Hey you, should I assume we're not on for tonight? I haven't heard from you and I have other things I'd like to do if not. Once again, the beauty of this is that it addresses him in a kind way at the same time as being really high standards with your time. You're showing him that if he doesn't up his communication, you're gonna find something else to do. Now, why do people hesitate before sending these messages? Because we are afraid that if we have a standard with someone, they will not see us, that we might lose out on that opportunity to spend time with them tonight. So let me be brutally honest with you. These messages won't increase your chances of seeing the guy you want tonight, but they will radically increase your chances of him wanting you tomorrow. See, Bliss Point communication isn't about short-term gains. It's about long-term attraction. And if you are about creating genuine deep attraction that makes a guy want you not tonight, but tomorrow, next week, next month, next year, that's about having the right standard and knowing how to communicate it. The beauty of what we've been talking about today is this communicating your standards, and creating attraction are actually the same thing. So you had sex with him. Now many people think that once a man has sex with a woman, she gives up her power and he begins to lose interest. But I don't think your power is in having sex with a man. Your power is in what you do afterwards. So in this video, I'm going to talk you through three things that not only allow you to maintain your power, but actually make him want you more after the fact. Number one, don't be weird. Many people, after waking up, having slept with someone, an intimate act, then all of a sudden start behaving really awkwardly, like the few hours of sleep in between drove this giant wedge between them. And now, instead of being warm and affectionate, they're kind of cold and neurotic. They're worried about their hair or their breath. They're scrambling for their clothes trying to make sure that that person who's just slept with them doesn't see their naked body. It's a shame because actually if we were calm and in a good state and happy and positive and just had a playful vibe with that person in the morning they'd see us as much more confident and in control. So, In the morning, here's what you do. You give a little deadline. You say to him, I have to go soon. I have so much to do today. And then you give him a big cuddle. Because then when you're cuddling up to him, he's not thinking, is this person gonna be here forever? Is this gonna be awkward trying to figure out when I or she leaves? You've already put that marker in his mind. Then you can just enjoy the affection. And when you leave, give him a nice affectionate kiss. All of this, by the way, is presuming you actually like the guy. If this guy is someone you actually like, Give him a nice affectionate kiss. It's what you should do after you've just slept with someone. And then leave and go about your busy day. Step number two. Later that day, send a killer text. I'm gonna read you this text and then I'm gonna tell you why it contains everything you need to say. I had a great time with you last night. Good luck with your meeting today. Then a little kissy face. Why does this do what you need it to do? First, you're saying, I had a great time with you last night. A small act of vulnerability and femininity. It's a moment where you can be candid with him. Too many people play it too cool for school, like they don't care, and in the process they dehumanize the whole thing, the act of intimacy they've just had with a person. Then when you say, Good luck in your meeting today with a little kiss, It's a moment where it's personal. You're saying something that relates to something you've said. If you know he's doing something fun today, you could say, have fun doing X, Y, Z today. Whatever it is, take a moment to acknowledge something that's going on in his day. The problem with the way so many people approach what they do after intimacy is they either get too vulnerable and too close to somebody where all of a sudden it's now like they expect the relationship to have moved 10 steps forward for having slept with them, or they go too casual to the point where it seems like it didn't mean anything to them that they slept together last night. We want to strike that balance of being somewhere in between the two. Just a little footnote to add here. The worst thing a person can do is text the person saying, oh my God, I can't believe we did that last night, or I was so drunk last night, or in any way making excuses for the fact that they slept together or insinuating regret. If you've slept with someone, own it. Especially if you like the person. Own it with no regrets and they'll see you as more sexy and confident as a result. Step 3 Do not settle for the Netflix and chill follow-up. Now he may text you a couple of days later saying, Hey, do you want to come over and watch a movie with me later? Now that doesn't make him a bad guy, it just makes him a guy. He's going for the easy path and he wants to have sex with you again. Who can blame him? he's only human, but you want more. So what do you say? You send him this message back. I'd love to see you again, but I really want to get to know you better. And I feel like I know where coming to your place ends up. Wink. How about we go for dinner? Now the beauty of this message is it shows you want to see him again, but it resets the expectation. It takes away the entitlement. See look, you two had sex. That doesn't mean that he's entitled to sex again with you, and it doesn't mean that you're entitled to more investment from him. But the distinction is, if he does want to see you again, it has to be for more than a physical connection. It has to be to build a real connection. That takes time and investment and you wouldn't expect any less. If he doesn't want to put in that time and investment, that's okay. You have your answer about how much he likes you, but you won't accept less. Look, truth is, most people who watch this channel want a relationship. Relationships? Yes. Dating? I don't want that. Right? That's most people's approach to this is, please, anything but dating. I want a relationship, though. So how do you manage your energy so that the dating process, the part that you need to do to get to a relationship doesn't burn you out before you ever get one. Here are five ways to manage your energy in the process. Number one, be wary of projecting your hopes and dreams onto the person you're on a date with. So many people start dating somebody, they get over excited about that person, they get excited about the projection of them, not the real them, how could they? They barely know this person and all of a sudden the stakes become very high because it becomes very important that this goes well because after all, this is the right person. You're projecting your hopes, your dreams onto the person in front of you. They are a blank canvas on which to put everything you've always wanted in your love life. When the stakes go up like that, so does your adrenaline. Your energy starts to spike as you give more and more to this person. Even if you don't show it to this person, Just the anxiety that comes with having made them so important burns energy. Remember this, getting to know someone, knowing if they're truly right for you, is a slow process. It happens through the accretion of moments and experiences with this person that tell you bit by bit there's someone you could actually construct a relationship with. It's not something that happens overnight. So relax if you're early in the process right now. There's not really anything for you to lose. Number two, the second way to manage your energy is to not give all of yourself immediately. We do this in one of two ways. We either give someone the absolute best of us or we give someone the worst of us. Both are too much energy for where we're at in the process in early dating. Now, giving someone the worst of us would mean showing them all of our insecurities, talking about our angry feelings towards our ex about our last breakup, talking about the intimacy issues we have from something that's happened to us in our life, essentially taking all of the difficult things in our life or all of the struggles we're currently having and placing them in front of the other person at an inappropriate stage. Now giving the best of us is doing things for this person right now, showing parts of us, giving an amount of energy that is unearned. It could be clearing our schedule for someone who has really not earned it at this stage. It could be going out of our way to give them the greatest date ever when really we should just be in a stage of getting to know them a little better. It could be that they told us of a certain baked good that they really like and you show up with the box of them on the next date. Someone said to me once, Matthew, just because you can cook a five-star gourmet meal, it doesn't mean you should do it for every person who knocks on the door of your house. Someone shouldn't get the best or the worst of you immediately. They should get the appropriate amount for the stage you're in. Do this and you'll have more energy to give to the right person in the right situation when it shows itself to be that. Number three, don't give more than they are. Mirror the amount of investment you are getting from this person. Now, that doesn't mean that every once in a while you can't step out of the dynamic that you've created with this person to lead for a moment, to show a little bit more energy or investment, to see how they respond to that. That's okay. If no one ever did that, things would never move forward. So at some point, somebody's got to bravely step out of the current dynamic. However, when you do that, you have to actually watch to see if that is mirrored back at you. For example, if you texted someone in the morning saying, Good morning, how are you? and that's not something either of you are accustomed to doing for each other, Wait and see how this person responds. The next day, don't send the same message, because otherwise you're now in a dynamic of doing that every day. You're continuing to invest every day without seeing if they're willing to do the same, if they ever take the lead. Let them come to you in equal amounts. Number four, don't make them a priority before they've done the same for you. You have to start prioritizing each other equally. If someone doesn't talk to you for a couple of weeks and then out of nowhere wants to see you in three hours, hey, what are you doing this evening? Do you want to come and do this? That's something you should be inherently suspicious of. There's nothing wrong, by the way, with accepting a spontaneous date. Nothing wrong at all. From someone who has a history and a record of trying with you, from someone who's been investing, then it just becomes something fun and romantic and spontaneous. But when someone who hasn't been trying all of a sudden texts us and wants us to make them a priority out of nowhere, this calls for something very different. It doesn't mean completely ignoring, because ignoring someone doesn't communicate our standards. What it means is responding with something that elegantly communicates that this isn't enough for you. Number five, to not reach out any time you're craving attention. We have to make a clear distinction anytime we're reaching out to someone. Am I reaching out right now in a way that's organic because I really have something to say or share, some value to add to this person's day? Or am I reaching out simply because my ego, my insecurity, is craving attention? If the answer is the latter, that's a moment to stop and divert your energy to something more productive in your day, something that's actually going to move forward with that energy. Because this relationship will not move forward with that energy. And we have to understand, and this is just understanding the ego, understanding our own self-esteem, that is a bottomless well. That need for attention, will never be satiated. So even if you do get a response from that person right now, in this moment, three hours from now, you'll be feeling the same thing again because reassurance doesn't last. What we need to do in that moment is take that energy and pour it into something that's actually going to make our lives richer, that's going to make us stronger, and that's going to create a more confident us to bring back to the person that we want to attract. Don't give energy because you're craving attention. Give energy for real connection. Now, if you want to know how to give energy in a way that creates real connection, adds value, continues to build what you have with someone in a way that leads to a relationship, I talk about all of that in my program, How to Talk to Men. You don't even need to buy that program today because I'm going to give you a free chapter just so you can try it out. You can go and download that chapter for free at get www.thefreechapter.com I hope you enjoyed this video. I feel like this is really important. So much of our energy is wasted in dating and we don't have unlimited energy. When we burn it on the wrong people it can leave us utterly depleted. When people tell me I need to take a break or when people tell me I'm just exhausted, that's real. That's real. We can get utterly burnt out when you've just been dating someone for months or years, giving them your best energy and they've just become a vacuum for the best parts of you and they've not been replenishing the wealth for you. You can come out of that feeling completely taxed and exasperated and burnt out in a way that makes you not want to go anywhere near the dating process for a while. We have to protect ourselves from ever getting to that place. And that's the point of this video. Manage your energy because you don't have unlimited energy. And when you meet the right person or the person who has the potential to be the right person in the right relationship, we want to have our best energy to give at that point. Do you want to change your life? Go to this video now, immediately. The most attractive people in life are not the ones who are perfect. My essence was already doing the work over here. All I needed to do was show more of it. We are the greatest asset we'll ever own. We're also the only asset we'll always own.
