Matthew Hussey says wait until a relationship is "old news" before updating your Facebook status. He recommends telling your partner you're changing it to avoid looking single, which signals he should do the same without sounding needy. Skip naming him on Facebook altogether.
Matthew Hussey here from Love Life. We are talking today about when you change your Facebook status to being in a relationship. I struggle with this one from the very beginning, I'll be honest. I am a very private person in the things that I disclose about myself. So, I don't have a lot of sympathy for the brainwashing that we go through these days, which is to say that we should be displaying as much of our lives as possible. Facebook has a vested interest in convincing us that this is the case, and it seems like most of the world has actually bought into this idea. That being said, the other side of this is that if you are starting a relationship, and then you choose not to list your relationship status, or you choose to say you're single still, it can tend to offend the other person, especially if they're the type of person that wears it as a badge. So, how do we navigate our way through this minefield? Well, firstly, I don't think that the moment you meet someone or the moment you start dating, that's the time when you should start thinking about whether you should be saying you're in a relationship on Facebook. I think that's precisely the time you should be in the moment in the relationship and far too busy to worry about whether you're saying it on Facebook and the rest of the world knows. Why do you care? And if you're one of those people that feels the need too quickly to start talking about it to everyone else, regardless of Facebook, if you're that type of person in life, that should be worrying anyway. Because that means you're the type of person that the moment you think you're in a relationship, you start telling everybody and that puts huge pressure on it. And then of course, you get to that high pressure situation where you can't get your way out of it without embarrassing yourself. Or if that person suddenly leaves you, you have to explain to a hundred people what just happened that you've just gloated to about the situation. Just chill, chill for a moment. Let the relationship become what it's gonna be on its own organically without forcing it there by labels. And then here's my rule. When it becomes old news, then start listing your relationship on Facebook. In other words, until that point, you don't have to say you're single. My philosophy is just don't even opt to talk about your relationship status on Facebook at all. There is the choice of not listing your status at all. And I think that's the best thing to do is have that slight ambiguity Don't be single or in a relationship. Just keep it off so that people can't see it. And then when it ceases to be news with your new partner, that's the time to do it. Now, how do you bring it up to that person? Well, you say to that person, Listen, I know it's no big thing, but I'm gonna list myself as being in a relationship on Facebook because I don't want people to think that I'm still single. That's a nice way of doing it because of course what you're really doing is making that suggestion to him too without having to say it. See, if you say to him, you know, when are you gonna change your relationship status on Facebook to show that we're in a relationship? That then becomes something that seems a little needy, it seems a little like you're strangling the situation, a little scary. But if you say, you know, I'm gonna change my relationship status on Facebook, I don't want other guys to think I'm single. You show your loyalty, you show that you don't wanna be hit on by other guys right now because you're so into him and you're so enjoying being with him, and you're also indirectly making the suggestion to him that he should change his as well, lest he be hit on by a bunch of women that still think he's single. In that moment, don't worry about making the suggestion for him too. Please, don't make it about an agenda that you're gonna now ask him to do the same. If you find that weeks later he still hasn't done it on his Facebook, fine, bring it up, say to him, look, is there any specific reason that you're not listing it as being in a relationship? I will add a caveat. I don't think it's important, and you make up your own philosophy on this, but I don't think it's important to say, who you're in a relationship with on Facebook. That to me is where it starts to become an invasion of my privacy. If you say you're in a relationship, you're making that point that you're taken. You don't then need to go one step further and list, I'm in a relationship with so-and-so who now everyone's gonna click on and go and stalk. You don't need that invasion of your privacy unless you want to invite that. But listing yourself as in a relationship is fine. That's just another label. Last thing I'll say is this. Saying that you're in a relationship on Facebook doesn't protect you from anything really. It's a symbolic gesture. It doesn't actually protect you from anything in the same way that if your guy goes out without you, people don't know he's in a relationship until he explicitly says it to them in a conversation. Even when you're out with your guy or your girlfriend, they don't know that you're in a relationship unless you're specifically holding hands and kissing in that moment. If the two of you are standing separately for a minute or two, they don't know at that point either. It's no different. So let's not pretend that saying you're in a relationship on Facebook makes any practical difference. The only difference is symbolic. And if it matters to you, do it when it's old news. Bring it up indirectly. And if you must bring it up with him weeks later because he's not doing it, just state casually that, you know, you find it strange that he doesn't want to do it. Is there any reason that he can explain to you that he doesn't want to do it and hear him out. You'll make a decision at the that point as to what you want to do about it. That's it from me today. That was Facebook and statuses and all of that nonsense that we have to deal with these days, which is ridiculous, but we do. Let's move on. I will see you in the next episode. Take care. You can follow me on Facebook, in fact, which I'm also on. My relationship status is not listed there, so don't even try and find it. I'm at coach Matthew Hussey. so go check me out, Coach Matthew Hussey. I'm on Facebook. I'd love to see you there. Take care.
