He Thinks Other Women Are Hot? Before You React, Watch This...

Matthew Hussey here with Love Life. I wanted to deal with a slightly delicate issue today in many relationships. And this occurs in both old and new relationships is when we find that our partner finds somebody else hot. This is a really sensitive issue for people because they get quite upset at the idea that their partner could be attracted to somebody else. And you may find it out third hand. They might make a joke about someone they see on TV and they think they're really attractive. It may even be about someone you know, which for most people stings even more when it's someone that you both know. I've been in this exact position before where I've been feeling jealous that somebody I'm with finds someone else attractive. And I sit back and I have to say, okay, how do I overcome this jealousy? Well, firstly, we can be attracted to any human being. There are different types of attraction. Of course, I, for example, will feel an attraction if I'm around someone who is very learned, someone who is erudite, someone who has a particular passion for their subject and can speak about it very eloquently. I find that very attractive, man or woman. I could be around a guy who really knows their stuff about something, someone who has amazing confidence and someone who really is impressive in their field and feel an attraction there. It may not be a physical attraction, but it's a form of attraction. we feel that for everyone, not just the opposite sex, we feel it for the same sex. So there are many different types of attraction. Now, one would say, yeah, but when it's someone who is the opposite sex and when it's a sexual attraction, it's different. And we tend to compartmentalize in that way and say, well, it's okay for my partner to think somebody else is cool. It's okay for somebody, my partner to think somebody else is impressive in what they do, but I don't want them to find them sexually attractive. Now that's understandable because we get particularly sensitive when it becomes about sexuality. But we have to remember something. Because there are many different forms of attraction. Attraction almost exists in different dimensions. There's sexual attraction, there's platonic attraction, there's the attraction that comes from admiration, the attraction that comes from feeling like you have something in common with someone, all different forms of attraction. Now, if we say my partner is attracted sexually to somebody else, here's the only thing that matters. Who are they choosing at the end of the day? This is the only thing that has any bearing on reality. Who are they choosing? Who they're attracted to is not all that important. Because if most of us were honest, we would say, well, of course there's always the potential for me to be attracted to somebody else, as long as attractive people exist. on this earth, I could be attracted to somebody else. That's life. The choosing is where the romance is. The choosing is where the investment is. The choosing is where the significance is. So forget who your partner is attracted to and understand who they are choosing. Until they stop choosing you, who they are attracted to is not very important. It might create some mild feelings of jealousy, which by the way, can even be important sometimes for desire and attraction. Those feelings are not always bad between couples, though we've learned to associate them in a negative way. But the thing that's important is are they choosing me? When that changes, when they decide to choose somebody else, that's where you can begin to question the relationship itself. The moment someone doesn't choose me anymore, they cease to be the right person for me. Even if I love them, even if I worship them, even if I think they're a great person, I know that they're not the right person for me if they're not choosing me. But as long as they're choosing me, they could be attracted to anyone. What does it really matter? I know we're human. I know we have these primal instincts that make us jealous. But the thing that's important is the choosing. If your partner has chosen you, then let the rest go. Thanks guys. I'll speak to you soon. By the way, if you haven't joined me on Facebook yet, go to facebook.com/CoachMatthewHussey and I will see you there.