Matthew Hussey breaks down a text exchange where a man's slow replies and vague excuses show low interest. Instead of softening the blow and suggesting plans, Hussey says the woman should match his low investment, ask him to propose something, and only agree if he actually commits.
You unlocked this video with the key of imagination. Inside it is another dimension. A dimension of words, a dimension of symbols, a dimension of strange faces. You've just crossed over into the Twilight Foe. Our story begins with a friend of mine who met a guy on a Friday night. What you are about to see is a real text exchange between her and this man that started on Sunday. He sent her a message saying, great meeting you. She then said, you2, how's your Sunday been? Pretty decent start, right? Except for the fact that he didn't reply until, well, Tuesday has been great. Upside down face. How's your week been so far? She then replies, you operate at grandpa esque texting speeds. Now. I actually like this message. I like the fact that she's calling him out on how slow he is at texting. What I don't like is the little ahaha where she softens the blow in the beginning, I kind of want her to just say it without even worrying about offending him in this moment. She then says, this really good week about to get really crazy though. Now I would have been happy if she just left it there. I know she's not asking him a question and that might seem like the polite thing to do, but this isn't about politeness, it's about attraction. And in this moment, he might have just been messaging her because he's bored. To prove that he's not just bored, she should allow him to do a little more work. Instead. Here's where it goes wrong. Which is why tomorrow I could do with getting a happy hour drink with a handsome gentleman. 7pm ish. Here. She does all his work for him. Now you guys, if you know my philosophy, know I don't have a problem with a woman asking a guy on a date. But in this scenario, he has not earned this. All he's done is send a low investment message. So I wish that she'd allowed him to get himself to that point instead of rushing to arrange a date tomorrow night based on two messages. And here's how you know she went wrong. He didn't text her back on Tuesday. He didn't even text her back on Wednesday. He didn't even text her back on Thursday. He didn't text her until. And do you want to know what he sent Grandpa? Emoji. Now the fact that he sent this emoji of this poor old man doesn't make him a bad guy. It just makes him a guy who's not trying very hard right now. And as you know, I'm always encouraging women to give investment to men who are investing in them. And to her credit, knowing what I would advise her to do in such a situation, my friend didn't reply. Which brings us to now. It's almost as though between the Friday and the Tuesday, he realized, oh, I may have screwed this up. So he gives his reasons for not texting back quickly enough. I mean, it's just that my wifi is slow, my phone wasn't working, I dropped it and it was done. So last week was a crazy busy week. And also, I'm really slow when it comes to texting. Now, this is where my friend came to me. Two hours after she had received that message, she said, what do I text back to this guy? Now, my first question was, do you actually want to see this person again? To which her reply was, yes. Now, for those of you watching out there who say, I wouldn't want to see him again, fine. That would be your decision. For her, she did want to see him again. So I said, give me the phone. She passed me the phone, I wrote out a message and hit send. And it was a very different message than the one she would have sent. All good. Have a great week. Now, why did I send this? Because in this moment, he's expecting to give a bunch of excuses and for her to take all of that rationale on and say, oh, it's okay, no worries. How's your week going? Do you want to do something tomorrow night at 7 o' clock? He's expecting attention. She doesn't give him attention. What she says instead is, that's all good. And by the way, I'm not going to get into this with you because why would I, right? You have your reasons, I have my reality. What I'm more interested in is my reality, not your reasons. Your reasons may be true, your reasons may be accurate, you may not be lying, but I'm interested in my reality. In other words, in the result I'm getting. And the result is nothing's really happening between us. And this is a poor text exchange. So my reality is what I'm responding to. Respond to your reality, not to his reasons. Have a great week. Smiley, happy, positive, polite, but low investment. I knew that this would scramble his brain. She's kind of checked out a little bit, even though she's still being polite and warm, which is what kills a person, when you're still warm and polite, but you're moving on and doing your thing that affects them deeply. Here's what he sent back. So does that offer still stand for hanging out. Or is that a one time deal? I'm free if you're available. Would be nice to talk at normal speed. So this is a guy who suddenly got vulnerable. He realized that he wasn't getting anywhere, that she was checking out and that he needed to actually start to invest. So he puts it all on the line. Here's what I told her to write back. It's dangerously close to a one time deal now. By saying that, you're actually introducing that element of danger. This might not work out for you now as a result of what you've done, but there's a little playful emoji there, little softener. What did you have in mind? So here's where you're not doing the work for him. Instead of her now saying what she said in the beginning, which is, how about a date tomorrow night at 7 o' clock? Instead, she's putting him on the back foot. You're coming after me. So what did you have in mind? To which he replies, why don't we meet at Harlow for a drink tomorrow at 7pm? She then says, okay, see you tomorrow. Cool, calm, collected. This is a tempered response, but it's warm. And it does exactly what we always intend to do to show the person opposite us that I will invest if you invest, but I'm not going to invest simply because I like you. This is an equal arrangement. You give, I give. Now look, whether or not this guy turns out to be the right guy for her doesn't, that's up to her. She'll see. What I care about in this example is that she was working harder than she needed to to get his attention, to get attraction. And I believe that attraction is actually often about doing less, not more. But when you're doing less, you have to be doing the right things. So if you right now have someone in your life that is blowing hot and cold, they're kind of distant. You don't know what to do with them. I have something for you of value before you go. It is a free guide which details the free five reasons that men pull away instead of coming closer to you. If you want to know what they are, go to why he's gone dot com, click the link, download the guide and I will see you there. Otherwise, I will see you in next week's video.
