Get Him To Chase You (Matthew Hussey, Get The Guy)

There's a particular paradox I face in my everyday life. When I go out, there are sometimes people that come and talk to me. I'm not suggesting these people are people who know me or recognize me, just everyday people who come over to say hello. Especially if it's a woman, I always feel a particular sense of admiration because I am always talking about how you should go and talk to people, you shouldn't be afraid of making the first move. But there is always a moment where my initial admiration turns to fear. Now, what am I afraid of? I'll give you a situation that literally happened to me last night. I was standing in a bar with a couple of friends and two women who had initially seen us at the bar then came to talk to us when we were standing in another part of the venue. We had had this moment with them of eye contact at the bar, so it didn't feel unnatural when they came over to talk to us. But there was a moment about three or four minutes in where it became apparent that they had no plans to leave that conversation anytime soon. In other words, if the three of us were standing there like this in this u-shape they completed the circle and stood there facing inwards and didn't alter their body language at all the whole time. You know when it feels like someone's hijacked your conversation, you were sort of really in the middle of something big and then they came in. Now that's not a problem because of course every time you go and talk to someone socially, unless they're standing there in silence at that moment, you are going to be hijacking a conversation and that's okay. The problem comes about when you show no willingness or predisposition to do your own thing at any point. And that was exactly what happened. So, what first was this great, oh, there's new people coming to talk to us, turns into this thing of, are they ever gonna leave or is this now it? Are we three in a relationship with these two people? for the rest of the evening. Whenever we tell a story about ladies and it involves myself, everyone always wants to know what happened afterwards. That's always the thing that happens in a live seminar. So what happened? I will tell you. At the end of this video, I'll tell you exactly what happened with these ladies at the end of this interaction. So stay tuned for that. But let's actually get to the lesson first. Ladies, I know this is daunting when a guy does this to you, when a guy comes over and you think, I am now stuck with this person. And of course he's not alone, his two mates are standing there having a conversation between them, but they're not really having a conversation. They're looking over to see if he's doing a good job and they can go and join him. Oh, Hasan. He needs me. Tag me in, Goose. You can't actually enjoy the interaction, even if you're attracted to him. I mean, that's the amazing thing. The worry, the fear that someone is not gonna leave, actually stops you being able to enjoy the interaction itself. not to mention the fact that attraction is based on this kind of push-pull mechanism where you feel someone in your presence, but then maybe you feel them leave or you may, you at least feel them threatening to leave subconsciously. So there's always that feeling of wanting to keep them around. If they suddenly, from the get-go even though you haven't really earned that level of attention, turn into you and don't show any signs of, I either looking around the room, talking to someone else at any point, you start to worry that this may be something that is gonna be hard to walk away from. You never wanna make someone feel like they have to make excuses in order to walk away from you and leave. I know some of you are thinking that what I mean is when you're standing talking to someone, you don't really pay them any attention, you look over their shoulder and isn't that rude? That's a horrible thing to do. Yes, I don't really mean that. You kind of want someone to come over to you and say something, but also behave in a way that suggests that unless you do something to keep them around, they won't be there forever. You have to be interesting and charismatic in order for me to want to stay. So how do you do this in practice? You might walk over there and start by saying hi, but not position your whole body facing them. So if this person is facing me here, I'm not gonna suddenly turn in and start looking at them like this. I might position my body slightly turned away and just say something from here. Hi, how's it going? I noticed you over there. I might say something from that place. The second thing is don't be afraid 30 seconds in, a minute in, two minutes in to turn back to your friend and start talking to your friend for a minute or two. You're not leaving the situation. You're not going to the other side of the bar. You're still standing there next to them. You have proximity. but you're talking to your friend again. So the guys are here, you're then turned away talking to your friend and saying, oh, did I tell you about that thing the other day? And you keep talking to them for a little bit. The guys now standing here are aware of A, the fact that you spoke to them and therefore it's okay for them to keep speaking to you. But B, they're not just gonna have your 100% attention no matter what. They now have to be the ones to reinitiate. And this is a nice test, by the way, because you're now seeing if they actually are attracted by whether they reinitiate or not. It's hard to see if someone's truly attracted if you never leave, if you're always standing there, you never really get that gauge. One of the most useful tips I could give a guy, for example, is to go and talk to a woman for 10 seconds, 30 seconds, a minute, and then turn away and keep talking to your friend. If she likes you, she's gonna turn around and keep talking to you because she now feels she has a level of comfort. But you'll never really know how much she likes you if you don't give her an opportunity to reinitiate, if you're always the one who's driving forward. So give them an opportunity to reinitiate. Ladies, this is a great tip because you know men do like doing the chasing. It's not about letting him do all the chasing, 'cause if you just wait for him to come up to you, There's a good chance nothing's gonna happen. He wants to chase, he wants to go on the hunt, but he wants to feel like there's gonna be a chance of success if he does. So you coming over to him is fine. That's not a problem. But staying there and not giving him the chance to then reinitiate and chase you a little bit, that's a problem. You want to allow him that little bit of pleasure from coming after you. That then creates attraction because he feels like part of now talking to you was his idea, not just yours. I feel like Jameson, we're clarifying something that we've never really clarified here. We're saying, yes, you can make the first move. You can go over to the guy, but don't then do 100% of the proactivity. Don't then be the one standing there. Always be the one moving forward. You can actually remove yourself from the situation for a moment. By the way, one of the best things you can do is go have fun over there. and then talk to more people and for them to see you talking to another group of people. Because then they're like, oh, they're not just gonna wait around for us all night. Just have fun. Be that social butterfly. He's gonna see you and think she's high value. It wasn't all about me. And then he starts questioning himself. Maybe does she like me as much as I thought? Is she into me? I'm gonna find out. I'm gonna start being into her and see if she responds. It's all. It's important. This is a good video, Jameson. I'm really Feeling this one is very real. Do you know what I mean? Because you could go out tonight and then you're really using all of this. Have a little push and pull. Don't be all, you know, go in but then pull away a little bit. We need like a metaphor, Jameson. Don't be a leech, be a shark. Be the shark that's circling around. In fact, don't even be a shark because that's sort of like you're on this mission, this hunt the whole time. Be a dolphin. Dolphins are fun. They're just chillers. You want to have not so much purpose like a porpoise. We just keep going with puns. Don't be drab. Be a soft shell crab. So like I said, be prepared to have one foot in the interaction and one foot out at the same time. go between that kind of push and pull effect so you don't seem like you're too needy and stuck in that interaction. Now, I know what you're thinking. I know many of you have held on this long in the video to see what happened with these two women. Nothing. We left and they went back to their lives and we went back to ours. Not every story has an interesting ending. I'll see you next week.