Matthew Hussey explains how to move past ghosting by focusing on what you can control instead of chasing closure. He offers three ways to feel better fast by redirecting your energy toward self-improvement rather than waiting for an explanation.
Oh, for sake. So this is. You're. This is how we're starting the video. Do you know what? I'm so good, I'm so professional that I'm still going to give you great energy despite all this crap. Hey, guys, Matthew Hussey here, and today we're going to talk about ghosting. Essentially, a ghost. Unless you've been living under a rock and have no idea what the term refers to. It refers to a guy who is texting you or calling you or has been dating you, and then all of a sudden, he doth be a ghost now. So what do you do about it? Well, here's what I'd like people to stop doing. Constantly trying to psychoanalyze why the guy is ghosting in the first place or what's going on in his life right now and talking about it all the time. I think people invest so much of energy into things that they cannot control in dating. Ghosting, by the way, is not simply a feature of dating. It's a feature of life. If you're in business, you've been ghosted, you've been emailing someone, cool project, cool partnership, something's gonna happen, and then all of a sudden, that person disappears off of a cliff. It happens everywhere. This isn't just happening from the direction of man to woman in dating. It happens in all directions, between genders and in all different parts of life. What we need to get a grip on is the parts that we can control and the parts that we can't. You can't control if someone's ghosting you, and you can't control knowing everything about why he's ghosting you right now or what happened. I know the desire for closure. I know that it drives you crazy and you just want to know. And it would help you tie up all of the loose ends in your mind. But life doesn't get to be like that all of the time. We don't always get to know. And wanting to know and trying to know are recipes for wasting time and extraordinary amounts of energy. So what can we do? Well, I think that there is somewhere between the ignorance of never trying to figure out more about why we're getting this behavior and the masochism that occurs when people blame it all on themselves and say that it's all about them and it's personal and they're not good enough for guys. There's a sweet spot in the middle. There are parts of it you can't control, but there are parts of the situation you can control. And that's the part of us that proactively looks in the mirror, not at him, not looking at him for answers, but looks in the mirror and says, is there anything I need to learn about this situation? Was I maybe investing too much too quickly? Is there a side of myself that I didn't show this person yet? Do I need to be more of something? I think we're very good at judging other people and saying what we want in other people without necessarily living to that standard ourselves. If you want a cool little exercise, rather than write down how you want the people in your life to be, when a guy has come along, write down, what do I want these guys to be? Like, what level of warmth and generosity and flirtatiousness and tension and all of these things do I want? Then look at that list and say, how many of these things am I being on a really high level right now? I remember a time walking into a venue and saying, God, these people are all so miserable and grumpy and everyone's got this attitude about them. And then I looked in the mirror and saw my face and I wasn't smiling, I wasn't bringing a great energy to the room. I looked exactly like they did. So sometimes there are things that we're doing that contribute to a situation that we need to know about. It's worth being self critical in that respect, even if we're not critical about the things we can't control. The whole ghosting thing gets so much attention for me. I look at this situation, I say, if someone's ghosting me, whether it's in dating or in business, yes, There's a part of me deep down that really wants closure. There's a part of me that wants to know what happened and why. And that's the part of me that can, if I let it, waste an enormous amount of my time and energy. My energy is better spent going out there and meeting new people. It's better spent going and bringing my best to more people. But that's where the self analysis bit comes in. I think sometimes when we just dismiss things and we're like, I, oh, he just left because he was intimidated or he just left because he wasn't good enough for you. He just left because he had his own crap. If we never asked the question, what could I have done differently? I think we're missing crucial opportunities to grow and to reflect on what we can bring to the next person that might be right for us. Getting better is always the answer. Like responding by improving and growing is always going to be the answer. Even in situations where not everything was your fault, that, to me, is the winner's mindset. It may not all be my fault, but there are always ways that I can improve. There's always more that I can bring to the table. Maybe not for the jerk who ghosted me, but for the guy who deserves my attention. I might be able to learn something from this guy to bring to the next guy. Learn to ignore what you cannot control. Focus on the parts of yourself you can control. And for God's sakes, above all else, stop trying to get answers from the one person that is not going to give you one. And if they do, it will not be an honest one. The guy who ghosted you. So if a guy ghosts you, who you gonna call? No, not. Not me. Not the. Don't call the Ghostbuster. And don't call the ghost either. Those are two. Don't call either of us. I don't want to hear your ghosting story because it will bore me to tears. And he doesn't deserve your call. So essentially, call anyone but those two people. Any guy on earth. There's still a lot of choice. I've been ghosted. You think I've been ghosted? I delete those numbers. I delete that shit. I ain't afraid of no ghost.
