In this solo monologue, Matthew AI reflects on his own two‑year marriage and offers candid, experience‑based guidance for anyone considering or navigating marriage. He argues that marriage is a high‑stakes decision that isn’t right for everyone, emphasizing the need to move slowly for the right reasons and to avoid waiting for perfect external stability. He critiques the anxiety‑driven perfectionism and choice overload of modern dating, warning against ego‑driven selections based on status or attraction and instead championing a partner who is a reliable teammate. He stresses the importance of being able to argue constructively, aligning on core values, and recognizing that love alone isn’t sufficient without compatibility. Matthew also normalizes divorce as a recoverable mistake and highlights that who you divorce matters as much as who you marry. Throughout, he intersperses promotion for a virtual relationship‑coaching retreat, inviting viewers to join for deeper work on these themes.
Questions this video answers
The weekend of October 18 and 19.
$195.
Two weeks (replay available for two whole weeks).
30 days of Matthew AI coaching after the event (included).
One analysis found the highest odds of divorce are in years four to eight for couples who married under 25, especially under 20.
Marriage is one of the worst decisions you can make unless you make it with the right person for the right reasons. Let me explain. The irony of all of this is that I have never even liked weddings. I am not religious. I have never been especially romantic about marriage itself. And for most of my life, the whole world of marriage did not really speak to me. So why did I get married? And more importantly, is there anything from my experience that I can glean to share with you if you are a few years earlier in this journey than I am right now? Firstly, I don't think marriage is for everyone. In fact, I think it is a really, really bad idea a lot of the time. But when it works, it's the best. So if you're dreaming of marriage or you're wondering whether it's for you, here are the insights, stories and even a couple of stats that can help you go in with your eyes wide open. The first thing I've learned is that this is an area where it pays to go slow in order to go fast. Making quick decisions based on romance or how much we want to get married is one of the recipes for ending up in divorce. One analysis found that the highest odds of divorce are in years four to eight for couples who married under 25, especially under 20. And this isn't to say that young marriages can't work. Many do. But it does mean that you have to go in with your eyes wide open and a genuine willingness to grow together. But. But it takes time to know if you're with someone that you actually can and want to grow with. What I will say, however, is that we want to go slow for the right reasons. A right reason is I'm going slow to really get to know the person in front of me to make sure they're right. A wrong reason is I'm going slow so that I can wait for my life to be perfect before I really commit to a person. And that's what brings me onto my next point. Waiting for stability before we make a major commitment to something, someone is overrated. Now, I don't mean emotional stability. I think there's a degree of emotional stability that we want to find in ourselves before we get married. But I think more in terms of the things people say out loud when they say why they can't get married yet. I hear this a lot from guys. I can't get married yet because I haven't hit my financial goal. Or I can't get married yet because my life's just not in a place where I'm set up to be able to get married. And I think that that misses the point of what a long term relationship is. Even if we take marriage out of the equation for the moment. You learn a lot more by dating someone and getting to know them and coming up with them in the messy stages of your life than you do by getting to the top of whatever hypothetical mountain you're saying you have to climb before you commit and then picking someone from the top of the mountain. When your life is in a perfect place, you don't necessarily learn a lot about the partner that you're with. You certainly don't learn as much as you can when your life is going through difficult and challenging stages. I look back now and I am grateful for the fact that my life was not perfectly stable when my wife Audrey came into it. In fact, there were a lot of messes, there were some crises and those were the things that told me who I had. By the way, if, you know, you struggle to pick good partners or trust your instincts because because your emotions get the better of you in love and dating, that is exactly the deep work I'm doing with people on my retreat this weekend. Yes, it is happening this weekend on the 18th and 19th of October. And you don't even have to join me in person for this event. You can actually get a virtual ticket for $195, which means you can watch it from anywhere in the world. And I'm giving you two whole weeks to watch the replay of the event. And if for any reason you're not around this weekend, I'm also throwing in 30 days of Matthew AI so that after the event is finished, if you have more follow up questions you can ask Matthew AI, you still have me as your coach for 30 days on me afterwards. All of that is available@retreat access.com this is the last chance to get your virtual ticket for this event. Do not miss it or you'll be waiting another year for this change in your life and your life is too precious. Retreat access.com is the link. I really hope you join us this weekend. Here's one I think is really important. Anxiety often disguises itself as a refusal to settle. So there are a lot of people who feel like they struggle with commitment and one of the reasons they do is because of a kind of perfectionist mindset or because they're always thinking that someone better is going to come along and that makes it really difficult to just go all in on the person they're with. I think this is particularly difficult these days. With the amount of choice, superficial choice that we are presented with on dating apps, on social media, it feels like there's always someone possibly better around the corner. But when we tell ourselves, oh, I just don't know, maybe someone better will come along, instead of thinking about that as some desire to optimize it might be worth labeling it as anxiety, as a pattern of anxious rumination. Because when we do that, we stop giving it so much weight, we stop giving it so much meaning. We recognize that our fear that someone better might come along is actually a kind of catastrophic thinking that I'm going to make the wrong decision in my life and that's going to haunt me forever. The irony is that what tends to haunt people is the unwillingness to make a decision and commit to someone, not that they're going to make an imperfect decision. Now, if you're watching this and you are anxious about making the wrong decision in love, there is a trap that you must avoid when it comes to choosing the right partner. Do not let your ego make the decision about who you marry. The irony of those of us who spend our lives indecisively going from one person to the next and never knowing what's right is that we also are the most susceptible to being absolutely certain about the wrong person. Why? Because there are people who come along who are so outwardly impressive or hot or charismatic or high status or we think are out of our league that immediately we get triggered by that person and we think, I just have to keep them. This is the best I'm ever going to do. Oh, my God, I'm so in love. And in that moment, it's like all of our anxiety about making the wrong decision dissipates. And what shows up is a brand new anxiety about keeping this person who we're absolutely sure is the right person. But why are they the right person? Because they're super hot. Because they impress the people around us. That's not what makes a marriage. What makes a marriage is an amazing teammate. And I don't know about you, but I can look back on situations in my life where I was crazy about someone and I thought, I'll do anything to keep this person. And now I look back and I'm like, that person was a horrible teammate. They would have been a terrible person to raise a child with. I would have been doing it on my own. They would have been a terrible person to run a household with. But in, in the moment, if it's our ego that's making us certain we don't think about any of that. And that is why so many people get into deeply unhappy marriages with people they were originally certain about. This one is important. Do not marry someone that you never argue with. Marry someone you argue well with. That means that when you have an argument, you reach good compromises, you have a good recovery time. In other words, it doesn't take you days of miserable toxicity to get good again. It takes you minutes or hours. You're both good at coming to the table to apologize and soften. It's not always the same person who has to save the two of you every time you have an argument. And by the way, you only know these things by having hard conversations early on and being able to talk about the big stuff so that you know who you are. When there are differences in opinions, whether it comes to money and finances, household responsibilities, where you want your careers to go, where you want to live in the future, you may as well talk about these things to day if you're even considering marrying this person. Because I promise you, those conversations are a lot harder to have on the other side of the wedding day. And the goal isn't to agree on everything. You won't, and that's fine. But it is to make sure that you understand each other's expectations and you know ahead of time that you can handle the differences. Remember, in a marriage, love is absolutely not all you need. You need compatibility. And by the way, when the arguments you're having with someone are about fundamental behaviors that they have that you do not like that are unlikely to change, don't just ask yourself, do I have the patience or the energy or the strength to deal with this this week. Ask yourself if you have the energy to deal with this every week for the rest of your life. Now, maybe you're watching this video as someone who has already chosen someone that you think is wrong. Maybe you marri that person. Maybe you're divorced and you're currently shaming yourself for not having followed the advice in your life that I give. In this video, I want to say something to you. Who you divorce is just as important as who you marry. Look, I will always try and give as much guidance as I can to prevent people from marrying the wrong person. But we're people. I've been coaching people for nearly two decades of my life, millions of them. And I can tell you I have seen many people marry the wrong people. And it is not the end of the world. You can recover from this mistake. There is life after the breakdown of a marriage. The decision of who you marry is in some ways the most important decision you'll ever make in your life. It's true, but it's not an irreversible one. And we get decisions wrong all of the time. It's just that some decisions we get wrong are higher stakes than other ones. But what this really means is that it's not just who you marry that is one of the most important decisions you'll ever make, but who you will leave and in many cases, divorce. If you have not got your virtual ticket to the retreat yet, grab one below@retreataccess.com it is coming up. Don't wait another year to come to this event. I promise you it will change the game for you. And if you're married, what is the best piece of advice you have learned or you've been married before? Leave a comment and if you're dreaming of marriage or it's something you're debating, what is your biggest question or fear? Let's start the conversation. Leave me a comment below. I'll use it to make more videos. And if you're trying to find the kind of partner that I talk about in this video and you're wondering what the signs are that you have that kind of partner, I talk about that in this video. Go watch it next and I'll see you next time.
