Matthew Hussey breaks down why modern dating is broken: men undervaluing women, constant phone distraction, and dating apps that kill genuine courtship. Rather than wait for culture to shift, he gives women practical strategies to be more selective and take real risks with people who show actual potential.
Oh, how I wish you could be a woman for a month or so. Better yet, a wildly unique, deep, passionate woman then tried to talk to these 41 year old men who dress like teenagers, speak like thugs, have profiles that simply read Ask me. The list goes on. When will the men be called on to put forth the effort? Have you talked to the millions of women over 35 who spend years and even decades single. Maybe the problem isn't the women and their standards. Yes, that is a problem for many, but maybe the problem is also men who don't value women for more than just sex. I'd love to see you make videos for men and how staying in the cycle of lust stunts them from emotional growth and the true value of what a true partnership can do in their lives. I've been receiving comments like these for years. and 99% of the time I read them and then I simply move on to making the next video that I think is going to help people. I wanted to take a moment this week to simply say, I hear you. I understand what you're saying. I think that dating today has many, many issues, notably the ADD culture we have where we as a society, I think, have gotten worse and worse at the skill of mindfulness, of being present, of sitting with anything, whether it's a hard piece of work or a hard problem in a relationship or, you know, actually spending it long enough with someone and investing enough in them to get the reward of genuinely investing in a relationship. I think that. That people are addicted to novelty. We're addicted to our phones. We're used to that instant hit of dopamine that we get from a bit of validation. whether it's by a text or someone reaching out to us through a dating app. It used to be the case that a guy would go on a date and afterwards having had a great time, he could miss that person, think about them, he'd be investing in his mind, the organic stages of courtship would then ensue. He would be thinking about her the next day, he'd be trying to arrange to meet her this Friday, there'd be the build up to that Friday when he'd finally see her again and he'd get that rush of excitement and oxytocin that comes from being with someone that you're attracted to and that you're interested in. and then he'd finish a date with her and he'd be excited about the next time. And, you know, each time would propel him into the next stage of investment until they were in a relationship. Now you have that same guy getting off of a date with someone and then the next day his phone's ringing or popping up with text messages or he goes back on the dating app and there's 10 more options now. And so it's intercepting those normal organic attraction circuits that are making someone invest. Add on to that this hypothetical buffet of options that people feel they have, which doesn't necessarily materialize for people in practice. You know, I don't think anyone's getting laid as much as we think they are, but we have this hypothetical set of options where we go, well, I could be with all of these people. I could have this much variety. I could find someone better. and that people's propensity to settle is reduced. They're more likely to keep looking, to keep going out there, to keep searching for this elusive thing that they're presented with, especially on sites like Instagram, on apps like Instagram, where there's an unnatural degree of beauty that's presented through filters and people's ability to edit their photos and choose the best angles, their ability to edit their life. We're now looking for a standard of attraction that doesn't even exist in the real world. Like many areas of life now, dating has become the slot machines in Vegas where I am just looking for that next hit. That next hit, that next hit doesn't bring me happiness, but it keeps me distracted. That, ladies, I know is what you're up against. And many more things, which I don't even have the time or the bandwidth to point out in this one short video. so if you are writing these comments to me about the way people are these days, the way men are, and I think, by the way, that to different extents, everything I just said could be applied to women, too. I don't think this is exclusively a male issue. But if you're writing these comments because you think you're bringing something to my attention that I don't know already, let me tell you. I hear you. I know. I understand. I don't spend all of my time talking about that because I don't spend my life complaining about things that I cannot control. You ask my staff in my company. I don't go to our team meetings every week talking about problems in the economy. I go there talking about proactive measures that we're going to take this week in our company to grow the thing to reach more people. to do what we do better and more effectively. Those are the things that I can control. And even for those of you who say, Matt, why aren't you out there doing this for men, coaching men? They need educating too. I agree with you. I have spent the last 10 years dedicated to women, but secretly hoping that a lot of guys do watch these videos too. And many do, by the way. So I love when a mixed audience joins and becomes part of the community. But even if I was to start working a completely new organization dedicated to men starting tomorrow, would that change your dating life? Would you have the time to wait for 10 years while I work with a huge audience of men and we see some changes which always are slow over time? And I barely influence culture with the drop in the ocean that I would actually reach. Would you sit around for years waiting for a Matthew Hussey man to come out the other end so that you could date him? Do you have that time to sit around and do that? I don't think so. Your life is going to be dependent on what you do today, on who you meet today. It's going to have to do with how proactive you get, how many risks you're willing to take, how ruthless you are with not spending time with people who are simply addicted to novelty and have no interest in the deeper meaning of a relationship and the standards that you live to with the guys that do show that potential. That's what's going to change your dating life. Perhaps those people who are newer to this community or for those people who are watching this video as the first video they've ever seen from me, Please know that I am so aware of the difficulties that you are out there facing. I am so aware of the types of men that you're often up against, that you're often coming into contact with. It frustrates me that I can't shield people from more of that because it is sad. My mum is my best friend in the world and if she was out there dating again, my stomach would churn for the types of men that she would often come into contact with. That's not all men, but I know that she'd come into contact with a bunch of men that I would wish she would never have to meet or interact with. We can't save each other from all of the bad shit out there in the world. What we can do is equip each other. And that's what I'm trying to do. Life doesn't get easier, so we will get stronger. and you are here with me, I believe, if you stick with me week on week, you're here not to make life easier and not to complain about why life isn't easier, but instead to focus 100% of our attention, our energy and investment on becoming stronger. I'll see you next week.
