In this advice segment, Matthew Hussey responds to a viewer who is dating a sweet, funny man who is prudish and timid about sex and sexual talk. Hussey emphasizes three main strategies: (1) using encouragement and positive reinforcement to reward any small sexual behaviors the partner shows, thereby nurturing and building confidence; (2) having low‑pressure, non‑formal conversations about sexual desires, framing requests as personal compliments and inviting the partner to share, while normalizing any discomfort; and (3) reframing sex as a fun, open part of the relationship, stressing that honest communication prevents taboos from becoming obstacles. He provides concrete phrasing examples and stresses that men want clear roadmaps to please, so clear, supportive feedback helps them become more expressive.
Chapters
The following is a real world question for Matthew Hussey about sex. Viewer discretion is advised.
I've been seeing this guy for a long time now. He is sweet, funny and sexy and we get along well. But when it comes to sex he's very prudish and timid. Sex talk makes him uncomfortable. How can I help him and myself in the best possible way without impinging on his manhood? I really care for this guy and I want this to work out. What a lovely question. very well phrased and caring, I should add. She's empathetic and you can tell she actually cares about the guy. That's going to serve you well, by the way. Firstly, encouragement is everything. Positive reinforcement of the things that you want, especially in the bedroom, is something that's going to create more of what you want. When someone does something you like, be honest about it. Show it, make noises, say things. I really like that. That really turns me on. When he says even one thing that turns you on, you say to him, I love it when you talk to me like that. I love it when you say things like that. Say more. Encourage the smallest moments, the hair of a moment that you want. You build on that. You water it. You nurture it. He may have done barely anything, but when he does that small act, building on that nurturing that is going to encourage him to go down that route. We all want a roadmap as men. Guys aim to please, so when you give them ways to please you, they're always happy about that. The second thing is, don't be afraid to have the talk with him. You know, sit him down and talk to him about it. And by the way, this doesn't have to be a big serious affair, and it doesn't have to be done in the bedroom. You could do it when you're walking along out there, having a good time, just going about your day. You could start by saying, I can't wait to get you home. I can't wait to get you home. I'm so excited about being in bed with you tonight. When you're saying things like that, you can start to bring up. By the way, I would love for you to talk dirty to me sometimes. You never do. Why is that? Why do you never do it? If he says, well, I don't know. I just always feel cheesy when I do it. I don't really feel comfortable when I do it. Ask him about that. How come? I love your voice so much. How could you be cheesy about it? To hear those things said in your voice, that would drive me crazy. Or your accent kills me. It would be, it would destroy me to hear you say those things in my ear. You say that and it makes it about him. You're giving a specific reason why you want him to deliver those things to you. It's not about anyone else, it's about him. And therein you create this world where everyone is comfortable. Let him feel that what he's afraid of isn't something you're afraid of, that it doesn't matter to you. That way he's gonna start to feel that he can be more open with it. At the end of the day, sex should be fun. And the more that you communicate with someone, the more that you're open with someone about what you want, the easier it is for them to please you. There's the saying, if sex is right, it's 20% of the relationship. If it's wrong, it's 80%. Sex can be an incredible part of your relationship if you give it the air time that it deserves. But if we hide the taboos in our relationship, they start to become monsters that they really don't need to be.
