Matthew Hussey argues that real relationships need authentic people, not polished ideals. He shifted his own content from constant positivity to genuine moods, and warns that chasing an imagined version of someone creates conflict while accepting their full emotional range builds lasting connection.
The goal of any relationship shouldn't be that the other person lives up to this, this pedestal that we've put them on. The goal should be a real connection with who that person really is. I know that when I started doing videos on YouTube, I was very, almost over the top positive. You know, I had learned growing up, and certainly from people that I'd watched, that, oh, if you want to be an expert in an area, especially in the self help world, you have to be happy, happy, happy, happy all the time. Because that's really what influences people and that's what shows that you're perfect. Self help. Oh, let's all walk around smiling all the time and being like, I'm happy, I'm happy, I'm happy. That's not what it is. You're missing the point. People don't have to be one way all the time. I certainly never want to teach that, that, oh, here's how to be a peak level of happiness all the time. Sometimes you're not supposed to be at a peak level of happiness. Sometimes people want a more political, politically correct version. But I like authenticity. I like seeing someone raw and uncut. That to me is where the real excitement is. And that's where you really get to know and learn from someone, not from the kind of polished media version of them. And I think in our relationships we're often looking for the polished media version of the people in our lives. The media version of our girlfriend, the polished media version of our boyfriend or our parent or our kid. Because we want them to live up to an idea, idea of what we have of them, this idea of what they are instead of what they really are. The problem is that we end up enforcing all of our own personal rules. We don't allow people the flexibility to be who they are and to express themselves authentically. It's so funny when people get offended by something in a YouTube video. I do now. I recently released the old people video seniors Talk Dating. And someone made the comment in that video, matt, this is beneath your dignity. And I remember reading that and thinking, it's definitely. It's not like me in that video. That's not on someone else. Like, I okayed that video. Going out there with the swear words and with, you know, the profanity and the lewd comments. When someone says that, I think, well, a you, you either want a relationship with the real me or you want a relationship with the idea of me. If you want it with the idea of me, I can be this pure, righteous person who doesn't ever say a bad word or doesn't ever fall out of bed on the wrong side. When I started changing my YouTube videos from being happy, happy happy to being well, I'm gonna now be me. I'm gonna. Sometimes I'm gonna be funny because I'm in a mood where I just want to make fun of shit. Other times I'm gonna be serious because I want to rant about something because I'm pissed. Just very earnest because I feel very, very kind of loving towards something or something has really touched me. I started deciding I'm gonna be the things that I want to did that is because I didn't want to be seen on some pedestal. I know many gurus out there in the self help industry that the moment they reach a certain level they start taking themselves so seriously. They lose their sense of humor. They become like these weird robots and I'm sure you've seen it, these weird zombie like creatures of kind of pseudo happiness that they've taught themselves that doesn't allow them to just be them anymore. Because anytime they have a negative thought thought or do something wrong, they're kicking themselves because they didn't follow the book or they did something differently. And I never want to be that and I never want to preach that. People do that all the time is they. They try and have a relationship with an idea of someone instead of having a relationship with who they really are. When we have a relationship with who someone really is, it's far more interesting. It's far more magical. We get the depth and we get the diversity and the whole range, the whole gamut of emotions and feelings and insecur and strengths and all the little idiosyncrasies that make them them. That to me is far more interesting. And I think it's something we have to allow people to be more my challenge to you and I want to take up this challenge myself as well because it's not easy when someone does something that doesn't fit with your exact version of them. Again, ask yourself that question, do I want a relationship with the my idea of them or do I want a relationship with the them that actually exists? This one is going to create much more depth than this one, which is going to create constant conflict. Anytime they do something that doesn't fit with the way I think they should be or the image that I've built up in my head. That's it. That's all I got to say. I'll see you next time, guys. Take care. I don't know why people see old people as so classy. Anyway, Jameson, you know the number one place that STDs are spread nowadays? Retirement homes. How's that for classy?
