In this YouTube episode, relationship coaches Matthew AI and his brother Stephen Hussey field a call from Meredith, who is concerned that her new boyfriend often comments on the attractiveness of other women, including ex‑girlfriends and celebrities. Meredith notes that while she likes him, his remarks make her feel insecure, especially since he never compliments her directly. The hosts first establish their credibility—Matthew co‑authored the New York Times bestseller Get the Guy and Stephen writes weekly relationship articles on howtogetheguy.com. They then explore why the boyfriend’s behavior is problematic, emphasizing that it undermines emotional security and fails to make Meredith feel valued. The core advice centers on asserting clear relationship standards: Meredith should calmly explain how his comments affect her, use an empathy‑based framing (e.g., “How would you feel if I said all my exes were hot and never told you you’re attractive?”), and explicitly state that she expects respectful, affirming communication. Stephen adds that Meredith should articulate her need for security and avoid people‑pleasing, while Matthew stresses the importance of firmness combined with kindness. The hosts suggest she write down the script, rehearse it, and, if needed, revisit the podcast episode for reinforcement. Meredith agrees to implement the advice.
Chapters
Meredith, my name's Matthew. Are you excited to be talking with me today? I am, I promise. I'm even more excited to be talking to you. I have a special surprise today. My brother is in the studio with me, Stephen Hussey.
Hi, Meredith.
Stephen co wrote the get the Guy book with me that became a New York Times bestseller. He writes an article every single week on the website. So you need to go to howtogetheguy.com and read his articles because they're amazing and his writing is like chocolate for your ears.
I'm very excited to look into it. I can't wait.
Who wouldn't want that? So he's going to be helping us with your question today, so let's go for it. What question do you have for us?
I just started dating a guy a couple of weeks ago, and one of the kind of communication issues that I've run into is that he pretty frequently brings up other women that he finds really attractive. And he's always commenting on how gorgeous someone is, and he'll pull them up on his Instagram. One thing that kind of sat off with me is I don't feel necessarily that he's trying to compare me, but it's never, ever something he says to me. And he is significantly less physically attractive than me by most people's standards. However, I really like him.
So he's less attractive than you?
Yeah.
And he says everyone else is hot and he doesn't say it to you?
Correct.
Okay, so why don't you say to him, how come you never say I'm hot?
I kind of mentioned that to him where I was like, you know, it would be nice if you would tell me that I was beautiful, too. And he just kind of looked at me and he was like, well, you should already know that.
So, you know, the wonderful thing about women is that when you give them a sexy compliment that makes them feel amazing and turned on, it is something you can use again and again, and they'll still feel that way. And that's something that I would feel if you told me that. And don't you want me to feel that? Because that makes me so attracted to you to hear that from you.
Okay.
And by the way, let's just get. Let's fix another part of this. The fact that he's telling you about all the other women that he finds hot. What's happening there?
I don't know. I really don't know. And, you know, some of these women are women that he has dated previously, but most of them Are not. Most of them are just.
Wait, so that's even worse, isn't it? He's dated them previously. These aren't even random women. This isn't like, I don't know who's a hot woman on tv who's like a beautiful woman?
Eva Longoria.
Eva Longoria. It's not like he's saying, oh, Eva's looking good today on Telenovela. Is that her new show? Yes, she's looking hot today. He's not saying that. He's saying, my ex is hot.
There is that. And he is. He has a semi celebrity status. It's not big, but it's enough, I guess. And so it's women that he's connected to.
Is it as big as mine and Steven's celebrity status?
You are top of the. Top of the list. You're a list.
I'm okay.
So he has a YouTube channel.
He's got a YouTube channel. He's got like a few hundred people that watch it.
He's. He's on Food Network, I think is basically what it boils down to.
Got it. Okay. So I'm nervous about this because not only does it show that he's not looking out for your feelings by saying other people were hot, he's. And no less his exes, he's also not making you feel great, which is one of the great parts of a relationship, isn't it, that somebody else makes you feel great and tells you some of the reasons that you're great on days when you don't always see those things. That's one of the most beautiful parts of it. And so I think it's really dangerous right now to be with someone who is actively doing the opposite. And Steve, what do you think Meredith should be saying?
I think it's one of those things where you really do need to assert a standard. And I think that means. And this isn't always easy, but in a. In a very sort of almost calm way, explaining to him what it makes you feel when he talks about ex girlfriends and almost, almost asking him if he thinks it's a. It's. You kind of. You don't want to go down the route of going, oh, do you think that's appropriate? Because obviously that lead him to go, well, I don't know. I don't see something wrong with it. But I think you. I think you almost need to lay out why there's a huge difference between him vaguely commenting someone's heart on TV and actually, you know, in front of you talking about his exits. Because I Don't know. To. For where me and Matt come from, that's not. That's not normal or appropriate guy behavior.
And now. And one thing, one way to. To do that is to say, you know, how would you like it if I was doing the same thing? Right. That's the road a lot of people go down is if I was saying all my exes were hot and never told you that I thought you were really attractive, how would you feel? Now you can go down that road, and sometimes it's worth doing to give someone a kind of forced sense of empathy. But the problem with that is sometimes someone is like, well, I wouldn't really care, you know, like, that they take that road. So what I prefer to do is simply state that, look, maybe you would be okay with this the other way around, which, by the way, I would never do to you because I respect you and you're the hot person in my life now. So you're where my attention is, and I want you to feel that I think you're hot and sexy and attractive.
Well, look, this guy should want to fulfill her needs, right? Right. And so if you communicate someone, my need is I need to feel secure in this relationship, and it doesn't make me feel secure when I hear you talking about other women that way. That should almost be enough for him.
And that's all. And by the way, that's all.
The standard is not unreasonable, is it?
That's all he needs to know. He doesn't need to have the same standard as you. He just needs to know that this is your standard and you don't want this. You know, this is an energy you don't want in your relationship. And let him know that and be firm. I wouldn't, you know, be. You can always have kindness in your relationships, even when you're firm. But don't go into people pleaser mode when you talk to him about this. You should be firm. This. This behavior sucks, and it's not okay. And he needs to know that. And that you have a different standard for your relationship. And maybe he doesn't have that standard, in which case that's a bigger conversation. But right now, unless this changes, it's gonna be a sticking point in your relationship. And he needs to know that I would say that in those terms to him.
Okay, I will do that. Thank you so much.
And if you need to remember what we've just said, simply go to itunes and download our podcast, which this is on now, and replay these words over and over again and write down the script and then go and say it to him.
That is exactly what I'm going to do. I'm so glad that I discovered you.
I'm so happy that you're here, Meredith. Thank you so much. So much. We will speak to you soon. Okay.
