Matthew Hussey offers a script for women when a man says he's not sure about commitment. Instead of trying to convince him, the response validates his need for space while asserting her standards: she deserves a partner who is 100% committed, and she may not be available later. The approach positions her as high-value without ultimatums.
I want to talk about some words that men say to women that women do not look forward to. I'm not sure if I am ready for a relationship. I'm assuming that you're watching this because this is a guy that you do actually care about that despite saying he's not really ready for a relationship or that he's not sure, is not necessarily a bad guy, but just a guy who is confused and a guy that, despite his confusion, you still either like or love and. And both want the best for and want the best possible shot at being with. So with that in mind, here's what you can say. It seems like you need to go away and figure out what you want and be on your own for a while. And I want your happiness more than anything in the world. I just want you to be happy. So I feel like you need to go and be alone in order to figure out what you want. And I hope that I'm still here when you're ready. But until then, I know that I need someone who is completely in because I wouldn't want to be with someone who isn't 100% about wanting to be with me. Here's what I love about you saying all of this. He's not sure what he wants. And trying to make him more sure about you isn't going to make him more sure. All it's going to do is make him feel like he's being sold on something. Instead, you saying, I think you're right. You need to go away and figure out what you want, and you need to be alone to do that. He's now scared because he's like, now I have to go and be on my own, and maybe I don't want to do that. And since she's making it okay for me to go and be on my own and figure myself out, it doesn't even seem as attractive anyway. It's not like I have anything to rebel against because she's telling me to go and do it. Then when you couple that with saying, I want you to do that because I care about your happiness, your happiness means the world to me. It comes from such a loving and sweet and pure place. It's not like you're just trying to manipulate him. You really want him to go and find out what he wants because the last thing that you want is for him to be unhappy in this situation. So he now sees this unbelievably loving woman in front of him that he's about to lose. Then when you say, I hope I'M still here when you're ready. That notion is introducing that seed of doubt like you're leaving now and I'm encouraging you to do it because I want you to be happy. But you're also showing that it may not happen. There is that chance that he may not get everything that he wants at the end of the day by doing this. And then lastly when you say to him, I want someone who is 100% in with me. I want someone who really knows what they want. That's what I deserve. That's when you show your value. That's when you show you respect yourself. That's when you show you love yourself and that's why you couldn't accept anything less than someone who's sure about you. This whole response is loving. It's kind but it's also strong and it shows him that you're someone that he truly is going to be losing out on in a big way in his life.
It.
