Does Your ‘Number’ Matter?

I imagine that George Clooney didn't start that relationship by saying, how many men have you slept with? What's up everybody? I'm about to show you a clip that I think you are gonna love but before you jump in there's a very good chance you'll get to the end of this clip and think, I wish that was longer. I wish there was more that I could consume right now that could help me in my love life. Well, I have something for you. It's a one hour free training that I did called Dating With Results and if you have not watched it yet, this can be your little binge session for today, but it's much better than just randomly binging YouTube. It's a structured presentation on how you can make massive progress in your life and finally meet your person and get the love you want. Go over to datingwithresults.com to watch it right now for free and enjoy this clip in the meantime. Hi Matthew, I've been having anxiety for the last few years. The trigger to this anxiety is the new message that is are constantly being shared. And that message is that men find women who are not virgins gross. I cannot go a few days without it somehow popping up in my feed that men do not want to commit to women with a high body count or any past sexual experience at all. Sometimes I do not. I feel like you've been spending too much time on Reddit. Get off of Reddit. I do not have a high body count, but I still get triggered every time this pops up. I now truly believe that this is very important to men and that if they were to find out about a woman's sexual past, they would now start to subconsciously value her less and not see her as a wife slash future mum of their babies. And if they have the option, leave her. Can you please talk about this in detail? I got the gist. So it goes on for a bit longer, but it's pretty much the same thing. And by the way, she says, P.S. I know that a popular comeback is that men who care about this are insecure, but I think it's deeper than that. George Clooney. How old was George Clooney when he met his wife? I don't know anything about this relationship, by the way, so don't think this is going to turn into some sort of interesting commentary on a celebrity relationship. But I know he was an older man. He was, what, 50s? His hair was silver. 60s? I don't know. I don't even know how old George Clooney is. I know he didn't meet her in his 30s or 20s. And I also know that she is not in her 20s, right? So I imagine that George Clooney didn't start that relationship by saying, How many men have you slept with? Because had he started the conversation that way, It would have been an obvious answer. Plenty. I'm an adult woman who's been around for a while. I'm not someone you didn't meet a 21 year old or you didn't meet an 18 year old. You met someone who's actually been around for a minute and has had other relationships. George, at a certain point, I feel like men have to give up. There's a time in their lives where men have to give up on that game. Unless you want to date 21 year olds for the rest of your life. At a certain point, you have to say, the person I'm with has existed for some time before they met me. And unless they have been living under a rock and not wanting to meet anyone, not having any sexual experiences, there's. They're going to have had some sexual experiences. So. And you know what's really interesting? I want you to notice something. What was the name of Tammy? Was it Tammy? Tanny. Tani, the insecurity you have about this comes from the complete other direction too. There will be women in the Love Life Club who say to me that they are a virgin at 35 and they're terrified of what a guy is going to think of them because they are a virgin. Whatever it is, you can find a story and a group of people that can help you create that story around why you should feel insecure about it. Woman that says, I'm still a virgin and I'm worried every guy's gonna think I'm a freak, based on your narrative, she has the dream scenario. She's never slept with anyone, so she should be the most desirable person in the game right now because she hasn't done that. And maybe if she's hanging around 25-year-old, strange, kind of warped people on Reddit, she is gonna have a market there because they're gonna be like, oh, she's so attractive. She's never been with anyone. the world isn't one dating market. This is the thing we have to get outside of, out of our heads. The world isn't one dating market. It is thousands of niche boutique trading areas between people who value different things. Imagine the great, what is it in Turkey? The Grand Bazaar. Imagine the Grand Bazaar and just everywhere there's a labyrinth of different areas trading different things based on what people want. What you put a premium on is different from what this person over here puts a premium on and vice versa, which means that different people are valuable to different people. There is no one dating market. You're treating it like there's one dating market because you spent too much time on the internet in one particular area of the algorithm. And now the algorithm is serving you every title it can find on why women become unattractive the moment they've slept with more than one person. And that's coloring your narrative. So the first thing you can do, by the way, is start re start, stop, stop searching for those things and start searching for positive material so that the algorithm online starts feeding you positive material or do it in search in an incognito window so that the algorithm is no longer serving you up the stuff that is your biggest fear, which it will gladly oblige in doing for as long as you let it. Stop spending time around people who feed that narrative or men who feed that narrative. And in case you feel I am copping out on your question that, you know, you want me to avoid saying that men who care about this are insecure. There are obviously going to be some men who care about that. They're not men that I hang around. None of the men that I hang around get into a relationship and start by saying how many people have you been with in the past. It's not a question that they're asking because what they're trying to find is someone who's the kind of person they want to be in a relationship with. And by the way, a lot of guys are smart enough not to even ask the question because they don't want to know the answer. If it makes them feel weird because they I want to talk about sexual history. And by the way, there's probably in a lot of cases better that we don't spend time doing this excavation on each other's sexual past. What's the purpose of it? If that's your thing or you particularly don't mind, then you can do that. But for everyone else, there's no need to do that because it's just not relevant to where you're going. Everyone has a past. Everyone has had experiences that they enjoyed, experiences that they didn't enjoy, things that they probably wouldn't do again if they had the chance. regrets for someone they went home with that night. Everyone has these experiences and any guy, any guy in whether it comes from insecurity or biology or anywhere else, any guy who makes a big deal out of that is an utter hypocrite. So the idea that you would run your life around that group of people, which is not everyone, wherever it comes from, even if it comes from some anthropological caveman instinct that I don't want anyone to be with the per to have been with the person that I'm with. And that comes from an evolutionary perspective. Plenty of things come from an evolutionary perspective, but we don't go around doing them. We live in a civilized society. So even your mind going to, but this is just men based on an evolutionary perspective. There are plenty of things we can say from an evolutionary perspective that we no longer follow. So don't allow that wherever the argument comes from, that narrative should not be running your life. Find men who have evolved, find men who have grown up a little. And it might be, I don't know how old you are, but it might be that you're just not in the age bracket right now where a lot of those men have done that growing up. Because at a certain point, any person who doesn't want to constantly, any man, frankly, who doesn't want to constantly torture themselves, about their partner's sexual past has to get over this because at a certain age, everyone they date has a sexual past unless they are constantly dating 21 year olds. And that is a certain type of person anyway who's in that pattern constantly. There's something they're chasing that makes them the kind of guy you don't want to have in your life. As a man, Tim says, I find it silly to judge a woman for their body count. We're all trying to find our person and sex is often part of that process. Well said, Tim. Why would you judge someone negatively for their journey? That's such a great, great point. And by the way, that person may well know themselves better for having been on that sexual journey. I sometimes think that you're in many cases, not in all, but in many cases, the wish for a virgin is kind of a wish for someone who knows themselves a little less. And even if you are a virgin watching this, you're going to know yourself better as you have sexual experiences and that's going to make it more clear what you want. So again, anyone who's any guy who's looking for someone who knows themselves is going to be looking for someone that that ultimately isn't coming from that place of judging themselves for not for either having it done it too much or by the way, not having done it enough. I hope you enjoyed that video. Before you go, if you are in a place right now in your love life where you see everyone else pairing off, getting married, having kids, and you feel afraid, you feel afraid it's never going to happen for you. Maybe even you're starting to wonder if there's something wrong with you. I have a free training called Dating with Results that is going to put you at ease and give you peace in this area of your life. One, because it's going to make you feel completely normal for what you're going through. Two, because it's actually going to give you a way of making immediate progress in your love life. And three, because I truly believe that this is going to be the catalyst in you meeting your person once and for all. Go over to datingwithresults.com and watch it right now. And feel free to let me know how you feel at the end of it, because I think you're going to feel a lot better. I'll see you there.